


The Playground

by galileamoriartywatson



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Artist Jess, Cancer, Carnival, Castiel has problems, Character Bonding, Character Death, Cheating, Child Abuse, Christmas, Cute Dean, Cute Kids, Doctor Castiel, Domestic Violence, Epilogue, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gabriel is a good brother, Hurt Jack, Lawyer Sam Winchester, Letters, M/M, Married Sam and Jess, New Year’s Day, Nurse Dean, Protective Claire, Road Trip, Sad Castiel, Sadness, Self-Harm, Sick Child, Single Parent Dean, Thanksgiving, Underage Driving, birthday celebration, dying character, past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-03-01 19:16:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 97,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13301463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galileamoriartywatson/pseuds/galileamoriartywatson
Summary: They met at a playground. And god bless that playground.Cas struggles with his abusive wife. Dean is a single father trying his hardest.Who would’ve thought a childrens playground would commence something beautiful.******Writer is DYSLEXIC, please excuse the countless mistakes******





	1. Family Sucks

**September, 2017**

"Dad! Daddy! Dad! Daaaaaaaad!".

Castiel startled awake by the sound of his eager children. He sighed as he rubbed his blood shut eyes, "What?", he spoke tiredly.

"Where's mom? I'm hungry. I want pancakes", his oldest out of the twins, Claire, she huffed; crossed his arms to her chest and stomped her foot.

"Yeah, me too!", Jack, unlike his sister, he didn't say it rudely he begged with his puppy eyes that he inherit from his father.

Castiel groaned and slowly sat up on his bed, Jack was sitting on the bed with a small smile on his face while Claire didn't look so happy. He licked his chapped lips and nodded slowly. "Okay. Okay, I'm going just let me brush my teeth".

He chuckled when the children ran out of his room celebrating they were getting pancakes.

The tiny, crooked smile Castiel had on his face quickly faded as he turned to his left to see it empty, again. It was empty yesterday and they day before that, the whole week actually. He had come back from a meeting in New York when he saw the surprise his wife left for him on their bed. It was her and another man. Thank god the kids were at school that Monday morning, because it would have been oddly strange to see a man run out of their house butt naked.

_"Really? In our bed! Out of all places you could have fucked and you fuck here!", Castiel yelled, his face turning red as he stared at his wife getting out of the bed. She too was completely naked, she ignored him and waltz to the restroom. Amelia attempted to slam the door shut but Castiel was fast enough to stop the door with his hand and push it back to the wall violently._

_"It's our bed so I can fuck him there because it's mine too", she simply said not caring she had been caught._

_'The nerve on that woman', Castiel thought._

_"Look, I understand that you like to sleep around with other man but DO NOT do it in the bed our children were conceived in, do you understand?!", Castiel had never spoken to his wife like that, ever, he always keep his anger to a minimum._

_She laughed, "Since when did you become the man of the house to boss me around like that", she turned around and cross her arms to her chest._

_"I'm not bossing you around and I'm not the man on the house, we both do our part for this family. I just want you for once to listen to me, to respect me as your husband, please", he grabbed her by the forearm and pulled her harshly towards him. They stood chest to chest, Amelia stood emotionless because she knew he wouldn't do anything. She wasn't threatened by him. She didn't even flinch when Castiel pulled her._

_She continued to stare at him intensely and rolled her eyes, "Fine, whatever", she yanked her arm from his grip, and then bowed down, "As the man of the house wishes", she looked up and gave him a wicked grin._

_"Screw you, Amelia", Castiel spat punching the sink._

_"Ha, you can barely do that right", she mumbled and turned around to start the shower._

_Castiel held back to talk back, held back his anger. He wanted to tell her to stop doing this to him, punishing him this way isn't going to solve their problem but no he did a smart thing, he held his tongue._

That's what Castiel thought was best, now he regrets not speaking his mind. She kept her word and stopped having sex with strange men in their bed, she now has sex with strange men in motels or in their houses. She leaves late at night and comes around nine in the morning, the kids have been asking were there mother was in the morning.

Castiel doesn’t know how to answer their questions.

_”Where’s mommy?”_

_”When is mommy getting back?”_

_”Why is mommy leaving us so much?”_

How do you a child that there mother is whoring herself because her husband just can’t seem to please her anymore?

Exactly, you can’t. You have to lie to them, tell them that she is visiting a sick friend at nights so he won’t feel lonely. It’s half the truth anyways. 

He meets his children downstairs, they are both sitting on the couch watching cartoons. He frowned.

”Why aren’t you kids dressed for school?”

”Becuase it’s Sunday”, they both answered, Claire with a annoyed tone and Jack turned saying it gleefully.

”Really?”, Castiel pondered, he could have sworn he dropped the kids off yesterday at school. 

He checked his phone to make sure they weren’t lying...and nope they are correct. 

“If it’s sunday why are you guys up so early, it’s barely 9”, Castiel spoke as he walked to the kitchen and getting the ingredients ready. 

“We like mornings!”, Jack laughed.

”You would know that if you were hear more often”, Claire threw his a stink full attitude. 

There it was, the constant reminder of his failure as a parent. Amelia and Claire are right though, he’s barely home and when he is he sleeps. Being a doctor is a 24/7 job, specially a obstetrician. Children decide to pop up whenever they please, it could be as early as four am to as late as ten pm. He cannot be put to blame for a baby’s nature. 

But he can be put to blame on why his daughter hates him and his wife constantly cheating on him. At least Jack still talks to him. 

He wishes he could turn on a time machine and chosen a different career path, one that doesn’t yanked him out of the family picture. 

  _“The only thing this family needs you for is for the money, other wise you are useless. You can’t bother to show up to your own children’s birthday party. Jack cried, Castiel, your own son cried in his birthday. Why? Becuase his father was to busy between another woman’s vagina to deliver a fucking kid he doesn’t even know!”, Amelia ranted on and on. She slapped him as soon as he came through the door in front of there kids._

_Claire stood there with a wide mouth open, Jack looked like he wanted to cry again._

_Castiel swallowed, cleaning his tears from his face._

_“I’m so sorry that I have a job that supports this family, unlike you, Amelia. You have no right to lay a hand on me, not with our kids in present. I’ll make it up to them eventually, and they know it”_

Castiel sniffled a bit as he poured the pancake batter onto the pan. He remembered the incredibly loud and long fight they had that night. They stood outside their drive way, yelling at each other, cursing, pushing, shoving, smacking. Amelia took advantage of Castiel, she hit him as much as he could. It was around three in the morning when one of the neighbors decided to call the cops. 

Castiel didn’t want to sleep in the couch, he made that clear. So Amelia gathered her stuff and slept there instead. Castiel snuggled with his whimpering son, he held him close and tight, apologizing to him about his birthday. 

“Dad? Can I help you make pancakes?”, Claire pulled on his shirt and stare up at him. She frowned when she saw how red Castiel’s eyes were. 

He looked down with shock but tried to hide it and but on a true smile. 

“Of course you can, honey. You can try to flip the pancake if you want. Here is the spatula and be careful”, he instructed Claire. 

“Wait, so I just but it under the pancake and flip it and that it?”

”Yes, but you have to do it very quick if not the pancake will be ruined. So come on try it”, he smiled.

Claire was very concentrated on her action, she did not want to mess up. She listen to her fathers words and did it. 

“I did it!”, she cheered.

”Yes, you did. High five”, Castile rose his hand up and kissed his daughters cheek when she smacked her hand against his. 

Ten minutes later Jack ran to the dinning room as he heard his father call him. 

“Yes, daddy?”

”Can you set up the table for me, champ?”, Castiel said as he cooked the eggs. 

“Yeah, okay. How many plates do I put, three or four?”, Jack asked as he bent down to get plates from the bottom cabinets. 

Castiel paused and looked at the clock. 

9:50 a.m.

He sighed, she was usually here by now. Guess it was it was wild last night. 

“Put three plates, please Jack”, He went back the egg.

”What about mommy?”, Claire asked dipping her finger in the batter bowl.

”She is coming in late for sure, but don’t worry about her, okay Claire. I’ll give her breakfast as soon she is here”, he tried his hardest to look actually happy at the thought of his wife coming back in the house. 

“Okay”, Claire’s face saddened. 

Castile ignore the guilt. 

They all sat down in the dinner table, the twins were chatting about a kid with golden hair. 

“A kid with gold hair goes to your school? Well that can’t be possible”, Castile laughed.

”And why not?”, a Jack asked defensively.

”Because no one is born with gold hair, they can have light brown hair and when it hits the sun it looks like gold or they dye their hair gold. Honestly that doesn’t look good on anyone”, Castiel tried to make a joke and he earned a small giggle from the twins. 

“Well his hair is gold, I swear”, Jack swore. 

“Okay, Jack, I believe you”, Castiel smiled, looking at his son as he drank his apple juice. 

“See he beli-“, Jack was cut short from his sentence by his mother storming in. 

“Good morning, birdies!”, her cheerful voice was heard and then a slam of the front door. 

“Mommy!”, the twins burst with joy, they abandoned their breakfast and ran to their mom. 

The smile on Castiel’s face vanished. 

"Hey, gang! How is it going? Did you guys eat breakfast yet?", he could here his wife ask her kids then heard her smooch the children in the cheek.

"Yeah, dad made some pancakes with eggs. He let me help him, mommy, and I even flipped all the pancakes and I cracked the eggs into the pan!", Claire told her mother proudly of her actions done earlier with her father.

Castiel grinned at the memory but knew Amelia wouldn't be happy about it.

"Oh really", Amelia answered with a sneer tone, she touched the top of her daughter head running her fingers through the blonde hair. She gave her a smile, that neither twin was happy with, Claire shrunk back and her cheery smile was gone.

"Castiel! Come here!", Amelia hollered, she shifted closer to the dinning room, she spotted her husband sipping from his coffee cup. "You", she pointed at him.

"Yes, honey", Castiel responded with a mocking voice.

"You let our ten year old daughter near the stove, you know how I feel about that, Castiel", she walked closer to him to where he stayed seated.

He honestly looked surprised, "Oh okay! So know we wanna talk about how we feel about the things we do around the house, I just thought we should ignore them and move on", he shrugged.

"You think your funny", Amelia hissed, getting uncomfortable closed to his personal space.

“No, I know I’m not funny but what I do know is that my wife is a cheating cunt!”, Castiel slammed his fist down to the table making the glasses fall down and spill all over the mantle.

But Castiel was too busy being slapped by his wife to worry about the $200 silk mantle.

“Don’t you ever! I mean EVER! Talk to me like that in front of them!”, Amelia screeched, her eyes were threatening, her stance was dominant.

Castiel was once looked at her in surprise, he stood up from his chair and was now staring at her.

“You think  _you’re_ funny”, he huffed, “You are the one who has hit more times then I can count, you are the one who has called me a coward, a pussy, an asshole, a dumbass, a faggot, and god knows what else. I should be the one telling you to never do that but I don’t. So shut the hell up, I’m getting sick and tired of your bullshit, Amelia”, he started to walk out of the dinning room and up the staircases. 

Neither parent saw their kids sitting on them. Brown and blue eyes stared at them and followed them into the hallway and lead them to the master room. 

Claire sighed, “What now?”, her shoulders fell.

Jack hated seeing his sister sad, it was rare whenever she was like this. He was so use to her sarcastic and vibrant self. So he quickly thought of something and then the idea came.

”Hey, how about we go to the park that’s right behind the school?”, Jack ducked his head to see his sister’s smile.

”They probably won’t let us, they are too busy fighting. Like always”

”Hey, come on Claire”, he sat next to her and wrapped his arm around her, “They aren’t fighting, they just aren’t agreeing at the moment”, he tried to help.

Claire giggled, “Where you get that from, Oprah?”

Jack looked at her confusingly, “I do not know who Oprah is”

”Of course you don’t”, Claire answered, then stood up, “fine let’s go to the park, they won’t notice we are gone anyways”

”Yes!”, Jack cheered. 

Claire and Jack both gathered their jackets, boots and scarfs. It gets a bit chilly in the morning in September, dad says it’s becuase fall is coming. 

“I’m still hungry”, Jack commented as he put on his scarf.

”Yeah me too”, Claire then went back to the pantry doors and, oh sweet lord, it was heaven. So many muffins, donuts, and brownies. 

“Jackpot”, Claire smiled and digged into every box.

”Jackie, grab a zip blog bag for the food and grabbed some chocolate milk from the fridge”

”Okay”, Jack did as instructed and got right to it. 

 

They arrived at the park, it was empty of course, it was still early in the morning and in a Sunday. Everyone woke up ridiculously late. There was a picnic table empty and Jack ran to it with his sister following him. 

“After this we should play touch”, Jack offered. 

“Yes I love playing touch. You can’t ever catch me!”

”Yes I can”, Jack fought.

”Oh please, I either let you becuase I’m out of breathe or you cheat”

”I do not cheat!”, Jack argued, “You cheat!”

”Yeah, if you call being fast cheating”, Claire laughed.

”Just because you’re in track, that’s why you are fast, it’s not fair”, Jack poured. 

“You can join the team, they need more boys, you don’t even need to be fast”, Claire tried to me her little brother feel better. 

“Okay”, Jack returned back to his ‘breakfast’.

They were eating muffins peaceful when Claire broke the silence.

”What do you think dad meant by ‘cheating cunt’?”, Claire pondered.

”I don’t know but I think it’s bad”, he took a sip of his milk.

”Why?”

”Because mom is always saying how cheating is wrong and I don’t like the way ‘cunt’ sounds. I think it’s a bad word”, Jack shrugged and counting eating his brownie

"You thinking that mom did something bad?", Claire turned to her brother getting infuriated by her brother. She loved her mother than her father, she hated the way dad talked to her like that but dad did have a point. But a girl's strongest relationship will always be with her mother.

Jack got quiet for a second thinking of how he was gonna respond, because he does think that his mom did something to wound their dad. Their father was never one to yell, to cry, to curse at their mother in front of them. Only their mother brings the bad side of him, so of course it is her.

"I remember watching this movie about a girl, i think she was in high school, I don't remember, anyways she caught her boyfriend kissing a cheerleader in the hallway in prom night. She was really sad afterwards that she even committed suicide, after that the boy felt really bad about it but not bad enough to kill himself to the girl's father found out it was his fault and killed him instead."

Claire was just staring at him with a wide open mouth, shocked, "We need to get you outside more often, Jackie", she pated him on the head like a dog.

Jack shrugged and continued, "The boyfriend cheated on the girlfriend and then she committed suicide, what if dad does that, Claire? I don't want dad to die, we need to fix this", Jack spoke with a crestfallen tone.

"Woah, woah, woah. Hold on a minute, Jack, just because she was dumb enough to kill herself over a stupid boy doesn't mean that dad is gonna do it", she tried to put some come and sense into her brother.

"Yeah, I get it, he was just a boyfriend in high school, but he meant a lot to her, imagine how dad feels. It's his wife, our mommy, he must be heartbroken", sorrow in his voice was clear.

Claire just rolled her eyes at her over dramatic brother, "Shut up, Jackie, just shut up! We don't even know if mom is cheating on dad, so don't make assumptions on things you don't know about. Got it?", Claire stared at her brother with those eyes that could kill.

Jack didn't feel threatened nor scared of her, he was just terrified of what could happen to his family once dad kills himself. He couldn't let that happen, it will not happen. Jack needs his father, a boy needs his father just like a daughter needs her mother. It wouldn't be fair that Claire still gets mommy and Jack gets left with nothing. He loves her, with all of his heart, but he knows he would never forgive her for killing his dad.

Jack nodded, "Got it"

 

 

 

"Abraham! Wake up, cowboy! Breakfast if gonna get cold", Dean shook his nine year old son until he was somewhat awake.

”No, not today”, he shook his sleepy head and turned the other way. 

Dean giggled, “Come on, Abe, I’m gonna be late for work and your aunt Jess is gonna leave in an hour”, he picked up his son over his shoulder, earning him a wet giggle.

"Okay, okay, I'm up now", Abe groaned as his father put him down. He stomped his way down the hallway to the restroom and sleepily brushed his teeth.

"Dean, I'm off to work", Sam shouted to his brother as he shut the door behind him. Dean was about to tell him 'goodbye' but the door was closed shut.

"I guess he forgot his manners", Dean commented, reaching the kitchen where Jess sat.

"I know right, he even forgot to kiss me goodbye", Jess didn't sound as angry but had a humor in her tone.

At that moment the door opened and Sam came in a flash to kiss his wife on the lips, it was rushed but warmly. He pulled away and headed back outside.

"Where's my kiss?", Dean asked.

"You get this", Sam lifted his middle finger to his brother and exited the door.

"Well at least he meant it with love", Dean shrugged. Jess laughed quietly.

Fifteen minutes later, Abraham came in the kitchen dressed up for the day, wearing some pale faded jeans, white t-shit, black vans and a camouflage jacket. His red vibrant hair was gelled to the right side.

"One day, you should take me shopping, Abe", Jessica laughed as she whistle when her nephew walked in.

Abraham was a very good fashion style, most nine year old boys don't care what they were. If they do it is star wars shirts, cars, a cool design on the shirt. Not designer clothing lines. He had from American Eagle to Gucci. Dean was only thankful he could actually afford his clothing and still manage to feed three people. He still has some years until Abraham discovers more expensive clothing lines.

"He would have more fun than you, oh and leave you with credit card debt", Dean intervened.

"Don't listen to your father, Abe. But hey, have you ever thought of modeling", Jess scooted closer to him, and said it in a hush tone. She didn't want for Dean to hear her.

"Modeling? What's that?", Abraham turned his head from his eggs.

"Well it's just you looking handsome, like right now, and then people come and takes pictures of you. Then best part, you get paid"

"So I just stand there and they take my picture? Isn't that what dad does anyways", he responded.

"Well yeah, but money, sweetheart", his aunt joked.

He smiled brightly. He finished his breakfast as quickly as he could, the three of them went their separate ways. Dean was on his scrubs heading to work at the hospital, he works at Providence Medical Center as a nurse. Dean kissed the top of his head and left with the impala's engine purring. Abraham and Jessica headed to the comic book shop, where Charlie work's with her girlfriend Gilda. Abraham stays there afterschool and during the weekends until Deans picks him up. Sometimes after work Dean takes Abe to a little playground behind a catholic school. It's not much but it's the closet playground that is decent enough for a child to play in.

They arrive to Charlie's comic book shop, Abe jumped off the car and ran inside the store. Almost tackling down Charlie as he jumped on her back, embracing her from behind. HE then pressed a kiss on her cheek. "Hey, there Winchester. You getting more flirty, like your father aren't ya?", Charlie asked as he tried to tickle his sides.

Abe laughed and got off of her, "Be honest Charlie, if I were your age, would you take this?", Abe points at his face and makes a smolder.

Charlie holds back her laughs and truly steps back; sees him. He looks so much like Dean with that smolder, if he had light brown hair, he would've been the spitting image of his father.

"Abraham, honey, even if you were my age, you just aren't my gender preference", Charlie reminded him.

Abe frowned immediately, he sighed and shrugged his shoulders, "Oh well, but are you sure you ONLY like girls", he said with little hope in him.

"Yes!", Charlie exclaimed, "Now go to the back and help me carry some boxes, little man", she playfully pushed him to the storage room.

"I never get the pretty ones", Abe mumbled, putting his backpack behind the register.

Charlie shook her head in amusement. "Winchester boys"


	2. Life Hits Us

**September, 2017**

The day went slow for Dean, which is strange since he works in a hospital. It could never be said that it gets boring, far beyond that. Today, a kid came in with a BB pellet stuck in his shoulder, another teenager broke her arm. A small girl came in around noon with a huge gash on her cheek, mom said she cut her own hair and cut her cheek in the process. And of course there's those accidents that aren't accidents.

Two boys came in, one with his wrist both slit, the other with rope burns around his neck. Both were send to suicide watch after Dean and other nurses patched them up.

He could never get those people out of his head, he could only picture Abe with his wrist open or pills scattered on the bathroom floor. He sniffled, this eyes getting watery, he hates those thoughts. But you never know if that might be your kid next.

Abraham is a smiling kid, very talented, with great fashion. Everything Dean wasn't as a child, he is more like Sam. Abe plays baseball, basketball. soccer, and football, he plans on trying out for golf in the fifth grade. He learned the time tables in the first grade, cursive in the same year. He tried to learn how to play the guitar but apparently it was boring for him, so he challenged the cello. Kid should play for the London Orchestra.

Dean was never like that as a kid, his dad would never let him join sports or try any instruments. He was lucky he learned how to play the guitar that time he was in the boys home. He remembers that time being one of his peaceful memories. Hew hates to say that since Sam isn't in the memory. Every since there mother died of cancer when he was four, Sam has always kind of his responsibility, to watch over him.

John, their father, would hunt job to job. Each boss firing him for behavioral issues, mostly for coming in drunk. Dean would never have time for himself, he had to make sure Sam had the best grades, best everything. Of course that meant for him to steal at times. Food was necessary, Sam was always having growth spurts and ,an that kid ate. That made it hard for Dean, Sam kept whinnying that he was hungry but so was Dean. He would starve just to make sure his brother had enough food.

Anyways, as you can guess Dean was no genius, he dropped out around the eleventh grade just to support his little brother. Their sorry excuse for a father didn't want to work anymore. He got his GED at nineteen when Sam was fifteen, he was waiting for him to get a little older for him to take care of himself. Money was slow, Dean, Sam and John, needed to eat, Dean needed a real job not three at once. He begged his father to get him a loan from the bank so he could enter college. After much persuasion, John finally agreed for the loan.

He got his bachelors in nursing, that when he met Anna Milton. She had red fiery hair just like Abe, but soft brown eyes. She was so beautiful, then of course Abraham came along. They got married a month after he was born, nothing fancy since they were in debt and struggling with money. So she got the cheapest white gown she could find, Dean went to his father's closet and found the same suit he wore to his own wedding. 

They were so happy that day but happiness doesn’t stay for life. A car crash took her life four months later, thank god Abraham wasn’t in the car with her. He was supposed to be with her that day but a late change in plans, Dean was let out early. Anna had to do grocery shopping that day. She didn’t even make it to the shop. 

Fun fact, Dean was suppose to do tha shopping the day after but completely forgot. They were running low on diapers, formula, the necessary household things. He told her he forgot them, he didn’t lie all the way, he did forget but as he got closer to his apartment he remembered. “I’ll just go tomorrow”, he told himself.

They really needed the stuff that night, Anna was pissed. She went to bed angry and went to the store angry, Dean just rolled his eyes. 

That was the last he saw of her. That was nine years ago, almost ten. 

Dean’s thoughts are disturbed as someone honked their horn. The car behind him was honking, the traffic light was green. 

“Shit”, he cursed and stepped on the gas. 

He then passed by the park that him and Abe always go to, their was only two children. Around Abe’s age, one blonde girl and a boy with light brown hair. Odd thing was that he couldn’t see any grownups watching them. It was six in ththe afternoon, the sun was going down. 

He knew he could get in trouble for this but better safe then sorry.

He parked his car near the park and walked closer to kids. 

“Hey, kiddos!”, Dean called them.

They both stopped on the swing sets and looked at him. 

“Yeah you two, come here”, he put his fatherly voice. The sky only got darker. 

“We don’t want any candy, mister”, the girl said snarky. 

Dean laughed in surprise, “Well that’s great ‘cause I don’t got any. I was just gonna ask where your parents are?”

”Not here”, the girl answered again, setting off the swing, blocking the view of the boy. She knew what she was doing, she made sure he didn’t glance at her brother.

Dean huffed, smart talker, “Yeah. I can see that, but I was asking because it’s getting darker and people start to wonder around the streets at this hour”

”Oh, don’t worry about us, we don’t live that far and our parents don’t really care right now”, the little girl answered quickly, not stepping any closer or farther.

The boy behind her called to her attention, whispering something. He stopped and they both looked at him, studying him. 

“Hey well, if you guys don’t live that far I could walk you two. I won’t drive if it makes you feel any safer”, Dean promised. 

The girl squinted, “Why do you care? Are you a pervert?”

Dean laughed again and shook his head, “No, I’m not a pervert but I am a father. And I know that I would be worried where my kid was at this time at day. I would be grateful if someone was kid enough to return him to me”, he smiled.

”You have a son?”, the little boy, finally speaking. The little girl glared at him.

”Yeah, he’s name is Abraham, he’s nine years old. I’m guessing around y’all age?”

”A little yeah”, the girl confirmed.

”Okay, so my name is Dean Winchester, I have a son, I’m a nurse as you guys can see”, he pointed at his scrubs, “I work with kids almost all day and I can tell you that staying out here all day isn’t safe. Please, let me walk you”, he pressed his hands together as he begged to thme kids. 

 The girl looked at him hard, then to her brother. They nodded to each other. 

“Okay, fine. But make one move on us and you’ll regret it, got it Winchester”, he barked.

”Yes, ma’am”, Dean agreed. 

The kids gathered their stuffed and started walking, the girl agreed for Dean to walk in front of them. She would tell him when to turn. Dean could still see that she keeper her brother behind her at all times. 

“Okay, this is our neighborhood. Bye, now”, she said it so quick, grabbing her brothers hand and they ran down the street.

Dean opened his mouth to tell them not to run, but he closed it realizing they wouldn’t care. 

He just turned back to the park. 

The twins stopped when Claire saw he was gone. 

“Okay, Okay. We can stopped, he’s gone”, she said out of breath. 

Jack stopped immediately, he gasped for breath. “Why are we here? We don’t live in this neighborhood”

They actually lived two streets away from this one but Claire is a smart girl. “I wasn’t gonna tell a pervert our real address”, she smiled. 

 

Dean an finally reached his apartment, Jess picked Abe up from Charlie’s place. Sam called he got Indian for dinner. Today was actually not a bad day compared to other days. He helped many people at th hospital, he helped those two kids getting home, and he helped himself for a second plate at dinner. Indian always hits the spot. 

He was brushing this teeth, getting ready for bed. His son was setting his clothes ready for tomorrow morning, his gym bag next to his backpack. 

“Ready for tomorrow”

”Yeah, but I don’t know what to wear. Red or maroon”, he held the shirts. 

“Maroon, definitely maroon”

”I was thinking the same”, he threw the shirts to the chair next to his bed and jumped under the covers. 

Abe and Dean shared a room, Sam and Jess shared the second one. Dean could afford a house of his own since his income was bigger. But Sam and Jess are saving up for a house of their own. Well they have the money but not the house they are want.

“Dad?”, Abe called him.

”Yeah?”

”When can I get my own room?”, He asked again, for the hundredth time.

Dena sighed, “Abraham, I already told you when”

”But I don’t wanna wait that long!”, he said frustrdedaly. “I want my own room, so I can play cars and color on the floor. Without you getting mad at me cause you stepped on my crayon”

”When Sam and Jess get their own house, which they say it’s gonna be soon, we will find a house for our own. But we are not gonna rush them, this is their house as well, understand that”

Abraham pouted, he could hear his son’s anger coming across the room. 

Dean wished she could everything his son deserved but he cant do everything. No matter how great he was. He sighed and laid down in his bed, one arm behind his head, he stared at the whistle ceiling. 

He thought of those two kids he saw on the playground. The girl was tough, he could definitely see that on her, tough as a nail. He boy seemed shy and sweet as he always stayed behind his sister. 

Just by that short time he could guess how they acted around people. But the parents was what he was angry about. How could they let their children, as young as them, go to the park at that hour. Sure yeah, they didn’t live that far from the playground, but you don’t let two what, ten year olds? Out at the park by themselves. The parents must be that selfish and only care for themselves. 

By the clothing those kids wore and the houses he saw, those kid’s parents were loaded for sure. 

Funny how they get everything but good parents, Dean here is trying to give his son everything when he has a good parent.

He slept with a peaceful mind as he knew those kids were gonna be okay, for now.

 

 

 

“Claire Noelle and Jack Ciel Novak! Where in the fucking hell have you two been?!”, Castiel slammed his smartphone on the small table near the couch. 

Amelia was running from up the stairs to meet her two children. She looked vivid as she meet their eyes. 

“Where in the hell have you been? Do you have any idea how long you’ve been out? I almost called the freaking cops. And please for the love of god do not tell me you were in that playground or I swear you two will pay!”, she screamed at her young children. She only stared at her kids in disappointment as they both held their heads in shame. 

“For god sakes, kids, how many times do we have to tell you, you need to tell us where you are going? You’re ten, not fifteen or sixteen. You can get kidnapped or worse!”, Castiel barked, knowing that this was a strange feeling. He rarely yelled at them, but this is unacceptable.

”How could we tell you if you two were fighting?”, Jack spoke in a small voice, his head still being held in shame. 

Castiel face softened but Amelia’s only hardened. 

“Me and your fathers business gives you two no right to leave the house without permission! We have told you both that you could turned up the TV or go to the backyard if you don’t like to hear us. What you don’t do is leave the fucking house, Jack”, Amelia grabbed both of her children by the ears and yanked them up stairs. 

“Go to your rooms”, she let them go as they reached their rooms, “You are only to leave the room when I call you to dinner, to take a shower or to do chores”, she spanked both of them as hard as she could. Earning a smal whimper from both of them and left them both. 

She met Castiel back down stairs, he was sitting down on the sofa. 

“What happened to our kids, Amelia?”, Castiel asked her as she’s went to the kitchen.

She huffed, “Nothing happened to them, they just need discipline. They need to learn that they need to follow orders”, she brought a bottle of vodka and two glasses. 

“We can’t keep doing this. Fighting, I mean. We didn’t even realize they were gone until three hours later. We should be grateful to god that nothing bad happened to them, that they returned back safely. But one day they won’t”

”Don’t say that, just don’t”, Amelia stopped him.

”Why not?”

”Because you are the light in this marriage, as much as I hate to admit it, I need you to keep faith for both of us. We both have our differences but we need to stay piece together for them”

Castiel laughed, “Coming from the woman who is cheating on me”, he took a sip from his drink.

”Castiel, you don’t give me a choice. You come home and you’re tired. Or when you’re not, I’m horny but you’re not. I understand that you’re gay and all of this is to live in the perfect family but you don’t need to lie to yourself”, Amelia spoke.

Castiel raises his eyebrow, “What do you mean?”

”I mean that if you’re gay then go be gay, explore the gayness of the world. I don’t care that you do, I honestly don’t give a shit and neither should you”

”See that pisses me off about you, we are married. Even if you are straight and I’m not, it gives you no right to cheat. I’ve never cheated on you-“

”Yet”

”Amelia”, he said sternly, “we have children to raise, we can’t let this sexual crisis get in the way of that”

”Or we can do this. You go out and get a guy and fuck him so you can realize that you need sex in your life”, she joked.

He only stared at her hard, “I have work, I can’t”

She rolled her eyes, “Here we go again, always with the work, Castiel, that us you’re problem. You are always working, we moved to Kansas for less work but it feels that you have more. Work is the reason this marriage is failing. Not because of me or you, it you’re work. You need a vacation or better yet, have sex”

”You’re being ridiculous”, Castiel stood up from the sofa and went to the kitchen to get dinner ready. 

Does he need sex? Does he really need it that’s much? Last time he had sex with anyone was six months ago with Amelia. Last time he had sex with a boy, his foster sister caught him and told her dad. Social services picked him up two days later. 

Having sex with a guy is difficult for Castiel, their is always that thought of being caught again. He hadn’t done it in years and he’s not ready to tell his kids. Or anyone really. 


	3. Sooner Than Later

**September, 2017**

Wednesday, the Novak twins were still grounded, they were technically grounded for the entire month. They could only leave their room to go to school, to eat and to the restroom. On the weekends they were to only do chores all day, if there weren't any chores, Amelia would make some. 

It was total eternal hell for both of them, but they knew better than to complain. That would only make it worse. 

But their suspicions grew, the pattern continued. Their mom would leave at night and return home early in the morning, when they were brushing their teeth. Their father would knock on their doors but they could see red in his eyes. This morning Jack went back up stairs to tell him that they were ready for school. 

He found him next to the bed, on the floor crying. His head between his knees. When he saw his saw his whole attitude changed. 

“Jack”, he sniffles and put on a huge wide smile. “Are you two done?”, he asked, getting up from the floor.

Jack nodded and countinued to stare at him, tilting his head. He was confused as to why his dad was crying so early in the morning. 

“Why are you crying, dad?”

”Huh? Oh, um, nothing important, just thinking of something sad”, he smiled and started to walk down the stairs. Jack right behind him.

”It must be really sad for you to cry like that”, he said, knowing his father was lying. 

“Yeah”, he whispered. 

He dropped them off, “Okay kids, have a good day at school”

”Bye, dad”, they spoke in unison. 

Castiel drove in silence to work, cursing himself. 

The twins sat in the table inside the cafeteria for lunch, their friends joining them as they got their lunch. They chatted and laughed, they of course all complained about the homework for math. 

When the bell rang, Claire headed for social studies and Jack headed for science. She grabbed his backpack and yanked him back. 

“Hey!”, Jack frowned.

”We need to talk about mom and dad”, Claire answered with a passion in her voice.

Jack rolled his eyes, “This is none of our business. Mom and dad will solve whatever they have going on”

”You saw dad this morning, he’s been crying again and it’s because of mom. As much as I love her, I don’t want to see dad cry anymore”

”So you admit there is something going on”, Jack smiled. 

“I don’t think mom is visiting anyone in ththe hospital. That’s all I’m going to say. But we, as their children, need to know what’s going on”, the tardy bell rang. They both groaned. 

“We’ll talk more in gym, okay?”. Jack nodded. 

Gym glass rolled in, Jack and Claire were both in gym clothes and ready to play volleyball together. 

“So what do you think?”, Claire asked and she hit the ball. 

“About?”, Jack pondered as he hit the ball back.

”Mom and dad, dummie”, she looked at him with a frustrated face. 

“Oh. Well I still think mom is doing something but we should stay out of it. Like you said I shouldn’t make assumptions like that”, he repeated his sisters words with a annoyed tone. 

Claire stopped hitting the ball and put it on her hip. “Sorry about that, Jackie, I shouldn’t have said that but know I see why you would say that. And I got prove, but I don’t know if it’s enough”, she bit her lip, looking down at her nails. 

“Prove? What prove? Of mom cheating?”, Jack blinked rapidly as if he couldn’t believe it. 

She looked up for a second and nodded her down, she didn’t look to happy with herself. 

“On Monday when mom came back from ‘visiting her friend’, dad had already left, so mom drove us. We were already in the car when she told me to get her phone from inside the house, she had forgotten it. When I got it, I saw like fourteen messages from someone called ‘Mr. Lovable’ and it had heart emojis.”

”Wait, but that could have been dad”, Jack inputted.

”Yeah, that’s what I thought but I kept scrolling and saw dads name in one of her contacts. So it can’t be dad, it is someone else, and it’s definitely a man. So you are right, mom is most probably cheating and we need to stop her”

Jack smiled, “What’s the plan then, sis?”

 

The week passed by and Claire and Jack saw the same pattern with their mom and dad. They both became distant with Amelia and more kind to Castiel. Which scared Castiel, as much as he loves his daughter, she has always shown him attitude. So when she doesn’t give smart comebacks, or snarky looks, Castiel definitely asked some questions. 

“So what do you guys want? How much do you need it? When do you need it? And how much does it cost”, Castiel asked as he reclined against the counter, sipping his morning coffee.

The twins looked at him funny. “What do you mean?”, Jack tilted his head. 

“Why are two being so nice to me all of a sudden?”, he squinted his eyes.

”I’m always nice to you”, Jack defended himself.

”Yeah I know that, but you missy”, he point at Claire, “What’s up with you? Why are you being a angel all of a sudden. Christmas isn’t until three months”, he laughed. 

So did they, “Yeah I know but what? A daughter can’t be nice to her father”, she shrugged her shoulders in innocence.

”Yes, but not from you. So how expensive is this item?”, he asked as he raised his eyebrow. 

“I don’t want anything”, Claire sighed and put her plate on the sink and walked up the stairs. 

Castiel stared at his daughter as she walked upstairs, he squinted and glanced back at Jack. He sat on the chair next to him, “So, Jackie?”

”She’s just trying to be nice to you for once, appreciate it”, Jack spoke a bit harshly. He scrapped his chair against the wooden tile and dropped his bowl on the sink next to his sister's plate. He, too went upstairs but went in his sister's room. She was pouting, staring at her window.

"Claire, I think you're being too nice to dad", he joked, he sat n her bin bag pink chair.

She continued to pout and crossed her arms, "I can't be _that_ mean to him. I mean yeah, okay, sure I talk back, I make faces at him and half the time I talk to him I gotta say it in a way sounds rude. But I'm just being myself", she shrugged, not understanding why her dad was being like this.

Jack laughed, "You're kidding, right? You are never like that with mom, with dad, it's like you don't even like his presence"

She spun around and gave him a glare, "You all are just overreacting, just because I talk to him like that, does not mean I don't like him"

Jack looked confused, "Um, yes it does"

She sighed and sat on the edge of her bed, "Its just that, mom always told us stuff about dad, especially me. Like yesterday, she was in my room and I was telling her that I hated when her and dad fight. She then went on to tell me that the only reason dad hasn't left us is because he doesn't have anywhere to go. If he did, he would of left years ago."

Jack stayed silent, he played with his shirt sleeve. "Mom once told me that dad was 'the dumbest son of a bitch she had ever meet'. I think I was eight and they had just finished fighting and she came in drunk. I don't know what she was drinking but she stank, but she still looked gorgeous, I think she was wearing a beige dress."

He was silent, Claire stared at him.

Two children, two ten year old children and they have to live with this. They moved from Chicago, three years ago because Amelia didn't like Castiel's work schedule, they thought that moving to a small city it would help.

Oh well, who needs a functional family. Not Jack or Claire, they could take care of each other. Claire is very protective of her little brother, Jack tell his sister when she is wrong or making a dreadful decision. They have each others backs since they were babies, they don't need Castiel or Amelia, they're strong together.

Castiel told himself as he slid down Claire's door, he sobbed quietly, his head to deep between his knees. He sniffles hard and inhaled deeply, “Fuuucckk”, he stomps his foot against the wooden floor. 

He just can’t believe Amelia told them such things, his not really that surprised. She’s said worse in front of them that’s for sure. Claire is only a little girl and her mother has the dignity to fill her head with those things. 

That woman just doesn’t know when to stop. Lucky him, Amelia entered the house just at the right time. She came in with a messy bun, her make up half done, she had her shoes in one hand and her hand bag on the other. Of course, Amelia entered the house with no bra on. 

Castiel stood up immediately, he ran down stairs and stared at her with fury. 

“Why are you such a bitch?”, he walked closer to her. 

She was still dazed and hungover. “Um, well I guess because I’m married to you and I have two kids. Is that good enough?”, she shrugged and pushed Castiel out of her face. 

“So know you’re blaming them on your behavior!”, he shouted, pointing at the direction of the stairs. 

She turned around, she looked shocked. “Excuse me, but if you think taking care of your children is a walk in the park then honey you got something heading your way! Claire acts likes if she is sixteen and Jack acts like if he is five! They are a horror show and you would know if you were here more often!”

”I TRY! Don’t you think that I don’t try! I have a job and that’s to keep this family clothes and fed, Amelia-“

”And honestly that’s all your good for!”

”Yes because you keep telling me that’s is my job so I do mine, do you?! Huh? Come on tell me!”

”I keep this house standing, something you can’t do”, she takes her eyes up and down his body with disgust. 

“Oh please. I always come home and there is a mess-"

"Then clean it up yourself, I'm not anyone's maid to clean everyone's mess, Castiel"

"All I ask if for you to clean the house before you go to the 'hospital to visit your friend'", he said sarcastically.

Amelia rolled her eyes, she crossed her arms to her chest, dropping her shoes and bag to the floor. Her jaw tighten and walk smoothly towards him, she wraps her arms around his neck. "Are you jealous, Castiel?", she whispered in a seductive voice.

Castiel looked away and laughed, "No, of course not", he scoffed not looking at her.

She smiled crookedly, Amelia inched closer to him and yanked his collar. They haven't kissed in almost five months, not that Castiel was counting. The kiss was forceful from her side, he didn't make a move. He was thinking if that was a smart choice to do.

"Stop thinking, Castiel", she pulled away and led him to the couch. "Amelia, what are you doing?", he asked tiredly.

She pushes him to the couch and sits on his lap, wrapping her arms again around his neck. "When was the last time we had sex, Castiel?", she whispered, her teeth playing with his ear.

He sat still, not really feeling the mood but went along with it. "Months, but I do remember that I didn't come. So I guess that's why we haven't done it anymore", he chocked that last part as she started to attack his neck.

If you ask Castiel, he doesn't enjoy having sex with her or with any woman. He hates that their hair gets everywhere, the breast. Oh God! They are the worst, he never found them appalling or attractive, they are so weird. But anything to make sure his parents never find out he is gay. If means for him to hide it until they die, he will, if it means hiding it till he dies so his children never feel disappoint towards him, he will. He is not ashamed, he is not oppressing his sexuality, he is scared. scared of what people will think of him. He's read stories online saying that people lose everyone they love just because of that but then they rebuild their families with new worthy ones. Can Castiel risk his whole entire life? No of course. Maybe if he weren't married, he would've been different but then come his kids. He wouldn't have his children if he hadn't agreed to marry Amelia.

It’s so complicated.

He would be happy with being his true self, with no fear whatsoever, if he had said not to marrying Amelia. But then if he had then we wouldn’t have his children and his successful career. 

 “Castiel”, she paused at his lips.

”What?”

”Take me to bed”, she smiled. 

Castiel hesitated knowing that he will regret in the morning, he might not even finish what he started in bed. But there was this small impulse that told him to go for him, even though a big part of him told him not to he did it anyways. 

“Oh what the hell”, he picked her up with her legs around his waist. He carried her up the stairs, messy kissing. Her bun had been undone, he could feel her hair in his mouth, it was that messy. Her breast were up against his chest, it felt so wrong, kinda forced. But he hadn’t had sex in months, with anyone, so he took the only opportunity he has. 

After two hours, Castiel finished what he started. 

It was horrible. More horrible than last time. 

He went to bed that night and so did she, she didn’t leave this time.

He woke up and she wasn’t there. For the first time, Castiel, was actually grateful for that. 

Monday passed, Tuesday, then Wednesday, of course then came Thursday but then Friday. Oh, sweet dear Friday. 

Just when the week was finally coming to be better, it got so much worse. 

You see, what happened was that Amelia, as always is a _cheating cunt, who only likes to hurt daddy and make him cry._

That folks is what Claire Novak said when she caught her mother in bed with next door neighbors grandson, it was a Friday morning. She was getting her homework from her room that she forgot to put in her bag. 

She ran up the stairs as quick as she could, they were already running late. Castiel has his first appointment of the day at eleven and it was 8, they were suppose to be at school at 7:30. School literally started at 8. Claire was panting when she went in her room, she scrambled every piece of paper on her desk until she found it. 

She panted in relieve, “Oh I’ve never been happier about finding you, my darling”, she kissed it as if it were her blood. 

She skipped out of her room until she heard a sound. Now, she was in a immense hurry but that sound was new. Never has she heard it. 

And it was coming from mom and dad’s room. Out of pure curiosity, she walked in slowly and pushed the door open. 

And there her mother was with the strange man that Claire didn’t know. Her mind quickly went to the ‘The friend she visits at the hospital’. He must be a great friend but the sounds she’s making. 

Casitel is in the car, tapping the steering wheel with his fingers, he checks his phone. It has been seven minutes. 

“Come on, Claire”, he ruffles his hair impatiently. 

“Dad, go get her! We are gonna be more late”, Jack whines.

”You’re right”, he unbuckles his seat belt and steps out of his pick up truck. 

He runs to the door when it flys open, scaring him a up. Before he could register it, Claire comes out of the house sprinting to the car. Castiel shrugs and locks the door again. 

Claire keeps quiet the whole ride to school, looking out the window. She still had her homework in her hands, she was gripping the paper tightly.

She did her class work in silence, she ate in silence, she was silent in all her classes. The teachers and Jack caught the unusual behavior. 

Claire is always smiling, laughing, throwing stuff across the room. She wasn’t even making eye contact with anyone. 

“Claire, honey?”, Mr. Roche, touched her forearms to get her attention. 

Claire looked up, “Yes”

He smiled kindly, “You feeling alright, you’re quiterer than usual”, he laughed. 

She just shrugged and went back to her social studies work. 

Bless his heart he didn’t stop there. He knelt down to her height, Claire could feel his presence but carried on. 

“Is something going at home?”, he said quietly, he peaked at Jack, who was staring at him like a hawk. 

“Claire”, he tried again.

Claire didn’t mean it, she’s just livid, frustrated, miserable, she exploded. 

“CAN YOU FUCK OFF!?”, she shut up her desk, the chair moving five inches away from her hitting the desk behind her. 

The room stood silent, everyone’s eyes were on her and Mr. Roche. Claire panted heavily, staring at the teacher unkindly. 

Mr. Roche inhaled and gazed at Claire with full disappointment. 

“Claire, could you please step outside for a minute”, he pointed at the door. 

With her death stare still on, Claire pushed all her books and pencil to the ground and exited the classroom. Jack, almost immediately started to pick up her stuff from the floor when she left the room. 

“Jack”, the teacher called.

He glance at Mr. Roche. 

“You too”, he ordered.

He nodded, he finished picking her stuff up and closed the door behind him. 

“Okay, now Claire, I’m going to give you one more chance. If you yell at me or don’t answer, I’m going to send you to the principals office. Understood?”

She shrugged, looking to her left. It was jut posters about meeting and practices. 

“What’s wrong?”, he asked, “Is there something going on at home, that maybe we should know about?”, he asked again, but this time directed at Jack. 

Jack cannot lie, even if he wanted to. He glanced at his sister, her head was down.

”Well...”, Jack started.

”Don’t you dare say anything”, Claire grabbed his wrist and pulled in it, he winced. 

“Okay, Okay, kids comes on. Let’s just start slowly”, he offered. 

Jack nodded but Claire wanted to die at that moment. 

“At home, is there shouting?”

Jack nods immediately, Claire takes time to admit it. 

“At you two?”

”Sometimes”, they say in unison. 

“Okay, is the fighting maybe between mom and dad?”, he tries.

They both agree to that in a heart beat. 

“Does your dad hit your mom?”

Claire stops there knowing that Jack is gonna spill. Maybe there’s a small chance he wont.

“No, but mom hits dad a lot”

Nevermind. 

Mr. Roche turns to Claire as he sees that she didn’t answer. “Claire do you agree with Jack”

She hesitates but soon nods. 

Mr. Roche sighs and scratches his forehead, he looks around the hallway and kneels down to their height. “Would you two like to got home for the day, I could talk to your parents or even your father?”

They both shrug, they don’t want to go home. Specially Claire, but she can’t afford getting suspended if she yells at the teacher again. 

Mr. Roche grabs their backpacks and leads them to the counselors office. There Claire and Jack talk more as the front office calls on of their parents to pick them up. If dad comes he’s gonna be questioned as to why he would let his wife hit him. If mom comes she’s gonna get questioned as to why she’s hitting him. 

At least they don’t know about the cheating. 

“Kiddos, is there anything, and I mean anything else you two wanna tell me?”, Counselor Tippens asked with a knowing look. 

Jack gulped, he turned to his sister and she stared at him fiercely. He begged her with an expression, she shook her head ‘no’. 

“Claire, Jack, we just wanna help so please tell us, we are not here to judge”, Mr. Roche added, standing near the door.

Jack looked like he wanted to explode, Claire knew that. Might as well put the kid out of his misery.

“I caught my mom in bed with another man this morning”

That was not what counselor Tippens and Mr. Roche were expecting but it did answer their question. Jack didn’t know if she was making it up or saying the truth but the expression on her face told him other wise.

“And does your father know?”, the counselor added.

They both nod but Jack goes into detail. “He knows all of it and he cries a lot because of her”

 _We are so going into foster care._ Claire told herself. 

Twenty minutes later, Castiel pick up could be seen. He looks more presentable then when he dropped them off. He sees the principal, the counselor and one of Jack and Claire teachers. 

He sighed, his kids are standing in between them. 

He looks at them with anger, “What do you two do this time?”

“Lets take this inside the my office shall we”, the principal offers with a smile. 

Castiel nods, “Could I have a word with them first just to make sure they are okay?”

They all nod, “Of course, we’ll be inside”

”We’re sorry dad, please don’t be mad”, Jack started to cry. 

Castiel almost immediately pick him up and held him tight. “Buddy, why would I be mad at you, at either of you”, he looks at Claire. She was sitting one of the chairs outside the principal office. 

He was gonna ask her what had happened but the door opened. 

“Please come in, Mr. Novak”

Casitel lets go of his son and says that it won’t be long. 

He is now seated with three school workers staring at him all with different expressions. 

“Mr. Novak I’m going to keep this straight and simple. Your daughter Claire saw something this morning and she is quite shaken by it”, the principal informed. 

Castiel frowned, “Wha-What did she see?”

All three of them looked at each and Mr. Roche is the one who spoke up. 

“Claire says that she saw her mother with another man this morning in bed”

He crumbles, his jaw tightens, his heart beats 90, he’s numb on the seat. 

All three of them are repeatedly calling his name but Castiel ignores them. 

He gathers his voice, “Can I just take them home, please?”, his voice is small and weak.

”Mr. Novak-“

”Please! Just please, can I take them home? I wanna make sure Claire is alright”, his voice becomes more hard to find. 

Hesitantly, the principal nods. 

Casitel sprints out of the office and picks up Claire and tell Jack to grab their stuff. He could hear his princess sniffling as she had her face tucked in his neck. He buckled them up and takes them to the one place he knows they are the happiest. 

The playground. 

Castiel tell Jack to play on the swings by himself. He doesn’t ask why, he just does it. Claire is still sniffling silently. Castiel opens the door and she immediately clings to him, wrapping his arms around her head and waist. She wraps her legs around his body with her head tucked in his neck again. 

“Claire, princess”, he shocks up, “I’m so so sorry you had to see that”, he inhales as his eyes begin to burn. 

“Who was that man?”, Claire sobbed, her eyes were blood red.

Castiel shakes his head, “I don’t know, baby, I don’t know and I don’t care. As long as you and your brother are fine, I don’t care”, he caresses her blonde hair. 

“Is mom gonna-“

”Your mother is no longer going to be part of this family, Claire. Not after what she’s done to you”

”And you”, Claire adds. 

Castiel stills for a moments but let’s it go. 

Castiel and Claire sit in the park bench for almost four hours. She sits on his lap, cradled by her father, and castiel doesn’t want to let her go. He makes call to the hospital saying to cancel all his afternoon appointments for today. School must of been over, more kids were coming in with uniforms. 

Jack now had three boys to play with. One Korean boy around his age, a red hair kid and African American boy, who looked much older than the other kids. They were playing freeze touch. 

“Claire, honey, you don’t wanna play with your brother?”, Castiel offers, nudging her. 

She shakes her head. 

Jack is having a blast with the three boys, he didn’t know them and he only learned the red hair boys name, Abraham. His hair is really red. Then a man calls him over, Jack turns around and spots a familiar car. Even more familiar the man standing near the fence.

”Mr. Winchester”, he waves, remembering his name. 

Dean squints his eye at the boy calling him, he knows him from somewhere. 

“You know my dad?”, Abraham asked as he and Jack walked closer. 

Jack nodded, “Mr. Winchester, you remember me? You walked me and my sister to our house”, he tried to freshen up his memory. 

Dean snaps his fingers, “You and blondie, right?”

Jack smiles and nods. 

“Yeah, of course I remember you both, and please tell me you two didn’t escape your house again”, Dean put on his parental voice. 

Jack laughs, “No, silly, my dads here with my sister”, Jack then points to the bench with Claire still being cradled. 

Dean looks over at the same time Castiel looks up. 

They both freeze and stare at each other. 

“Wow”, they say in unison. 

Claire perks up and sees what her dad is looking at. “Winchester”, she recollects. 

Jack grabs Dean’s hand and pulls him, “Come on, I want to tell my dad what you did for me and my sister”, Jack informs. 

But Castiel and Dean are too busy to listen to the kids as they just stare at each other. 


	4. McDonald’s

**September, 2017**

“Mr. Winchester, this is my dad Castiel, dad this is Mr. Winchester”, Jack let go of Dean’s hand and present him his father.

Castiel's mouth was hanging open, all he could see was the freckle-green eye-light brown hair beauty that was standing in front of him. He was wearing a blue-green scrub, over that was a brown leather jacket and black Nike sneakers. Castiel didn't care about his clothing, he couldn't stop staring at his perfect face, strong jawline, dark or light green eyes, Castiel couldn't really tell but they are beautiful.

Dean had his mouth closed but was frozen on the spot, the man had the bluest eyes that ever blued , his hair was combed to the right. It was so perfect that it didn't need to be gelled, maybe he uses the dryer, anyways, moving on, his cheek bones are very sharp. Lips, were chapped but pink, you only saw that shade on the girl's cosmetics.

"DAD!", all three children screeched trying to get their fathers attention.

Dean finally blinked, his eyes burning they got a little watery, he didn't realize that he needed to blink. Castiel shut his mouth, feeling the soreness, he gulped and licked his lips.

"Yes?", they both turned to their kids.

Claire and Jack frowned, their eyebrows bunched together. Abraham shook his head and smacked his forehead, "I know his pretty dad so just tell him", he said as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

The Novak family turned to Abraham, the twins were wide eyed, surprised by his comment. Castiel blushed hard, he tried to keep his head down and brace himself before he could look up again. He took a breath and looked at the young man and gave him a shy, kind smile.

Dean smacked the back of his head, " _Abraham!"_ ,  he hissed between his teeth, then looked up to meet the blue-eye man again. He gave him a 'sorry' smile.

"Um, well I'm Dean, Dean Winchester", he extended his hand out to the man, "Sorry about my son, I haven't taught him how to keep his mouth shut yet", he laughed weakly, still embarrassed.

Castiel shook himself out of another small trance and took his hand, it was smooth. "Castiel Novak, pleasure to meet you and don't worry about him", he smiled at the red haired boy. Abraham smiled back and winked at him with a knowing smile. Castiel was now confused, _what was that suppose to mean?_

"So the wonder twins are yours?", Dean asked as he saw the kids.

Castiel nodded, "Yeah, this is Claire and this is Jack", he patted their heads.

"Your boy looks a lot like you", Dean commented. Jack smiled looking back at his dad, he loved it when people made that comment. Castiel smiled and agreed, "If only I had a dollar for every time someone told me that"

Dean chuckled, he couldn't help to wonder about blondie on his lap. "Hey, blondie, what's wrong with you? Last time we met you had your head help up high", he nudged her shoulder.

Castiel looked up and frowned deeply, tightening his grip on Claire, "You know my kids?"

"He walked us home from the park that day we left in the morning", Claire murmured as she played with his dad's buttons on his shirt.

"You brought them back?", Castiel sat amazed at this man.

Dean shrugged with a proud smile, "It was nothing really, I just saw them both without no adult and it was getting dark. I did what I would've wanted any person to do if that were my kids"

"Wow, thank you, thank you so much. My wife was near calling the cops that day if it weren't for you", he laughed.

Dean waved it off, "Any parent would of done the same, it's no big deal", he then felt his son tug his jacket.

"Dad, I want food, feed me!", Abraham whined. Dean rolled his eyes, "I'll feed you once you stop acting like a child"

"You wouldn't! I'll starve!", Abraham spoke with true horror in his face.

Dean sighed and rubbed his face. "Dad, I'm hungry too", Claire picked up her face from his shoulder.

"Oh! Jack you wanna eat with me and my dad, we can got to McDonalds!", Abraham exclaimed, he turned to his dad, "Can he dad! Please!", he put on his best sad puppy look.

"Only if his dad is okay with it", Dean said looking back at Castiel.

Castiel didn't really know if that was a good idea, he just meet Dean but thankfully Claire saved him. "Why don't we all just go to McDonalds and chill there", she offered.

Castiel and Dean looked up at each other and agree with only a stare. "Sounds good to me", Dean agreed to the idea.

"Me too"

"Yes! MCDONALDS!!!", Abraham screamed with joy, jumped and ran to the car and then jumped on the hood of the car.

Dean saw red, "Abraham Robert, how many times have I told you not to do that!", he shook his head in fury.

The Novaks laughed at Abraham attitude and cheery self. Dean turned back, “Well I guess I’ll see you there, are you okay with the McDonald’s next to the run down Walmart? It’s the closest”

Castiel nodded in agreement, “Yeah, I was thinking about th same one. I’ll see you there shortly”

”Alrighty then”, he left to his car and Castiel can see Dean scowling Abraham. 

He laughs lightly and pats Claire off his lap, “Come on kids, we are going to get some high blood pressure”, he sarcastically cheered. 

Claire walk side by side with her father while Jack ran to the truck. 

Castiel parked in front of the restaurant next to the recognizeable car, Dean’s car. 

They entered and saw Abraham in a booth, Dean already in line. He waved him over to the line. 

“Two happy meals with apple juice, chicken nuggets and fries, correct?”. The twins nodded and ran to the booth. 

“Hey”, Abraham smiled, “I wanted to play in the playground but dad said I have to eat first”, he crossed his arms and pouted. 

“Well then eat fast and you’ll play, no need to throw a tantrum”, Claire shot to him and rolled his eyes. He is acting like a baby for no good reason. 

Jack shrunk in the his seat, already embarrassed of his sister. 

Abe just shrugged and nodded, “Yeah, you got a point”

Back with Dean and Cas, Dean was still replaying the moment Abe called Cas pretty. That kid only gets him into trouble, Cas probably thinks his weird. He could see a gold wedding band on his finger. Just his luck. Straight, married, good looking man, just his luck. 

He sighed. Should he say something about it. Straight men aren’t the best to flirt with, he remembered. 

“So, um, sorry about my kid calling you pretty, I’m trying to-“

Cas just shook his head with a kind smile, “No, no, it’s quite alright, I’m flattered really”

Dean was taken back, “You’re flattered that my nine-year-old son called you ‘pretty’”, he looked at him carefully. 

Castiel eyes went wide and corrected himself, “No, wait! What I meant by that is that I’m flattered that his father thinks I’m pretty”.

Dean eyes got wide and he blinked twice fast. He started to shuffle around on his feet unable to find a way to answer, he did not expect that.

Yes, he will admit that the man is very attractive and damn that ass! But, but he has a son and a dignity so he will not act like a flustered teenage boy. 

He put on a hard, macho looking face, with a flirty smirk, “Who said I thought you look pretty?”

”You’re son did and children are never wrong. They always say what is in their minds or what is on their parents minds.”, he explained hitting Dean back with his own flirty smile. 

“Huh?”, Dean stopped to think. 

“Oh and just so you know, I think that Abraham’s father is pretty, too”, he blushed as he murmured it to Dean’s ear. Making him more red and nervous, in a good way. Dean was about to respond with a great flirtation but the lady behind the counter called out their number and Castiel jumped to get it. 

What a waste of a good flirtation. They sat next to their children, the kids scarfed down their meals while Dean and Cas ate slowly. Mostly because they would just stare at each other for long period of time. Claire kept rolling her eyes at Romeo and Romeo, Jack and Abraham thought it was hilarious, they would steal fries from them and they wouldn’t notice at all.

“Dad, can we go play now?”, Abraham asked, with pleading eyes.

”Yeah, of course”, he dismissed them and turned back to Castiel. 

They were silent for a while but no awkward silence was declared. 

“You’re a nurse? What kind?”, Cas broke the ice. 

“Register, what about you?”

”Doctor, obstetrician to be exact”, Cas added as he piled the trash together to throw it out. Dean hummed in astonishment, he also saw how on wit the empty juice boxes fell and Cas bent down to pick it up. 

What a view.

Dean quickly shook that though out of his head as Castiel sat back down. 

“So, Dean are you single?”, Castiel asked, he thought it was a stupid question. How could somehow as hot as him be single. 

“Single as a Pringle, for a long time now”, Dean frowned at himself for the last part. Why did he say that? Cas did not need to know that. 

Castiel didn’t seem to care but look oddly confused but a bit relieved. “You’re single?! How? I mean just look at you you’re-“

”Pretty”, Dean laughed. 

“Very attractive, but I’ll go with your word”, Castiel laughed. 

“Okay, Okay, enough with me. How about you, I see that ring around the special finger”, Dean pointed at his hand and tried not to sound disappointed. A married man is hitting on him, must be one of those gay men hiding behind their wife’s or a married man who is confused over what he wants in life and decides he wants to be gay. Oh boy, this one is gonna hurt. 

Castiel saw the ring and shook his head, he almost, almost forgot he was married. 

“Oh yeah, locked and married”, he took a sip of his coke, looking back at the playground, the kids where playing near the huge slide. 

“So you’re married, I’m guessing a woman, and you’re flirting with a guy”, Dean was trying to get his head wrapped around the situation. 

Cas shrugged and nodded, “Let’s just say me and my wife are having marriage difficulties and she is at fault”, he tried to explain the best he could without saying the whole truth. 

“If you don’t mind me asking, but what exactly could she be doing that is so bad that you have to flirt with me?”

”Doing exactly what I’m doing and more”, he spoke flatly, looking away from the man in front of him. 

Dean stopped and thought about it, oh!

”Wait, so that means she flirts with other men-“, he was cut short by Cas as he snorted. 

“Flirting is not what I would say more like sleeping with every guy that she can get to”, his tone significantly change, Dean heated it. 

Dean was godsmacked. Yup, this is one is gonna hurt.

When you meet someone new, you don’t tell them what your problem is, unless they are a therapist. But it’s a complete stranger, Castiel knows that; he doesn’t understand why he would tell this to the man in front of him. He doesn’t even tell his coworkers or his family, not that they would care really. The same with Dean, when you meet someone you feel uncomfortable when they first tell you their problems. Like why are you telling me? I just meet you, you’re a stranger to me. That’s how a regular person would react but Dean doesn’t. It feels like he’s known this guy for weeks or months, he’s never met his wife but he has a feeling he won’t like her. 

“Excuse me if I insult you but you’re wife is a bitch”, Dean commented, not able to hold it back. He was thankful that Cas didnt get mad or anything he was relived when he heard a small giggle. It was a cute giggle to be honest. 

“Yeah, she really is...I’m sorry I’m telling you this. I know you’re a complete stranger and I shouldn’t be telling you this cause why would you care. So sorry for making you uncomfortable, I do that a lot to people”, he shuffled around his seat, apologizing. 

Dean immediately shook his head, “No man, come on, you need to tell people even if it’s a stranger. Listen, what you’re wife is doing to you is awful, okay. If you know about this, why do stay? The kids?”

”Only reason why I stay, but I think I’m filling for divorce soon enough”, the last part was mostly for him, he was telling himself.

Dean frowned, “How-“

”Dad, can we leave, I’m bored”, Claire showed up and sat next to Castiel, resting her head on his arm. 

Castiel put his arm around her and held her tightly, “In a bit, your brother is finally bonding with real children”, he laughed.

Claire laughed, “Yeah that’s true”

”Imaginary friends?”, Dean asked.

”Oh yeah, that boy has a big imagination, which is great but he doesn’t socialize often with other kids”

”Wow, it’s the complete opposite with my boy, he’s only nine and wants to hang out with all of his friends at the mall or at the park by himself. He flirts with every girl, even if they are sixteen, Abe is out of control if you ask me”, he joked, following laughter from the Novaks. 

“He sounds like a handful”, Castiel said.

”At times, but most of the time I keep him under control”

And then is happened again, they got quiet and stared at each other. As if they were staring at their own souls. 

Castiel was once again mesmerized by Dean’s green eyes and light brown hair. Dean was shocked by how blue, Cas’ eyes were and his hair still a sexy mess. 

Claire noticed the silence and sighed. She kind of understood what it meant but didn’t want to believe it. Was dad going to cheat on mom? It would only be fair since mom has to problem doing it but dad is better than that, right? Claire thought so, but she also thought the same about her mother and here they are. 

With anger she slammed her first onto the table, snapping both men out of trance. Castiel with slight anger, “Claire!”

”If Thelma and Louise are done staring at each other, could we go home know? I’m tired and bored”, she crossed her arms and slipped away from her father’s arm. 

Both gentlemen blushed hard but Dean pondered. How does she know Thelma and Louise? Isn’t she ten or so?

After fifteen minutes or so, Castiel and Dean gathered their kids and were ready to part each on their own way. 

Forgetting the most important thing. 

Phone numbers. 

Luckily for them, Abraham never forgets to right down his dad’s phone number after he meets someone knew. He might be nine-years-old but he isn’t blind, he clearly saw how his father made heart eyes to the other man (whatever his name is). He waited until they all said their goodbyes, patiently he waited for his dad to make his move. Of course he didn’t, he rolls his eyes and sprints to the man’s truck. Luckily he catches him before he could get in and calls him out. 

“Sir! Sir! Wait, you forgot something”, he shouts and stops when he gets there. 

“What is it?”, Castiel collects the piece of paper that was given to him. 

“My dad’s phone number, use it wisely”, he winks at him again and sprints back to him dad who was waiting for him in the car. 

Castiel stares at the young boy, honestly shocked by him. He laughs and shakes his, starring back the paper with the number on it. 

Dean waved goodbye at them as he leaves through the exit, Castiel waves goodbye back. He smiles to big at him, he didn’t know he could smile that big. 

Claire saw this and she was not happy.

Not a bit.


	5. Decision, Decision

**September, 2017**

Castiel stared at the piece of paper. It sat on top of his work desk, the numbers were sloppy but still readable. 

He tapped his fingers on his desk rapidly, his legs were both restless. 

_Okay, Dean likes me. I think. Does he? I mean, I like him, he’s good looking but I’m married. There’s no way I’m going to become my wife, she wants to cheat then that’s her. I will not become her, I can’t. I have to be the good parent, the children need me to be. But how can I be the parent they need if I’m not as near as happy as I was before I got married to Amelia._

_I actually felt happy with Dean, it was such a short time with him but I actually smiled. I truly smile with my children, it’s rare when other people make me smile, they all find me strange really._  

And that’s another thing, Dean wasn’t uncomfortable with him even when he made a pathetic attempt to flirt. He made him blush, he had never done that. Which was a relief for Castiel, Dean was different. Even Amelia found him strange when they first met each other. 

Everyone called him strange, even his family. His children have called him strange and weird several times when they were younger, they probably don’t remember it. Shit, they probably still call him that behind his back. 

He prays that Dean never calls him strange. He has this thing that when someone insults him, like calling him “weirdo”, he stops being himself, completely. He shuts down, he stops saying dad jokes, that are truly bad, he stops trying to be him. He just goes along to everything everyone says, he shakes his heads or he nods. People tend to like him more when he gets like that. 

Would Dean be different from everyone else? Highly improbable, he might look nice but they all do and they turn out to be total douchebags. 

But then again, he actually had a conversation with Dean, about himself and his family. He was open with a stranger, and he had trust issues. I guess you can say that there was something calming about Dean, maybe it was his eyes. 

Should he call him? Maybe not. It sounds like a crazy idea, would it be considered cheating? 

He then remembered Abraham or Abe as Dean called him, he gave him his phone number in his fathers behalf. Castiel snorted, as his memory took him back when he wink at him as he said ‘use it wisely’. 

He was right, Abe does look like a handful, not that his kids are saints, they are far from that. 

“Screw it, I’m trusting you Abraham”, he spoke to himself as if the young boy was there. 

He dialed the number slowly, with each number he hesitated to press the next one. The last number, he bit his lip, with his right leg still restless. 

 _‘Be a man and call him!’,_ he chanted to himself. 

He pressed it and held the phone to his ear, his heart pounding rather quick. 

A small voice then came through the other line, “Hello, Cas?”, he sounded hopeful, he could hear his smile through the phone. 

Castiel was taken back, “Abraham?”

”Yes! Finally you called, what took you so long?”

”Um...well I guess I didn’t think he would answer- Abraham where’s your father?”, Castiel asked, then heard a door fly open, the front door.

”Oh, he’s taking at work but don’t worry mister I got your back, I’ll set up a date for both of you in no time”, Abraham responded with a confident tone. 

Castiel shut up from his desk chair, “Date? No Abraham that’s too early-“

”Come on mister, live a little, my daddy likes you”, Abraham comforted, “and you like him”, he said in a singing tone. Then he heard a bang on the wall, he frowned but shook it off. _Jack must be wrestling again with his imaginary friend._

Castiel couldn’t help but laugh and shake his head at the same time, “Abraham, look-“

”Dad!”

A scream for help came from Claire. 

Castiel immediately dropped his phone and raced to his daughter’s room. He saw what almost happened and to be truly honest he had a feeling it would happen at some point. 

Amelia had their daughter held by the hair, her face was held in one position. Both of her cheeks were bloody red, Castiel could see blood coming down her nose. Amelia had her hand up, it was ready to come down to Claire’s cheek. Castiel stopped her just in time. 

“What are you doing?!”, Castiel yelled as he unhooked Amelia’s hand from Claire’s hair. And pushed her against the wall, pinning her, he held her wrist to tight he heard one pop. 

“She came in to my bedroom this morning, you know how embarrassing it is to be in the middle of sex and then have your daughter see everything”, Amelia had a disgusted look on her face and shot Claire a look. 

Castiel snapped and slapped his wife across the face as hard as he could. The force made her fall to her knees.

Claire gasped and gulped. Then her father turned to meet her eyes and he ran to her and pick her up. Holding her head as she wrapped her legs around his torso, they held on tight to each other. 

“Are you okay, Claire, honey?”, he sat down on her bed and pulled her face from his neck to inspect her face. 

Claire nodded, “My cheeks hurt a lot”, she sniffed. Tears streamed down her face quickly and Castiel broke into tears as well. 

“How dare you hit me, I’m your wife, I’m a woman, and you hit me. I can call the cops and they’ll have you arrested so fast it’ll make your head spin”, Amelia threatened, her face was ragging red. 

Castiel didn’t even feel scared but he could feel his daughter tremble when Amelia said that. 

“I-I don’t care if you call the cops on me, you can go screw yourself because we are done, Amelia. We are completely done, you can cheat on me and hit me as many times as you want but you CANNOT HIT MY CHILDREN!”, Castiel’s rage built up as he remembered his daughters red face and bloody nose. 

“Oh please!”, she waved him off and walked out of the room. She didn’t even make a single comment on the divorce thing, did she think it was a bluff? 

Castiel took this chance. “Claire, honey, look at me”, Claire stuck her face out, “I need you to call 911 and tell them what your mother did to you, okay”, Claire shook her head. 

“No, no, dad, mom is right they’re gonna arrest you cause you hit her”, she began to cry again. 

“Hey, don’t worry about me, just call then for me, please Claire, do this for me. Your strong okay”, he let her down and kissed her forehead. 

Claire nodded and watched her father walk out of her room too, she ran to a nearest phone which was on her mother’s purse. She threw it on her bed when she came in. Then as she dialed it she remembered Jack. 

“Oh god, Jackie!”, she held the phone to her ear and burst her brothers door open. He was laying on his bed with his pillow case filled in his own blood. He had a gash on his forehead from were mom bang his head against the staircase railing. It was metal and Claire remembered how hard his mom did it. She winced and got closer trying to shake her brother awake. 

“Jack! Jackie! Wake up, Jackie!”, her cries were cut short when the operator began to talks to her. 

“911 what is your emergency”, a African American lady answered. 

Claire cried, “Um, hi, um, my...my mom and brother, they...”, Claire panted heavily but couldn’t get her words out correctly. 

“Shh, calm down, baby, breath for me and tell me slowly what happened You your mom and brother”, her accent was soothing and distracting.

“My mom she...she hit my brother on the  head and now he’s bleeding and he won’t wake up!”, she cried out, looking back at her unconscious brother. Pillow case didn’t look purple anymore. 

“Okay, where’s your father?”

”Downstairs with my mom, I think they are fighting”

”Okay, check if your brother is breathing for me, baby”

Claire paused and put her fingers where his nose was and she felt a small breeze hit them. 

“Okay, that’s good, now tell me your address so we can help you”

Claire then blurted put her address and thank the lady, turned off the phone. She didn’t know why mom did this to Jack, he was innocent. She cried harder and cuddled next to her brother, she laid her head on his stomach, until she heard sirens. 

“Oh great, cops are here and now I can tell them the truth about you!”, Amelia shouted, they heard knocks. 

“Police open up!”, a woman with a rough voice knocked. 

Castiel and Amelia looked at each other and paused, Amelia made the first move and now they race each other to the door. 

Amelia got there first by the head start she got, she grabbed the door knob and Castiel grabbed her waist and pulled her back. Spinning her and she fell to the floor. 

Castiel then opened the door and stepped aside for the officers. 

“Finally, he hit me, see!”, she rose to her knees and showed the two officers her faded red cheek.

”Is this true, sir?”, the female officer turned to him with a tight jaw. 

Castiel gulped, choose your words wisely, “Yes”, he paused as he saw the officer getting her handcuffs out, “but, only because she hit our daughter and if you don’t believe me go upstairs. Her nose is bleeding”, he quickly defended himself. 

“What about the boy?”, the other officer asked and two paramedics entered the door with a stretcher. 

“Boy?”, Castiel frowned. 

“Yes, the little girl informed us about her brother being hit in the head by her mother”, both officers turned to Amelia, she gulped. 

Castiel turned to Amelia, his heart racing, he walked up to her wanting to grab her by the neck but the officers pulled him back. “Don’t do something you’ll regret”

”What did you do, you freaking bitch!”, he launched himself again but was tackled down, both of his arms behind his hand. 

“Sir, you need to calm down!”, they kept telling him.

“Ma’am, turn around”, an officer commanded Amelia and handcuffed her. She kept on ranting and telling them that she was innocent. 

They then brought Jack in the stretcher down stairs and Castiel immediately stopped struggling. 

“Let me go, that’s my son!”, the officers help him up. 

Castiel ran to the stretcher and saw his son pale and bloody, his T-shirt half cover with it. The cut is deep, how hard did you hit him Amelia, you fucking bitch.

Castiel saw Claire and picked her up, got them both in the ambulance. He held his son’s hand the whole ride, he kept his head and he couldn’t dare to see the gash on his forehead. He tried to ignore what the paramedics where saying, he didn’t want to hear any of it. 

They soon got off and they sped Jack inside the hospital, they were at Providence Medical Center. He had heard of it before, it was his hospital’s competition. 

They were made to wait outside. A few nurses ran to were Jack was being held at, it just made them both more uncomfortable. And then Castiel recognized the man from this afternoon, he ate McDonald’s with him and his son was going to ask him for a date on his behalf. 

Dean was still wearing his green-blue scrub, he jogged and didn’t turn when Castiel called out his name. 

“Dad?”, Claire’s small voice brought him back from his little day dream. 

“Yes, honey”

”Is Jack gonna be okay?And don’t lie”

Castiel sighed, “I honestly don’t know honey, only god can answer that question”, he kissed her forehead.

 

Dean entered the room, they told him about a small boy, no younger than ten, he had a gash on his forehead, unconscious, little blood loss but weak heart beat. He almost ran but remembered it was a hospital so he jogged in a hurry. 

“Jack?”, he frowned as he got closer and recognized the boy. He was still wearing the same clothes he wore this afternoon. 

“You know him?”, Benny asked as he inspected his wound. 

“Sort of, I just saw him this afternoon”, he said with a hint of pity. 

“Winchester! He needs stitches and you aren’t helping by just staring at him”, Jody called him out. 

Dean then sprung into action, taking out all of the required instruments that they needed to clean and stitch the wound. It was nasty, and Dean can only pray he would be alright, no permanent damage. 

How did this even happen? Dean kept asking himself. Maybe he fell? Kids are always clumsy but it looks too deep for it to be an accident and then the finger shape bruise on his wrist also said otherwise. Someone did this to him. Please don’t let it be his hot father. Dean prayed. 

A few minutes later, Jack was resting in his bed and Dean stepped out of the room to talk to Castiel. 

“Castiel. Blondie?”, Dean whispered as they were both asleep on the hospital chairs. He tried again and Claire shot her head up hitting Castiel’s chin, waking him up. Dean winced for them. 

“Castiel, hey”, he smiled as the man started to rise from his chair. 

“Dean, hey, um how’s Jack?”, Castiel felt bad about not wanting to make conversation with the man.

”He is stable, he did lose a lot of blood but he will recover, he is still unconscious as of right now. But you can come in if you want?”. Castiel and Claire followed Dean to the room. 

“Oh, Jack”, Castiel stood next to Jack’s bed and held his tiny, cold hand. 

“Castiel, sorry but you also have to fill out forms for the hospital, I would explain why but I’m guessing you know the drill”, he smiled as he handed the clipboard to Castiel. 

“Yeah, I do this almost every day”, he gave him a weak smile but at least he meant it. It was nice to have Dean with him right now, he didn’t feel like being alone in this. Claire is still recovering from what she saw, Dean seemed like someone he could talk too, hopefully. 

There was a pause, Dean wanted to ask but maybe it was personal and didn’t want to be the person that wants to know everything. Luckily for him Claire and her rough attitude answered the question for him. 

“If you’re wondering what happened, all you need to know is that my mom is a cheater and a child abuser and she will rot in prison”, her voice was heavy and strong, she didn’t sound like a little girl. 

“Claire-“, Castiel closed his eyes and sighed. 

“Don’t you dare defend her!”, she screamed at her father and ran out the door. 

“Claire!”, Castiel called out for her but made no attempt to bring her back. 

Dean grabbed his shoulder, “Don’t worry I got this, just worry about him”

Castiel nodded and sat down on the chair next to the bed. His boy was so pale.

 

Dean chased Claire for a while calling her name until she finally stopped at the stairs next to the elevator. She dropped on the first staircase and hide her face between her knees and cried. She has been crying more often than usual, she hates crying but this whole situation is so fucked up. A girl just sometimes has to let go once and a while. She then felt a hand on her shoulder, she turned her body away, knowing it was Dean. She didn’t feel like talking to anyone, specially to him. 

“Blondie, come on don’t be like that with your father. He has it tough right now”, he tried to reason with her. 

“I don’t know your father but I can tell he love and your brother and he wouldn’t be defend your mother, not after what she did to your brother. What she did is unforgivable, that is no mother, that’s a monster, okay Blondie”, he removed a piece of hair from her shoulder so he could at least see her ear. 

He didn’t expect to her to hug him, she wrapped her arms around his neck and he wrapped his around her small body. He held her tightly, knowing that she needed this. 

“You’re gonna be okay, you and your family are gonna one day look back and say ‘that was one hella of a day’ and laugh. You’re strong, Blondie, I can tell by the way you stand and by the way you protect your brother. You know I have a little brother and I would kill anyone that would hurt him. I’m sure that’s how you feel right now but don’t let that overtake you, focus on your brother and father, be the rock of the family because they need you right now, Okay, Blondie?”, Dean pulled her away from his neck. 

She inhaled shakily, still heavily crying, she sniffles and said through more tears. “It Claire, not Blondie”

Dean laughed and held her back into the hug. “Sure, Blondie”, he kissed the top of her forehead, then felt her punched his thigh. 

They both laughed. Dean walked Claire back to the room, Castiel was passed out cold, but he was still holding Jack’s hand.


	6. Home Is Where My Child Is

**September, 2017**

Dean came home that night around one, he was dragging his feet through his apartment. He opened the fridge hoping there was something good, he scammed and saw the beauty, pie. He smiled and rubbed his hands together and took it out delicately. And placed it on the table and took out a bottle of beer and sat down enjoy his pie. 

He hummed as he took eat the first slice, cherry pie fixes everything. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about Cas and his kids, poor things, the hell they must be going through. He just couldn’t wrap his head around a mother wanting to kill her son or even hurt them. Anna fell in love with Abe the minute she held him, she could not stop caressing his cheek. He had a little lock of red hairs growing, she cried a bit when she saw. 

She prayed and prayed that he had Dean’s eyes. He was five days old and finally opened his eyes fully, they were dark and Anna thought he had brown eyes. But as he grew older, his dark eyes started to fade and grew lighter, grew green. She told everyone, because that the thing that she loved most about Dean, his eyes. A month later she was gone. But Dean shook that thought away, that wasn’t something he would like to think about. 

He hears shuffle from the hallway, “Dad?”, Abe rubbed his sleepy eyes. 

“Hey, bud, what are you doing up?”, Dean opened his arms and Abe climbed on his lap. 

“Hungry”, he laughed sleepily. 

“Of course you are”, Dean shook his head and pushed the pie closer to Abe. 

He quickly dug into the half eaten pie. “Could I have some of that”, he pointed at the beer.

Dean looked at the bottle and then at his kid, he shrugged, “Okay, since it’s only fair, I have my first beer younger than you but you cannot tell anyone, okay”, he told with a threathing tone. 

Abraham nodded quickly and smiled as he got a grasped at the cold bottle. He took a large gulp at it, and cringed. 

“Woah, hold on cowboy, I meant a sip not half of the bottle”

Abraham made a face, there was still beer left in his mouth and he did not want to swallow it. 

“You have to drink all of that, I’m not wasting beer. Come on, drink it”, he said playfully and rubbed his sons back. 

Abraham began to swallow little by little, “Yup, little by little, come on you can do it”, Dean cheered. 

Abraham the rest of it and took a breath, “Ew, that was disgusting”, he ran to the sink and place his head underneath the faucet, sticking his tongue out. 

“You keep that face on when they offer you a drink at parties”, Dean laughed but said in his parental voice. 

“Yes, sir”, Abraham gagged. 

They fell asleep late, after watching The Lion King on repeat three times, Abraham fell asleep. His head resting on Dean’s shoulder, Dean then carried him to their room. Thank god Dean asked for the day off Saturday last week. But he was slightly regretting it, he desperately wanted to know how Jack was doing. 

But he wanted to surprise his son with a whole father-son day, they hadn’t had one in months. 

The whole day was just mostly Abraham and Dean doing all the coolest things they could do. Lucky for them the carnival is in town, Abe thinks that Dean will be working, it’ll be a perfect day outside. 

Dean was getting thrilled just by thinking of the exiceting day they were going to have. He was already making Abe’s favorite breakfast, waffles with Nutella and sliced bananas on top of it. He made three for each other. Sam and Jess had already left with happy stomachs to work. He watched the news and saw the news reporter in front of his hospital that he works in. Intrigued, he rose the volume. 

“This is were the young boy rest as he looking at a short recovery. His father has yet to make a statement or to press charges against his wife”

Dean frowned, _this sounds familiar, could it be them?_

They shifted the view from the news reporter to the anchorman in the studio. “We also have reports of the father, Castiel Novak”, oh shit, “He is a doctor himself but he does not work at that hospital. He he has no history of violence whatsoever but his wife, Amelia Novak, does have a recorder for misconduct and now for child abuse against her own son”

They showed a mugshot of Castiel’s wife, her name is Amelia, she looked like a peice of shit and also her mugshot is the worst.

They moved on from that story and Dean stood there feeling pity for Cas, this just happened yesterday at night and it almost ten a.m. Damn, they are fast. 

Abraham came in running to the living room, sliding on the wooden floor he almost lost his balance. “My show!”, he snatched the remote from Dean’s hands and lunge himself into the couch. 

“Hey, no jumping in the couch”, Dean informed for the thousandth time. 

Abraham ignored him and stare attentively at the television. Dean sighed and snatched the remote out of his hands, well almost Abraham and his quick hands got it back. They fought back and forth, bickering. 

“Abraham, remove the remote from your pants”, Dean rubbed his forehead. 

“Dad, it’s simple, if you want the remote you’re gonna have to come and get it”, he smiled wickedly and pointed down at his pants, the outline of the remote could be seen. He stood up and walked down to the kitchen, knowing he won. 

Dean shook his head in disappointment, _I can’t believe I’m raising this child._

But he will admit it’s kinda funny. 

“Yes! My favorite”, Abe cheered. 

Dean walked in the kitchen, “Yup and guess what?”

Abe had munched on half of his first waffle, “What?”, some pecie of banana came out. 

Dean made a face, “Abraham, your mouth is full. Anyways, we are going to have a father-son day!”, he picked up his boy over his shoulder as Abe laughed. 

“Really? Are you serious?”, Abe asked with glee. 

Dean nodded and put him down, “Yup, just you and me, doing the dumbest shit we can think off”, Dean signal a high five. 

Abe hit his palm hard enough for it to red, “Yes!”

”Eat fast and then get ready”, Dean patted him on the back.

”Oh my friends are gonna be so jealous on Monday when I tell them”, he then inhaled the second piece of the waffle and practically swallowed it. 

After breakfast Dean took a shower as Abe changed his clothes and put on deodorant and cologne. Soon they exited the apartment, Abraham was skipping three steps at a time but he never lost his balance nor fell. He was about to jump on top of Baby’s hood but Dean caught him in time. 

He had barely placed his hands on the hood when he heard his dad growl, “You jump on top of that car and you can kiss your legos goodbye”. Abraham lifted his hands up and turned to his father and have him a innocent smile. 

Dean hummed disapprovingly. Abraham just moved aside and kiss the hood and patted it gently, he went around the car to get his seat. 

“Can I go on the front?!”, he sparked up. 

“No”, Dean said with coldness. 

Abe pouted and his head swung low as he opened the back seat door. 

First they were going to X-treme, it has this cool place where you could just jump around and do cool tricks. Abe is head over heels with his place. Just as they walked in Abe reminded his dad about something. 

“Dad, I don’t know if you remember but I have a baseball game at 7”

”Today?”, Dean asked with a small fright. 

“Yeah”, he said slowly. 

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”, he said as he paid for the entry. 

“Cause I thought you were gonna work today so I didn’t expect you to be there. So...I told Uncle Sam, Aunt Jess, and Charlie to come instead”, he felt horrible. His dad tried to make it to every game, but he always has a tight schedule at the hospital that makes it impossible for them. His dad is one of the top nurses and they always need his help. He has already missed three games of this season, Abe didn’t expect his dad to show up at any of them. Mostly because he has never told Dean about his games. 

Dean was taken back, _why wouldn’t he go? It’s his son’s first baseball game, he has to be there to support him._ “Why would I go? I’m your dad”

”Yeah, but you are always busy with work so why bother tell you?”, Abraham shrugged knowing it hurt his dad’s feelings. 

“Yeah but I would still love to know when you have games, I can take time off”, Dean promised. 

“Yeah, I know that but don’t we need the money?”

”Well everyone needs money but we aren’t in debt, we don’t need it badly, I have a great income and it mostly supports all four of us”. Dean tried to explain it to him and it didn’t seem to be working. 

“Okay”, Abraham shrugged, “can we start jumping already”, he sounded impatient. 

Dean sighed and nodded, “Yes, sure, that’s why we are here”, he laughed and watched his kid run to one of the activities. 

 _What is he doing wrong? Has he missed other of his games?_ He should take more time off work or else Abraham is going to think he doesn’t care. Not only will he fail Abraham but Anna, he promised her that he would take care of him with his life. He is not going to disappoint her. 

Abraham in the mean time was having the time of his life, he has doing backflips, handstands, cartwheels, front flips. He was going crazy, and he hasn’t  had lunch yet. 

Abraham was in the middle of a plank, he was being a daredevil and wasn’t wearing a harness to protect him from falling. Dean panicked when he saw him walking on his hands. 

“Abraham, walk with your feet!”, Dean shouted, slightly scared but slightly proud. 

Abe got through the plank and gave his dad a thumbs up. Dean shook his head but gave him a thumbs up too. 

“Come on, time for lunch”, Dean waves him over to the table he had saved for them. 

Abraham, of course, instead of using the stairs he jumped and on his hands and knees. But he feel on huge squishy cubes, so at least he didn’t break anything.

”You could have used the stairs?”

”Where’s the fun in that?”, Abraham squinted his eyes and made a face.

Dean rolled his eyes and sat him down. They ate two slices of pizza and coke. “After this we gonna go to the carnival”, Dean informed.

“Awesome”, Abraham responded, swinging his legs happily.

Dean and Abraham left X-treme soon after and headed for the carnival. Abraham was very excited as he couldn’t stop squigling on his seat. His eyes light up when he saw the Ferris wheel and the many lights that came from the carnival.

”Uh, dad we have to get on that one”, he pointed at one ride that took you up to 20 feet high and dropped you on full speed. Dean remembered last year he told Abraham that when he got a little bit older he could go.

”Okay, but I have to pay for the entrance and the tickets first”, Dean took out his wallet and place ten dollars at the entrance stand. Then they went to buy tickets, too many if you ask Dean but Abe loved to go twice at every single ride.

As the were waiting in line to go in a ride Abe brought up an unusual topic.

”So, dad?” 

“Yeah”

”What do you think of Mr. Novak?”, Abe asked with a smile and then winked. 

Dean frowned and squinted, “What?”

”You like him, it’s obvious and he likes you too, so I was thinking that I should set up a date for the both of you”, Abe offered. 

Dean mouth fell open and his eyes went wide. His nine-year old son just offered to set him up on a date. “Abraham, first of all, you are not setting up anyone on a date. Second of all, who I like is none of your business. Third of all, he likes me?”, Dean made sure he understood that correctly. 

Abraham nodded his head, “Yeah, it’s clearly obvious but since it’s none of my business, I won’t help you”, he turned back to face the line and crossed his arms. 

“But how do you know that?”

”I’m not telling since it’s _none of my business_ ”, he repeated his dad’s words with a slight attitude, but he wasn’t mad, he was just trying to get his dad’s attention.

”Abraham”, Dean said with a warning tone. 

Abraham smiled knowing he got his dad’s curiosity and turned around. “Okay, so I gave him our house phone number to see if he would actually called and he did- don’t give me that face I did you a favor- so then I told him that you like him and that he likes you too. He did not say no. I repeat he did not say no. When I suggested a date all he said and I quote ‘It is too early for that’. But after that it got weird, I heard screaming and crying, so I hanged up. But the bright side is that he likes you and you like him, so like when should I mark the date?”

Dean inhaled and exhaled deeply, _what am I gonna do with this kid? God help me._

”So let me get this straight, you gave a complete stranger our house cellphone number because you think we like each other. He calls and you quickly think I would okay to date a man I just met yesterday?”

”Well yeah”, Abraham said it in a obvious tone. 

“I should ground you right now”

”But you won’t cause you know I’m right”

Dean only stared at his kid son, he couldn’t lie and he can’t say the truth. He is still a kid and Dean barely dates or even goes out. Abraham is only trying to help but Dean has to sort himself out first. He isn’t good at the whole dating thing at all. Cas is a handsome guy, he won’t lie, and he seems like a nice guy but it seems like he has so much shit going on right now. Bad timing is the worst.

Abraham is not dumb, he knows his dad won’t date because of what happened to his mom when he was little. Even though his dad doesn’t tell him his Uncle Sam does. He tells him that it’d became hard for his father to date because a fear of getting attached and losing them again. But honestly Abraham thinks that bull, why can’t he just move on like the rest of the world. He doesn’t have a mom, and sure he gets sad but that doesn’t scare him of thinking of aunt Jess as mother. Mr. Novak is the key to unlock all of his dad’s fears and he is gonna mark that date, dammit. Whether they like it or not. 

Mr. Novak and Dean Winchester are going on a date, the sooner the better. 

That is Abraham’s goal.


	7. Awful Day, Great Ending

**September, 2017**

Abraham’s team won that game on Saturday, the coach took the team out for ice cream. The boys cheered, giving each other high fives, Dean just continued to stare at his little boy. Well he isn’t a little boy anymore but in a parents heart they are always their babies.

Charlie, Sam, and Jess showed up as they promised. It hurt Dean when they saw him actually showing up at the game. 

“Wow, you actually made it”, Sam spoke in shock, not seeing his older brothers confused face. 

“Why wouldn’t I?”

”Well because this isn’t his first game and you haven’t shown up at any of them”, Charlie explained, with Sam and Jess agreeing. Dean shook his head, “It’s not that I don’t want to come, I just have too much work and they need me there. Abe understands that”

All three sat quietly on the bleachers, giving each other the look. Dean rolled his eyes and growled, “Look, can we just move this conversation about how bad of a parent I am, to another day. My son is about to play and I would like to enjoy my day off”, he sat down next to Charlie, cursing at them in his head. 

He knows they mean well, but none of them know what it takes to be a parent. It’s a tough challenge that no one prepares you for, you have to make everything up as you go. Dean is doing exactly that and he knows for a fact that he is trying his best. But it’s criticism from people, like them three, about his behavior or how he isn’t paying enough attention to Abraham, that makes him doubt if he actually is doing everything he can. 

It’s tiring being a parent, but it’s more exhausting being a single parent. You don’t have a partner to talk to about your child, you are all alone throughout their live. 

That’s one of the worst fears in every parent’s lives and yet here is Dean living it. Trying his hardest, yet no one is seeing that. 

He felt pain from the agony and slight betrayal from his family, they don’t see what he gives up for his son. He works his ass off just for his son to have high quality everything. From clothing to school materials. If Abraham wants it, Dean will work extra hours at the hospital for Abraham. He does this because he knows Abraham is a bright kid and deserves the world. But he also knows that Abe wants his dad and Dean just gets so caught up with work and life that he forgets about his son’s busy schedule. 

Sometimes he wished he could step back  and breathe. 

But he is a single parent, so he will never get to do that. No even when he gets married and had children. A parent is constantly pondering about their babies. Some call it a curse, others a blessing, why not both?

Now the game is over and Abe is on the team bus going off to get some ice cream, he gave him a twenty just in case he wanted more. Abe waved goodbye and Dean proudly waved goodbye as well. “Dean”, Sam called. 

“Yeah”, he turned.

Sam took a breath, “Look, back at the bleachers we didn’t mean to sound like assholes. Is just that you’re never at his games and we just found it weird”, he said hesitantly, hiding his head. 

“Weird?”, Dean questioned.

”Well-yeah, weird. Me, Jess, and Charlie are always there to support Abe and you are just working”, Sam spoke, this time with his chest raised and his eyes never leaving Dean, but with nervousness in his eyes still.

Dean laughed coldly, actually he is laughing like a madmen, as if he were told a hilarious joke. He held the side of his stomach, he was slightly bent down gripping his knee. He chuckled a few more times, “Oh, Sammy”, he wiped a few tears out of his eyes, and laughed a little again. 

Sam didn’t look comical at all, “What?”

”Sammy, when you have your own child, and you know the responsibilities of raising one. Then you can talk to me, okay”, his mood then suddenly turned dark. “What in the hell gives you the right to come to my face and tell me how to raise Abe?!”

”Dean, I never said that”, he tried to defend himself. 

“You were certainly heading in that direction”, Dean have him a glare that put Sam in a difficult spot. “Sammy, remember what I always told you as kids, ‘If you don’t anything nice to say then don’t say it all’. I thought it stuck in your brain”, he huffed and walked away from his brother. He heard him call his name but completely ignore his existence. Charlie and Jess, were also part of his entourage. 

He now drove, he drove to the one place he felt that he was needed at the most. To the hospital, to visit Cas-Jack. Visit Jack and to see if the kid is going to be okay. He is most probably okay but he is still a small child and that head injury could leave a permanent injury. He parked his car and waved hello to several  of his coworkers. He reached the level on which they were staying and just his luck as he was stepping off the elevator, Claire was waiting for it. 

“Claire”, he smiled as her eyes brighten in glee at his presence. 

“Dean, your back”, she attacked him with a one arm hug. 

“Hey, blondie, how you doing?”, he hugged her back. 

“I’m good and Jack woke up!”, she looked up and Dean saw a bruise on the side of her left eye. But carried on, not wanting the mood to change, the kiddo was happier than last time.

”Awesome, see I knew everything was going to be okay”, he laughed. 

She rolled her eyes, “Whatever”, she entered the elevator, “Where you going?”

”Well, I was actually going to visit your brother and your dad, where are you going?”, he asked when he stepped in the elevator with her.

”I’m going to the cafeteria to buy me and my dad some food”, she showed him the fifty dollar bill in her pocket.

”Okay then, I’ll join you”

The elevator went down all the way to the lowest level of the hospital, on the way, Claire explain Jack’s condition. He woke up early morning, crying, he was ferried that his mother was there. They had to sedate him just to calm him down, Claire described her father as broken when she saw him exit the men’s restroom. Next time he woke up, he recognized his surroundings and jumped in excitement when he saw his dad next to him. But that there was unbareable pain on his head, when he got his memory recollected his youthful light faded. That’s how he has been the whole day, nothing seems to cheer him up, not even Scooby-Doo. Castiel, according to Claire, is worse than Jack. 

Police and doctors have been bugging him all day, wanting every juice detail on the crime. Castiel tried to be nice and serene but he didn’t care about the crime, he just wanted to be with his children. 

Claire paid the lunch lady and they took the meals back up, then Claire pop up a question. 

“Do you like my dad?”

Dean, by this point basically can’t react surprise. Does every kid come with a love meter or something. _Play it cool, Dean, don’t should desperate._

”Yeah, he is a very nice looking man”

Claire nodded, “Yeah, when I asked my dad that, he kinda gave me the same answer”

Dean’s eyes perked up, “What did he say exactly?”

“He said, ‘Dean, is a very fine man’, whatever that means”, she rolled her eyes, she obviously did not like her dad’s response.

Dean ignores it because he was actually ecstatic about this news, wow, maybe Abe should set them up on a date once everything is back to normal.

They exited the elevator and walked to Jack’s room number. Claire opened the door, stepping inside, “Dad, my future step-dad is here to see you”, she had no ethuiasim in her voice. 

Dean stood still now regretting in coming, thankfully Castiel showed his face. He smiled, and said ‘hi’ weakly, avoiding his eyes. 

“Hey”, Dean returned. 

“Um, look, I’m sorry about Claire, I don’t what’s gotten into her-“, he started to mumble. Dean took a step back and really saw Castiel, he look wretched. His hair was pointing up, from his fingers constantly going through it. He has dark circles under his eyes, he most definitely has not taken a shower since the incident. Dean pitied the poor man, who now is a single man, Dean is a expertise in that. 

He laid his hand on his shoulder and squeezed it, “Cas, look buddy, don’t worry about it”, he gave a smile, “What you should worry about is going home and caring for yourself”, he intervene as Castiel was about to oppose to that. “How about we do this, you and Claire go back home and I watch over Jack, he won’t be alone, I swear I’ll be with him the whole time”, he proposed.

Castiel was having an internal struggle, he and Claire needed to shower and pick up new clothes. But Castiel cannot leave his boy alone, well he wouldn’t be alone, but he doesn’t know Dean that long. 

But Dean himself has a child, so he has experience, he even works here at the hospital. So that gave Castiel some piece of mind, on top of that, Dean did not look like he would take no for an answer. 

He shook his head ‘yes’ defeatedly, “Okay, yes, you’re right”, he called Claire out and grabbed his phone, keys, and wallet. “We won’t take long, I promised”, he gifted Dean with heart eyes, “Thank you, so much”. Before he left he kissed Jack’s forehead and whispered something that Jack nodded his head to. 

Castiel thanked him again as he walked away with Claire.

Dean left the door open, feeling weird with the door closed. He saw his first glance at Jack since he left yesterday for work. The boy seemed to be doing better,  he wasn’t pale so at least that’s a good thing. 

“Hey, Jack”, he sat in the chair lastly occupied by Cas. 

Jack smiled brightly, “Hey, Mr. Winchester! Is Abe with you?”, he sat up on his bed almost jumping out of the sheets. 

“No bud, sorry, he just got out of a game and he went for ice cream with his team. But I promise next time we see each other I’ll bring him”, he swore.

”Yeah! I love to play with Abe. What does he play?”

”Oh, he plays various of sports but right now he plays baseball”

”That’s awesome! I would love to play baseball but my mom said it’s too violent”, his wide goofy smile disappeared.

Dean jumped right in, _slowly, take this slowly,_ “Jack, I don’t know what happened that day or who your mom is, but what I do know is that what happened was not your fault. It was your mom, she is the bad guy here, Okay. She hurt you, a real mother doesn’t do that to her kids”

”But why did she hit me, it’s not my fault she’s a cheating cunt?”

Dean swallowed and blinked, “You know about that?”

Jack nodded, “Claire caught her and another man in bed that same morning and that why we left school early. Then at night she came back and went crazy”, Jack explained with a small voice. 

Dean shook his head, this is beyond harder to hear, he couldn’t imagine actually seeing it. Children such as, Claire and Jack, shouldn’t be aware of adult content like this. Catching your parents haveing sex, okay, sure it happens. But catching your mom with another man, well that’s a one way ticket to therapy sessions. These children are gonna need more than one ticket. 

“Jack, you and your sister shouldn’t be going through this, I really am sorry”

Jack simply shrugged, “It’s okay, it happens, but I wanted to ask you about Abe’s mom. How come I don’t see her?”

 _Well goddamn,_ his heart stopped for a complete second, he cleaned his hand on his jeans and sat up a little straighter. “Well, um, she’s not really in the picture anymore”, he fucked up. He didn’t even come close to explaining it correctly. 

“His mom left him!”, he exclaimed.

”No! No, she didn’t leave, well she did but only because she passed away”, he was startled at the beginning but drew out the last part calmly. 

Jack’s expression changed, his faces turned to a frown, “She died?”

”Yeah, she passed away in a car crash but Abe was very young, he doesn’t remember her at all”

”Well that’s even worse”

”Yeah but the way I see it, it hurts less because you don’t have any memories to cry about. Sure, you’ll always miss their absence but you don’t remember then, why cry over someone you don’t remember?”, he said bluntly, but he just doesn’t know if he is talking about himself or Abe. 

“You lost your mom too?”, Jack asked.

”Yup, breast cancer”, Dean responded. 

“Was your mom good to you?”

”Good as they come, actually, I think I miss her more because she was a great mom”

”Well, I don’t think you should be sad. Knowing that your mom was good to you shouldn’t make you sad, just remember the happy times”, Jack adviced him. 

Dean chuckled, “Wise words from such a small kid”, he grabbed his cheek and pinched it. Jack giggled but then shrugged.

He and Jack continued to talk about random stuff, from the galaxy to conspiracy theories. Dean was actually very surprised with everything Jack was saying. He used advanced vocabulary and his sentences were clear. It was getting late, before Dean knew it, it was eleven o’clock. He had completely forgot about Abraham, he took out his phone to check for messages. 

17 messages from Sam.

All about him forgetting to pick Abraham from the ice cream shop. _Shit_. 

He would leave but he is not going to leave Jack alone when he promised Castile he wouldn’t leave him. He just hopes he comes soon.

Eleven thrity, rolled in, Castiel and Claire came in. Claire jumped on Jack’s bed and dumped a bag of toys on his bed. Barbies and Hot Wheels cars, displayed, Jack’s eyes grew with glee. 

Both Castiel and Dean smiled, he turned to look at Castiel. He still looked beat up, he smelled a lot better, he was wearing jeans, a white button up shirt, and some fancy looking brown leather shoes. 

“Hey”, he touched his elbow and squeezed.

”Hey, thank you so much, really-honestly I owe you for this”, Castiel touches said hand on his elbow, and they both stayed like that for awhile. Moving the conversation outside the room, for more privacy.

”Don’t worry about it, you looked like you needed a breather”

Cas huffed, “You can say that again”, he stopped and looked at his kids playing. 

Dean saw the man, who now is alone raising his kids. “So, how is it going? You know with the cops and press. I saw the news this morning and they were talking about your family”, Dean explained, letting go of his elbow, almost immediately missing the warmth.

“Yeah, when you left they day of the accident, the cops showed up and they wanted more information. They talked to Claire, then to me and I guess now the whole city knows.”, he did not look happy about that more like frustrated. 

“How you keeping up though, you’re the one carrying all the weight by yourself?”

Castiel shrugged, “I’m not gonna lie, I wish that all of this were over and I pray for a great night sleep very soon”

Dean have him a pity full face, “Don’t worry, like I told Claire, one day all of you are going to look back and laugh. All of this is temporary, just remember that”, he squeezed his shoulder. 

Castiel’s hung head tilted up, him not knowing how to respond, nodded. “Thank you”

Dean’s phone went off with three messages showing up on his screen from Sam. Dean gave Castiel a ‘sorry’ look. 

“Hey, man, look sorry but I gotta go. My brother is already mad at me for something, and by the messages I can tell you he isn’t any happier”, he joked as he scrolled through them. 

Cas tried not to look devastated. He really needed someone right now, Dean was that someone. But he had a family of his own, and a child, he can’t intrude. “No, no, don’t worry about it. I understand. Thank you again, you’ve been a miracle worker”

Dean stopped him, “Don’t even mention it, I’ll be back tomorrow. Maybe shift starts at 10 in the morning, so I guess see you tomorrow”, he stepped closer to Castiel and hugged him. 

Castiel sighed, he gripped his hug as he seriously was in need for it. Dean though was thinking of something, _should I go for it, nah, but then again I will regret it. Screw it, you only live once._

He pulled back just a little and pecked Castiel’s cheek softly. He paused, resting one arm around the man’s waist, the other on top of his forearm. He waited a reaction. 

Castiel shivered and froze when he felt the kiss, it was gentle, his lips were just as he expected them to be. He knew that he was blushing, he tried to conceal the goofy smile that he was holding back. He ducked his head but with a smile he replied, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Dean”, he grabbed his hand and kissed the inside of his palm.

Smoothly he walked back to the room, he closed the door with his heart racing. He exhaled not even knowing he was holding his breathe. He laughed shakily, his knees went weak but he had to keep his cool in front of his kids. 

Awful day, great ending. 


	8. Perfect Night

**September, 2017**

Over the next two days, Dean visited Castiel and his kids almost every two hours. It seems crazy but he couldn’t get enough of Cas, and the kids too. Well he ain’t gonna lie, the kids are amazing, always making jokes, but Castiel. Dear lord, most of the time he was just either looking at him or admiring him. Which is basically the same thing but you get the jig. Best part, Castiel felt the same, no doubt about it.

They were both flirting back and forth, well it was mostly Dean who was flirting but he blushed so that’s a huge win. This happy feeling, that Dean felt is new, not new, just that he hasn’t felt in a very long time. The feeling petrified him, yes he liked Castiel, but he keeps asking himself if he is ready for something more. Because he wants something more and it’s stupid because he hardly knows the man. But you don’t find a decent guy like him nowadays, he should consider himself lucky.

The thought of caring for someone like he did for Anna, never crossed his mind. He thought Anna was his one and only but destiny decided to bite him in the ass. He misses her at times. He has read in websites saying that it is unhealthy to not let go of the past. Of course no one said letting go of your wife, your one true love, was gonna be easy. But he swore that he could not, would not, ever fall in love again. He can’t. 

It almost ruined him when Anna died. He was an utter mess. He didn’t see Abraham for a month, once Sam found out that Dean hadn’t changed his diaper in three days and was passed out in the couch. He took him. Only way he could see his son, was to change and move on. It angers him, Sam to this day does not know what he went through, what he is going through.

Of course he does not want his little brother to go through what he did. But life loves to fuck with Dean, it always has to be Dean. 

Therapy is out of the question, he has said it to everyone. There is no need for that, Dean has coped with it for years quite well. For the most part.

Love, is not an option. He will not go through that again. For the sake of his child, and for the sake of himself. Castiel, is a sweet guy, loving caring father. He talks as if he majored in English rather than medicine. And his voice was rough but had a hint of smoothness. He kept running his fingers through his hair, obviously always on the edge since he is a working father. But it just always went straight to Dean’s pants, cause that man’s sex hair game is strong. He looked tired but there was a shine in his eyes that kept him awake.

He tried to picture them together, but then he would picture Castiel in the hospital. With a white sheet over his pale body. Next to it was Anna’s rotting corpse, her eyes wide open and staring at him with disappointment. He could still recognize that glare more than her laugh.

He really likes Castiel but he can’t... he doesn’t want to go through it all over again.

Now on top of that, he didn’t think he would be back in the game. Specially not with a guy, he likes both genders but for the sake of Abe. He always swore that if he were to date again, it would be with a woman. That was his little insecure self talking. Yes, there is no problem with dating guys, but the problem is that no one knows that he likes dudes. Charlie has suspected for some time but Dean always denies. Sam and Jess are totally cool with it. So what’s the big deal?Just go up to them and say you swing both ways.

If it were only that easy.

 

And yes, Castiel also agrees that it is too soon to get back on the wheel but Dean is special. How you ask? First, Castiel is a very awkward man, if you ever had the misfortune of getting to know him you would think that he is a weirdo. Castiel was being his usual ‘creepy’ self and Dean still flirted with him, still laughed at all of his god awful dad jokes. The fact that someone else could stand him for that long, made him tear up.

Second, he’s a man, perfect for a closeted gay man but it is also very tricky. He really likes Dean, he seems different and even acts different around him from the rest, from what Castiel has seen, Dean is fantastic. But, he can’t expose Jack and Claire to his relationship or whatever it is. They aren’t dumb, that why it scares Castiel that they will find out and think the worst. They are Christians, not hardcore that goes every Sunday or believes everything that the Bible says is correct. But they are the type of Christians thy disapprove of any and every gay activity. Amelia and Castiel’s parents, made sure that the children know that god is watching.

Rachel and Bartholomew Novak, are power hungry Christians from Chicago and made sure their children were raised the same. Thankfully, two out of the five siblings, actually turned like them. Castiel grew up knowing that he was gay and that his family hated them, you could say that he didn’t have an easy childhood.

Torment after torment, life only got harder and his family was already suspecting the truth. He had to act fast and get a girlfriend, Amelia, the only person in the world who knows the truth. They had been church buddies for some time. One thing led to another and next thing you know they are having twins.

His first thought was, ‘Can life get any harder for me?’

He moved to Kansas to not only stop his wife from bitching because he wanted to get away from her. But also to get away from his family. As much as he loves them, they are all a great pain in the ass.

Today, Jack gets released from the hospital. Claire, Dean, and Abraham, are waiting outside the hospital for Castiel and Jack. He was being wheel outside.

He looked a lot better than before, he still had a patch on his forehead. Hiding his huge gash on the side of his head.

“Hey, there bud? You excited to go home?”, Dean knelt down and patted Jack’s knee.

“Yeah!”, he nodded his hard.

“Wow there, don’t do that or you’ll get a headache”, Dean warned, smiling and stood up to meet Cas.

“Thank you again, Dean”, Castiel said sincerely.

Last two days have been so easy with Dean by his side. He didn’t wish to be so completely alone during these hard times and Dean understood. He was really an angel.

Castile wanted to repay him by inviting him over to his house for a barbecue this afternoon. Well it was Abraham’s idea and it was brilliant. 

“Oh don’t worry about it, I know you would have done the same”, Dean spoke.

Castiel nodded and ducked his head as he tried to hide his red cheeks. “Of course”

“So, at what time do we come over to your house?”, Dean asked.

“Um, somewhere around five o’clock would be perfect. I already have everything set up at home”, Castiel informed as Jack got off the wheelchair, that was then taken by a nurse back inside the hospital.

Dean walked Castiel and his kids to their pick up truck. Dean had parked the impala right next to their truck.

“So then this is the beauty you’ve talking about nonstop”, Castiel touched the back of the car so gently as if he were caressing a newborn child.

“Oh yeah, she is the pride of the Winchester family. This lady, is to be treated with more respect than the president”, Dean spoke, getting the attention of everyone.

“No one respects the president, you know that right”, Claire said with a raised eyebrow.

“Obama not Trump”, he made the comment very fast and went back to describing her inside out. About her leather seats, the radio station, how fast she can go, etc.

Castiel wasn’t really amaze at how excited he was at showing off his car, he already had a feeling it was going to be like this. He smiled widely, too much he realized when his face started to hurt. He loved seeing Dean act crazy in love over his car, so much passion over a car, he could only imagine him with a date.

They soon took their own routes, after Cas gave him his home address, Castiel had a smile pasted on his face the whole ride home. He was just day dreaming of all the scenarios that could possible happen this afternoon. He kept asking himself if it was too early after everything that happened. Part of him does feel like it is, but this other side is telling him to go for it because he has never been alone. He always had Amelia by his side, even though he was never happy he wasn't alone. And that fear of being alone petrifies him, he doesn't want to use Dean to cover his insecurities.

But take it from his point of view, as a child he was the youngest child, his older brothers never left his sight. So one, overprotective brothers, who always had eyes on him.

The only other partner he was ever with was with a guy that gave him head in his bedroom, they were study buddies. He was thirteen, you could say that Castiel at that age came to terms with his sexuality. So two, he has only had two sexual partners in his entire live.

Pretty sad if you ask a prostituted.

Obviously, Castiel comes with baggage but doesn't every other people, Dean for sure has baggage, but could it be as bad as Castiel's?

Time passed by and Castiel started to put the hamburgers and hot dogs on the grill outside. Claire was playing basketball with herself, Jack was laying down on the grass with his sunglasses on, he just kept looking up at the clouds. He said that giving clouds shapes and figures was his favorite past time.

Cas checked his watch, it was near five, he called Claire.

"What?", she ran to him, she was red and sweaty. It was the last days of September, but the sun was still out and shinning, leaving no room for autumn. The children have missed half a week of school already, he had contacted them and thankfully they understood fully, when they were ready they could come back. It was a relief but Castiel knew that they couldn't miss so many days, they could get into deep trouble.

"Go inside, Dean will be coming soon", he informed.

"So?", she shrugged, not really knowing how this concerned her.

Castiel blinked fast and sighed, "So, when he rings the doorbell, you answer and tell him to come outside"

Claire rolled her eyes and stomped her way inside the house, sliding the door just a bit to forceful.

Fifteen minutes passed and Claire screamed, "Dad, your boyfriend is here!", she slid the door open and screamed to inform him.

Cas sighed, not only in embarrassment, "Yes, thank you Claire for also telling our neighbors", he gave her a quick smile. She returned with a fake one and ran back to the basketball court.

He turned to Dean and Abraham, they were both wearing dark jeans, Dean had his leather jacket with three shirts right under it. Abraham was only wearing a long sleeve white shirt from the brand Nike and some Jordans to go along with his outfit. Dean looks fantastic-well both of them do.

"Hey, Cas", he patted the man's shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

"Hello, Dean", he nodded and gave him a warm smile.

There was a slight pause were they were just looking at one another, until Abraham broke it off by  hitting his father on the stomach. "Knock it off, Romeos, there are children present"

Both men laughed it off and Castiel told him he could go play with either of his children. He had to explain to Abe that Jack still couldn't run or do any physical activity for the next week. But Claire is available. "No, she bites", he says with this small horrified face.

Dean whacks his forearm, "Hey, what I tell you at the house? To play nice, we are in a guests house. Now go play", Dean shooed him away with his hand.

Cas snorted, "He's right though, Claire does bite"

"Doesn't give him the right to say in front of her father"

They move on, Dean put the beer in the ice chest, next to the waters and juice boxes, Cas was still flipping the patties and the hot dogs on the grill. 

"Do you need any help setting up?", Dean asked, feeling lazy if he didn't help out.

"Actually, yes, if you wouldn't mind grabbing all the food that's on the kitchen counter, for me please", Cas pointed at the direction.

Dean nodded and got to work, he carried out the sliced tomatoes and the cut lettuce outside to the backyard. He set them down in the bench, he went back inside several times to get the pickle jar, ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, chips, etc.. Ten minutes have passed and the food was ready, Castiel was calling out the kids to eat. Claire and Abraham sprinted to the bench, Jack sat up slowly trying not to make himself dizzy. Both kids saw his struggle and ran back.  "Here, lemme help", Abraham extended out his hand for Jack to grab. Claire copied. The trio walked at Jack's tempo to the wooden bench.

The food was all set up in the middle, the kids were given juice boxes, Dean grabbed his beer. Castiel was about to reach for a water but hesitated, and went for the beer. Jack and Claire stared at him oddly.

As they were all munching down on their meals, Dean couldn't help but to comment on Castiel's house. "Becoming a doctor does pay off, doesn't it"

Castiel shrugged, "After all that studying and sleepless night, yeah you could say it pays off"

"What kind of doctor are you again?", Dean asked, digging down his second burger.

"Oh, I'm an obstetrician"

Dean scoffed, "Sleepless nights is correct"

"What that?", Abraham jumped in with curiosity.

"He helps women give birth from their vagina", Claire straightforwardly said, without no hesitation and just simply went back to her hot dog.   

"Claire!", Castiel gave her the death stare.

The rest of the group laughed it off, Claire just shrugged, "It's the truth, isn't it?"

Castiel face palmed. Dean stepped right in, seeing how quickly he got embarrassed. "Speaking of the truth, you two lied to me about your house address", he pointed at Jack and Claire. All three Novaks squinted, but Castiel spoke first, "When was this?"

"That day I walked them home from the park, they told me the wrong street. They told me they lived two streets down, so when I got here I thought I got the wrong address. But I can definitely tell that it was blondie's plan"

"I wasn't gonna tell a complete stranger our real address, now was I?"

Dean laughed, "Cas, you've got smart kids", then took a swing at his beer.

The sun soon went down and the moon was barely showing but there was a cold breeze that forced them to inside. The kids went up stairs to play in the PlayStation, something of a racing game. Dean and Cas had downstairs all to them selves, so they just decided to talk in the couch. They both sat with one leg up and half bent, while the other hanging off the couch. Both their bodies positioned towards each other, it was perfect.

Dean once again asked him, "So how have you been? Last time we talked you said Amelia wouldn't sign the divorce papers", he said with concern.

Castiel has to deal with the health of his children, his wife being in prison, he has to be there when they give her the sentencing. She already pleaded guilty just yesterday, her family attended and his own brothers as well. They have not called or showed up to check up on Jack, he prays they leave him alone. He leaves out the part about his brothers because he doesn't; want to bore Dean with his own issues.

"Yes, she thinks that she is still my wife and those are her children entirely. I told her otherwise and as you expect she ranted on and on about how unfair and selfish I'm acting", he rubbed his eyes tiredly.

"You're not"

Castiel scoffed, "I know, deep down I know I'm the exact opposite of selfish but I do feel like it. I am taking Claire's mother away from her"

"Just because she is the biological mother of your children does not make her their mother. You have to earn your title just like the rest of us parents", Dean took a swing at his third beer.

"I would love to tell her that but she is just to darn stubborn"

"Then just forget about her, she is going to sign those papers whether she likes it or not. And soon she'll be gone out of your live, rotting in prison", _and hopefully dating him by this time._

"Yeah", he said not really agreeing with his own answer. Dean saw this and changed the subject.

"Okay, enough about crazy wives, tell me about yourself, who is Castiel Novak?", he spoke with a goofy/interested face.

Castiel snorted and shook his head, "Why do you want to know? I'm no one special"

Dean stopped and thought about it, Castiel has done something to Dean, that no one besides Abe, has done. He can't explain it.

"Cas, don't say that about yourself, everyone is special in their own way. I mean come on, you help women give birth, if you ask me that's badass. Your question is, why do I want to know about you? Well because I like _like_ you, and I know you like me back. I barely know a single thing about you besides the fact that you are rich, a father, a doctor, and hot", they both laughed at that. "I wanna know everything about you. I can't even believe the words that are coming out of my mouth, but they are true."

Castiel is heavily blushing at this point, no one besides his mother, has talked about him in such high manner. To have a handsome man talk to him like that was comical. He didn't feel worthy.

He snorted, not knowing the right way to react, "Is this a flirtation?"

Dean scooted closer to Cas, their knees where touching so he took the opportunity to grab his hand that was resting on his lap. He intertwined their fingers and looked up with desiring eyes. "If its working, than yes"

"You're a charmer, Mr. Winchester", he squeezed the cold, wet hand that had just held the cold beer.

"I have my moments", he shrugged with a flirty grin.

"Okay, how about this, we play twenty questions", Cas suggested.

Dean thought that was childish but nodded.

"I go first, lets start simple. What's your favorite home cook meal?", Cas asked as well being smart about it,  it will come in handy.

"Easy, bacon", he grinned.

"That's not home cooked", Cas laughed, throwing his head back. Dean rolled his eyes at his reaction and tugged his hand that he has yet to let go of.

"Okay, okay, um I guess a bacon cheese burger, and don't say its not 'cause I make it all the time at my place" 

"Damn, I could have done that for you, I have bacon in the fridge"

Dean waved it off, "Nah, leave it for next time. My turn, what is your favorite spot in the city?"

"Oh that's easy, when I'm very tired or feel like the world is deep in my shoulders, I go to the woods. There is a small pond that I'm dying to take my kids too, I don't think a lo of people know its there", he smiled at the peaceful memories.

"Wait, are talking about that pond that has that big ass rock and that tree with a rope hanging from it?", Dean asked.

"The exact one"

"Wow, that's pretty deep into the woods, I got lost three times already", he said with shock.

Cas just shrugged, "I go there once a week maybe, I'm probably going back on Saturday for a bit"

Dean smiled and thought of something, "Hey, I don't wanna intrude in your special place but how about we go together. Our first date, what do you say?", he seemed confident but in the inside he was sure going to die if he got rejected.

Cas thought about it, "That actually sounds fantastic, did you ever go swimming there?", his favorite part about the pond was the wide open space, he swam for hours.

"Hell yeah, that was the only reason I went. Fact, I thought my brother how to swim in that pond", he laughed at the memory of throwing ten year-old Sammy and telling him to move his arms and legs. As cruel as it sounds, it worked.

"Wow, okay then bring swimming trunks, and sorry in advance if I don't speak that much. Swimming is my favorite sport"

The night went on and the boys kept asking question back and forth, going over twenty. They learned so much about each other, yet keeping family out of the questions. The kids were yelling and screaming, laughing upstairs. But the boys barely heard them as they were acting like teenagers themselves.

It was around twelve when Dean finally saw the time and panicked, "Oh my god, its already twelve", he stood and called out for Abe.

Castiel looked equally as shocked and confused, "What? Seriously?"

Abraham came running without no shoes on nor a shirt. Dean honestly doesn't know how he keeps getting surprised.

"Where-Where is your shirt?"

"We are playing Uno, and if you lose you have to take off one piece of your clothing", he laughed and then Claire and Jack joined him, but they were clothed.

"We just barely stared playing, and he sucks", Claire points out.

Castiel shakes his head, he wants to scream at them but Dean is present. Dean feels the same, he tells Abraham it is time to go because it is a school night. They hurry out of Castiel's house, and he follows them about to the drive way. Abraham was already buckled up and clothed.

"Dean, I'm really sorry, I honestly didn't think it was that late", Cas apologize sincerely.

"Well I guess you can say that time does fly when you are having fun", he joked and stepped closer towards Cas.

Cas then blushed and looked up at his green eyes, it was dark but they still shinned bright.

"Goodnight, Cas, I'll see you soon", he grinned and tenderly kissed his cheek. A shiver when up Castiel's spine.

He quickly had to gather himself, he cleared his throat, "Goodnight, Dean"

They then heard giggles coming from the other side of Dean's car. Jack and Claire had their IPad with them and sprinted outside to see if maybe they could get some action capture. Claire is still not a hundred percent happy with Dean, but she has noticed a shift in her dad's mood, his shoulders aren't lunged down, he no longer carries his feet. If Dean keeps making her dad happy than maybe he'll be worthy but right now they have a great, memorable picture. Their first kiss.

Is it their first kiss since it was just the cheek.

Oh well, it was the first step, they both thought. 

 


	9. The Creek

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm taking life, homework and life gets in the way.

**September, 2017**

Cas and Dean didn't see each other until Saturday, they did text each other constantly. Of course they responded two hours later, Castiel being with patients all day and Dean as well, it was hard to respond. But they always managed. After the kids were put to sleep, around eleven, is when they actually got to talk. It would be about funny work stories to what they could possibly do at the pond. Castiel was a little apprehensive about the woman who was going to take her of his twins, her name is Charlie. Dean says that he has known her since college and trusts her with his life. Dean explains to him that is great at taking care of Abraham. Castiel nodded to himself in approval, this Charlie person might actually be a good caretaker. If worst came to be, he knew he could trust Claire and Jack to make the right choices. He had bought them a phone each, but they could only use it when they were away from their parents, like visiting grandparents. Besides that, it was completely idiotic to give ten-year olds an iPhone, who in the hell are they going to text or call.

Putting aside all the parenting drama and frustration, Castiel is more than ecstatic about the trip. This was going to be his first actual date. With Amelia it was abnormal, they rarely went on "dates", by that he means they would go to parties and have intercourse. Even if Castiel isn't educated in societies norms he knows for a fact that getting drunk, doing drugs, and having intercourse, in that order, is not date. Hopefully Dean doesn't ask for intercourse in the end, he isn't very experienced with males. Actually, extremely unexperienced if you compare him others. Would Dean judge him for that? Would it be a deal breaker? Too late to try anything, he just prays he doesn't want sex. It wouldn't feel right. He wants to get to know Dean and Abraham, before they even do anything.

Dean felt completely the same, Blondie and Nugget, were growing on him. He guessed it's because they were both the two sides of their father, Jack mostly. Apart from that he did not want to fuck this up, for once he actually wanted it to work. Abraham, seems more excited than him at times, he is always constantly asking about how him and Castiel are doing. Castiel has Abraham's approval and that for Dean means a lot. He's dying for Saturday to come. The days are just passing by too slow for him, he keeps glaring at his watch every hour or so. He wonders if Castiel is reacting the same? He doesn't ask because he doesn't want to seem eager.

Friday night they stay up until one, they couldn't call each other because Jack and Claire fell asleep on top of Castiel. Luckily, Cas still had his arms and hands available to text.

_These children snore loud enough to wake up the neighbors dogs- C_

_Lol, poor you, but I bet they aren't as loud as Abe's- D_

_Well I have two you only have one- C_

_Haha, very true- D_

_How come they are sleeping with you-D_

_We were watching movies and they just fell asleep on me and there's popcorn all over the floor- C_

_Sometimes I wonder who has it worse lol- D_

_All parents, I would say have it worse than regular people- C_

_Regular folks have it easy, they don't have to take care of Satan's minions- D_

_I feel like a horrible parent, but I agree, I hope they stop back talking eventually- C_

_Oh honey, you forget the teenage years, that's when shit goes down and our patience is tested- D_

_Oh god don't even remind me about that, I'm just going to enjoy this moment because sadly they wont stay young forever- C_

_Eh, they'll always be our babies even when they have their own babies- D_

_I always say that to them, but they cringe, haha- C_

_I love embarrassing Abe, it's my favorite thing to do- D_

_Apparently, I embarrase my children just by existing- C_

_Don't listen to them Cas, you're cool to me- D_

Castiel jerks back, _Dean thinks I'm cool?_

_Really?- C_

_Personally, I don't think I'm all that special- C_

_Well you're special to me, and my opinion counts lol- D_

Castiel stared at the screen of his phone, this man was all that he could possible ask for. Maybe even more than what asked, funny part is that he never asked for anyone. He never expected someone to notice him like Dean does. Dean never expected it either, everyone saw his pretty face and eyes, but they never stuck long enough to really get to know him. to begin with, Dean never let them stay for that long, he was always picky. If a person had the slightest flaw, game over, but with Castiel, he couldn't find a single thing. Was it cause he didn't know him for that long? No that couldn't be.

When Cas smiles, when he _really_ smiles, his gums showed. Dean could only return one back.

When Cas runs his fingers through his hair, he gets it messy, his hair spiking in all directions. But he still manages to pull it off.

When Cas' blue eyes look at him, it seemed as if he was looking at a midnight sky but the moon reflected against his eyes making them look lighter. They were just a color that he couldn't describe, they were that breathtaking.

His skin wasn't pale, it had a beautiful warm-soft color, it was vibrant. It made his dark hair and blue eyes stand out more.

He even started dreaming about him, they where just holding hands, walking down this pathway with trees up to twenty feet tall. He could feel the radiant warm rays through the leaves. He didn't actually see Cas' face in the dream, but he knew for a fact that it was him, he could feel the warmth and happiness that he always feels with Cas in the dream. The dream was perfect itself, but it would have been unforgettable if he had seen Cas.

 

Saturday morning arrive and both families were excited for the day ahead of them. Cas woke the kids up around nine so he could drive them over to Charlie's comic book store. They met Dean and Abraham there, they were waiting for them outside the store. They were all standing near Dean's Impala.

"Hey", Dean smiles at Cas.

"Hello, Dean"

“You ready?”, he asked as he saw the Novaks walking. Castiel was already wearing knee length black swimming shorts, a dark blue shirt and sandals. Dean was the complete opposite, he was wearing his usual clothing, he had his swimming clothes underneath.

“Yes, I am if you are”

Claire and Jack had already ran to Abraham who was standing next to Charlie. “Cas, this is Charlie Bradbury. Charlie, this is Castiel Novak”, Dean introduced them. 

Charlie had her eyes wide open in shock, “Dean, wow”

Castiel swallowed, he didn’t take her reaction as a positive one. She took a step back  and glanced back at Dean for help. 

“What?”, Dean sighed, praying inside that she wouldn’t act like her hyper self. 

“I know you said he was hot but I didn’t think he was Greek god hot”, she stood in trance. 

Castiel was baffled, “I thought you said she’s a lesbian”

“Just cause I’m a lesbian doesn’t mean I don’t have eyes”, she joked. 

Dean rolled his eyes, and told the kids to get in Charlie’s car. 

“What does she mean by ‘Greek god hot’?”, Jack asked innocently. 

Claire rolled her eyes, “It means he’s hot”, she responded. 

Jack just looked even more confused and squinted his eyes, like how his father does. 

Charlie laughed, “That girl ain’t got a filter”

Dean shook his head, “Nope”

“What does she mean by ‘filter?’”, Castiel asked, the same replica of his son.

Dean shook his head laughing at how alike him and Jack look and act, “Nothing, Cas”, he opened the door for him. Castiel climb in with a pondering face. 

Dean and Charlie stayed behind for a bit, each explaining what their day was going to look like. Charlie was going to take the kids to the movies, then to the arcade, laser tag, then out to eat. Dean informed that him and Cas would be in the creek all morning and afternoon. 

Charlie gave him a knowing smile, “So, spill Dean, what’s different about Cas?”

Dean look flustered, he had a goofy smile and keep his head down. “I don’t know”, he shrugged, “he’s just like a cute little confused puppy that you can’t just abandon. That’s the best way I can put it”, he scratched the back of his neck, still with his cheeks red. 

“Have you told Sam and Jess about him?”, she asked, Charlie only wanted to see her best friend happy and this Greek god was doing his part of the job. 

His smiled almost dropped but tried not show it, “No, I haven’t and I don’t know if I want to, not until I know Cas is perfect for me”

Charlie could only roll her eyes, “ Oh please Dean, anyone that can put a goofy smile on your face is perfect. You are just scared that Sam and Jess will criticize you. As much as I love them, they have no power over who chose to love.”

She used the “L” word. Dean knows that she didn’t mean that they loved each other but she did have a point. Dean has never been as happy with anyone else or as close, besides Anna. It was time for a change. 

“You’re right, but I just wanna wait until I know that this thing between me and Cas isn’t temporary. I want to present to him as my long time partner. Abraham loves him already, I have a good feeling that Sam and Jess will too, but I wanna wait just a bit more, okay?”, he explained. 

Sam and Jess only want the best for him, and they for sure will interrogate him. Dean wants to make sure that he is making the right choice. He is about 60% sure that he is. 

Charlie being her kind, sweet self more than understood what Dean was explaining.

They parted soon after, they saw Charlie passed in front of them with the windows down. They were chanting, “Bye, dad!”, they were all waving goodbye and blowing kisses. Cas and Dean returned the actions back. They drifted off. 

“Where will you park your car? I know a place”, Cas asked. 

“When we get there you show me cause I always park it a mile away from the woods, is it closer?”

“Definitely, it hides your car perfectly from anyone me view”

“Great, I don’t want my baby getting stolen”, he smooth the soft leather of the space between them. The smooth man Dean is, he took his opportunity to grab Castiel’s free hand and intertwined their fingers. 

Castiel glanced down their hands and felt this spark inside his belly and chest. He scooted closer to Dean, let go of his hand and wrapped it around himself, there they held hands again. 

It was crazy how comfortable Cas is with Dean, never in a million years would he picture himself in this position or moment. It’s a crazy magical moment, he wished he pause this moment forever, and just drive in the sky.

It didn’t take them long for them to reach the destination, Cas told him where to park his car. Dean had to say, it was a great hiding spot. They walked and they walked for about an hour and a half. Dean kept tripping and making comments about every sound that was made by animals. Cas kept telling Dean it was innocent animals, but Dean was paranoid. 

“So, I don’t know if this is personal or not, but how come you come here every week as you say?”, Dean asked skeptically.

Cas swallowed down his own hesitation, “As you know, me and Amelia never had it easy, and once a week I come here as a habit. It’s the only place I can find peace, away from her”

Dean grabbed his hand and pulled it, he smiled kindly when Cas faced him. “Hey, I know we aren’t official or anything but I just want you to know that I’m not capable of cheating. I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable but I just want you to know that, it’s just you I want to see”, he grabbed his other hand and squeezed it. 

Cas sighed and gave Dean a small smile but didn’t say anything. Dean took that as an answer. He didn’t expect him to trust him not after what his wife was doing, but he said his peace. He wouldn’t know what he would’ve don’t if Anna had ever cheated on him. Everything sense of love, loyalty, happiness, all that other cringeworthy crap that people feel, would disappear in the snap of fingers.

He would not hesitate to divorce her, he wouldn’t stay in a relationship like that. And now he looks back at Castiel because that was exactly what he did. Dean has wondered why and maybe it was cause of his children, statistics show that that is the number one reason.

He wouldn’t have the courage like Castiel to stay in a loveless marriage.

They walked for another thirty minutes until they both could smell the fresh scent of water, hear the birds chirp and fly away from their nest. A wide grin full of memories flash before them, for Castiel it was second home, for Dean it didn’t have as much meaning but it was still a place full of mementos.

“Come on let’s set up”, Castiel nudged Dean on his elbow.

There was a shore full of pebbles and medium size rocks, they lay there bags there. Castiel already set, waited for Dean to remove his clothing. Castiel is not one to sexually objectify people, but Dean is one hot human. It didn’t bother Cas that he was wearing his swimming clothes underneath. In the end he still got Dean to undress in front of him. Unfortunately, he got caught.

“See something you like?”, Dean asked smugly.

Castile blushes and quickly turned his gaze at the immense tree.

Dean laughs and removes his shirt to apply sunscreen on his body. He hands it over to Castiel who swallowed when he saw Dean’s muscles and six pack.

“Come on Cas, show me what you hide under all those button ups”, Dean invades Cas’ breathing space, making him still and shiver in a good way. He feels warm yet cold fingertips touch his lower torso and work their way up to remove his shirt completely. Castiel felt almost exposed, he knew he had muscles but he just never felt comfortable to show his body like this to anyone. Amelia never so much made a comment about his body, positive nor negative. He always wondered what other people would think about it.

He gazes down at Den hands as they roam down his chest, he desperately does not want to see Dean’s face.

“I’m not actually surprised your fit, you being a doctor and all. Not surprised your hot either to be honest”, Dean commented as he wrapped both of his arms around Castiel and pulled his closer, chest to chest.

Castiel cleated his throat, stereotype. “Me being fit has nothing to do with being healthy”

“But it does when it comes to you being hot”, he now inched forward to his face.

Castiel chuckled, “I can assure I’ve meet many doctors who are not associated with the description of ‘hot’”

“Well you’re perfect doctor or not, put on some sunscreen and get in with me”, he unwrapped his arms and walked backwards towards the creek. But not before he planted a small kiss on Cas’ shoulder, he looked up with wanting, tranquil green eyes.

Cas joined in soon after, they swam side by side. Almost as equals. One would stop the other would too. One would look at a direction the other would too. It was romantic the way they would sync.

The first date and both gentlemen were whipped.

Dean swam close to the rock that they had previously talked about. It was big enough to climb and fit two men. Dean helped Castiel out of the water.

With their feet dangling, they saw their surroundings. The vibrant, scorching-September sun, hit the creek beautiful reflecting all the healthy, tall, dark green trees. The creek itself was fairly big and deep, maybe around ten feet.

“Perfect view”, Castiel said.

“Perfect view”, Dean retorted.

Dean followed it by wrapping his wet arm around Castiel’s shivering body.

“You wanna go back in the creek, don’t want you ya getting sick”

But Castiel although shivering, shook his head. Dean frowned but before he could ask why Castiel asked.

“It’s warm enough in your arms”

Very cliche if you ask Castiel but it got Dean blushing and that was his goal. Dean nodded and they sat there for a good hour. They had completely lost track of time. They at one point laid back on the rock, shoulder briefly touching shoulder. But still the touch was electric.

“Why’d you marry her if you are gay?”, Dean asked knowing he might risked the whole day.

Castiel simply shrugged, “I didn’t want my family finding out I was a homosexual. They would have thrown me out of the house and disowned me. I needed them not for support but someone had to pay for medical school and working at a Gas-and-Sip doesn’t even cover one textbook”

Dean barked and nodded. Family, he guessed correctly. It’s always the homophobic families that lead teenagers such as Castiel to hide the truth. Apparently they still don’t know the truth. Dean doesn’t blame Castiel for not wanting to tell them, they are rich, nasty, all-white, Christian, folks. But he’s worried. Would he be kept a secret? Like his sexuality. Will he be introduced as a friend?

He under no circumstances will be kept a secret or be told as a lie. If they ever do get in that part of the relationship, Dean will have to tell him straight up.

Castiel is also worried, with his family, entire family, in town, he doesn’t want to get caught with Dean. He needs to tell them before they even meet Dean. He is no longer a child or need of money, he can pay bills by himself and is responsible for two children. It’s time to finally say his peace with the world. He knows the consequences, he shrugs them off and looks at Dean. His eyes closed, peaceful, serene calmness from the sun. A perfect view, more perfect than the one in the creek.

He smiled. Yeah, he’s going to be worth it.


	10. Uncle Gabe

**October, 2017**

A new October morning rolled in the city of Lawrence, Kansas. The birds chirp, the sun stopped being a little bitch about the darkness. In almost every house you saw down the neighborhood it was decorated with Halloween decorations. Mummies were crawling in front yards, spider webs were dangling from the trees and bushes, others had posters of ‘beware’ signs on the doors. It really sets the mood for Halloween. But he also dreaded this holiday, it’s Gabriel’s favorite. He misses him. The children vaguely remember him, the last time they saw him they were seven, the family threw a Halloween party while they lived in Chicago. They loved him, joined by the hip. It was the last time they ever saw him, that same Thanksgiving they left to Kansas. Amelia made him swear he wouldn’t tell anyone specially Gabriel. Gabriel and Amelia never got along, for obvious and same reasons Castiel and her never did, and why the rest of the family did.

The subject of Gabriel since then never came up, the children might have remembered him but might be to painful to. So that’s why it was shocking to hear Claire bring him up in dinner.

“Uncle Gabe?”, Cas repeated not sure of his daughter’s words.

“Yes, we should invite him over for Halloween. He loves it”, she advised, looking at Jack for support.

Jack’s widen with joy and recognition, he gasped, “Uncle Gabe! Yes, dad, Dean has to meet Uncle Gabe. Oh, you’re going to love him”

Dean frowned but gave a quick smirk at the sudden happiness around the twins. He turned back at Cas who was still struck with the same shock in his face.

“Uncle Gabe? Brother?”

Castiel gave no answer, Dean grabbed the hand that was holding the fork and shook it. He seemed to snap out of the trance.

“Yes, my older brother Gabriel. I haven’t seen him since we left Chicago”

“What? You’re from Chicago?”, Abe intervened then continue, “I’ve always wanted to go Chicago!”

“Why?”, in unison Claire and Jack asked.

“To watch the bulls play, of course”

“And I told you we would but you have to be older”, Dean said.

Abe slumped on his chair, “I wanna get old already”

Castiel and Dean both snorted, “No you don’t! You say that now but wait until you do, you’ll want to move in with me”

Dinner after that went smoothly, the children went to play outside. The topic of Gabriel was forgotten, for now, the twins would probably bring him up again. With Halloween around the corner with a doubt they’ll want him here, now with their mother gone. Amelia’s trial was held back to February, she would still be kept in jail for the remainder of the time. At the beginning of the month she asked for him to come visit her, he did. They talk about dropping the charges, well she did, Castiel flat out refused. Not giving up on the idea, she wanted to see Jack and Claire. Castiel laughed at her face for a good twenty seconds, he looked up with a red, teary face. And said, in your dreams, not even then would they want to see you. He left and has refused calls from her.

Dean and Castiel sat outside watching the children play blind man’s buff. It was quite entertaining, they kept tripping and falling, Claire is a natural.

“So, Uncle Gabe? I thought you said you don’t talk to your family anymore”

“I don’t, I haven’t said a word to them in three years. Amelia did, she usually filled in my parents about how we all are doing. But she only talked to my parents not my siblings, if I talk to Gabriel out of nowhere, as much as a ecstatic person he is, he won’t be happy.”

Dean’s face fell. Cas’ family is complicated, that’s what he’s gathered from the few times they’ve spoke about them. In the third date, Dean dared asking about his family. Cas responded hesitantly, they are appealing folk, obviously in a sarcastic tone. He is the youngest out of five boys.

Michael, the oldest and the parental figure.

Lucifer, actually Satan when he wants to be.

Gabriel, the trickster, bad boy of the children.

Samandriel, the golden boy andinnocent one.

Castiel, the baby.

That’s how they classified themselves, Dean didn’t like the fact that Cas was jus the baby. He’s a doctor, a father, book lover, he has a beautiful soul, mind, and personality. He’s so much more than just the baby of the family.

“You have his phone number?”, Dean asked gripping his hand.

“Yes, but as close as we were, he would be beyond mad I haven’t pick up the phone in three years”, he glance down at his lap, deeply disappointed at himself.

“I’m sure he’ll understand, you have excuses right?”

“My excuse is because my wife told me to ignore my family, that she would handle family calls. I-I sometimes wanted to escape Chicago simply because they were always on my business, except Gabriel. He actually knew what space was.”

Dean let go of his hand and wrapped his arm around him, comforting his neck.

“Your ex-wife was a control freak, your brother should understand”, he spoke softly.

“I don’t know”, he shrugged. Dean could see how uncomfortable he was with the conversation, so he dropped it.

Dean left a few hours after that, Castiel had barely spoken at all. His mind was caught in rewind of the last time he saw his brother, they didn’t exactly part friends.

Amelia told him not so say anything about leaving, specifically Gabriel. Gabe looks dumb but he’s most definitely not. He could sense something was wrong with his baby brother. Castiel has no other but to spill or he wouldn’t leave. Gabriel was beyond pissed.

“So you’re just going to leave because she wants you home. You don’t even love her!”

“Wether I lover her or not is none of your business”, Castiel rolled his eyes.

“This isn’t about her this is about you, you wouldn’t be leaving if didn’t want to. So why do you want to leave?”

“Because... because maybe we all need a break from each other”, he said quietly facing away from his brother.

Gabriel scoffed and looked offended, “A break? A break! Well fuck you, Cassie! Yes, you are right, WE ALL NEED A FUCKING BREAK!”

He left without saying goodbye to the children, he never did that.

Gabriel has attended to contact him again but Castiel was much of a coward to answer the phone. He would pretend that he didn’t hear it or that it he wasn’t him.

Answering the phone or even picking it up seemed like a challenge more every day. Eventually he gave up entirely.

The week passed and Castiel only stared at his phone, would stayed quite at dinner, he barely made talked when Dean took them for a walk. His family was driving his mind with ultimate guilt. He just left them. With no explanation. Amelia told them something, because they never attempted to call him. It was not like them at all, in Chicago they would call two times a day. Stupid Amelia.

How can one woman change your live this drastically?

One morning he woke up with courage, Dean was beside him in his bed. He smiledand tenderly pressed his hand on his cheek. He did look like a Greek god, his skin was a soft tan almost like his own skin. He raked his fingers through his brown hair, he shifted just a little. Castiel stopped and moved out the bed putting on some clothes on. He padded down the staircases, and made his way to the backyard. He gripped the module phone on his hand, he took a breath and sat down on the swing.

It is a bit chilly he thinks, he should’ve brought a sweater. Too late for that, he presses his brothers phone number.

Please work, he prays.

After the fourth ring he considers ending the call but then someone picks up.

“Cassie?”

His brother, Gabriel Novak, answers the phone. After three years his voice doesn’t change. Neither does his nickname.

“Hello, Gabriel”, he replies shakily.

“Cassie? What- How- Wow, it’s been so long”, he says amusingly.

He exhales and smiles even though his brother can’t see it. “Yes, it has been too long”, he stops and continues, “and for that I’m sorry”

Gabriel doesn’t respond immediately, Castiel thinks he will turn down his apology and tell his to get lost.

“You can’t do that to me, Cassie. Do you have any idea the hell you put me through?”, Gabriel says bitterly but there is something in his time that makes Castiel doubt it. “You left me and Samandriel with those monsters”

There is it.

Castiel chuckles, the heavy pain in his chest that he concludes was sorrow is gone. Gabriel cheered him up. He always did.

“I’m sorry Gabriel, I really, truly aim. With all jokes aside, I really pray that you will forgive me for what I did and said last time we spoke. It was wrong of me to say that-“

“Cas, forget about it, I get it our fam is clingy as hell. And yeah I will admit it did hurt my feeling but I got over it, don’t worry about. That’s history”

“History can’t be forgotten Gabriel”, he sighed.

“Cas, just-enough. I’m glad you’re calling again”

He fell silent.

“Okay”

Gabriel told him stories, three years worth of stories. Well more like gossip. Mom got a promotion, she’s getting a thousand more dollars every two weeks. Dad fell sick twice of pneumonia landed both times in the hospital. Michael was in a car crash, but he fully recovered and well. He also had a son, Jonah, he turned two in July. Kate, seven years old now, misses him. Lucifer left for Italy, no good reason he just felt like it. Samandriel went back to university to get masters in art. Gabriel was forced to go back to college, he’s studying film making.

Then his time came to explain his three year disappearance.

“You know the beginning, she wanted me home more often so she moved us to Kansas. Everything was okay but then I guess I wasn’t enough for her and she started cheating on me with different men. I didn’t care, Gabriel, I was bothered of course but deep down I knew you were right. I never loved her”

“Then why did you married her?”,Gabriel sounded frustrated with grief.

Castiel stopped and shook his head, “I can’t tell you”, he chocked up.

“Castiel”, Gabriel said sternly.

“But I stayed with her because the children needed a mother, I was never there for them. They needed someone who they could actually go to. I cared more about them having a family than the actual truth. And- and one day Claire caught her with another man. I had told her- I told her to never do it again in bed but she didn’t listen, Gabriel. And then that same day she came back home and attacked my children. My children!”, he stopped to control his breathing and himself.

“There is no way in hell I’m letting her get out of prison without paying for what she’s done”

Gabriel began, “Yeah, Michael and Samandriel in formed me about Jack, they didn’t visit because they thought you wouldn’t want that. They did though speak with Amelia, she didn’t sound innocent”

“She’s not, the children don’t even talk about her. I can’t seem to bring her up because I’m terrified of their reaction”, he chocked up again and swallowed his tears.

“I don’t mean to intrude but are they seeing a child therapist?”

Castiel hunched and shook his head, he scratched the back of his neck and squeezed his skin. “No, Claire will scream at me and Jack will just follow along”

Gabriel said he understands and he went to ask again.

“Castiel, you are my baby brother and I love you, from the beginning I never liked her and you know that. And I see the way you would look at her that you never loved her, maybe like her as a friend but you never saw her more than that. So I will ask you one last time, and this will be the last time we talk about this. If you want to bring it up I will shut you down. Why did you marry her?”

He had asked himself that same question in his wedding day, the day she first hit him, the first day of everything. Specially when she started cheating, he suspects it was some time before they left Chicago.

Could he tell Gabriel, could he tell anyone outside Dean and his family. They already agreed on meeting Sam and Jess coming over to their house. The children would trick or treat around Cas’ neighborhood, like Abe says “better candy”.

“Come on to Kansas for Halloween and I’ll show you why I married her”, Castiel proposed.

He could literally hear Gabriel smile, “I thought you never ask.

They shared their goodbyes, Castiel exchanged his information.

He never felt Dean’s presence behind him, looking at him with a coffee mug in his hand.

“So you gonna tell him the truth?”, he asked as he sat next to him in the swing.

Castiel shrugged, “His my brother one of the best I have, he wants the truth and he deserves the truth”, he held his head down.

“How much did you hear, Dean?”, Cas asked without looking up.

Dean grabbed his chin for their eyes to meet, “I heard mostly everything and let me tell you something, no one as kind as you should have gone through that. I will continue to tell you until you get it through your head that I will never cheat on you. I’m not capable of doing that. My dad raise a gentlemen not an animal, okay.”

Castiel smiled. 

“Dean, it’s nothing personal, I don’t want to conclude that everyone cheats but that’s how I see everyone. I see a couple in the store and my mind heads to cheating. It’s awful I know”

“Where does your mind go to when you think of us or me?”, he asked slowly.

He paused, “I’m not going to lie”, he chuckled in disbelief in himself, “I think the same- but when I look at you, it doesn’t feel the same when I looked at Amelia. It’s so much different, and then I think of how you act towards me. By this time, Amelia would have probably threw me a glass plate, told me to go fuck a nurse in the hospital or slapped my face red. But you haven’t even raised your voice to me. Cheating I think of something far from what you’d do. But I thought the same about Amelia and I never loved her”, he stopped and turned his face away from his lover. He moved away from his and walked to the grass.

Dean’s heart is pounding with mixed emotions, Castiel spoke more about his experiences with his wife than any other time they’ve been together. Amelia, cunt bitch, was an abusive wife.

Now it would make more sense why Cas was so hesitant to trust, he was cheated and abused on. His poor baby.

It was anger that changed to softness, Castiel confesses how he felt towards him. It wasn’t unusual, it was Dean who struggled.

He understands.

“Cas, baby, come here”, he stood up and walked closer to him, he extended his hand out.

Castiel sighed and turned around, grabbing his hand intertwined them. Dean decided to let go of it and grabbed his face, seeing that Cas wouldn’t pick up his head. “I understand, baby. We need to talk about this, I can’t just leave you like this all the time guessing if I’m going to cheat on you. I’m not, Cas!”, he said a bit too loud and forceful.

Castiel flinched out of his grip and kept his head down. “Okay, Dean! Okay, I’ll try harder!”, he stumped his way inside his house.

Dean cursed, “Cas, baby wait. I didn’t mean to yell”, he ran back inside and grabbed his elbow.

This time they had the children looking.

Dean didn’t even use force, Cas turned around mostly by himself.

“Cas,-“, he gripped his elbow.

“No!”, Claire and Jack jumped in between the men. Jack held his father by the waist while Claire stood in front of them. She held herself in authority, she was no match for Dean but that was the last of her problems.

“Don’t you dare touch our dad”, Claire barked with glowing furious eyes. Jack was no different.

Dean looked up at Cas and saw how they could have taken it the wrong way. Cas did have watery eyes, Dean was gripping his elbow. From what Cas has just told him, the children were exposed to to violence.

“Children go upstairs, I’ll call you when breakfast is ready”, he tore Jack off of him and pushed him and Claire to the stairs. Abraham was beyond lost, for him it just seemed like a lovers fight. Couples have fights all the time, Claire and Jack looked dumb in his eyes, overreacting.

Once the children were gone Cas spoke up.

“Just let’s stop fighting okay, I’m sorry for what I said, just forget what I said completely”, he made his way to the kitchen and started getting out the cooking materials.

“Maybe that worked with Amelia but that won’t work on me”

Castiel slammed one of the cabinets, he stiffened and looked like he wanted to say something back. He didn’t. He carried on with cooking.

“Castiel, look at me”, he grabbed his elbow again, this time using force.

His face softened when he saw his watery red eyes. He let go of his elbow and leaned to kiss him softly. It was sweet, like their first kiss, they were both timid. But this time they knew.

Castiel loved kissing, he at times thought it was better than sex. Kissing with Dean was always intimate and slow and loving. Never rushed, not even with sex.

He leaned gently into it, forgetting the fight, forgetting about the breakfast.

They pulled apart, and stayed together. Inches were not permitted when they held each other.

Castiel hurries his nose into Dean neck, he closed his eyes and relaxed, “Help me with breakfast”

 

Halloween cake too early for Cas and Dean. Not fast enough for the kids. Claire was dressed as Wonder Woman, Jack as the devil, and Abraham as Iron Man.

Dean had to admit they all look pretty damn cute.

“Kids, it time for the worst part, pictures!”, Castiel cheered raising his beer.

“No!”, Abe tried to make a run for it, but his Uncle Sam caught him in time before he could make it out the door.

“Nice try”, Sam laughed as he carried his nephew over his shoulder.

The adults had to dressed up as well, like Dean said, “Just cause we getting old doesn’t mean we can’t play dress up”

So Sam and Jess went as vampires, Dean thought it was ridiculous but sadly it was his idea and Castiel threatened to not let him in without a costume.

He picked up a random costume in Walmart, Captain America.

Castiel chose to dress up as a pirate.

Everything was ready for Gabriel, his favorite snack and drinks were set out for him.

Dean could breath, Sam and Jess were both giving good vibes with Castiel. 

Thankfully, Halloween landed on a Saturday, the day had a gentle breeze, it was around three. Houses were already setting up for parties and barbecues, and Gabriel said he would arrive at five.

“Kids, I’m not playing, outside, picture, now”, Dean ordered.

Castiel has a beautiful, tall, American Sycamore tree growing in his backyard. It was perfect for a pictures of the kids.

“I’ll take the pictures”, Jess offered, “You five pose on the tree, first, then the children by themselves”

They did just that. The pictures were great quality since Cas had the iPhone X.

Everyone was admiring the picture that no one heard or saw the new man behind them.

“Wow, I knew I should have gotten the X”, Gabriel was looking over Castiel’s shoulder.

Everyone jumped back, Dean immediately grabbed the children back from the stranger. Castiel though he turned quickly and clung himself to his older brother. Gabriel returned immediately.They held each other so tightly, “Gabriel”, he spoke softly into his brother’s shoulder.

“Hey, Cassie”, he laughed softly and pulled him apart.

It felt good. He missed him. Missed his humor, laughter, his love for sugar, he missed him. And to have him back again in his live.

Gabriel held his cheeks in his hands, “Oh my god, you got old”

Castiel laughed and rolled his eyes, “You never changed, thank god for that”.

“Uncle Gabe!”, the twins gleefully screamed, they ran to his extended arms. They almost tackled him to the grass, but he caught them in time in his arms. Gabriel held them both in his arms as if it were just yesterday he saw them. Claire was still slightly taller than her brother, their features both changed. Oddly only three passed and yet they looked so different.

“Oh my beautiful creatures from hell”, he pecked both of their cheeks.

He then got them down and turned back at his brother and company.

“Gabriel this is Dean, and this is his family. Over here we have Abraham, and Dean’s brother and sister-in-law, Sam and Jess”, Castiel introduced them all with gratitude.

Gabriel shook all of their hands, Dean being last.

“Nice to meet you Dean”, he smiled but it hide something. Dean had a feeling about it.

Dean repeated his words. Everyone walked back inside, Cas telling Gabe to make himself as home and directed the children to help their uncle.

Cas and Dean stayed back, they didn’t even have to make eye contact it was of instinct.

“I will tell him Dean, and I will introduce you correctly”, Castiel spoke with the undoubtable truth.

Dean wanted to kiss him and tell him that everything will be alright, he understood. But couldn’t risk his brother seeing at the moment.

“I know you will, baby, but let’s worry about that after Halloween. Today, let’s go with the kids trick or treating, okay?”

Castiel nodded.

 

Around seven at night they saw children walking the streets, Abe ran out flying.

“Sam, grab flash over there before he gets ran over”

Each kid had a Walmart bag, the neighborhood Cas lives in is full of two stories houses each one looking more expensive than the last. Fine convertibles in each drive ways,the walk ways were made from the finest tile. Much like Cas’ house.

The neighbors gave the kids each two or three candies, either to show off they had movie or to run out faster. Either way some neighbors have them full size candy bars. Or king size for that matter.

Abraham kept running, Dean kept screaming at him. Claire and Jack didn’t wait to eat their candies like Castiel told them too.

They went to bed with a belly ache, Castiel shook his head.

He kissed Dean goodbye, at this point not caring if his brother saw.

He closed the door, him and his brother alone in the living room.

“So, let me get this straight, he’s the reason you married her? How does that work”, he said from the couch.

Castiel sighed, “Just let me explain”


	11. The Truth

**October 31, / November, 2017**

“So you like boys, huh? See I never expected that one, I always thought it would be Samandriel”, Gabriel responded. 

Castiel, who was hiding his face on his palms. When he heard his brothers comment he rose his face and looked at him with that bizarre look on his face.

“Are you shitting me?”.

Gabriel’s brow rose with shock, “Wow, when did your language get that colorful. Last time we spoke the only curse word you knew was idiot”

“Gabriel! Please, this is serious”, he choked up.

Gabriel witty grin disappeared and knelt in front of his brother, he grabbed his arms and yanked them away from his face. “I know that this is serious, but I don’t understand why you are nervous. Castiel, you are my baby brother, I have loved you at your worst and your best. I loved you even when you left Chicago, I loved you when you ran away from home. You think just cause you like dick I’m going to all of a sudden start thinking of you differently. Because if you do, you have something else coming. Don’t ever think I won’t love you!”, he screeched with fury. The thought of the children upstairs sleeping was long gone, Gabriel rarely screamed at his baby brother.

Castiel was shaking in his brothers arms, tears streaming down, his head held down, his eyes shot closed so tightly it hurt him.

“Cassie”, Gabe shook him gently, “Look at me! Castiel, open your eyes and look at me!”, he let go of his arms and grabbed his face.

“You are my brother, I’m not mom, I’m not dad, I’m not Michael or Lucifer. I’m Gabriel, you remember how we use to be right, we were joined by the hip. I was loud, you were quiet, but we always made it work. Listen to me, dammit! I don’t care that you’re gay, I could give a rats ass about it!”, he stopped and took a breath in. Castiel opened his eyes and looked at his brother, he is a mess, he had his own tears streaming down. “I just want my brother back. Please, Cassie. You’re my brother”

Castiel looked up, “Gabriel- I- I’ve wanted to tell you for the longest time. I did. But I was so scared, scared that my own family would disown me, would be embarrassed of me. Okay, I’m sorry! I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you, any of you, but I couldn’t! I just couldn’t! It’s not easy being different Gabriel”

Gabriel was listening to his brother howl out his story. He was trying to relate but no straight person could ever feel like this. They will never have to fear of their parents kicking them out or being fired simply because you like the same sex.

It’s not the same.

“It’s okay, Cassie, it’s okay”. He held his brother longer than he ever has before. He could feel his younger brother’s tears streaming down his neck to his shirt. He felt Castiel’s heart beating on his own chest, it was probably running at sixty. Gabriel isn’t one you should go to for comfort, his only way he could show his love is through listening and hugging.

“It’s okay. It’s okay”, he kept whispering to his little brother. And kisses his cheek while holding his head and caressing his dark-brown hair.

The next morning, Castiel realized that it is okay.

 

On Monday, Gabriel wanted to have a talk with Dean, the two of them alone. Castiel was skeptical about the whole ordeal, it smelled rotten from the beginning.

“I don’t see why it is important for you to talk to him”, Castiel fought.

“I want to get to know him better, that’s all”, Gabriel responded with a quick grin.

Cas shook his head.

When Dean received the text message he was honestly ecstatic but scared. He was meeting Cas’ brother, only then two, alone. Gabriel doesn’t look threatening at all, but you know what they say, the shorted the person is the closer to hell they are. That’s why short people are so angry. He also doesn’t want to ruin anything with Castiel, Gabriel and him are and were joined by the hip, as said by Castiel. If he so much says something that Gabriel doesn’t like, he fucked up his chance at being happy. You bet your gay ass that that will not happen.

After his shift at the hospital was over, it was around seven when he got home, then showered, said goodnight to Abe just in case he didn’t see him. Gabriel had told him to meet him up at a Starbucks. He got there around late eight at night, Gabriel was there sitting down with Castiel next to him.

“Hello, Gabriel”, he smiled but his attention was to Cas.

“Hey, baby”, he said half shyly, half confidently. He sat down next to him to kiss him deeply. He had missed him, he hadn’t seen him since Halloween. Yeah it was only one day apart, but it is the honeymoon phase of the relationship. So fuck off.

“Hello, Dean”, he responded with an equally deep kiss.

Gabriel lowered the sunglasses he was wearing and was inspecting just how deep the kiss was. He is impressed. Dean knows how to kiss a man, he’ll give him that.

“Baby, I thought it was just me and Gabe?”

“Yeah, it is but as I was explaining to Gabriel is that there cannot be any fighting. None whatsoever and I’m looking at you Gabriel, you will not threading Dean in any way. You will be respectful, you can ask question but not interrogate him. The same goes to you Dean, but I trust you more than him”, he stopped when he heard his brother gasp. He truthfully looked offended.

“I would never-“

“Gabriel do not commence this early. You boys understand the rules that were laid out, correct?”, he looked back and forth between them two.

They both agreed. Castiel hesitantly stood from his chair and pecked Dean’s lips one last time before he left. He threw one more glance at Gabriel and finally left the parking lot.

Dean stared the whole time, with a sparkling glaze in his eyes but also protective in a way. As if making sure he got to the his car safely and he made it out the parking lot alive. Gabriel took mental notes of that.

“What are your intentions with my brother, Dean?”, he let out slowly.

Dean sighed and thought about it. His intention was to cherish him and the happiness that Cas has brought him. His intention with Cas were to not only be a family with him but with his children. It’s crazy but he wants something the man, he knows what that something is but the thought of it makes him freeze.

“As of right now, my intentions are to make him happy, to be the man he wants and needs. To not only be there for him but his children, because when you date someone with children it is not only them but their kids too. I love the twins-“

“But do you love?”

Fucking guy, Dean thought.

Dean shifted around his seat and swallowed, “I-I think it’s too early to call it love, it’s only been a month, we are barely heading two months on the 23rd. But- I pray that that is were we are heading towards. It’s hard for both of us to use the “L” word because of our past marriage experiences. Cas is still trying to recover from spousal abuse and I don’t want him to feel as if I’m rushing him into anything”

Gabriel nodded slowly, completely agreeing with every word Dean has said. He concluded that Dean is the guy for his brother.

“Now that is what I call an answer. Good job, Dean-o”, he proudly smiled at his future brother-in-law.

Dean exhaled in relief.

He went home that night around ten, his sugar levels on the roof, his heart thumping on sugar. Too much coffee. Oddly he found Sam sitting on the table, stacks of papers surrounding him.

“Hey, Sammy, what’s all this?”, he sat next to a pile of papers.

Sam rose his head, his face seemed surprised since he hadn’t heard his brother coming.

“Oh, hey Dean. What are you doing out on the streets so late?”, he checked his watch.

“I was having coffee with Cas’ brother, the one from Halloween”

“Coffee at ten at night?”, he said slowly at the odd costume.

“Yeah, the man has a sweet tooth”, he laughed.

Sam followed along but it didn’t reach his eyes for some reason. He then straighten up his back on the chair and leaned forward. This is his serious posture.

“Dean, I need to tell you something”

Dean quickly put on his serious face on and was ready to listen to his brother.

“What, let me guess, Jess is pregnant”, he chuckled softly. He waited for the scared expression on Sammy’s face but it never came.

“Actually yes, she is”, he grinned proudly.

Dean’s mouth struck open in shock, he stood up immediately, “What?!”

Sam laughed and nodded, “I know”

“Are you serious? Don’t play round Sammy, you finally knocked her up after two years”, he joked.

“Yes, I’m serious”, he too stood up.

Dean cling his arms to his brothers body and held on tightly. His baby brother, his fucking baby brother, is having his own baby. This just brought the memory back when he found out he was going to be a daddy himself. His heart was pounding, to this day it feels the same.

“Damn, Sam, you really going to be a father”, he repeated as he couldn’t believe it.

Sam could only nod his head.

“Jess is so exited, I’m exited, we finally get to start our own family. I’m just so happy”

“I’m happy for you. Wow!”, he pulled him back and patted him on the shoulder. “You’re a big boy now, Sammy, I’m telling you from right now that for Christmas I was ear plugs that so little sleep depriver won’t wake me up”

Sam laughed shakily, “That’s another thing Dean. We found a house”

Dean eyes widen, “Seriously? Wow- but Sam I’m not kicking you out. You have a baby on the way, no way in hell would I kick you out. You can stay here as long as you want”, Dean assured.

“I think we have stayed here long enough. Besides we can’t fit five people in this apartment, and we have been looking for a house for the longest time. Dean, it’s time for me and Jess to move out. Abe desperately needs his own space”, Sam had strong points.

“Yeah your are right. So were is this house? And it doesn’t count if you live one block away from us”

Sam froze almost instantly, he bit his lip. “About that Dean, we aren’t going to be living here. Like in the state”

Dean’s heart slowly sank in slight disappointment. “Then where? California?”

Sam nodded, “San Diego”, he looked at his brother who was trying to keep the smile for him, “look Dean, we aren’t going to move immediately. We still need to set the paper work in and that will take a while, a few months maybe. Jess will be huge by that time, so she might have the baby in Kansas. Please don’t be mad”

Dean shook his head, “I’m not mad, Sam, just why California?”

“Because Jessica misses her home, her entire family is in San Diego. And now with the baby on the way, her mom wants her close to her. Also, they offered me a good job, the pay is going to be what we need. I know it’s going to be hard but please tell me you’re good with this”

Dean turned his back and walked to the door and then turned back to face his brother. “Of course I’m okay with it, I’m your brother I will support this. Jessica deserves to go back home”

“Thank you, Dean”, he sighed his relief and patted his older brothers shoulder.

Dean went to sleep that night looking at his son sleep. He is always most peaceful when he is asleep. When Dean felt that he couldn’t do it anymore, he always saw his son sleep. He doesn’t know if it is creepy, maybe it was just one of those things that calms a parent down. Which is funny because the last thing that calms down a parent is a child. But just seeing him laying down in his bed and cuddled up with his blanket, with no care in the freaking world, let’s him breath and see that he still has his own son.

Abraham might be a hyperactive mess of a child but he’s Dean hyperactive mess ofa child. No way in hell or in a million years would he trade that for anything or anyone.

On the other side of the city, Castiel was pacing around his office. Gabriel hadn’t been back, a strange number has been calling since the last hour. The children weren’t asleep yet.

Castiel wanted to scream.

The children were running up and down the stairs, and the phone was still ringing. It was a set up for an anxiety attack.

He wants Dean. He needs Dean. He’s never wanted another person like this.

He misses him. When he is at work sometimes he gets the urge to call him just to check up on how he is doing. But never does because he doesn’t want to be seen as clingy.

There was then a loud thump outside the little hallway. Castiel groaned.

“Who was that?!”

The door swung open, then a little voice came. “Me”, said Claire with Jack behind her.

“Have you guys seen the time?”, Castiel said in his parental voice, striking his kids with death glares.

“Yeah, last time I checked it was 10:17, why?”, Jack responded.

“Well now it’s 10:46! You two should have been in bed forty six minutes ago!”, he yelled and grabbed both of their wrist and pushed them into their own rooms. “You two are old enough to comprehend that sleep is essential, and when I order you to brush your teeth me go to sleep you do so!”

“But we aren’t tired”, they both argued.

“I don’t care if you are running of Red Bull, I want you both dead asleep when I check up on you both!”, he slammed each door close.

Between the doors there was a space, Castiel rested his head there and felt like smashing it. He can’t do this. Not by himself. He’s never been alone. The house is too quiet. The children seem more hyper. Castiel is losing his mind.

He always thought him and Amelia were going to be together forever or at least till death do them part. But no, fucking Amelia had to become this person.

Castiel was going to punch the wall, but he literally stopped himself with his other hand. He still felt the urge to hit something.

He went outside and thought, the night is too beautiful for it to witness such cruelty. But in the back of his head he could feel himself not giving a damn, he has to punch something.

The porch wood.

The punched and he punched and he punched.

And he sat down, well more like let himself drop into the cold wooden floor. He laid there staring at the dent he made in the wood, there was a small blood stain. He checked his hand, the skin on all of his four knuckles was peeling off. His entire hand was heavily angry red, shaking, numb, and covered in blood.

Castiel can say that that is how he feels most of the time, but his hand feels broken, he doesn’t feel like that.

November in Kansas, there was no longer a breeze. Snow is coming, they said there is a high possibility that tomorrow it will commence. Castiel, personally always saw snow as white beauty, the science behind it wasn't complex so he understood it. Why couldn't everything be as simple as snow. But then again if everything were simply, everything would be easy, people would become lazy bastards. We can't have that.

Castiel isn't lazy, he never had it difficult growing up. He had fine clothing, hundred of toys, he went to the best private school in Illinois, he was that spoiled brat that no one would like to talk to because he was too rich. He never grew up alone, when his parents would be gone Michael would be a mother and a father to him and three other young boys. Throughout his whole adult life he has Amelia to help him out, so he never had to worry about paying the rent, she would do that, grocery shopping was always her job, the house was still standing because of her. All the responsibilities that they would share, they were all now his. After getting out of the hospital at six, he has to buy the groceries, then return home to children who most of the time haven't done their homework or taken a shower. Prepare dinner, force his children to eat their food, wash the dishes, help the twins with their homework, force them to take a shower. Finally, he sits down in his office to finish the amounts of work from the hospital. He currently is expecting five children in the next week. Three with complications, he has to do extensive work to inform the parents the possibility of their children surviving infancy.

It is as if destiny is screwing with him because he sent his wife to prison.

But it wasn't his fault, Amelia is the one who chose to cheat on him instead of staying loyal, she is the one who sent Jack to the hospital and terrified Claire. You can't forgive that. Cheating, yes, that can be forgiven, but abusing your children is something you have to live with the rest of your life. That never goes away, that can't ever be forgiving.

Castiel rose from the freezing wooden floor to punch the dent that he had made. This time he hit the wood way to forceful but he didn't care, he didn't care that the salty tears were going to his mouth, he didn't care that his brother was holding him back from punching the dent over and over again.

"Cas! Enough!", Gabriel wrapped his arms on Castiel's forearms and pulled him back inside the house. Castiel hadn't notice how cold it was until he felt the warmth of his house. But the warmth is bullshit, was that going to fix his problems? No, exactly.

He kicked over the coffee table, "I hate this!", he then walked in the kitchen and wanted to tear every cabinet apart, he wanted to bang on the refrigerador and push it down. Gabriel sprint to him before he could do anything, he tackled him to the floor.

"Get off of me!", Castiel commanded trying to fight his brother but was too emotionally drained to put up a fight.

Gabriel had him pinned down to the floor, he saw how his brother looked utterly defeated, this isn't his little brother.

"I'm scared Gabriel. I've never been alone. I can't do it. It's all her fault! Why did she have to cheat? I never did anything to make her cheat, I never so much touched her, I never harmed her in any way. And she repays me by betraying me and the children", he ranted.

Gabriel had let him and sat himself down so he could carry his brother's head in his lap. Castiel saw his brother's face above him but he saw still staring at completely nothing, he wasn't focusing on anything. Gabriel felt his own tears form as he comforted his brother by soothing his hair.

It was about an hour later until Gabriel complained that his ass was sore and his legs had fallen asleep four times. Castiel apologized and didn't even bother to face his brother after that, he walked to his room tiredly. He saw from the corner of his eye that Claire and Jack, both had their doors ajar. They were both staring at him with worrisome expressions.

The only thing he told them is, "Don't disappoint me and go to sleep"

He shot the door closed and came out three days later because a baby was due.

And the only thing he could think as he held the precious baby girl with an extra chromosome is, D _on't let life be handed to you because then you'll end up like me, can't do a damn thing by myself or else I'II have a mental breakdown._


	12. Correction to a Misunderstanding

**November, 2017**

Therapy is awesome.

“That’s bull”, Claire says.

“It’s not, but I think we need it”, Jack would contrast his sister.

To which the child therapist would respond.

“And why do you both feel the way you do about therapy?”

“Because people pore their feelings as if you care what they think. I’m serious this is bull, I can feel all the tears people have shed if feels like I’m drowning in them”, Claire exaggerated crossing her arms.

“Well, I think we need it ‘cause my mom destroyed our family”, he said innocently.

“You think your mom ruined your family? In what way would you say, Jack?”, the therapist leaned forward.

Claire rolled her eyes, “Jackie don’t answer her, therapy doesn’t work”

But Jack ignored her. “Well she cheated constantly on my dad and I think he knew because one time he called her ‘a cheating cunt’. Then Claire caught our mom in bed with another man. So then mom got mad and attacked me and Claire that night. Dad’s pretty broken over this, I don’t think he’s sleeping. But he has a boyfriend, he’s awesome and I’ve never seen my dad smile so much, not with anyone else besides Dean”

“And this man, Dean, how does he treat you and Claire?”

To which Claire responded with another eye roll.

“Oh he is awesome, on Tuesday he took us to his friends comic book shop and she gave me three comic books for free.”

“So you would say that Dean makes your father a better man?”

“Not a better man, my dad is a great man, he just makes him happier. That’s what I’ve seen, and so has Claire but she doesn’t like them together”.

No their focus is on her.

“Claire, honey, why don’t you like your dad with Dean?”, the therapist asked softly.

“Because dad is literally cheating!”

Jack gasped and hit her arm, “That’s not true, you liar”

“It’s too, mom and dad are still legally married. So he is cheating!”, Claire yelled at his face.

“Children! Calm down. Now, Claire, honey, your father is not cheating. Yes, they are still married under the law but emotionally they are not together. They do not love each other anymore, so they are separated. Meaning your father can seek love if he wants to, and he has with this Dean y’all been telling me about”, Claire slump on the couch definitely, she rolled her eyes again.

“Until they get a divorce it’s still cheating”, she murmured.

Missouri Moseley has seen cases like this, the parents split up because of their own problems. Some children come here saying it is their fault or others are angry at their parents. Both responses are reasonable.

Claire is angry, she witness her mother sleep with another man. And now her father is seeing another man. Since they aren’t divorce, she sees her father repeating her mother’s footsteps.

Jack, it’s difficult to tell what Jack is feeling. He responds truthfully to every answer. When he speaks the truth he doesn’t hesitate, he doesn’t shy away. He’s innocent, for what has happened, he acts as if nothing happened. As for right now it’s no problem, because the child is not distressed but in the future he will have mental problems. Holding the problem inside and not talking about it, will cause harm.

“So you think I should talk to him more?”, Castiel spoke in distressed.

“Both of them. Claire is angry and she needs to understand the situation, which is you. Make her listen to your side of the story. Now with Jack, it’s no different, he is not scared of opening up. Listen and ask, is what I recommend”,

Castiel nodded and ran his fingers through his hair.

Missouri stares at him now, “And how are you doing, Castiel?”

Cas looked up and shrugged, “Fine. Just fine”

“Castiel”, she said in a warning tone.

He sighed, “You want the truth?”

“Of course. I’m here to help”

“I’m a mess”, he laughed shakily, “I work all day to avoid the problems. I think my boyfriend is going to breakup with me, he hasn’t texted me in days. My children avoid me because of the breakdown I had in the kitchen two weeks ago. I have no one to talk to besides Dean, oh but wait I’m going to lose him too. I’m alone technically”, he sunk his head in his hands.

“Okay, we’ll go slow. You are the parent here, we need to take care of you. You have the responsibilities on your shoulder, it’s work after work after work, nonstop. You need to breathe and relax. Work can wait. Love can wait. Your health cannot. You need to get yourself together now”, she said sternly but her soft southern accent made sound of softly.

“What do I do?”

“First, work at home, I’m sure you are capable of working at home. When it is necessary to return to the hospital you do. Working at home will connect you with your children and their needs. Now with this Dean character, set things right with that man. Jack has grown use to seeing him, if Dean suddenly disappears without explanation it will cause the boy more harm. Do you love this man?”

Castiel pondered, “I really, really like him, we’ve only seen each other for nearly two months. It’s too early for love.”

“Why do you think he hasn’t been talking to you?”

“Before he stopped texting me, I had been acting weird. My brother had come over for Halloween and I introduced Dean as a friend when he wasn’t. When he left he didn’t seem bothered, he understood why. I thought we was fine but now we haven’t spoken in a week almost two. Jack is noticing because he has been asking. Claire is happy but she’s asking too. And well shit I’m wondering as well where the hell he is and why he hasn’t responded back. I already apologized, I tried to explain myself, I even begged!”, he gave a disgusted look, “I begged for him to textback”

“Why not confront him?”, she asked simply.

“I don’t know where he lives. If he doesn’t want to see me anymore then fuck it, oh well, what can I do?”, he shrugged.

Missouri pitied him, but let him, their sessions was up.

Three days later, it has been heavily snowing for a week straight, the road was drenched, Castiel is in no mood, the children were fighting. He didn’t even give a damn anymore. He stopped the car near a bridge, he didn’t turn off the car, he did step out and went to the bridge. Last time he checked the weather is was 14 degrees Fahrenheit.Snow was still falling, it stung Castiel’s cheeks.

“Dad! What are you doing?!”, he could hear Jack say.

“Nothing!”, he yelled back. “I just gotta breathe”, that he said to himself.

He closed his eyes and took the the rail of the bridge, even his leather gloves couldn’t protect him from the harsh touch.He took his breathe, it didn’t make anything better. He took another, he heard the car door open and close. Both of his children were at his side, begging him to come back inside. He took another breathe and he heard another voice, a man. He was gripping the railing tightly, a grip on his wrist made him look up.

It was Dean.

“The hell are you doing?”, he asked angrily.

Castiel didn’t know how to react, he just shrugged and went back to stare at the frozen water. “I had to breath, Dean, I couldn’t”

Dean frowned, “Were you having a panic attack?”, he now gripped his forearm.

“No”, he shook his head, “I just couldn’t breathe”

Castiel wasn’t making any sense, Dean thought he was delirious.

“Kids, get back in the truck and my brother Sam is going to drive behind us, okay. I’m going to take your dad with me in my car”, he instructed the twins and made eye contact with Sam and Jess.

“Where are you taking him?”, Claire eyes him curiously.

“We are going to get some coffee for you dad. Don’t worry okay, he’s going to be fine”

Claire still didn’t trust him but hesitantly followed her brother. She recognized the man and the woman who got inside the car, but they were strangers. Her dad was so out of it that he let complete strangers inside the car.

“Cas”, he shook the man lightly.

“Leave me alone, Dean”

“No, you are going to freeze, dammit! Let me help”

“You could’ve helped in answering the phone”, he barked directly at Dean’s face.

“I beg your fucking pardon!”, he looked shook.

“You haven’t answered my phone calls in nearly two weeks. Explain yourself before anything else”, he furiously shook Dean’s grip off his arm.

Dean looked bewildered, he stood there agape, “Okay, first of all I’m trying to help you even though you broke up with me, because even though I hate you right now I don’t want you to die”

Castiel stopped and frowned, “Broke up with you? Dean, when did I break up with you”

“And that’s second, you are a fucking coward who couldn’t even look at me in the face and break up with me yourself. You had your fucking brother do it for you. And now you are angry with me because I didn’t answer your calls”

Castiel stopped back and thought back, “My brother?”

“Yes, you sent your fucking brother to do your dirty business”, he poked his index fingers sharply on his chest.

“I never sent my brother to do anything. Dean, I don’t even know your address, how could I send him?”, Castiel defense himself.

“The morning your brother was leaving, I went to your house to say goodbye to him and to thank him. But no, he told me that you didn’t want to see me anymore, that it was becoming to much for you to handle and that it would be best if we didn’t see each other anymore. I didn’t believe shit at first but then I said I wanted to hear it from you, he said that you sent him because you didn’t want to see me”, Dean never took his every away from Cas, tears were flowing down.

“No, Dean, no-why- look whatever Gabriel told you is a lie”

Dean scoffed.

“It is, Dean, look at me because I’m going to tell you the truth”, he waited for dean to do so, “That night you and Gabriel were out, I don’t know what happened to me. I lost control and I think I had a breakdown. I wanted to destroy my kitchen, I was punching wood”, he showed him his knuckles that were still injured. “And I said some stuff that I guess Gabriel took wrongly of. But understand that I would never break up with you like that. I don’t know what the hell Gabriel was thinking but I did not sent him”

Dean swallowed and look at him carefully, “Should I believe you?”

“Dean I’ve been trying to call you for weeks, my life is going to hell and I have to keep it together because I have children. You are what I need in my life right now, I need someone to talk to, to share jokes with, to hug or to even freaking cuddle with. I need you, I want you. Why would I let you go if I want you in my life?”, he sobbed looking like a wreck. “Please Dean believe me”, he grabbed the man’s forearm.

Dean swallowed his pride and nodded, “Okay fine but I want to hear you talk to Gabriel and confront him, call out that son of a bitch!”

Castiel quickly nodded ignoring the insults thrown at his favorite brother.

It is a long Thursday night, Sam and Jess took the Impala, of course they were skeptical. Dean protects that car with his life, he rarely lets Sam drive it, rare as like Sam can remember how many times he has driven that car.

Seven times. Well eight right now.

They took Abraham with them so he could finish his English project. He had to right to his favorite author dead or alive. He choose Victor Hugo. Surprising Dean, he didn’t know Abe knew the man. Dean didn’t know about him until senior year.

“I’ll stay the night with Cas, okay? So I need you to behave-“

“Yeah, yeah, I know, this isn’t the first time but why are you talking to him? Didn’t he break up with you- oh no wait he had his brother do it!”, he screamed the last part to Castiel direction to catch his attention, mission accomplished.

“Hey, you listen to me young man”, he grabbed Abe’s arm, “this isn’t any of your business. This is between me and him only, do I make myself clear?”

He waited for Abe to nod or say something.

After a long pause, he gave up and nodded.

“Okay then, get your ass in the car and I better not hear you say anything behind my back”, he let go of his arm and gently shoved him to the direction in which the Impala was located at.

Sam and Jess were giving him judgmental looks, Dean ignore them and went inside Cas’ house. Immediately he received a blow on the stomach.

“Why aren’t you answering my dad’s calls you bastard?!”, Claire barked as she kicked his knee, quite hard.

“Claire!”, Castiel looked ill-tempered. He grabbed her by the waist and carried her like that up the stairs. She continued to curse at him and fight her way out of her fathers arms. There was peace when he heard a door slam shut.

“Hi”, Dean heard a delicate voice come from the couch.

Jack smiled truthfully, he waved him over to the couch.

“Hey, Jack, long time no see nugget”, he joked and ruffled up his light brown hair.

Jack laughed and smacked his hands away from his hair, he tried his best to fix it back. “You wanna color with me while you wait for my dad? They might take a while”, he offered.

“Yeah sure, I haven’t colored since Abe was seven”

They got to coloring and surprisingly it wasn’t pictures of Superman or the avengers. It was one of those coloring books that are suppose to relax you and brig your calm side out. Dean ain’t gonna lie, it’s working.

“So, nugget, how has your dad been doing?”, he asked.

Jack wanted to say you would know if you picked up the phone, but he knew better than that.

“Um, well, we’ve been going to therapy but I don’t think it’s working?”, he dropped his face deeper into the book.

Dean’s eyebrows shot up, “Therapy? When did that happen?”

“Last week, Claire hates it and my dad, I feel he forces himself to go”

“Well yeah, people don’t really like therapy”

“I like it”, he said defensively.

“Well then you are a one of a kind kid”, he laughed.

Jack smiled and shook his head.

“My dad really needs you”, he commented.

Dean swallowed and turned towards him.

“Whatever the reason is your not answering his calls please forgive him. You truly have no idea how happy you make him, he is only happy when he is around you. Please get back with him, please”, Jack urged him with pleading eyes. Before Dean could reply Castiel did so first.

“That is enough Jack, go upstairs in this instant”, he half yelled.

Unlike Claire he didn’t go screaming, but he did look tearful.

“Let me call Gabriel so we can sort this out”, he moved to the front of the house where there laid a closer, all the coats and shoes stayed.

Dean stopped him, “I believe you, Cas”

“Do you? Don’t lie to me because of what Jack said”

“Jack has nothing to do with this. I believe you”, he stepped closer to Castiel and touched his cold cheek. “You’re going to get sick baby”, he kissed the top of his head.

“I’m fine”, he closed his eyes and inhaled his scent, then nuzzled on his shoulder.

“No you’re not. Stop lying”, Dean once again grabbed his face and looked at him sternly. “Tell me what’s wrong, what did you say to Gabriel that night that was so bad”

Castiel shook his head, “Nothing-“

“Castiel, you better tell me right now”, Dean warned.

Cas shook his head again, “Aren’t the first months of a new relationship suppose to be the honeymoon phase, the easy phase”

“There is no easy phase, Cas, being in the honeymoon phase is no excuse not to talk to me about your problems. I’m your boyfriend for Christ sake, you’re suppose to tell me everything”, his voice softened as his hands roamed up and down Cas’ torso.

“I’ve never done that with anyone”, he murmured.

“What?”

“Tell then everything bad that is going on. Amelia never cared, if I said anything to my family they would call me spoiled for complaining. So I don’t- it’s hard for me, Dean. I’ve never had anyone”, he tried to explain himself.

“You have me now, so you can tell me anything and everything”

Castiel sighed and nodded, but he didn’t feel comfortable standing up and talking. He moved them upstairs, to his bedroom.

“Cas, I cannot believe I’m saying this but I want to talk, not have sex”

Castiel smiled, “Yes, I agree but I feel more comfortable laying down”, he uncovered the blankets so they could get under the sheets. Him and Dean removed a layer of their clothing before getting in bed.

Castiel loves the cologne that Dean always wears, it suited him, like leather suits the Impala. Dean wrapped his arms strongly around Cas, he caresses his hair at times playing with it.

“I don’t know what got over me, lately I get episodes were I get angry and frustrated and I can’t do anything about it. That night the children were misbehaving and I don’t know, I think it became too much and I lost myself. I almost went on a rampage if Gabriel hadn’t stopped me”

“What did you say?”, he whispered into his hair.

“I told him about Amelia and how I was a good husband, I didn’t deserve her. I said that she betrayed me and the children”, hetighten his grip on Dean’s shirt he didn’t notice he was holding.

“She did and you’re right, you never deserved her”, Dean added.

“Thank you. And I wonder how could have Gabriel thought you were a problem. You’re aren’t a problem Dean, I swear”

“Come here then”, Dean pulled up closer to they faced each other.

“What?”, Castiel asked after a long stare of.

Dean shook his head with a wide smile, “Nothing, I just like staring at you”

Castiel blushed, he laughed because he didn’t know how to answer.

“I’m angry at your brother, I really thought I made a good impression. You have no idea what it did to me when I went back home with dread.I didn’t even go to work, as much as I sound like a girl in high school, I sat in my bed thinking of all things I did wrong with you. Or how in the hell I could have jeopardized us so quickly”, he huffed scratching his forehead.

“I don’t think you could jeopardize what we have, I might but not you”, he opposed.

“We’ll see about that when you get to know me better”, he laughed.

“I want to do that. I want to get to know you better, I want to know about your childhood, your past, your present”, Castiel started to slowly climb up Dean’s lap, “I want to get to know Dean Winchester”, he leaned down to kiss him.

Dean matched on his lips, grabbing his shirt to pull him closer, then turned them around. Now with Dean on top, he was quick to roam his hands under Cas’ shirt. Cas smiled under the kiss and bucked his hips forward, making Dean groan. He then proceeded to tear Cas’ shirt off and trail kisses down his torso. Following him tearing his pants off. He knew what to do, he kisses him again savoring his unique colored lips. And he grinned against Cas, he didn’t stop the kiss but Cas did.

“Oh god, Dean. I missed this”, he smiled.

Dean kept moving and started to kiss his neck and collarbone, “I missed you”

Both of them smiled and kept the show going.

They laid in bed, shoulders touching, “So how did you convince Blondie to go to therapy?”, Dean turned to ask.

Cas chuckled, “I didn’t convince her, I forced her to go. Jack understood why we were going”

“Is it working for you?”, he grabbed his hand and cradled it.

Cas shrugged, “It’s too early to say, but I’ll heal faster with you”

“Getting all mushy on me”

“You are the same, so be quiet”, he laughs.

“I want you to get better, Cas”, he ran his hand through Cas’ hair then caressed his face.

“How did you get better, after Anna?”

Dean stilled, “Through the old fashioned way, booze. But before I could kill my liver, Sam took Abe from me and told me the only way I could get him back is to get my shit together. So I did, but I miss her everyday, when I try to remember her she seems like a made up memory as if I couldn’t believe I was that happy back then”

“Are you happy now?”, Cas asked hesitantly.

Dean nodded and smiled, “Like you wouldn’t believe. My life has never been this good”

Cas then presses a kiss in his cheek, “I promise to keep it like that for as long as I live”

Dean smiled again, “Hot boyfriend with badass kids, and my own happy child. It can’t get any better”


	13. The Bulls

**Thanksgiving, 2017**

Thanksgiving is a time for family, and bonding, and catching up on news and gossip. Castiel thought the same thing, but his strive is that he doesn't get along with his family. He thought maybe he should invite Gabriel but after the mischief he did back in October, he doesn't want anything to do with Gabriel. His brother has called several times but Castiel blocked his number entirely. The children understood and were even agreeing with their father's actions.

The lost of their favorite uncle made the children ask more about their other uncles and grandparents in Chicago. He took the phone numbers that Gabriel had given to him and called his parents. After a whole childhood and half a adult hood of hearing his mother's voice never has he heard her sound so happy.

"Who's this?", his mother answered.

"Mom, it's me Castiel". he said timidly.

There was a pause.

"Whoever this is, I do not find this 'joke' of yours funny. So I suggest you hang up the phone before I contact the authorities", her voice sounded strained.

"No, mother wait, it's me...HoneyBee"

There was another pause, then he heard a sob come from the other line.

"Castiel? Darling"

Castiel smirked, his chest feeling a warmth, "Yes, mother"

"Oh dear God, I thank you for giving me back my son", she sniffled. All Castiel could think of is his childhood, how she would involve God and religion in everything, some things would give him hope and joy. She hasn't changed, and Castiel didn't want his mother too. Yes, she's clingy deep down inside he knew his mother only meant well. And if she knew how to keep her boundaries they wouldn't be having his conversation.

"It's good to hear from you, darling, it's been so long, too long", her voice longing.

Castiel swallowed and nodded, "Yes, it has been", his voice was shaky.

"So tell her how the children have been, I suppose that having their mother in prison isn't beneficial for their health"

"They...they are jumping from one day being regular children then you have them the next day reacting to the mess around them. But they are as good as they can possibly be. 

And tell me how have all of you been?”, he tried to change the conversation quickly.

“Didn’t Gabriel catch you up on everything?”

Cas swallowed, Gabriel spoke to his mother, how much did Gabriel tell?

“Oh, so, you and Gabriel spoke? How much did he tell you?”, he said shakily.

“Well he saidthat you all spent Halloween with a friend of yours and his family. All of you had a great time and he got to know your friend better. Why do you ask, darling?”, she asked.

Castiel blinked rapidly and thanked every god in existence that his brother at least didn’t spill the truth.

“No reason at all, mother. So tell me how has the family been doing? Amelia never did go into detail”

Castiel spent two hours on the phone with his mother, talking about his father and his brothers. He cherishes this moment because he has never had this moment with his mother and he knows it will never happen. Once he tells her and his father the truth, Castiel will never be able to talk to his family again. It is a huge price to pay but he can’t hide anymore, he most definitely will not hide Dean for long. He felt that they were in the part of the relationship were they should introduce each other their families. Dean already introduced Sam and Jess, according to Abraham, Dean’s parents both are deceased. He feels that he has Sam and Jess’ approval, which lets him dust off the anxiety. But it is his own parents that worry him, he will introduce Dean as a friend then explain that he is more than a friend.

The last part is complex in many forms that will all end in horrific ways, with no doubt. His parents will disown him and bash his name, he has made peace with that unfortunately. They will never approve of Dean, maybe if he were a woman. If they can barely approve of their gay son then they will never wrap their heads around Dean.

In the end, Castiel was invited to thanksgiving dinner and is allowed to bring Dean and Abraham. He wants Abraham to come along, he has a special surprise for him. Hopefully Dean lets him accept the gift, it is as many would say over the top but he feels as if Abraham has earned it. It is him who commenced their relationship, the boy deserves an early Christmas.

The next day he meets up with Dean at his apartment for the first time.

“Hey, Cas”, Dean greets him at the door with a wide goofy smile and a kiss.

“Hello, Dean”, Cas returns a grin.

“Eww, get a room you two”, Abraham shouts from the couch.

Dean welcomes him inside and tell him to make himself at home as he changes his clothing. Castiel takes a seat next to Abraham, who was watching Suite Life of Zack and Cody. He couldn’t help but realize something was off about the nine year-old, he couldn’t point it out as quickly as he should, being a doctor and all.

“Are you feeling well, Abraham?”, he reached for the child’s forehead but felt nothing.

“Yeah, I’ve just been feeling nauseous since last week, which is weird since I haven’t been eating much”, he shrugged, he spoke as if he were someone different. His tone wasn’t wearing his usual self.

Castiel frowned, “That’s very odd. Has your father taken you to the doctor yet?”

“No not yet, but he says he’s trying to find the best doctor in his hospital”

“Has anything else been happening besides feeling nauseous and losing your appetite?”, he scooted closer to the young man.

“Mmm, well my stomach has been hurting like hell, then like an hour later is disappears like nothing. It gets really frustrating when I’m trying to run”, he sighed.

Castiel frowned even deeper, none of what Abraham was talking about sounded normal. He wished he could diagnose him but he doesn’t have the tools as of right now. He then got distracted as Dean waltz into the room. They meet up deciding to have dinner at Dean’s for once.

The twins were at a friends house, he has five hours to spare until he has to pick them up.

Castiel promised to make Dean’s favorite food in the world, pie. Castiel has already started at home and decided to continue at Dean’s so they could bake together. Cheery pie is his favorite, as Abraham explained.

“Okay, Cas, show me what those hands can do?”, he rubbed his hands and licked his lips, as he stared hungrily at both him and the uncooked pie.

Cas huffed, “Dean, you have to help me”

“No, no, you have to cook this one thing for me please”, he got closer and gave his best puppy look, “Please baby”, he gripped his waist and pulled him closer, their noses touching.

“Dean, Abraham is in the room”, Castiel said with a red face.

“Abraham got to our room and watch TV there!”, Dean barked out. All they heard is him sigh and stomp his way to their room, then the door slammed shut.

Dean immediately picked him up and rested him on top of the counter, massaging his upper thighs softly. His thumbs circling the right spots, with one hand only, Dean spread Cas’ legs open and palmed him. He heard him gasp and arch his back.

“Dean”, he whimpered, “the pie”

“You first, then pie”, he said hungrily.

He reached for Cas’ belt and undid it, the button and zipper were history as the only thing Dean could focus was on Cas’ whimpering for more.

He took him in his hand and started moving, gently and softly, knowing that that destroys Cas every time. Castiel was trying his hardest to hold back his moans by biting his lip. He gripped Dean’s shirt, putting his face in his neck to suck the cologne off.

“Cas, look at me when you come”, Dean said as he pump at a hard pace now. Cas a whimpering mess did so. Dean loved seeing him like this, it wasn’t a kink to see Cas submit to him, but Dean found his eyes at this moment to be heart stopping.

“You look gorgeous”, he kissed him, entering his tongue and biting his lower lip. He separated their mouths and Dean inches closer to his neck, at the same time he removes his hand and pulls Cas closer to Dean’s he’s bulge in his pants. He starts to grind against him, Cas looses himself and even starts repeating the same movement and actions as Dean.

It was a matter of time when they both came, they panted and stared at each other.

Dean caressed his cheek and kissed him passionately soft. Castiel always smiled in the kiss when Dean kissed him like this, he felt it was only side he got to see.

“Let’s make a bomb ass pie”, he murmured.

“You have to take a shower, Mr. I Just Came In My Pants”, Castiel pointed down at Dean’s mess in his pants, then tucked himself inside his pants.

“Take a shower with me then”, he said smoothly as he grabbed his hand and gentle let him down the counter and led him to the shower. Before Castiel could respond his shirt was already off.

He laughed and went with it. 

 

“Thanksgiving with your folks? I thought you said they were so homophobic they couldn’t even see the rainbow colors”, Dean laughed as he set down the plates.

“Yes, they are homophobic but I feel like it’s time I tell them the truth. I want you to go so I have prove that it’s not a phase, because they will most likely say that. And also I have a gift for Abraham”, Castiel smiled at Abe.

“Me?”, Abe said with wide eyes, “What is it?”

“Is it expensive?”, Dean wondered.

“Let’s just say I had to pull some strings, but Abraham will love it”

“Dad, we have to go. Who cares about his stupid parents-“

“Abraham!”, Dean yelled.

“He’s right, Dean, my parents are stupid”, he nodded, smiling at Abraham.

“See, he agrees, can we please go”, he begged with his cutest and bests puppy face.

Sam and Jess were going to be in California for this thanksgiving. Dean was planning on taking Abe out of town somewhere but now Cas is offering a trip. Who can say no to that?

“Alright fine, but you gotta let me pay for something, I earn my keep”

Castiel shook his head, “No, everything is paid for”, he smiled knowing Dean wouldn’t like that.

He didn’t.

After dinner they all sat in the living room watching The Walking Dead marathon. Dean and Abe were all at it, Castiel was completely lost but loved seeing their intrigued faces.

“So, how are you going to tell your parents? Do you have a plan?”, Dean asked as he cradled Cas’ hands.

Castiel shrugged, “I have scenarios but they all turn to disaster. Either I tell them all separately or in the dinner table. The dinner table idea has probably the worst ending”

“Which is what?”

“My father tackling me down to the floor and slicing my throat open with a kitchen knife”

Dean blinked taken back, “Well, okay. Is your dad capable of doing that?”

“I don’t want to test the theory”

Abraham is reclining on the couch just thanking god he doesn’t have Castiel’s family.

“But we’re still going, right?”, Abe made sure.

“Abe”, Dean warned, but Cas smiled.

“Of course”

“Yes! Hopefully you don’t die”

“Me too, Abraham, me too”

 

On Sunday, Cas got a rental car for the five of them and their luggage. Dean wasn’t so happy about that, he didn’t want to leave his baby behind. But after a talk with Cas about the the chances of baby getting stole, Dean let it go. It is early morning when they reach the airport, the children are half asleep but they stopped to get them breakfast.

It is the usual chaos that happens in airplanes, there was a child screaming, a bossy person, a person who is terrified of flying. That person just so happened to be Dean. Castiel has no idea to this, neither did Abraham.

“Dean, why didn’t you tell me this before we got in the plane?”

“Because then we wouldn’t have gone on the plane”, he said aggressively.

Castiel sighed, “Do you a pill or something to calm the nerves?”

Dean shook his head but held a tight grip of Cas’ hand. The whole ride he held on.

Jack and Claire were the first ones to exit the plane, they pushed and shoved people out of the way. Both of them forgetting how cold it gets in Chicago. They were freezing but they inhaled the Chicago wind, they felt at home again.

Castiel chases after them, leaving Abe to take care of them paranoid father.

Dean knew better than to be surprised about seeing the hotel. He guessed three to four stars at least, a nice pool, chocolate on the pillows, awesome breakfast in the morning.

“Cas, you went to far”

“No, I just wanted to treat you both”, he pecked his lips with smile. “Come on, the kids already beat us to the room”

By the time the boys reached the room, the kids were jumping on the bed, Abe had eaten the sweets on the pillow, the tv had a kids show. The boys sighed. This is how it is going to be for the entire week.

On the first day, Castiel took them to the Navy Pier, it is on the shoreline of Lake Michigan.

Without a doubt there was a line to the entrance, they waited for an hour. Both Dean and Abe were losing their patience.

“How much longer? It’s freezing”, Dean commented.

“Just a little bit longer, don’t worry it’ll be fun”, Cas spoke.

“Coming from him, that says a lot”, said Claire.

Neither Novak was wrong. They had a carrousel, a Ferris wheel, shops, restaurants. It’s huge, with a beautiful view of one of America’s finest lakes. Castiel and Dean where looking out to the frozen lake, rough but yet beautiful. Dean glanced at Cas and saw distress.

“Don’t worry, you’ll parents have to understand”, he comforted.

“You’ve never met them, Dean, they have a set of strict beliefs. If I come in and tell them that I’m gay-“, he paused and tore his eyes away from Dean.

“Then don’t tell them, they don’t have to know right away”

“I have to do this”, Castiel confirmed.

“No one is forcing you to do so”

“I know”, he said frustratedly, “I know, but I have to do this. I have too”

That same night Abe was feeling low, smiling less, he ate so little. And the worst his stomach was aching. Castiel tried to tell Dean from his own medical opinion what it could possibly be but nothing would come to mind. Dean swore to his son that he would find him the best help when they go back home. 

 

On Tuesday, Castiel gave Abraham his Christmas and his birthday present, as Dean said so. Castiel denied that, he wanted to do something good for the boy. If it hadn’t been for him, Dean and him would have never been were they are right now.

“Abraham, the only thing I ask is that you were these headphones and bandana around your eyes”, Castiel said so as he apply the stuff.

“What?!”

“Is it necessary?”, Dean laughed.

“Well it is funny”

He said as they saw Abe walk around the room, walking slowly with his arms extended out.

They got to the stadium and there was so much noice, children running around with their Bulls T-shirts. Dean took one look around and looked at Castiel wide eyed.

“You didn’t. Baby, tell me you didn’t”, he said a little shocked but then a grateful smile appeared.

“I still have connections here”, Castiel shrugged then grabbed Jordan’s number 30 shirt. Dean stopped them to take quick pictures, Abraham was starting to feel frustrated with being covered up. Castiel quickly took off his headphones and spoke, “Abraham, we’re here”

“Where exactly is here?”, he asked turning around to hear his surroundings.

“See for yourself”, Castiel said as he removed the bandana and showed his the stadium.

He froze with his mouth hanging down, the freezing air was hurting his throat. “No fucking way!”, he jumped and jumped in excitement.

Dean smiled not caring he cursed.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you so, so much”, he jumped into Castiel’a arms and held him tight, “Holy shit! I’m legit crying”, he laughed.

“I love you, Mr. Cas, I love you”, he said lastly and kissed both of his cheeks. He wiggles out of his arms, takes his shirt and runs inside.

The Novaks and Dean stare in bewilderment.

“Do I gotta worry about him stealing you to, dad?”, Claire announced.

They all laughed and followed Abraham.

Everybody could see the joy in Abraham’s eyes, he is happy, but in pain. His stomach is killing him, but he’s not sure if it is his stomach that hurts. The pain goes to his back, it’s coming from one of his organs. The whole time during the game he was tired, his stomach would burn, and he wasn’t hungry. Castiel and his dad had bought him nachos, hot dog and a medium coke. He did not finish a single thing. He had to take everything back to the hotel to finish. By that time, the coke tasted too much like corn syrup, the nachos were mushy and the hot dog was cold and hard.

Castiel and Dean stood from a far and saw him struggle eat.

Dean knelt down and patted him in the shoulder, “You don’t have to eat everything”

“But you and Cas paid money for it, and I don’t want to throw it away”

“It’s okay Abraham if you don’t want to finish it all. Don’t force yourself”, Castiel smiled kindly.

“Okay”, he mumbled as he dragged his feet to the trash can and dumped his food away. He stared at it as if he wanted to cry. Castiel then knew that the minute he found out Abe’s stomach was hurting that he should have cancelled the trip.

He still couldn’t think of any disease or illness that fight Abraham’s symptoms. Dean told him not to stress about it until they got home, to relax and enjoy their time in Chicago was what Dean wants.

 

Thursday, Thanksgiving, at the Novak’s 1.5 million dollar mansion. Castile hadn’t forgotten the house he grew up in, it had changed though. Mother must of put new rose bushes and lilies. The trees were healthier than he last remembered, the swing was still there surprisingly. He remembers as a child how much he loved to garden with his mother, his brothers would mock him, but it was the only time that he would spent with his mother.

His mother was always head over heels she got some help around the house, always being Castiel.

Three cars were already parked in the drive way, a Mercedes, a Audi, and a Porsche. He Castiel could already tell which car belong to which brother.

“You think Kate is here?”, Claire asked with excitement.

“Well Uncle Michael is here so I’m guessing she is here”, Castiel replied.

Dean just rolled with it, not knowing either person.

Castiel parked his rented Land Rover behind the Porsche. Everyone had already exited the car except Castiel. He kept his head down, gripping the keys tickling tightly enough for it to burn his skin. Jack opened the door and spoke to him.

“It doesn’t matter what they think dad, I still love you regardless if you are with a man or with a woman. If your own family can’t understand that, than like Abe said, ‘screw them, we’ll make our own family’”, Jack gripped his father’s hand and gave him an encouraging smile.

Castiel chuckled and nodded, “Thank you, son”

They soon walked up to the door step and Jack ran the door bell.

“Are you sure your mom is cool with us spending thanksgiving with you? Cause I feel we are intruding”, Dean pondered.

“My mother said that you both are welcomed. She really wants to meet a friend of mine since I don’t really make that many”

Dean frowned at the last part, he was cut off from his expression by the door opening.

A mid-60s year old lady presented herself at the door, her hair was light brown with some grey streaks growing in. Her eyes were the same shade of blue as Castiel, but she didn’t look anything like him. Her clothes were no doubt of high class, as her shoes yelled fined leather. Her pearls around her neck brought out her rosy cheeks. Her white teeth were shown as she smile so widely at the face of her estranged son.

“Castiel”, she threw her arms around her son’s muscular shape.

“Hello, mother”, he returned the hug.

She then stepped away and pulled her grandchildren in, “Oh my two little bundles of joy. I missed you both so much”, she smooched both is them. “Please everyone come inside, blasted weather is freezing”

Naomi took everyone’s coat and put them in a closet next to the door.

“Mother, this is Dean Winchester”, Castiel showed off Dean first.

Naomi so far showed interest in Dean, “Very nice to meet you, Dean. And who might this handsome young man be?”, she smiled kindly to Abe.

“That’s my son, Abraham. Say hello, Abe”

“Good evening, ma’am, your house is really pretty”, he put his best innocent face on.

“Oh well, thank you, you have beautiful eyes. Green is the most rare, you and your father are very lucky”, Naomi pointed out.

“Oh we sure are”, Abe grinned, saying that with double meaning.

As Castiel spotted earlier Micheal and his children, Lucifer, and Samandriel, had already arrived. They all threw themselves at their little brother with honest shocked faces. “We didn’t think you would actually come, mother told us but- wow I can’t believe your here”, Samandriel laughed bewilderedly.

“Yeah well, it’s time to visit family, can’t stay away for so long. Besides I have news”, Castiel then looked at Dean with knowing eyes.

“News? Good news I’m hoping”

Castiel swallowed, “Depends on how you look at it, but just don’t mention me having news until I bring it up, please”

Samandriel nodded understanding his brother’s decision. Claire and Jack were outside with their cousin Kate, in the snow. Bartholomew Novak was outside, taking photos of his eldest grandchildren. He looked so happy to see the twins again, Castiel might have seen some tears. He didn’t think of the impact he left on his family when he departed to Kansas. He was sitting on the porch swing, Abraham next to him. He was holding his stomach again.

“Dad?”, Castiel called to his attention.

Bartholomew perked up and his smile were like fireworks. He stood up and like his other family members, they threw themselves at him. He just held on to them for the moment, knowing in a matter of hours they wouldn’t be a family anymore. Castiel just held on tighter and sent his father’s cologne one last time. It isn’tfair for the children. It isn’t fair for Castiel. It isn’t fair for anyone but shit, life does that.

Naomi made her usual plates for Thanksgiving dinner, it was as if Castiel never left home at all. Every corner of the house had a memory. First steps in the drive way, he broke his thumb because Lucifer close the window on it, he fell down the steps several times when he was younger, he would bake sweets with his mother, he would play chess every Wednesday with his father in his study. Castiel could go on all day, but he only has so much time.

Conversations were being said during the feast, Castiel would join in some other times.

“And what do you for a living, Dean?”, Bartholomew asked as he cut his turkey in small pieces.

“I’m a nurse”

“Oh so you two met at work”, Naomi cleared.

“No, we actually working in different hospitals. We met at a park behind the children’s school”, Castiel answered.

“Oh well isn’t that neat”, Naomi sparked. Castiel saw a difference in his mom, she’s much more leaning into the light.

“Samandriel, any luck with that boyfriend of yours”, Naomi then moved on.

Castiel choked on his drink spilling it a bit on his pants, Dean looked shook as he dropped his knife and fork. The children looked equally mortified.

“Did she say boyfriend?”, Abraham leaned in and whispered in Castiel’s ear.

“Castiel, honey, Samandriel is-“

“I’m gay. I know we grew up with them teachings us that it’s wrong but they have accepted me, I’m hoping you can accept me too”, Samandriel said with a slightly fear in his face.

Castiel blinked rapidly and pushed back into his chair, dragging his fingers through his hair. “Dean, can I see just for a sec”

“Yeah, that’s be for the best”

Castiel laughed warily, “Well, I’m guessing they aren’t homophobic anymore”

“Yeah you think”, Dean said in a aggressive tone. 

Castiel held his chest, “This- this is good, Dean, really good. They won’t hate me”, he laughed.

Dean himself returned it, “I know, baby. Come on”

Naomi and Bartholomew stood in there way as they headed to the table. “Boys, Castiel I understand we raised you and your brothers with a different mindset. And that is and was our mistake as parents, but we have changed for your brother”, Bartholomew explained putting his hand on his son’s shoulder.

“Why? Why did you change instead of bashing his name? It sounds like something every homophobic parent would do”, he squinted his eyes in confusion.

His parents looked at each other and Naomi continued, “We were taught that the homosexuals were sinful people, who carried chaos with them and spread their disease. And then Samandriel, oh you should have seen him, he was a mess in tears. He told us who he really was, who he was hiding and was tired of doing so. Me and your father couldn’t accept him at first but then after some thought, we didn’t see anything sinful about our son.

“We then educated ourselves about homosexuality and what it really was. There was many important support groups with parents with the same problems as us. The point is that we learned to accept our son for who he is, we are hoping that you can do so as well.”

Have you ever wanted something to happen so badly that you imagined the scenario in your head so many times you feel it’s a memory. Castiel has had that, and that was his parents being okay with him being gay. that moment is right now and as it’s happening he can’t belief it.

He can breathe.

He can live without rejection.

He can love freely around his family.

He can introduce them to Dean properly. He can tell them how much he likes Dean and that he might just be the best thing in life apart from his children.

Things that he never thought he would get to do, they are playing in his head as if they were flashbacks.

He smiles and nods, “Of course I can, he’s my brother in the end him having a boyfriend doesn’t change things. I’m happy for him”

Dinner went on without another word of Samandriel being gay. Castiel didn’t know why but he was glad for that. After dinner. He repeated it in his head. After dinner.

Dean held his hand under the table, Castiel kept holding on for dear life.

After dinner.

It’s a beautiful evening, Castiel doesn’t deny that. The afternoon goes smoothly, he looks out the window from his childhood bedroom. It was left untouched, his mother fortunately took care of everything. As a child, Castiel remembers looking at the huge tree that grew right in front of his window. It blocked his view of everything around it, the tree wanted to be the main attraction.

He feels arms wrap around his waist and a chin rest on his shoulder. The grip on his waist is tight but comforting at the same time. Without words being said, Dean holding him told him that he would be there for him. “I’m scared, Dean”

“Don’t be. You heard them, baby. Just don’t think about it that much okay, if it goes bad we’ll take the first plane to Kansas. I’ll make it up to you, I promise”, he teased a bit by kissing behind his ear.

Castiel chuckled feeling assured that he has something better in Kansas.

It finally came down to business, he sat them down in his childhood room. Dean was right outside, most likely with his ear glued on the door.

“What’s this about, Castiel? Is it about your brother?”, Naomi questioned.

Castiel shook his head, “No, nothing of that sort well- sort of. There is no simple way of saying this”

“What is it, son?”

His hands were in knots, his finger prints were marked on his skin, his heart pounding. It could always go wrong.

It could always go wrong.

“I’m-“

“You’re what? Oh dear god, your ill aren’t you?”, Bartholomew said in a spark.

“What- No. No, I’m not ill. Dean, he’s not just my friend”

“He’s your organ donor”, Naomi cut him.

“Mom, I’m not ill!”, he yelled, “Dean, he’s my...partner”, he wanted to laugh at himself for saying that word instead of boyfriend.

“I thought you said you two didn’t work together”, Naomi frowned in confusion.

Castiel sighed in frustration and rubbed his forehead with his fingertips, “He’s not my partner at work, he’s my-“, he took another breath and said, “He’s my boyfriend. I’m gay”

He turned his back and kept breathing slowly or else he would have an attack. From the other side of the door there was whispering.

“Castiel, we love you, but are you sure that you are gay? This could be just because of Amelia”

Castiel turned around so quickly he almost lost balanced.

“That bitch has nothing to do with me being gay. I’ve been gay since I was a kid, I never said anything because I was scared. I dated Amelia so wouldn’t suspect that I was different. I married her to get approval from the family. Dean- Dean is different from Amelia, so much different. He talks to me with respect, we rarely fight, he doesn’t verbally insult me or hurt me physically. Amelia never loved me, with Dean, I feel better. Please understand me, please”, he knelt down to meet their eyes and places his head on their thighs. He was begging, pleading, praying.

He felt his mother’s tender and small hands brush his hair. She rose his head and smiled. “We understand”

Castiel sobbed and threw himself to his parents. “Thank you”

Castiel settles down, “Would you like to meet Dean, officially this time”

“Of course”

Castiel opened the door, Dean along with the children fell down to the floor as they were reclining against it. “What the-“

They all composed themselves and smiled innocently.

“Mom, dad, this is Dean, my boyfriend”, he pointed at the man on the floor.

He quickly rose and fixed his shirt, “Hey, again, pleasure to met you both”

“The pleasure is ours, son. So tells us all about Dean Winchester and why enough for our son”, Bartholomew responded crossing his knees.

 _And so it starts_ , Castiel sighs.


	14. Christmas With The Winchesters

**Christmas, 2017**

The doctors office is always cold, well not really, the environment makes you think it’s cold. It’s always gloomy even with all the lights on in every hallway. No matter how many lights you but in a hospital it will never get rid off all the darkness in it. All the death in one huge building sounds petrifying when you really think about it. Almost every patient that goes in a hospital never comes out. Hospitals are really just graveyards. Somebody is dying at this moment inside the hospital, someone is at this moment dead laying in death bed. Could you imagine dying in a hospital with your soul wandering around trying to find the exit to the damn maze?

Abraham ponders all these negative thoughts, it’s not like him at all. Everything hurts, his organ hurts, his body is itchy, it’s turning yellow for fucks sake. Every single time he eats something the pain only gets worse, he just vomita everything out. That turkey that Mrs. Novak made was out of this world, best turkey Abe had ever had. But he just threw everything up when they got back to the hotel, the pain in his stomach was unbearable.

His dad. His dad is the worst pain of them all. He is like gum, never leaves, not once. He force Abe to quit all of his sports and after school programs because it was becoming too much. Then he feels empty. Like nothing. Like he is nothing.

He is trying to figure out himself what is going on but shit the one thing he can’t find in the internet is a diagnosis.

The doctor himself is at first stunned by the descriptions of his symptoms. Abe thanks the good lord and Jesus his father isn’t in the room to see the doctors worried face.

“Tell me Abraham, has your urine become darker than it should?”

Abe glances down and shrugs, “Dark how?”

“Well dark like brown. Have you urinated brown urine before?”

Again he shrugs, “Once or twice”

Doctors face isn’t helping Abe’s confidence at the moment. “Your appetite, has it decreased? Usually by your age group young men feast on anything”

“Yeah, I would eat like a beast as my dad always told me but I don’t know, I just haven’t been myself lately”

“Tell me more about that then?”

“I don’t know, I just don’t find pleasure in the things I do anymore. Baseball was my sport but recently I don’t care much for it, can’t play cause of all the pain in my stomach. At one point I loved cowboys but I just kinda forgot about them, I thought it was just cause I’m getting older but- but I don’t like anything anymore”, his tiny voice cracks as he begins to sob, “Can you help me? Please?”, he begs.

“Of course I’m going to help you. Me and my team are going to do everything we can find you a diagnose. I promise”

Dr. Wong, is a middle age woman with jet black hair, her dark eyes are calming. She picked up her chest not to show her breast but to show her dignity and position. She was the head of the pediatrician department, a real good friend of Dean’s. He trusted her as a doctor and as a friend. So when she asked him to step in her office and told Abe to exit, he still trusted her to have good news.

“Good news or bad news first?”, Dr. Wong asked.

“Good news”, Dean replies without a doubt.

“Good news is that I can get you results by the end of this month. And whatever he is sick off we can start right away after New Years”, she replied.

Dean swallowed, “Okay doesn’t sound too bad but you’re making sound as if he is sick and you already diagnosed him. So what’s the bad news?”

She herself hesitated, “It’s not looking good, Dean. I have one illness in mind but I can’t come to a conclusion like that because it might frighten you. And if I am wrong I can’t have a lawsuit on my ass”

“Just please tell me, Carmen, please. Don’t tell me as a doctor, tell me as a friend”

“My professional opinion is that it sounds like cancer to me. With the symptoms he has been telling me, the cancer is spreading through vital organs. But we need to find out if it cancer or not, if it cancer we need to find what type of cancer. Then we can help Abraham”

Dean lunged forward on his seat, rubbing his eyes with his palms.

“Cancer. Cancer? Are you sure cause I know that kid hasn’t been eating all his vegetables but I have him under control. It can be that”, he answers.

“Dean, cancer is an illness and it just occurs within our bodies. Most of the time it has nothing to do with the outside world”, she tried to comfort her friend.

“My mother died of cancer. Breast cancer. Isn’t this shit genetic as well”, he argues.

“Dean, I know symptoms of breast cancer and he most definitely does not have breast cancer. And yes cancer sometimes does run in the family, and yes maybe it is because of his grandmother. But as I said before we cannot call it cancer before I do extensive research, okay?”

Dean nods, thanks her and leaves the room in that order. He grabs Abe’s hand and they practically run to the parking lot. Dean more than Abe wants to go home.

“What did the doctor say, Dean?”, Jess asked as her, Dean, and Sam watched Abe sleep.

“She said she could jump to a conclusion to quickly, but it might be cancer”

“Like mom”, Sam murmured seeing the defeated looked on his face.

“I can’t loose him, Sammy, not him too”, he exits the room to bawl his eyes out.

Sam rest his brother head on his shoulder, “You’re not gonna loose him, Dean, you won’t loose him. The world isn’t that cruel”

“Yes it fucking is!”, he grips his brother’s shirt into a tight fist.

“Dean, look at me”, Jess grabs his face to make him look up. “Whatever happens we are going to be with you through every step, every doctor check up, we will help with the medical bills. We are family, we are in this together. Do you understand me, Dean?”, she looked at him sternly.

“Yes, but you guys are going to California and gonna have a baby and even a big fancy house. How will you be able to help me out if you guys are stayed away?”

Sam and Jess knowingly looked at each other. “Today me and Jess spoke, and we decided that is everything went okay with Abe then we will go ahead with our plan, but if everything went to shit we will stay with you. We are not going to leave you alone, Dean, not when you most need it”

Dean stared at his brother and sister-in-law in gratitude, he started to sob again and this time he couldn’t stop.

 

Mid- December in Kansas is one of the greatest times for Dean, also full of memories of struggle. He had to work odd jobs since he was ten to gather money for Sam’s Christmas present. It was always never enough so he end up stealing a present and buy then groceries to last them for weeks. It wasn’t until he turned the legal age when he started making the good money.

Abe’s first Christmas was probably one of the hardest Dean has ever had. He was alone, Sam was there but he was alone. He tried so hard to forget her that day but seeing his son without his mother on Christmas was a hard hit to the chest. He could still sometimes hear her coming through the door with her red hair blooming against the sun. He still misses her, she was his first love, he thought she would be the last. Destiny thought different, she might have been his first but certainly not his last.

Castiel. First he fell in love with his eyes. Bluest eyes that ever blued, that was immediately what he first thought. Then he fell in love with his smile. It’d seem even from the beginning Dean could tell that Cas didn’t smile much. So when he smiled his gums would show and shit, the joke doesn’t have to be funny if Cas smiles or laughs, so does Dean. Then he fell in love with his kids. A bunch of weirdos if you ask Dean but he loves them to death. He knows he shouldn’t get attached so quickly to the kids but there is something about the Novaks that he loves. Then Dean gradually started to fall in love with everything Cas is, from his hair to his weird crooked toes. He was falling in love and he wasn’t realizing it. He would glance at Castiel and smile, then Cas would smiled, Dean loves that smile.

Maybe it is to soon to say I love you, but he isn’t going to waste time with Cas. He’s going to love him properly, he is going to cherish him, he will make every night seem like an endless cycle of love.

Having Cas over for Christmas is going to be perfect because he will demonstrate just how good of a boyfriend he truly is.

The days in Kansas only got colder and colder, the snow didn’t seem to come to an end. Sure the kids didn’t mind but for the money making parents who have to buy the presents, well it was a small dilemma. Abe kept asking for hot chocolate every morning before school, Dean didn’t want to deny him the drink, he couldn’t.

Christmas dinner was going to be held in the 24th. Charlie and Gilda, the Harvelles, Benny, Jody and Alex, and Cas and the kids, were all going to attend. Problem was the size of the apartment and the amount of people, Dean completely forgot about size. His apartment isn’t big but isn’t small. They all agreed on eating turkey and ham, plus all the side dishes. Everyone pitched in with the money, Cas, Dean and Jess, were going to do all the cooking. By the time Castiel arrived with the kids it was eight in the morning, Dean and Jess were making the pies. Castiel’s duty was the main dishes, he needed his own special area to cook the ham and turkey.

Sam wanted to help but every single time he would try to get in, they would tell him to not touch anything. So he just set up the table and put in extra set of chairs. The children were already dressed for pictures. Jack wore a black button up with gray slacks, and black leather shoes. Claire, was forced to get into a decent pale pink dress with white butterflies and flower decorating the bottom. Abraham, always staying lavish, chose to wear a red button up from his favorite clothing line, Armani, then he wore black pants from the same designer, to add more color he wore his favorite white Gucci shoes.

“Kid, you are so extra”, Claire rolled her eyes and laughed.

“I’m not extra, I just wanna look the best”, he winked.

“I’m hungry”, Jack rubbed his belly, “Dad!”

“What?”, Castiel answered from the kitchen.

“I’m hungry!”

“What do you want me to do about it?”

“Feed me”, Jack answered in an obvious tone.

“There’s some snacks inside the fridge, if you’ll like”, Jess imputed. The kitchen was then flooded with three children running to the fridge, they all turned into a ball trying to be first.

“How’s the ham, baby”, Dean washed his hands and turned to Cas, smoothing his arms up and down.

“Almost ready so I can move to the turkey. Then I’ll help you two out some more”, he turned around and pecked him with a smiles still in his lips.

“Nah, you take a shower after the turkey and change. Me and Jess got it”, he wrapped his arms around his waist and swayed side to side as if there were music on.

“Aren’t you two the gayest couple in the block?”, Jess coed.

“Just you wait for Charlie and Gilda. They are a level ahead of us”, Dean jokes, still pressing kisses in Castiel’s face.

Sam walked in the room all dressed up with a flannel shirt and jeans, “Aw, aren’t they the cutest gay couple in town”, he teased.

“No, sir, you will go backand change clothes right now”, Jessica took one look at her husband and pushed him out of the kitchen to the hallway.

“What? What’s wrong with this?”

“It’s Christmas dinner and we are taking photos. Go change clothes now!”

“Don’t fight with women Sam, especially your wife. You’re never gonna win, I come from experience”, Castiel said and he stilled worked on the ham. Dean stopped and held him tighter. He hated when Cas talked about that bitch.

Sam sighed and walked back.

Charlie and Gilda were first to arrive, Charlie made sure everyone knew she has arrived. “WAS UP BITCHES!”

“Charlie!”, Gilda slapped her arms to calm her down.

“Hey, Charlie. Gilda, so nice to see you both”, Jess kissed them both hello and hugged them.

“Same here. So, I hear someone has a bun in the oven”, Gilda smiled knowingly.

“Cas?!”, Dean yelled spinning Cas around grabbing his face, “You’re pregnant? I knew it”

Castiel chuckled and rolled his eyes.

“Dean, shut up. So is it true Jess, another Winchester in this world?”, Charlie asked excitedly.

“Yes! Two months in, seven months left to go!”

Dean and Castiel left the ladies chat as they all started to help around the kitchen. Which was great cause everything could be done faster but the kitchen is small enough. Castiel doesn’t do well in cramp up spaces, Dean was still right behind him, he could feel himself sweating and his pulse rising. The girls were laughing, the kids were running, he knew that they all couldn’t fit perfectly. He couldn’t tell Dean to move away, he would think wrong and that is the last thing he wants.

“Cas, baby, you okay?”, Dean lightly says.

“Yes, it’s just that I don’t do well in cramped up places”

“Oh”, Dean realizes that he isn’t helping and moves away, both quickly missing the warmth, “sorry, you should’ve told me”

Cas shook his head, “I didn’t have it in me to move you”

Dean wanted to say it, he wanted to whisper it in his ear or scream it in the middle of the kitchen. The impulse was too big. He was saved by the knock on the door. The Harvelles, Ellen, Jo, and Bobby.

Abraham answered the door, “Uncle Bobby!”

“Hey, munchkin”, Bobby ruffled Abe’s fiery red hair.

“Hey, guys, I want y’all to meet, Cas, my boyfriend”, Dean quickly and proudly wanted to show off his new boyfriend.

Castiel blushes and extends his hand towards them, “Castiel Novak, pleasure to meet you all”. Bobby is the first one to shake his hand, then the ladies followed.

“This one got manners, Dean, he’s a keeper already”, Jo smack his on the chest playful.

“Shut up, Jo”

A few minutes later Jody, Benny and Alex showed up, Jody being a saint brought the liquor. “Thank god someone was thinking for me”, he hugged the whiskey and kissed it.

Jody snatched it away, “Dinner first Winchester. So, where is this dreamy boyfriend of yours you can’t seem to shut up about”

“He’s in the kitchen making the turkey”, Dean guided Jody and Benny to kitchen, it was already so crowed. Dean glanced at Cas to make sure he was doing alright. He looked a bit distressed.

“Baby, come here”, Dean pulled him away from the crowd.

“I can’t Dean, I’m working on the turkey”

“Hey, someone with cooking experience fill in for Cas on the turkey!”, Dena called out. In a matter of seconds Sam stood on the kitchen rolling up his sleeves.

“You feeling better now?”, Dean asked.

Cas nodded, “Much better. More friends of yours?”, he pointed to the people looking at them with adoring eyes.

“Yes actually, this is Jody Mills and Benny Lafitte, they work with me in the hospital and helped patch up Jack”

“Really? You all did a fantastic job on my son, thank you so much, I really can’t thank you enough”, Castiel replies with gratitude.

“And we can’t thank you enough for bringing out that gooey side of Dean”, Benny commented.

Dean mocked him and pulled Cas to his room. Castiel has only been inside Dean’s bedroom three times, and every single time he goes in, it gets cleaned. “I love your bedroom, it’s small but cozy. I don’t know what it is about it, maybe it is because it smells like you”, he goes and lies down on Dean’s bed.

Dean follows him and lays in top of him, he rest his chin on his chest, “How’s therapy going, baby?”

Castiel sighs, “Jack is fine, but Claire, Claire still doesn’t like you much. It gets me scared because I want both of their approval of you. You mean so much to me, Dean”, he then pulls him closer, face to face they kiss slowly.

“I feel the same about you, I haven’t felt like this in a very long time. You’re just something so special”, he runs his fingers through his hair, “And what about you? Have you improved at all?”

Dean thinks back about the breakdown he had back in October. He hadn’t been there but it was still his baby suffering, he worries every day that’ll happy again.

“I have been doing better to be honest, and I think it’s because you’re in my life. Like I said, I need you in my life. The love that I have with my children is not the same I have for you. I love them till the end of light, but my love for you, I can’t even explain it. I’ve never felt it before”, Castiel leans to kiss him and every inch of Dean’s face.

“Couldn’t have said it better. You always know what to say”

 

Abraham didn’t eat much, everything looked delicious but he didn’t want any of it. He poked his ham and turkey around until Dean would get mad. He looked around in the dinner table, everyone was enjoying Christmas even Claire. Except for him. He ate as much as he could but his stomach would start to hurt. So he just drank his soda. Maybe his stomach hurt because he ate to fast or cause he’s been eating junk food through out the day. But he thought back, he’s on his first plate not even half of the plate is empty, the only thing he ate since breakfast was a lunchable, which is a freaking snack.

What in the hell is wrong with him?

“How come you don’t eat like an animal anymore, tomato?”, Claire asked quietly when she poked his thigh.

“Cause then my stomach starts to bitch. In another words I’m sick of something”

“Oh”, Claire said taken back, “Well then take medicine dummy, that always fixes me”

“Don’t you think I’ve already tried that? My dad has tried everything but I only get worse. Not even your dad could see what is wrong me”, Abe said tiredly.

“Don’t worry, tomato, you’ll be fine”, Claire smiled and ruffled his hair.

Everyone else was tending to their conversations except Dean and Castiel, they smiled at their children’s conversations. But Dean still had a bad feeling in his gut, Castiel tried to see the light out of it but even he couldn’t. Abe’s symptoms weren’t pretty. Castiel can’t pin point what is it, but if he is feeling massive pain in his stomach and back, most probably is a type of cancer or an organ is failing.

They both shook those thoughts away because it’s Christmas.

 

On New Year’s Day, Castiel didn’t feel like celebrating at hike nor at Dean’s. Dean had the plan of leading them to the creek, where they had their first date. The creek was completely frozen, the trees were covered in snow, the ground was freezing their asses. The point is that it might have been the worst idea both men had ever had. They had tents and a heater on each one, but Jack and Abe still complained.

“Why couldn’t we celebrate New Year’s Day inside like the rest of the world?”, Jack asked his dad as he helped him get the snacks out of the truck.

“Because we simply aren’t like the rest of the world”, Castiel answered. Jack sighed and sat down next to Abe and Claire who were playing monopoly.

Dean and Castiel put underneath them three layers of thick blankets so they could lay down. The blue sky was empty of stars and full of dark clouds. The moon was invincible but its light was still present. Dean rested his head against Cas’ chest, he closed his eyes and followed the rhythm of his heart beats. Cas kept a steady rhythm as well as he brush Dean’s hair back. He had put gel on it, but not enough to make Castiel stop.

Jack took the opportunity to take _the_ perfect picture.

“We should use that for their wedding day”, Claire brought it up. Jack and Abe nodded. “When do you think they’ll get married?”, Jack wondered.

“I give them less then a year”, Claire answered as she listened to music on her iPod.

“Eh, maybe five”, Abe shrugged. “Wait, I thought you didn’t like my dad with your dad?”, Abe confusingly glance back at Claire.

Claire looked at his dad and Dean, she saw how peaceful they made each other. There was nothing wrong with the scenery. His dad is happy. But her mom is in jail, spending holidays alone. What will happen to her? Bad things, Claire hopes, after all Amelia has done to her dad and brother. She pleads her mother never gets out of prison. She thinks back at her dad, her dad deserves this with Dean. Sure, maybe Claire has a little doubt about the couple, but if the man can but a smile like that on her dad’s face every day. Then maybe it’ll work out.

“Eh, he’s okay, I guess”

Back with Dean and Castiel, Dean was dying to tell Cas how he felt. Freaking thrilled. And freaking anxious. He didn’t want to move it too quickly, Cas is one of the best things that has ever happened to him. He cannot ruin his chance at happiness.

“Dean?”

“Yeah, Cas”

“What do you wish for 2018?”

“For good things to happen, like us still being together. Everything going great for Abe. For the Claire to finally like me. Jack...well actually I like Jack, he can stay the same”, Dean listed his wishes.

“I was about to say the same thing”, Cas laughed and kissed the tops of Dean’s head.

“Baby, I have something to say, it’s nothing bad, well depends on how you take it really. But usually most people take it really well, especially when the other person feels the same. So- this can get really awkward if you don’t feel the same-“, he was cut off by his boyfriend sitting them up and his lips smashed together. The kiss was deep and on every parting you could hear the smooching sound. Castiel rested their foreheads together, he whispered, “I love you too, honey”

Dean laughed in relief, “Oh thank god. That’s gotta be the best news I’ve heard in a long time”, he grabbed Castiel’s collar and brought him in for another kiss. “I love you. I love you. I love you”, he keep saying it every time their lips parted.

“Dad, it’s 11:50”, Claire called them both.

Fireworks, Claire was always fascinated by them, Chicago has the best ones. Especially if you go tothe Great Lakes, most beautiful thing in the world. Jack always found them too noisy and destructive to the environment, but he can’t deny the life in every color. Abraham something gave a shit about the fireworks. It just always depends on his mood. Right now he looked around and saw his family waiting for the clock to strike twelve and for firework show to start. They brought small fireworks since they were in the middle of a forest. But his family was smiling and laughing, maybe he didn’t feel the same but he could sense their joy.

“Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. HAPPY NEW YEARS!”, the whole family celebration in unison. Castiel and Dean hugged and kisses their children, before meeting their eyes once again.

No one would lie that day when they say that it was just pure love in their eyes, it was serene and sincere, it’s simple love. The best love. The best love anyone can experience.

_The only love in my world. And he is standing right in front of me._


	15. Monster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for updating so late.  
> Sorry in advance for the worse smut y’all will ever read.  
> Sorry overall.

> **January, 2018**

 

“Mr. Winchester and Dr. Novak, it is a pleasure to see you both again?”, Doctor Wong smiled and shook their hands, as she had them wait in her cold office.

“Pleasure is all ours”, Dean said shakily.

“Okay, gentlemen, I know I have had you both waiting since December and it’s almost February, but me and my team had to make sure we were correct”, she explained.

“And your conclusion is?”, Castiel jumped to the question.

Doctor Wong sighed and opened the beige folder that had at least a dozen papers in them. “Abraham has cancer”, Dean’s heart stopped, “I’m not going to sugarcoat it because the cancer is not in the early stages, it cannot be removed with surgery, and chemo will probably do very little. Abraham, sadly has caught pancreatic cancer”

Dean remembers Anna’s funeral clearly, too clearly. He remembers waking up late, Sam offered to take Abe out of his hands for that day. Thank god he did, Dean would’ve neglected his baby, even screaming. He had to gather his strength to take a shower, brush his teeth, and get dressed. He didn’t even bother it’s time, he knew he was late, might as well be extra late. Sam wouldn’t stop appearing on his phone screen, 14 missed calls. Oh freaking well. The burial was probably the worst experience in his life, as they were putting her casket down, he had a flashback to his mother’s funeral. He held his dad’s hand but he didn’t cry, not yet, not in front of Sammy. Now he was watching his wife, but he didn’t cry, not yet, not in front of Abraham.

Dean imagines the future, he sees Castiel next to him with Jack and Claire, all in black. Abraham casket is being lower, but he doesn’t cry, not yet, not in front of Castiel and the kids.

And now Dean knows the statistics of surviving pancreatic cancer are extremely low. This cancer is one of the deadliest and just their fucking luck that Abe has it.

Dean glanced at Cas, he has that same expression in his eyes, he knows his sons fate. Cancer is beatable, but not this one.

Not this one.

“And you’re sure it can’t be removed with surgery?”, Castiel asked shakily as he heldDean’s hand.

“No, let me explain. Pancreatic cancer is the third most deadliest cancer their is, that is because the pancreas, as both of you would know, is a very delicate organ and right behind the stomach. So we can detect the cancer in regular physical exams. Now because of that usually, the cancer is only known to the patient in the later stages, the last stages. Abraham is certainly in the later stages, he told me the symptoms from the pain in his ‘stomach’, which was not his stomach at all, it was his pancreas all along. Surgery is out of the question because the cancer already spread through his organs, chemo is out best option here.”

“But will it work?”, Dean spike sharply and a bit too aggressive.

The doctor stayed silent. Dean took that as an answer. He left.

Castiel stayed behind, “Is there even a small chance that Abraham will live?”, he said with a small lump in his throat.

“Doctor to doctor talk, the statistics of surviving pancreatic cancer is, 91% die within the first five years of diagnosis,only 8% survive more than five years. And74% die within the first year of diagnosis”, the doctor then showed him the folder. “Abraham is in the 74%”, she stopped and she flinched when Cas stood up so fast the chair fell back, she carried on still, “We can still try chemo to make his time lengthier but the chances of it working are just too low and practicing pointless. I truly am sorry, Dr. Novak. Tell Dean, that my heart and prayers for a miracle happens are with with him. But cancer is a monster, and sometimes it wins”

 Sometimes it wins?

Cancer always wins. One way or another, it always wins. It wins by financially ruining you, it wins by killing your loved family member, it wins by hunting down people in their genetics.

Nobody wins.

Castiel and Dean already lost the fight.

Abraham, who’s barely going to turn ten, who’s innocent, who didn’t deserve this, who barely experienced life, has lost. And he doesn’t even know that he lost. He doesn’t know that he is crucially ill, no one knew, not even his own father. Who swore to Anna, that he would protect him, keep him healthy and strong, to keep him educated, to raise a man. Dean swore to love him, to tell Abe stories about his mother.

Dean did and does all of those things, but the one thing he can’t do, he can’t stop. He couldn’t protect him, he can’t protect his son of his illness. How on earth could you do that really? You can’t prevent an illness like cancer because sometimes the monster wins.

This time, it won.

How do you tell a nine-year old boy that he is dying of the most painful and deadly cancers there is? Do you tell him, or do you keep it a secret for as long as you can?

If you keep a secret, you protect him, right? But you’re also hurting him in a way.

If you do tell him that he was less than a year to live...well no one can conclude the right outcome. Obviously Abe wouldn’t believe you, but then he would realize that you are dead ass serious, after that there is no telling what will happen next.

Everyone takes the news differently, a young boy maybe wouldn’t care because he would understand fully the concept. But the parents would.

“What do we tell him Dean?”, Castiel sniffled as he miserably attempted to clear his tear stricken face.Castiel knew that the question was as hard as saying, imagine hearing it. Dean threw his body forward and burst into dreadful tears, he held his head between his legs.

They were right outside Castiel’s house, inside the whole family was there, everyone.

Sam and Jess. The Harvelles. Benny, Jody, and Alex. Jack and Claire.

And, Abraham.

They are all there because they knew that it was all going to be okay, they are a good, loving family. Nothing of this sort could happen to them.

“A year, Cas? Are you fucking sure?!”, Dean yelled between his legs, running his fingers through his hair.

Castiel swallowed down the lump and snot in his nose, “Dean, I wouldn’t lie about this”.

Dean bolted up and inhaled, he closed his eyes and cleared his face from the mess of the tears and snot. “I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know”, he kept repeating the phrase.

Castiel didn’t know either, he just surged forward and kissed him. It always calms Dean down, it eases him, it was doing the trick. He kept his hands on either side of his face, clearing the tears away with his thumbs. They kept kissing and kissing, until Dean stopped crying. When he did, Castiel put their forehead together, they closed their eyes at the same time. All they heard was the wind hitting the windshield.

“Honey”, Castiel calls for his attention.

“Yeah”, he inhales deeply.

“I know that this is so hard for you, but I will be here, with you, I won’t leave. I swear to you that I won’t, I love you. I love you, so deeply much, and I love that kid as if he were my own. It fucking pains me, the whole situation hurts me and I know that it’s killing you but- but we need to stay strong and together for him. For your little boy. He will need us, he will need his family. We need to give him that. Please, Dean, look at me”, he picked up his boyfriend’s chin. His eyes seemed dead. “We need to be okay”

“How? Cas, how? My son is dying and I can’t do anything about it”, Dean’s tears turned angry.

“I know, I know”, Castiel tries to call him down by keeping his voice at a steady tone. “Dean... I- We...”, he sighed.

Dean harshly pulls away from Cas’ grip, “See, even you can’t give me the answer”, he opens the door and slams it shut, he hears Castiel do the same.

“I’m sorry that I can’t give you one but there’s isn’t an answer Dean”, he replied bitterly, “I’m given you advice here, it’s the only thing I’m good for in this situation. I have lost children as well Dean, in the delivery room. I see mothers crying and begging me to help their child when their is nothing I could possibly do. I know that feeling, of not having power over reality. And I know their pain, I myself have lost children Dean, two miscarriages and three stillborns. I know how it feel to loose, Dean, and I wouldn’t wish it on you or anybody.”

“Does it ever stop hurting?”, Dean goes around the car, his face dissolves from the anger as he learned the new information.

“Never. But I’m here for you, Dean”, he hugs him, mourning father to mourning father.

A parent who goes through a miscarriage and/or a stillborn, goes through their live say, “What if?”

“What if she had lived?”

What if I had taken care of myself more?”

“What if I had taken care of her better, then maybe our baby wouldn’t have died?”

“What if I had saved my baby’s life instead of my own?”

A parent who’s child dies at an early age, like Abe’s, lives the rest of their lives saying “I should’ve”

“I should’ve watched them more carefully”

“I should’ve told them make better choices”

“I should’ve been a better parent”

“I should’ve done more”

There’s always guilt even though it was never their fault, but as a parent you feel responsible because it is your job to never fail them.

Dean broke down in the middle of Cas’ driveway. Castiel and Dean went down to the cold concrete floor, Dean kept his head in Cas’ chest as he was being shushed gently. That’s how Sam and Charlie found them. Castiel meet eyes with both of them, he shook his head as to tell them the news.

“Fuck”, Sam mumbled, he turned around so no one could see his silent tears.

Fuck indeed.

 

They didn’t tell Abe.

The adults knew.

The children were to be kept out of this.

“Dean, honey, we can’t keep this from Abraham!”, Cas explained. 

“I can’t tell him. You are not going to tell him. No one is going to tell him!”, he flopped down on his bed.

“Dean, we need to tell him so he can start chemo!”

Dean sat up on the bed and aggressively grabbed Castiel by his elbows, “It’s not going to work! He is only going to get worse by starting chemo! You’re a doctor, you’ve seen what chemo does”

“And it works Dean. Sometimes.”

Dean proceeded to move out of his bed to stand with Dean, “Sometimes, exactly! I’m not going to take chances, Cas. We are not going to chemo, we are not going to tell him”

“Tell me what? That I have cancer?”, Abraham’s small voice came through, he was standing there listening to them talk. Neither of them saw him enter. “Do I?”

The men gulped, Dean gave Cas a look that would kill. He let go of Castiel and started to walked slowly to his son.

“Abe, listen-“

“You weren’t going to tell me that I’m dying! You are so selfish, I can’t believe you!”

“Abraham, your father was only trying to protect you”, Castiel spoke tenderly.

“Protect me from death? He couldn’t even protect my mom, of course he can’t protect me from this!”, he ran downstairs and out the door.

“Abe! Abe!”, Cas and Dean followed him outside but he already down the street taking a turn.

“We got this”, Jack and Claire made their entrance, Jack had his bike but Claire didn’t. They set off, Jack got a head start with Claire right behind him. Cas and Dean followed them.

Jack kept peddling fast as he saw Abraham, the kid was as fast as Claire. They all finally caught up to him, well Jack, with his bike he covered his pathwayjust in time to get tackled by Claire.

“Get off me, Blondie!”, Abe struggled as his hands were being put behind his back.

“That’s enough Claire! Don’t hurt him”, Cas picked up Claire and put her aside. Dean tried to help Abe get up but he attempted to run again. Jack back peddled and hit him with the back of the bike. Dean took his chance and carried him over his shoulder.

“Get me down you filthy liar!”, he started to bang on his dad’s back with his fist and with his feet and knee he hit his chest and stomach.

Castiel walked behind them and side by side with his kids, Claire took a ride behind Jack on his bike. “Kids, get to the house first”, Castiel told the twins.

“Okay. Hold on Claire, I wanna go fast”.

They watched them go, Dean let Abraham off his shoulder but held his hand tightly.

“I’m not a baby, let go of me”, he tried to yanked his arm off his dad’s grip. Dean rolled his eyes and tugged his arms.

“You are acting like a child so I’m going to treat you like a child”

“If I were acting like a kid, then I would do this”, he then dropped down to the floor.

Dean was about to bark at him when Cas snapped.

“Okay, enough! Both of you, enough! Dean let him go, Abraham get up!”, Castiel put on his father mode on. The Winchesters did so, but they had a stink eye towards each other.

“It’s his fault, I’m dying and he’s being selfish about it”, Abe pointed out his dad.

“Your father isn’t being selfish, he is trying to protect you”

“Don’t defend him!”, Abe yelled.

“I’m not defending anyone! Please, Abraham we can’t have this conversation outside, screaming at each other”

“I’m dying of what type of cancer? Can you at least tell me that?”

Dean and Cas took a glance at each other, both pale and full of doubt.

“Abe, it’s not simple to explain”, Dean started but Abe ran to Castiel’s house.

Dean saw his son run, like he has seen him the last thousand times, but now he just realize that he doesn’t have time. And one day he won’t even jog because of the pain.

He doesn’t have time.

None of them do.

 

Dean’s birthday is coming up in a few days, Cas had everything planned out since the beginning of January. First Cas would show up with the twins, he would bring flowers and cherry pie, then take all five of them to any movie Dean wants to watch. After that he would take them to the Roadhouse, he had it planned with Ellen and Bobby already. The table had been saved already for them, there would be more pie for Dean and beer. Sam and Jess would attend as well.

Everything that Dean loves would be there on his special day.

Everything has gone to shit since the news.

Dean doesn’t even want to go to work, and if he does he goes late. He showers but only gets wet and doesn’t wash anything, he forgets to do so. He sleeps but needs to check up on Abraham every hour if he is still breathing. He doesn’t want to send Abe to school.

Sam, Jess, and Cas, are all feeling Dean’s pain, because one day it will happen, one day. Dean thinks that day is tomorrow or next week.

It’s understandable since it’s his son, one of his few loves in this world, and he is about to loose him.

The day before his birthday Cas drove to his apartment to check up on him.

“Dean”

“What, Cas?”, he murmured in his chest as they laid on his couch.

“I have some things planned for tomorrow. I don’t know if you still want to do them”

Dean looks up in confusion, “ Is tomorrow something important?”

“Honey, tomorrow is your birthday, remember? The big 34th birthday but you can still pass as 30”, Cas played with his hair and stared at his eyes and almost unnoticeable freckles. His eyes were so green but once you get closer you see deeper into the texture, every green detail.

Castiel almost has them memorized.

“Fuck”, he drops his head back to his boyfriend’s chest, “baby, I completely forgot about my birthday, I’ve have been thinking about Abe nonstop”, he put his chin on his chest, with his closed eyes he still looked sad.

“I understand, Dean, I understand. But do you want to do anything?”

“Well, what do you have planned for me?”, he opened his eyes and smiled.

Cas smiled and turned them over, Dean laughed, “Baby!”

“Well, I can’t tell you anything because it’s a surprise”, Cas started to pepper Dean’s neck, massaging his hip bones with his thumbs gently.

“Screw the surprise”, he brought Cas’ head up and kissed him, running his hands on his curvy back outlining his ass. With one hand he unbutton his pants with the other he slowly took them off just exactly to show his ass that was still covered by his underwear. Dean had this weird thing about seeing Cas with his underwear, he just loved the way it complimented his ass.

His hands were totally busy with his ass. Castiel at this point took off their shirts, he slowly traveled downwards to Dean’s dick, but he is a tease. Dean love hates that about him. With his finger he hooked it to Dean’s boxes and pulled it down just a bit and kissed the spot, he continued to do so in different places. He leaned down more to the inside of his thighs, Cas had to keep his hands on Dean’s knees to keep his legs separated since this is one of Dean’s weakest areas.

Castiel didn’t care much he just only the noises Dean makes as he kisses, licks, and bits his way down on both things to the target. His dick, was already swollen red and ready to be taken out. He smiled and leaned down to kiss Dean, it was messy, they were both horny as it is. Cas pulled Dean’s boxers down and cock immediately hit him in his own dick. Cas took the opportunity and rubbed himself slowly on Dean.

“Oh shit yes!”, Dean whimpered quiet loudly.

“Sam, Jess and kids might be out but the neighbors can still hear you”, Cas whispered, as he slowly kissed him and keep dry humping him, it is one rhythm.

“Screw them all”, he moaned.

“Want me to fuck you?”, Cas hesitantly asked. Dean is usually the top when it comes to sex and has only let Cas top maybe twice. Dean isn’t opposed to being the bottom he just has to be into the mood.

“You better. Take off my boxers and there lube on the night stand over there”, Dean instructed.

“Do you keep lube everywhere?”, Cas laughed.

“It comes in handy”, Dean shrugged.

Cas had taken off his boxers and grabbed a substantial amount of lube on his index finger. “Remember, just relax”, he pressed his finger into the rim carefully since Dean isn’t fully use to it.

“Cas you better shove the whole entire finger in me or I swear to god”, he said impatiently.

“It’s going to hurt you”, Cas ignores Dean command and goes at his own pace, yes it was slow but let’s all be serious for a moment. The faces and noises Dean makes as Cas slowly thrust his second finger in, is what Castiel lives for.

“Cas, if you love me then you would shove that cock in me right now”, he whimpered as he arched his back.

“Oh for the love of Christ, fine”, Cas pulled down his own underwear when he remembered. “Wait, do you have condoms?”

“Have you been fucking anyone else?”

“Of course not”, Cas said taken back.

“Then that cock better fill me up, hurry up, baby”, he smacked his ass.

“You are too bossy to be in the bottom”

“Why do you think I top?”

Cas shook his head and laughed.

He pressed his cock on the rim and looked up to see Dean’s reaction, he looked out for any doubt or pain. He slowly pressed in the tip of his cock, and both men moaned, with Dean arching and Castiel going forward to grab onto something.

“Come on, Cas”, Dean grabbed Cas’ hips and pulled them forward, his cock slowly entered more and more. Sure it burned because Dean kept rushing Cas, and now he might have regretted.

Cas was only half way through when he began to thrust in, moving his hips slowly at that pace. “Cas, baby, I’m going to come”, he whimpered.

Cas with wide eyes answered, “But I’m only half way in”

“Oh sweet Jesus”, Dean gasped and dropped his head back.

Castiel then made Dean’s day with thrusting all of his dick in him. He leaned down and kissed him as he kept thrusting this time faster. He peppered kisses all over his face especially his forehead, he loved the way Dean’s hot breath made him shivered. All movement stopped as Cas exhaled and Dean felt warm liquid burst into him, might sound disgusting but it was truly one sexy action.

Cas laid down on Dean’s chest when he felt his cock poking him. Dean hadn’t come yet.

“Fuck my mouth”. Dean still woozy could only nod, he manages to grab Cas’ head and lead him downwards. Castiel latches on like a pro and teases the tip with his tongue. He takes all of Dean’s cock in his mouth and moans. Dean arches as he feels the vibrations on his dick, he feels his pre come being sucked off as it comes out.

Dean soon starts thrusting his hips forward, holding Cas’ head in place. He grips his hair as he thrust in rhythm, he goes at first strikingly fast. Dean goes a bit to aggressively than he intended too, Castiel tries to removed Dean’s hand. But Dean, so out of doesn’t see Castiel’s struggling until Cas grabs his hips and pushes them down to stop them. Dean stops completely obviously confused, Cas sits up on his knees, his breathing is uneven and he is taking big inhales. Dean only realizes what he was doing when he sees how red Cas’ face and lips are.

“Dean, I know you are angry and frustrated, but don’t take it out on me”, Cas coughs as he steps out of the couch to the restroom.

Dean shakes his head immediately and follows his, “No, no, I swear I wasn’t doing it on purpose. Baby, I wouldn’t do that to you, look I don’t know what happened, but I didn’t do it to hurt you.”, he grabbed Castiel’s wrist and waist to turned him around. He didn’t look happy but he was willing to listen. “Please, believe me, I wouldn’t hurt you on purpose. I love you remember, please, I’m sorry”, he doesn’t know how to apologize to this, he just does what he usually does whenever Cas is mad at him. He grabs his jaw, closes his eyes and puts together their foreheads together. “I love you and I’m sorry”

He hears Cas sighed, “Dean, it’s okay, just don’t let it happen again or no more head for you”, Cas threatens with a little humor in his voice. Dean laughs it off but when he opens his eyes he sees that Cas is dead serious.

“What are you for reals?”, he says with real concern in his voice.

Cas rolls his eyes and pushes Dean out of the restroom. He goes to the bathroom and washes his face with water. He hears something slip under the door, he picks it up and turns it over.

_I love you, baby ❤️_

On the bottom there was a little drawing of a sad puppy with a little saying ‘sorry’.

“It’s like you have them prepared”, Cas laughs as he looks over it again. He gets little notes all the time.

Either Dean is a good artist or he does them ahead of time.

For Cas it doesn’t matter because Dean takes time from his schedule to make the cute notes for Cas.

He saves them all.


	16. Understand

**February, 2018**

“I gotta give him the best birthday party ever, I don’t care how much it costs”, Dean argued with Sam and Jess.

“Dean we get it-“

“I don’t think you do, Sam”, Dean replies bitterly.

“No, we do. Your time with him is limited but you are scaring him”, Sam sat right next to him.

“What do you mean?”

“For the first time you are letting him going on shopping sprees, which you have never let him do before. You let him eat whatever he wants whenever he wants, and thank god he doesn’t have the appetite he use to have or all those waffles would’ve made his heart stop”, Sam paused and went back to the point he was trying to make, “What I’m trying to say is that he is a little boy, death to him is probably just another thing. But for us, it follows us, first with mom, then with dad, then with-. We know death, it happened with mom, it’s the same thing. Mom didn’t have that much time, and even though we suspected that too, she made her last months the best time she ever had with us. Mom was scared of dying, who isn’t, and as hard as it is to say, so is Abraham, and you need to be with him. You need to make his last year the best.”

“He needs you Dean, not expensive parties or shopping sprees that will probably leave you in debt”, Jess held the stack of papers in her hands that were bills from the bank.

Dean sighed and ran his hands through his hair, “What do I do then? I don’t know what to do, I wasn’t always there when mom was dying, dad was. And it’s not the same because this is my son!”, he sobs, “I promised Anna that I would take care of him, and now-“, he stops and drops his head down to the table.

Sam and Jess felt for him, they couldn’t relate, they were barely expecting their first themselves. The thought of their baby dying of anything just broke them into tears, and now it’s happening but to their nephew. Jess has been there since day one, she feel in love with him immediately. Ever since then she helped Dean and Anna with anything they needed, then it came down to helping Dean with anything he needed. The transition was difficult for everyone because Anna was family, she was a sister to Jess and a best friend to Sam, a wife to Dean and a mother to Abe.

And now she is just gone.

Abraham is her nephew but ever since Anna died, Jess felt like she needed to step in for Anna. She always treats him like her own son, always sees him like her son, loves him like her son.

And now he’s going to be gone too.

Life is shit.

“Talk to him, Dean. Please. I know that you can’t protect him from this, but words mean more than you think”, she sniffles and cleans her own tears away. She picks his head up slowly and take him in her hands, “Your son doesn’t deserves this, no one does, but the most important thing you can do is keep everything the same. Don’t change anything, keep everything in the same routine because then he is going to see the change and change scares people Dean. Abe cannot be scared, don’t make him scared”

Dean nods his head and chokes up again, “What do I do?! Jesus, fuck! Jess, please just tell what to do because I’m just going to make this even worse”

“Be his father, be the father you were before all this. That’s all he needs, trust me Dean”, she plants a small kiss on his forehead, she and Sam walk to their room silently.

Dean inhales and drags his feet to the room him and Abe share. He opens the door slowly and sees his son working on his homework. He was assigned to do a poetry book, he wasn’t the greatest poetry writer but Dean isn’t one to talk since he dropped out of high school.

“Abe, can I have a word with you?”, he spoke slowly as he could still feel the sensation of crying.

“Sure”, Abe took of his earphones and cleans his desk.

“Tell me the truth, what do you want to do for your birthday?”

Abe’s eyes lit up, “I was thinking we could have a bouncy house and a pool, we could do it at Cas’ house, you think he’d let us borrow his backyard?”

Dean laughs at his sons excitement and sees how their ideas for throwing a cool party are very different.

“Well we have to ask Cas first but I don’t think he’d mind, but you have to choose either the pool or the bouncy house. Having both is not a good idea, trust me”

“Awesome! How many friends can I invite?”, he asked jumping on his seat.

“Hold your horses, cowboy, we need Cas’ percussion first”, Dean laughed.

“Well ask him right now”, Abe said impatiently.

Dean checked his watch and saw it was way pass Cas’ lunch break but Dean still sent him a message.

**Hey baby, this is probably really last minute but I was wondering if I could borrow your backyard for Abe’s birthday party?**

Dean didn’t expect Cas to respond so quickly.

_Of course Dean, Abraham can invite as many of his friends that he wants. Anything you want I can help you with._

Dean smiled and looked up at Abe, “You are so lucky my boyfriend is thoughtful”

“Yes!”, Abe sprung out of his chair and sat next to his dad to see the message.

**Now that you mention it, Abe was wondering if he could have-**

“Bouncy house or pool?”

“Pool, definitely pool”

**A pool set in your backyard. I will buy the pool so don’t worry about that.**

_A pool party sounds fantastic and I could pitch in for the pool so we could a decent size pool for all the children._

“You better day yes to that"

"I have to, Cas is as stubborn as I am", Dean shakes his head and replies.

**Thanks Cas, I owe you one ;)**

_Dean please, it's nothing, I sincerely don't mind it at all_

**Okay then, thank you again and I'll leave you to your job, I love you**

_I love you too_

"Don't you have to go to work as well?", Abe sees the clock on the nightstand and remembers that in an hour his dad's night shift starts.

Dean had completely let time go pass by him, "Oh shit yeah, I have to be there earlier today", Dean takes out his scrubs from the closet and runs to the restroom to take a quick shower.

Dean left the apartment in less than thirty minutes and it took him less than that to get to the hospital. Benny and Jody where taking their coffee break when he met with them. They weren't made aware of Abraham's illness, very few people where, Dean wanted only family and really close friends like Charlie, to know. Abe's school was made aware obviously, the coaches fully understood Abe's time and pain. Dean wanted this to be a private affair because he didn't want every single person to look at his son as if he was a piece of breakable glass. He is far from that.

Abe himself feels a lot more comfortable with the thought that not everyone knows his fate.

He knows his own fate, and it is as you expect, terrifying. Everyone is slowly dying, everyone makes peace with that because they have time to live and complete their wishes.

Death is fate, but that's okay because fate doesn't a count down. Fate doesn't give you a calender and starts scratching off the daysthe calendar.

He has ten more months left. That’s what the calendar says, he might have less according to the internet.

His not scared of dying, well not yet, Abe knows that he will be terrified because everyone reacts the same way.

They tell you will die but you don’t care until you are laying in your death bed praying to god to give you more time.

Right now Abe is trying to ignore it, he tries to tell himself the pain is not in his pancreas but still in his stomach. He lies to his body. But that’s okay because it works. The pain goes away when he ignores it. He will just have to do that until the end.

What does scare him is not what will happen to him but what will happen to his dad. He was a baby when his mom died and doesn’t remember how his dad took it but his aunt and uncle always say he went through a dark path.

A wife is a treasure but a child is a blessing. You lose one and you lose a part of you, when you loose both you loose the will of living.

 

 

_I don’t have time, I don’t have time, I don’t have time. Why can’t I have more time? I’m not scared, I just want more time. I want to see my dad be happy, I want to see my baby cousin grow up, I want to see my dad get married, maybe have another kid. I want so much when I don’t even have time._

_Why does this happen to me? I’m only a kid, I’ve lost my mom and I’m loosing my dad, I’m going to loose everyone._

_I have to make peace with my passing sooner or later._

_I’m nine years old, I should make peace with my English grades not my fucking death. What kind of a life is this?_

_Why did god give me life if I’m just going to die so early?_

_What is the point of that?_

_What a waste of time and effort, for everyone._

_I wasted my time doing stuff that doesn’t even matter, my dad wasted his time loving me, taking care of me. He wasted his money on me and for what, to keep all my expensive useless clothes on boxes or sell them for half the price on garage sales. My dead mom wasted her time giving birth to me, a dead child._

_It was all just a big waste of time._

_My dad. Oh no. My dad, my dad is going to be a mess. Jesus, I can’t catch a break._

_Why can’t death be easy, why does it have to be so complicated?_

_My dad will never be the same, if he ever loved me as strongly as I have loved him, then he will never move on._

_He will never move on._

_He won’t. It took him nearly a decade to get a serious relationship, and that’s with Cas._

_Castiel chanced everything, it’s so odd really, how one man can just be introduced to you and change my dad._

_He was and still is so whipped about Cas. They both are, no doubt._

_Castiel is the only thing that keeps my dad together when I can’t._

_Castiel, he’s the answer._

 

February 10, 2008, Dean thinks about how much his life has changed ever since that date. Anna chose the name, Abraham, that was her grandfather’s name and her brother’s. Dean didn’t think about it twice he just knew when he looked down that he was an Abraham. Robert, his middle, obviously it came from Bobby. It was Dean’s way of showing gratitude for everything Bobby had done for him and Sam.

Abraham Robert Winchester Milton. He was perfect from birth, he was healthy in every monthly check up, when he was born the doctors present him as, “Congratulations, you have a healthy baby boy”.

Sam had given him a blanket, he knew Anna loved bible verses so he found the right one to sew. It had printed in cursive slanted letter “God created you to do amazing things. -Ephesians 2:10”, then at the right hand corner of the blanket it had Abe's initials. Abe fell in love with it as fast his parents did, it was  _the_ perfect blanket. Abe would never let it go, if you as so much took it from him he would either get mad and hit you or cry his lungs out. He didn't let it go until he was seven, he became more attached to cowboys and the old west that he soon forgot about his blanket entirely. Dean stored it somewhere deep inside the closet with the rest of Abraham's priced objects.

Today is Abe's10th birthday, it landed perfectly on a Saturday, the only thing against them was the weather. The cold wind was the only bother in the afternoon, but that had no affect in the attendance of the guest. Cas, Dean, Sam, Jess, and Charlie, did their part in setting up the party. Cas cut the grass early morning and put a mat under the pool so the children wouldn't be poked my the newly sharp grass. Sam and Jess chipped in for the food, they all agreed burgers for the kids and a barbecue for the grown ups. Cas and Dean set up the decorations and the tables, Charlie is responsible for the pool. A very easy task, Charlie set the machine on to inflate the pool, she grabbed her phone and started to play Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery until the it was ready. After that she prepared the hose and let it do its magic as she opened People's Magazine, kicked back with a glass of lemonade on her hand.

Dean watched this paly out and shook his head, "How come she got the pool?"

Castiel stopped putting the mantle and looked up to see Charlie, he laughed and shrugged, "I like her, that's why"

"I thought you liked me", he pouted.

"No, I love you, that's why you're helping me", Castiel stole a quick kiss from Dean before moving on to the next table.

"That makes no sense, but I feel like its a compliment so I'll take it"

 Castiel was spreading the mantle onto the table when he spoke up, "Dean, I just want to tell you that I think you are doing the right thing by not going overboard. I know that this must be hard for you and you are taking it this bravely, I'm proud of you. Look at me, Dean." Dean had not even looked up since Castiel started speaking, he didn't want to talk about it all, he trying his best to keep a positive attitude for his son. He doesn't blame Cas or is angry at him for bringing it up, Dean doesn't bring up the subject with Cas often, nothing to do with him. He loves him, he hasn't loved anyone since Anna, but he feels as if the whole idea of Abraham is a burden. He didn't want to bring in Castiel into a problem that isn't even his, they were still fresh into the relationship, almost five months in. But then again, so much has happened since they have known each other, then again it never got this bad.

Dean looked up at Cas and sighed, "Baby, you're right this is the hardest thing that will ever happen to me and it fucking sucks, okay. This is going to be my sons last birthday party ever and that will be it", he choked up and left the backyard to head his way up to the upstairs restroom.

"Dean", he called out knowing that he already ruined the party before it even started, "Charlie! Could you please finish setting up the tables", he then chase after Dean, before he could hear Charlie say 'yes'.

"Dean, please. I’m sorry”, he ran up with him but was met with the door slamming right at his nose and the door locked.

”Cas, please just give me a minute”

”No, I’m not leaving until you open the door. Listen, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to provoke you in any way. I meant every word Dean, with not intention of it hurting you. Just please Dean, don’t shut me out. I’m hear for you and Abraham, understand that I won’t leave neither of you, I love you and I love Abraham as if he were my own son.”, Cas rested his forehead against the cold white door. He didn’t leave, he didn’t think about leaving his spot. It took a while before Dean opened the door with Castiel losing his balance, luckily Dean caught him. 

“Stubborn like me”, Dean laughed lightly.

”In this situation I have to be”, Castiel recollected himself and held Dean shoulders.

”Cas, please not today”, Dean lightly pushed Cas aside and exited the restroom.

Cas has tries to be patient with Dean, but it becomes harder to ignore the problem. Because that is exactly what Dean does, and that just has to be the most unhealthiest resolution to this type of problem.

”Then when Dean! I can’t stand seeing you like this”

”Then if you plan to sticking around you better get use to this new me because that is all you will get for as long you want me”, Dean barked.

”I refuse to let you do this to yourself!”, he grabbed Dean’s elbow and dragged him to his bedroom. 

“You refuse?!”

”Yes, I refuse. Dean, you can’t do this, not to me, not to Abraham, and especially not to yourself”

”What exactly is it that I am doing? Explain it to me because I’m lost”, Dean stood close to Castiel with threatening eyes that brought Castiel back with Amelia. Briefly but yet Castiel remember the constant fights that went between them. It started with simple idiotic fights but soon they got worse. 

Castiel shook the thoughts away, “You are ignoring the problem and making yourself think that it is all going to be okay. I get it Dean, sometimes you have to lie to yourself to make things seem better. I was there once, with Amelia and my loveless marriage, and let me tell you something every single fight and every single hit, and lying never help. And it won’t help you either, denial won’t get you anywhere”

”I’m not in denial! I am perfectly in the same page as the fate of my son. Cas, this isn’t easy for me, imagine if Claire or Jack were to face the same fate, god forbid, just- just understand me. I don’t want to think about it but I know what’s going to happen, and I don’t want to talk about it because it’s fucking hard not because I’m in denial. I’ll talk when I’m ready”, Dean was done with the conversation but Castiel wasn’t.

Now Castiel didn’t mean it for this to come out for his to sound like an asshole. It just came out because it’s the truth, and the truth freaking hurts. Castiel should’ve known better than to test Dean, especially seeing him like this. 

“Will that be a few months before or after Abraham dies” 

Dean freezes in the spot that he is in, the blood in his system boil making his face red with anger. It pangs his chest with hurt and anger, he didn’t know how to react and when he did it was too late. Before any of them could react, Dean turns around to grab Castiel by the neck and push his body to the bed. He smacked him so hard across the face that it left half of his face red, his nose running a bit of blood and his upper lip slightly opened. 

“Dean!”, Sam caught him in the act. He had arrived to Castiel’s house with Jess as they both started to prepare the food, with the assistance of both Cas and Dean. Oddly, he didn’t see them outside and asked Charlie, who was hanging the rest of the decoration all by herself, where the guys were. Charlie just said inside but to be careful because they were having a lovers figut. But what Sam is seeing wasn’t a lovers fight, it could be consider domestic abuse if Cas decides to press charges.

Dean turns to him petrified brother and only there he realizes the mess that he just created. He lets go of Castiel’s neck and steps back unsteadily.

”Cas- Cas, baby-“, he stuttered through his words as his mind raced.

”Jesus, Dean, what the actual fuck? What did you do?”, Sam yelled as he rushed over to Castiel, who had slidded down the bed to the tile floor and was staring into nothing. Sam grabbed Castiel chin to lift it up to inspect the damage, only to receive a flinch from the man. “It’s okay, Cas, it’s okay. Come on let’s get you fixed up”, he said softly as he helped the unresponsive man up and led him to the restroom. 

He left his brother inside the room, Dean had been paralyzed inside his own body. The sound of his hand smacking his boyfriends soft, smooth, tan skin, keeps taunting his ear drums. It’s was so loud. How? How could he let it go this far? His temper was always in the subject of a conversation, but what the actual fuck? Why did he do that? He just ruined the best thing in his life. He just physically assault the best thing in his life. He is not better than Amelia now. Shit, the one thing Dean never wanted to become was another Amelia for Cas, and well now look at him. He made the love of his life bleed. And for what cause? What Cas said was true, but his temper- fuck!- his temper! 

Dean walked to the locked bathroom and knocked, “Sam, open the god damn door, I need to talk to him. Sam!”

”Fuck off, Dean. You should be pleased that he hasn’t called the cops on your sorry ass”, there is real anger in his brothers voice.

He then hears Castiel rough voice through the door but doesn’t hear the exact words. Next thing he knows the door is opened showing his brother infuriated, but that he could care less. Castiel has his head bowed down to his knees as he sat in the toilet bowl, he was obviously using his arms to cover up the damage done to his face. 

Dean broke down and landed on his knees and rested on his heels, as he began the most cliche speech every abuser uses. “Cas, baby- I can’t even explain to you how fucking sorry I am. I have no excuse to use because hitting you should never come with one. I love you, and I know what your thinking ‘If you really love me, why’d you hit me’, and I-I feel like if I tell you it won’t be enough. But”, he inhaled and cleared the tears off his face, “but I understand if you want to break up, you just got out of a abusive marriage. And I bet you don’t want the same thing all over-“

”Your not a abusive Dean, in the five months I’ve known you, you’ve never once shown any signs of being as such. Amelia, she was abusive, she would start fights because she wanted the reaction out of me so she could use her weapon, which was his hand. Only reason why she did what she did is because I would never hit her back, never really had it in me. When you and I fight, it’s normal couple fights, but today- today was different and I don’t know what to say to you”, Castiel had an ongoing pattern of looking side to side but never looking up to face Dean. “If I forgive you and give you a second chance it will be Amelia all over again-“

”Cas, please”

”Shut up Dean and just listen. I overstepped the line with what I said and I shouldn’t have said it. I deeply apologize, it was completely childish from my side but your response is something that worries me. Is that going to be your reaction whenever I decide to speak up?”

”No! Cas, I don’t know what happened to me. I just reacted like that because I’m still very sensitive about this topic, I can’t talk about it without having a breakdown. It just becomes to much even though it’s just one thing. I don’t know how to handle the pain. I don’t know how I will live without him in my life. I don’t know what will happen after he’s gone. I’m just so lost. But what I did back there, that wasn’t me, that was my pain and suffering”, Dean hid his pain inside his palms. 

Castiel slid down to the floor and wrapped Dean into a hug. “This is why I want you to talk to me. I don’t want you to go through this alone, me, Sam and Jess, Charlie, we are all going to be there in your path. I can’t tell you this enough, that you will never ever be alone. I promise, just promise me that you will talk to me. I will listen”

Dean cradled his boyfriends face and saw the damage, he let out a sorry sob, “Oh, baby, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I’m not like this, I’m not. Please, please forgive me, and I promise to talk to you. Just please.”

Castiwl swallowed, “Dean, I’m not leaving you. But, I don’t know how to forgive you- look, how about we clean up and return back to the party. We owe it to Abraham, let’s just do this as if it didn’t happen. I’ll make up a story that I fell while trying to put up the decorations. We can talk afterwards”

Dean could only nod. 

Castiel is right, lying to yourself doesn’t make things seem better. 


	17. Mother Dearest, What Have You Done?

  **March, 2018**

Dean is sitting on Castiel's porch as he hold him tightly, his boyfriend has been shaking and sobbing immensely for the past two hours. He aches for him, because the pain trespasses through Dean. "Baby, shh...", Dean rocks him back and forth, he holds the back of his head and caresses his already messy hair. He presses kisses wherever he could reach, but Castiel kept crying and shaking his head as he repeatedly said 'no'.

"Cas, it's going to be okay", Dean kept saying even though he didn't believe it himself. Cas shook his head and after two hours of clinging to his boyfriend's body, he finally let go of him and looked up, "Dean, you and I both know that nothing will ever be that same"

It had a triple meaning, with what just happened, Jack and Claire will probably see the therapist more often, the chaos with Abraham has already left Dean in shambles, then the incident that happened in Abe's party. The tension was icy and on the edge, at first, Cas would make an obvious amount of space between them, Dean held back his tongue knowing that it didn't matter what he said. He is to blame. It has gotten better, not that anything had changed between them, but it was the atmosphere between them.

Everyone stared in aghast when they glanced at Cas' face at the party. Charlie and Jess ran to him, begging him to spill what had happened. Sam wanted to say the truth that he knew was never going to be told, Castiel wouldn't say what had really happened, not in Abe's party. Castiel just smiled and lied through his teeth to this friends, guiltily with the best goofy smile he could put on for them he said, _"I slipped in my bathroom, I had left a wet towel on the floor and I clearly didn't see it, slipped and hit my head on the countertop"_. Sam saw from a distance how easily the girls fell for it, for he underestimated Cas' ability to lie. Charlie and Jess acted like momma bears and sat him down on the sofa, inspecting him thoroughly. Dean had still been in the restroom where Cas had left him, he locked the door and sat on the bathtub, it was not comfortable. Soon enough the door handle jiggled.

 _"What?"_ , Dean answered with a tired exasperated tone, he didn't mean it to sound like that.

 _"Open the goddamn door right now, Dean",_ Sam vocalized in such a venomous tone it actually took Dean back with his heart slightly starting to pound. He got out of the tub slowly, as unlocked and opened the door getting himself mentally prepared for one heck of a speech. Sam is a man of words, but this had left him speechless, utterly speechless. As soon as he saw the door open he slammed it all the way open and push his brother back. He took three swings at him, Dean never once wanting to hit back or react, the force had taken him down.    

 _"Don't you fucking dare ruin this, Dean. Don't you fucking dare. Cas is by far one of the greatest things that has ever happen to you, and this is how you treat him. And don't even use Abraham as an excuse to use the love of your life as a punching bag. He deserves a lot more than that, you know his past and you still laid a hand on him."_ Sam paused and smiled angrily, _"I don't care what happened, I don't care if Cas was at fault, or who started the fight, the point is that you don't hit the people you love. NEVER. You know-I thought you were better than this, Dean. I know you are going through a very hellish time right now, and I can't even begin to say that I know your pain, because I don't. But you cannot take your anger on Cas, or on anyone, Cas is a great guy, he's good for you. So don't fuck this up!"_ , he hissed the last part at his brother's face. True disgust and pure anger showed on Sam, and Dean had never seen that before.

_"Sammy, I-"_

Sam didn't want to hear whatever idiotic excuse his brother was about to give, _"Oh and Dean",_ he wanted to see his brother's face when he said this, _"If I ever see another bruise or scrap on Cas again, I will not hesitate on teaching you another lesson"._ He left his brother on the floor after that.

The lie was spread around the party as the truth that everyone fell for, Sam kept his mouth shut but never once made contact with Dean. Every time Dean and Cas were to touch or stand near each other, Sam's hawk eyes became attached to Dean's back. Dean noticed of course, the rest of the party went on, the guest had fun swimming in the pool. Abe had plastered on his face a smile throughout the whole day, that Dean had not seen in a very long time. He ignore Sam and his glances, that day was about Abe, for Abe.

You could say that after that Sam and Dean haven't so as much directly looked each other in the eye until recently two weeks ago, things altogether were getting better then it just came down with another crash.

Amelia, from the beginning seemed like a woman who thought she was doing the best for the family when in reality she was doing the exact opposite. Dean always pictured that whenever Cas opened up about her, the more he learned the more he hated her. He still can't believe Cas stayed with her that long and never snapped at her, his patience is always something that will never not be appreciated by Dean. It started as another Sunday morning, Cas and the children were getting ready for church, Dean and Abe surprisingly wanted to join them. Surprisingly, because Dean is not a man of faith, he prays when he thinks is necessary, does he believe that there is a God?  Not after Anna tragic passing, and now his son is next, so no, he most definitely does not believe in the wicked son of a bitch. Why should he? Everything in his life is slowly falling apart, what should he do? Pray the cancer away? Pray for the resurrection of Anna? God is bullshit, but for Cas, he would sing along to every song and get on his knees to praise a God that has taken everything from him.

Castiel puts his phone on mute throughout the whole service, but he had small restrains from his hand as he tried numerously to reach for his cell phone. Never has that happened, he was always attentive in church. And now it felt that he had to use his phone for something, he didn't know for what but he had to. The service went by, Dean had offered to treat everyone for some pancakes at IHOP (it should’be stayed like that). 

At the restaurant, Castiel waited to be seated to check his phone. What he saw on his phone confused him then put him on edge. 30 missed calls from three phone numbers. 

The hospital. 

His lawyer.

Gabriel. 

His brother, who he has not contacted in months, has called him seven times. Seven times is too much even for Gabriel. He excused himself from the booth and exited the restaurant, he took a sit on one of the benches outside. He called him back with sighed. 

“Cassie”, his brother sounded relieved.

"Gabriel, listen, I’m still not completely happy with you. This better be good”

"You haven’t heard?”, Gabriel said confusingly. 

"Heard what, Gabriel?", Cas squinted his eyes.

"Cassie- Jesus, pick up the phone-"

"Gabriel! Tell me now or I'm hanging up"

"Amelia, she's dead, suicide, they found her body early morning but they still want to do an autopsy just to make sure-", Gabriel rambled on with details that Castiel didn't interest him, he hung up. When someone you know suddenly dies first the shock hits your chest, then realization fills your head, the damage that comes after hurts how you see life. It isn't any different to Castiel, as much as he hated her, she is-was the mother of his children, and know their children don't even have a mother. How selfish can you be to commit suicide after all the harm you've created? That's not being selfish, that's being a coward. She didn't even make it to the day of the trail, she was too much of a coward to plea guilt in front the jury, the judge, her family, the people.

Coward, Selfish, and poor excuse of a mother is what will be written in her gravestone when that bitch gets buried.

She left two children behind because she didn't feel worthy enough to still call them her own kids, not after what she'd done to them. And well, she's correct, she lost the privilege a long time ago.

There's people that you wish them dead, but once they are dead you realize that you didn't actually want them dead, it was all jus pure anger. No longer living, is the definition of being dead, that's not what you meant, you just wanted them out of your life forever. In the end you feel that wishing someone dead was too much, forgive and forget, right?

Castiel, he sat there for ten minutes before Dean went to get him. "Cas, baby, what are you doing out here?"

Castiel shrugged and kept his head down, "Just looking"

Dean laughed, "At what? The parking lot? Baby, half of these cars are junk"

Cas ignore him and looked up, "Dean, can I ask you something personal?"

Dean took a seat next to him and sighed, "No Cas, I don't do threesomes"

Cas jerked back in confusion, "Dean, I would never ask you to do something like that"

Dean laughed and shook his head, "We really need to work on understanding sarcasm, Cas. Alright, what is it that you wanted to ask?"

Cas licked his dry lips and swallowed, "When you're mother died you were young, and I just wanted to know how you took in that news"

Dean blinked, "Cas, is there something you wanna tell me?"

"Dean-", he took a breath, "Please, just answer me"

"Well, I was around Abe's age, Sammy was even younger, he doesn't remember much but I still remember when I first told him about mom. My dad didn't kneel down and sugarcoat it that my mom was dead, he just flat out told me and left. I was a little kid, so I guess I didn't progress it that fast until I started to long for her or when I would get hungry but there would be no one to make me a sandwich. It was the little things that I took advantage of that made me realize she wasn't here anymore. But I overcame the feeling and took care of Sam. But back to my question, do you wanna tell me something?", he crossed his arm with Castiel to hold his hand.

"It's Amelia. She's dead, apparently committed suicide this morning", he looks straight ahead at Dean, "What the hell do I tell the kids?"

Dean stared at him in agape, "Cas, there's no right answer, it just is what is it. Those two kids in there deserve so much better, and I'm not saying that because of Amelia, it's the truth. Our family is fucked up, but as long as we have each other- we'll be alright. Like you told me, you don't have to do through this alone"

"But the kids-"

"Cas, Jack and Claire are strong, none of you needed Amelia, you never did. All she ever did was create a strain in your family, yes, okay, she was your wife and the mother of on your kids but she lost that right. I'm here, Cas, I'm not leaving, I'm here to stay for as long as you want me", he presses a kiss gently on Cas forehead, "Let's go back inside, there's a short stack waiting for you"

He waited until they reached his house to break down, the kids were staring even though Dean told them to go away.

"Daddy", Claire whispered as she knelt next to her dad, she rested her chin on his shoulder. "Why are you crying?"

Jack joined her but instead he hugs his father from behind, "It's okay dad, don't be sad"

Cas sniffled and slowly parted out of Dean's neck, he held his son's hands as they had wrapped around his neck. He closed his eyes and held his daughters head that still rested at his shoulder. He brought them to his arms and held them tightly, tears still streaming down with some landing on the head of the children. Dean left them for privacy and took Abe to the kitchen.  Claire looked up and saw her father with his eyes closed.

"Dad. Why are you sad?", she caresses his cheek. 

Castiel sniffled again and spoke with a strain on his voice, “Claire, Jack, I want you both to listen. Something bad to mom” 

Jack lifted his head immediately to face his dad, with a frown he asks, “What happened to mom? Is she hurt?”

Cas swallowed and said probably one of the hardest things he has ever said. “Mom, she- she’s gone”

The twins frowned and looked at each other before looking back at their father. Claire asks, “What do you mean ‘gone’? Gone like she escape, is she coming for us?”, quite startled.

He shook his head, “No, honey, gone as in no longer with us”

They both jerked away from comfort of their dad, Claire especially, she stood up so fast. “Mom is dead!”

”What?”, Jack shook his head rapidly, “No, no, she can’t be. Dad, it’s not true, why would you say that?”

Cas reaches for his daughters hand and squeezes it, “Claire, please listen and sit. Claire!”, his little girl runs away from him as is he were a threat. She ignores his pleas and ‘hides’ behind the tree in their backyard.

Castiel sighs and carries his very disturbed son on his hip, “Jack, listen. Jack”, he takes a hold of his head and meets his sons bleeding red brown eyes, “Everything is going to be okay”

Jack shook his head and pounded on his fathers chest to let him down. “You just told Dean that nothing will be the same. Don’t lie to me, I’m not dumb. Mom's dead and she’s going to stay dead, and know what? I’m glad, but know I’m stuck with you, a LAIR!”, he sprints back the house, pushing Dean out of his way but not before Dean gets to him. 

“Jack! Come here!”

”No, you’re not my dad!”

”No, I’m not! But you just told your own father that he is a liar! Now, I know you are angry about your mom, but that doesn’t mean you take it out on your dad. This is hard on him too”

”Oh I’m sure it is”, he said very sarcastically. 

Dean grabs his elbow and spins him around, “Stop acting like this, and apologize to him”

”Why?! All he does is lie to us. He says he is doing fine, and we all know that he isn’t.”

Dean took his breath, “Jack, that is another completely different subject, your father is trying his hardest to raise you and your sister by himself. You don’t understand how hard that is, how much courage your father has. Many single fathers give up on their kids and become monsters. That man out there, would give his life to safe yours, he loves you, Jack. Hopefully one day you realize what he is, and much it all impacts him.”

Jack glances back and forth from the floor to Dean. “So what, you want me to apologize?”

”Yes! Go, Jack”, he points back the sliding door. Castiel was nowhere to be seen but Dean still sent him. Jack waltz around the yard trying to find his dad, he was behind the tree with his sister. He had her in his lap, his dad was zoned out caressing her long blonde hair. 

“Dad”, he snapped his fingers in front of him shaking him out of the trance.

With wide eyes, that were still red, Cas looked up with hopeful eyes. “Jack, please, just let me explain the situation better-“

”I’m sorry”, he held his head down, knowing that he was in trouble. 

“No, no Jack, come here”, he patted the grass next to him. He wrapped his arm his boy and kissed the top of his head. 

“It’s okay that you got mad, being angry is common. And about the lying- I don’t lie to hurt you, either of you, I just want to comfort you in the only way I know is best. And I wasn’t lying to you, everything will be okay, sure we will have a dumpy road ahead. What I meant with Dean is also not a lie, nothing will ever be the same because of course the absence of your mother. You’ll ache for her-“

”I won’t”, Claire interrupted.

”Me either. She hurt all of us, why would we miss her?”

”Because we are odd in that way, your mother might have been a total bitch but she was your mother, and she will always be your mother. You will miss her, and that will be okay because no matter what, I’m still here and I certainly don’t plan on going anywhere”

”Will you miss her?”, Jack asks.

That puts Cas in a very difficult position, “I don’t know”, he shakes his head and shrugs, “My situation with your mother was always rough”

”So then that’s a no”, Claire clarifies.

”I guess not”

Dean then comes in with Abe, “How’s everyone?”, he smiles just a bit to bright for the occasion.

The Novaks all look back at him with defeated looks. 

“Dumb question”

”Very”, all Novaks answer. 

 

Her ear funeral was held the following Thursday, in Chicago. She specified what she wanted in her suicide note. She apologized, to everyone, to her family, her husband and her children. She went on about Castiel for an entire page, she explained why she acted the way she did, why she treated him the way she did. If you ask Castiel, it was all bullshit, she was excuses on why she would hit him. There’s no excuse to hit your spouse. 

She went on for another two pages, apologizing to Jack and Claire. She centralized on that night that destroyed their family, and she blamed herself for everything that went wrong in their lives. She apologized for every wrongful thing she ever called Jack. She apologized to Claire, for being a poor example of a mother to her and for not being there in special occasions. 

She wrote a page and a half about her funeral arrangements. She wanted Chicago to be her resting place, next to her grandmother and father. By the time Castiel was making the arrangements, the Novak family was already informed about th sudden death. Amelia’s family members had their blame set on Castiel. He and the twins spent the week in Chicago with his parents. Then had Amelia’s parents harrasing him, the fighting went on and on until Thursday. 

It was chaotic and frustrating, if Dean was by his side everything would be a lot easier. Things between them had gotten better, almost as if it didn’t happen, Castiel didn’t want to forgive and forget. Maybe forgive but not forget. 

But to be completely honest, a little relationship drama was the last of his problems. Everyone from Amelia’s side kept giving Castiel awful glances. They kept huddling around the children and cooing at them, the one things both twins hate. He was so out of his normal self that for majority of the time he sat on the mini bar, with his head down. He was five glasses down when Amelia’s cousin came to disturb his little peace. 

“Are you happy now? You killed my cousin, fag”, she spat at his face.

Castiwl ignore the harsh insult, “That’s not what the autopsy said. I couldn’t possibly slit her own wrist, now can I”, he smiled warily. 

“You sent her to that god awful prison and that’s why she’s dead”

Five glasses of whiskey can really transform a man way of not giving a single fuck. “Sarah, no one told that abusive bitch to lay a hand on me and on her own children. No one told her to kill herself. These were all her decisions, it’s all her fault. So how about you leave me alone and fuck off”, he snarled. He was quite aware that everyone was now staring. Amelia’s family did not look please to begin with, now they were full of rage. His ex mother-in-law walked up to quickly he almost didn’t catch her small figure in front of him.

”You listen to me, you cocksucker, I will not permit you talk to my niece like that. In fact, I will not let you even raise my grandchildren. I’m going to take them from you”

”I may be drunk enough not to stand on my own two legs, but I will put my foot up your ass if so much threatened to take my kids again”, he downed his six glass as he hailed the bartender for another one. 

The skank was very offended, like mother like daughter. She smacked Castiel across the face, he saw commotion from the corner of his eyes. His family came to his aid and blocked his view of the skank. He hears his mother yell, along with his brothers and father. He didn’t really care what was going on until he heard familiar cries. Jack was in a far end corner, holding his knees, his sister was obviously trying to comfort him. He rose from his seat even though Samandriel tried to stop him. 

He didn’t even speak to his son, he just pick him up, like he use to when he was younger. He then let Claire climb on him as well, he carried his babies on either side on his hips. He wasn’t lying when he said he couldn’t stand on his own two legs, but being with his kids already gave him strength. 

“You’re not a fag, dad, and we aren’t leaving you”, Claire whispered.

He smiled and pressed a kiss on the side of her head. Her hair always smelled like fresh oranges. “Of course you’re not leaving me. Can’t get rid of me that easy, kiddos”, he bounced them happily to try and cheered them up. 

They both gave small smiles. “I wanna leave, dad”

”Yeah, of course we’ll leave”

They picked up their coats and left running as they were calling their names. They all ran to the same route, an ice cream shop, the same ice cream shop that they always went. The had the map imprinted in their heads. 

They ordered their same preferences, and they gave it so clearly as they never forgot their orders. 

They ate and chatted, as if they were a normal family. 


	18. There's No Time

Throughout the three months that followed the doctors informed Dean that if he wanted Abe to live up to the year they had promised, he would need treatment. Chemotherapy, in other words. The pill was Abe's first choice, he couldn't stand sitting for a long period of time with a needle stuck to his arm. According to the doctors, chemotherapy could help with the live span but could not cure it. Dean beyond passed agony.

A ten year-old has to take three different types of prescription pills just so he has to live a couple of months longer. As much as Abraham hated to take the pills, he had to take them, he wasn't force to take chemo. He felts his dad's heart shatter when he heard the options given, for his dad he'll take the damn pills. As he heard the side affects of the pills, the one that scared him the most was hair loss. No way in hell we is going to show up at school with a bald spot. By April he was homeschool, nausea hitting him for an hour then vomiting for two. By late April, when he would want to run with Jack and Claire, but it would feel like his lungs would collapse. It was just becoming exhausting.

From the distance Dean would see the life being drained out of his son, Cas holds him through the tough nights, well every night per say. They've moved in together in Cas' house since there Cas can be alert of Abe 24/7. Castiel and Dean explained to the twins very delicately what the situation was, it went as they predicted. Jack cried and Claire went into denial.

"First mom, now Abe! What the actual hell?", Claire shut up from her bed and screamed.

"Claire!", Castiel sighed, "Listen, look I know this is difficult trust us we know. But please, please hang on with us"

"How do you expect us to be okay with this?", Jack sniffled as he respond looking insulted.

"You're not suppose to be okay with it, you just deal with it", Dean half barked. The room was awkwardly silent after that, the subject was still extremely touchy to Dean and Cas stays as far as possible from it. He becomes someone different, the utter opposite of the man he fell in love with.

Cas shifts slightly in his seat as he clears his throat, "What Dean means, is that this situation cannot be avoided and we should be supportive of Abe and treat him no different than before. He is still the same Abraham-"

"But he is just dying", Dean speaks with apathy.

"Dean!", Cas stares at him in disgust.

"Kiddos", he sternly looks at them, "This 'situation', as Cas keeps calling it, is terminal and it ain't going away. Now this is going to hurt like a son of a bitch, but I'm sure that together we can make Abraham happy. We have all gone through shit, I lost my wife and she left me a baby, you two have just lost your mom, and you Cas well your ex-wife happened. I'm sure we'll get over it some day." With that he left slamming the door shut.

Cas hung his head down, the twins looked over at each and separated. Jack took his dad and Claire followed Dean.

"Hey, Dean", Claire called following him down the stairs.

"Yes, Claire", he responded with fake interest.

"Come with me", she took his hand and led him to the kitchen. She took out a six pack, ignored Dean's odd look, and lead them out the door.

"Where we going blondie? And give me that beer before they arrest me", he ripped the beer bottles from her hands as he was still holding on to her hand. She was leading them to a similar pathway.

"We are going to the place where it all began"

"Wow, that was bad. I mean even for you, Blondie", Dean shook his head.

"Shut up, Dean". Claire meant it for it to sound cheesy, but she meant it.

They took a turn and there they saw it, the playground. Where everything started. They still come but not as regularly. Claire sat them at the same picnic table her and Jack sat all those months ago when they 'ran away' from their parents. Dean placed the beer on top of the table, he took a look around and there was just an Asian lady with her toddler. He opened his first beer of the afternoon and drank half of it in one go.

He placed the bottle down, "Okay Blondie, what gives? What is the speech going to be about?"

Claire ignored him, "Remember the day we first meet? I did not like you at all, I didn't like you all that much until recently, but then you had to screw that up when you hit my dad", she paused to look over at Dean that had turned pale. "Yeah, me and Jack know about that. We may be kids, but we have seen our mom use our dad as a punching bag like a million times. We know a bruise from a slap when we see one."

"Claire, I'm not like your mom, I don't want to be like your mom. I love your dad, fuck, I'm in love with him. That day- that day I was just angry, I'm still angry-"

"At what Dean?", she asked calmly.

"At life Claire, at everything there is to blame, but not at your father. Never at him, he has been more than what I could ever wish for. What happened that day should have never happened and I made that clear with him. Can I make that clear with you and the other wonder twin?"

"The only way you can ever make it clear to us that it was a mistake is if that never, and I mean ever, happens again. Because I swear to my mothers grave Dean, that if it does, I will not hesitate to hurt you", she gave him a dead stare.

"You know, for a eleven year old, you can really be threatening", he smiled lightly.

"It's not a threat Dean, it's a promise. I don't wanna come off as a little bitch, but my dad is the only parent me and Jack have left. I hated seeing him hurt by other mom, I felt useless, and I'm not going to be useless anymore. My mom is gone, and now we have you, for some reason I think you and my dad just might be together for a long time. Sadly"

"You're not useless, Claire."

She ignored him again, "And do you remember the day you meet my dad?"

The instant memory brought a smile to his face, "How can I forget?"

"You two couldn't stop looking at each other, it was disgusting but the more I think about it the more I understand. You really love him, don't you? Just 'cause you say it doesn't mean you mean it, adults lie all the time, but to this day you two can't stop looking at each other. I notice all the time, you might not say 'I love you', but that's your way of saying it", she sighed.

Dean looked over at Claire, he didn't understand the meaning of this, this had nothing to do with their problem. "Claire, if you have a point to make, say it now?"

"You once told me that I needed to be the rock of the family. And I'm going to fulfill my duty as that. So whenever shit goes bad, I'm going to be there-"

"Claire, you're a kid, I should have never said that to you"

"But you said it. You said it for a reason, Dean"

Dean stayed quite not knowing how to respond. The beer kept him from leaving. "We should do something for Abe, like something he will never forget", Claire suggested.

Dean slowly rose his head from the table, "Like what?", it didn't sound like a bad idea but at this point Dean was at his third beer.

"I don't know, I'm not his dad, _you_ are, you should know what he likes", she rolled her eyes, you could hear her desperation. Dean just shrugged and dropped his head back down.

"Is there anywhere he wants to go, or maybe a place that means something to him", she didn't get a response, it was anger and frustration that drove her. She started to smack Dean on the top of his head. "I brought the beer so you could talk not pass out and give up. Think, you moron", she grabbed as much as her fist could get the top of Dean's light brown hair and pull his head up.

Dean made hissing sounds, "Jesus, Claire, okay okay", he rubbed the top of his head to sooth it. "I don't know, okay, I don't know"

Claire inhaled and threw the beer cans to the floor, she walked away. "You make me sad, Dean Winchester"

Dean knew better than just to let her go on her own like that, he is going after her eventually. He stands up to thrown away the beer cans and the three bottles that are left, then the Asian woman with the toddler stops him. "Don't take it personal, sometimes kids can be rough specially when they don't understand"

He stops, "No, she understand, its me that's being rough"

Claire walks rapidly, then jogs, soon she's running. She can see why Abe loves running, its liberating. She ran inside the house, ignoring the presence of her brother and father who were sitting on the couch. She saw Abe shooting at the hoop. She yanked the ball away and threw it in their opposite direction, he protested.

"Shut up and answer me this, if you where to go anywhere in the world, where would it be?"

Abe was taken back and thought about it, but couldn't get a straight answer, "I don't know, I've never thought about it"

"Well think about it know because its happening"

"Well, everywhere. LA, New York, Miami, the list can go on but we don't have time for all that", he looked at her oddly.

"We do have time, we just have to manage it. So what do you say to a road trip?", she smiled.

"Road trip? Let me guess our parents have no idea of this trip", he crossed his arms and shook his head with her similar smile.

"Like they have it in them to say no to you. Come on, wouldn't it be fun, travel the US for the first time. It will be an adventure"

"As much as I would like an adventure, I don't think its a good idea. I'm sick, Claire, and I'm not suppose to tell you"

Claire hung her head down avoiding his eyes, "Yeah, why do think me and my brother became therapists for the day? Just because you're sick doesn't mean you are incapable of having fun"

Abe laughed dryly, "Having fun? Claire I can barely run two miles without having an asthma attack, I use to run five in a good day. My idea of having fun is sports, and I can't even run"

"What about the cello, you told me once that you know who to play, what happened to that?"

A small light bulb seemed to light up inside his head, "I completely forgot about that, but still sports were my life, I can't just forget"

"Don't then, but don't let this sickness be the reason you can't be happy anymore. Abe, we are practically the same age and you are so depressed-"

"I'm dying Claire, and there is no fixing it"

"Everyone is dying, Abe", she walked closer towards him giving him a harder look, "Okay, yes I understand you are probably scare out of your wits right now, but that doesn't mean you will alone through it all. You're time is limited, so lets make the most of it", she offered.

From behind them Castiel answered, "She's right Abraham, you're fate shouldn't take away your happiness. I personally think that this road trip is a fine idea, for everyone I might add, we could all benefit from the fresh country side"

"Great", Claire cheered.

Dean then intervened, "Great plan but when exactly will this happen? Cas, we have jobs, the kids have school"

"Dean, the children are almost out of school and then summer will follow. As for us, we can just quit our position and spent three splendid months traveling this nation we call home", he smiled with an obvious look.

Dean rolled his eyes, "Um, what? I'm sorry Cas, but not everyone is crazy rich like you, I need the money"

"Money is less important right now Dean, I have enough to support us you don't need to worry"

Dean sighed and listened, the plan was indeed the best but a lot of things could go wrong. Against all the odds he nods and shrugs, "This better work, Cas"

The plan started as a simply family road trip but there was no formal planning, well from the adults, the children were ecstatic. The twins last day of school landed on Thursday, May 31st, Cas and Dean left their letter of resignation, and by night fall they packed their suitcases. By the morning of June 1st they threw their suitcases in the trunk of Dean's Impala and headed to their first destination is Saint Louis, Missouri. The drive was long and dreadful, many rest stops couldn't stop the kids from complaining. Ever so often Jack would roll his head to the side and complain, "Are we almost there?", he whined. Dean groaned, Cas grew tired, "Jack, if you ask that question one more time I will go back there and shut you up. Is that understood?", he turned around to meet his sons eyes, he wasn't threatened just angry. "Yes", he crossed his arms and slumped back to his seat. Castiel turned back seeing Dean smug face, "You are terrifying when you play your part as a dad". "Shut up", Cas laughed.

The Gateway Arch of Saint Louis can only show its true beauty at night fall. They set up a picnic at a local park at sundown, maybe not one of the safest choices for two gay men with three young children, in an unknown city can make, but Cas and Dean brought their beers together to cheer for the dares to come. It didn't matter what was to happen, 'what ifs' were to be ignored, they will carry on no matter what danger.

It will all be done with love. It will be all for Abraham.

Or damn them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I change the title of this story??????  
> What should I change it to?


	19. The Road

**June, 2018**

The road smells of leather, fast food, and insomnia. Missouri was loud, but now they were headed to Chicago once again. The drive was around the same distance between Lawrence to Saint Louis. It was Castiel turn to drive, as it turns out Cas hates driving for longs periods of time. He kept dozing off every fifteen minutes even though he had slept his eight hours.

"I don't think its safe to have him behind the wheel", Jack whispered to Dean. He frowned and switched his attention to Cas, he had one elbow resting on the side door, one head on the steering wheel. He had this expression of boredom on his face, his eyelids dropping as he shook himself awake.

"Cas, wake up", Dean shifts around on his seat and rests his legs on top of Cas, he tugs him softly on the ribcage. Cas sighs looking over to Dean then back to the road, "Baby, you've been driving for an hour, how can you be falling asleep already?"

From the backseat they hear a response from Claire, "He likes to drive just not for a long time, without any rest stops, or when he can't find things to look at", she then pointed at their outdoor surroundings, "And what we are driving past by is trees, so Dean, if you want to survive I suggest pulling over and drive this vehicle yourself", she patted his shoulder with a fake smile.

"Don't listen to her, I can last another hour", he grumbled, his tone nor facial expression agreeing with his words.

"No he can't", the twins replied.

Dean arched his eyebrows with a small smile, Cas turned to him and rolled his eyes, he pulled over to unbuckle his seat belt and step out. Dean grabbed his new trench coat, Dean himself bought it for him for Christmas, he had worn it a few times. Practically new, It was a dark tan coat, he had no idea that Cas would fall in love with it. What he had truly no idea of was that he would wear it in the middle of June. At one point in Saint Louis he had to wrestle Cas to take the damn coat off. He gripped the coat as he smiled at the fresh memory, he pulled Cas for a kiss to cheer him up. The children in the back made chocking sounds that made them both smile into their kiss. Dean was the first to pull away, he caressed Cas' cheek with his thumb, "Scoot, my baby is calling".

"I thought I was your baby", he faked pouted. Dean stayed agape, he made a face that seemed pained, Cas laughed, "Can't believe my competition is a car".

Of course there was no hurt or venom in his voice, but Dean couldn't leave him like that. Cas had already gotten out of the car when he grabbed his hand, he wanted to face him, "No one can compete with you", he took his hand into his own and pressed a light kiss on his knuckles. Cas gave a small laugh and pressed his own kiss on Dean's forehead.

"That better stay that way", he smiled at his own empty threat. Dean laughed it off with a goofy grin, "Get your ass in the car".

They drove for another four hours with Dean behind the wheel. Chicago in the summer is a brutal one, a familiar heat that brought nostalgia to the Novak family. They explored the city of Chicago unlike last time, the aquarium had installed new species, the museum of natural history left Abraham agape. Castiel had seen the same expression on his twins the first time he took them. They were three years old, both in their strollers at the time but once they saw their first dinosaur skeleton they both flew out of their seats. Their eyes danced around the remains of the dinosaurs as they do today.

"And these are legit?", Abraham asked as he fixed his cap.

"Yup, every bone here is ancient", Claire answered.

"How do you now? They can be lying to us", Abe arched his eyebrow.

"It wouldn't profit anyone to be lying to our public", a young woman with dark brown hair, who was wearing a black suit, black heals. She smiled down at them, a real nice smile full of kindness, "Now young man, what makes you think that we are lying about the bones. These are millions of years old, our archaeologists and their teams have work hard to dig them up", she wrapped her arm around his shoulders and presented him the fossil of a Cryolophosaurus. "This big guy was from Antarctica, our researches say it was fifteen when it died"

"I thought Antarctica was unlivable, how could they get the dinosaur out if its freezing?", he crossed his arms not believing any of her information.

She laughed kindly, "Oh you are a bright one", she poked at his nose and carried on, "Yes, Antarctica is freezing but with the right clothing equipment, overall right equipment is gets everything done. Just because something seems impossible doesn't mean it is impossible, Mister...?"

"Winchester. Abraham Winchester, very nice to meet you", he left his sour mood behind and shook her hand.

"Very nice to meet you Mr. Winchester, I'm Dr. Francesca Marquez, as you've notice I work here", she pointed at her name tag. "It's very refreshing seeing a young lad as yourself question the ways of adults"

"It's his hobby", Dean showed up behind Abe and hit the front of his hat downwards, "Dean Winchester, pleasure"

"Pleasure is all mine", she smiled wide enough to see his dimples. "You have a very questioning son, which can both ways of good and bad"

"Oh you have no idea", he laughed roughly.

"Hey, I'm still here"

"Don't worry we didn't forget about you", she smiled and patted the top of his hat.

"Have you dug any dinosaurs yourself?", Abe asked.

She smiled and shrugged, "Yeah, you could say a few, such as this one", she pointed at the same dinosaur they were looking at.

"Wait, you went to Antarctica!"

She laughed at his shocked face, "Abraham, I have gone to every continent and searched for old pile of bones such as these. And trust me when I say, they are very, very extremely real"

"You see Abe, don't doubt the experts", Dean teased.

Abraham and Dr. Marquez were almost glued to each other throughout the whole visit, Dean, Cas, and the kids followed along. They all listened to Dr. Marquez as she lectured them about their diets, the environment they lived in, about the structure and roughness of their skin, who big they grew. Everything you thought you didn't need to know or desperately wanted to know, she explained everything, detail by detail. She didn't miss a ting. The excitement and soothing tone on her voice made them all as equally excited. Abraham's eyes never showed anything but amazement.

At the end of the tour, Dr. Marquez gave them coupon and membership papers for their next visit, even gave them free souvenirs. They parted and said their goodbyes, she thanked them for giving her their undivided attention.

"I'm a blabber mouth when it comes to dinosaurs and well archaeology, and pretty much everything similar to that", she joked.

"No, in all honesty this has been a very excellent day, all thanks to you. We all got more than what we asked for", Cas shook her hand and smiled in gratitude.

"Aw thank you really, half the time I thought I was putting you all to sleep, but little Abraham here", she directed her glance towards him, he blushed, "You've been very attentive, and you all have my blessing for your road trip. And well I have one more small gift that is for the next archaeologist of our generation, Abraham this is for you", she pulled out a black baseball cap that said in blue print "Field Museum Chicago Illinois".

He smiled as he took it from her, "Thank you", as he was about to take off his old army green cap he remembered why he even wore it to begin with. The medication is strong, so strong that there is a small bald spot next to his right ear. It isn't as noticeable as Abe thinks, but his insecure about the looks. He shakes off his small fear and quickly yanks off his old cap to put on his new one. He smiles brightly up at her, showing off his new cap.

"Very handsome Mr. Winchester", she winks at him and smiles.

They all head down the steps but Dr. Marquez stops Dean for a second. "Mr. Winchester, even though I have a PhD but in a very different subject, I couldn't help but wonder if Abraham is okay? I don't meant to intrude or insult you in any way, but he seemed drained in a way"

Dean inhaled and smiled weakly, "Well a PhD is a PhD, yeah Abe isn't doing well and his medication is a real pain. What you said wasn't a lie, the solution to his illness is draining him"

She blinks fast, "Again I don't mean to intrude but, will he get better soon?"

"Not much of a church guy myself, but only God knows that answer"

She saw how his faced paled, he himself seemed drained and lost. "He's not going to get better, is he?"

Dean shook his head and kept it down. Dr. Marquez  put her hand on his shoulder, "For what its worth, you have a wonderful son who loves you"

He gives her a small weak smile as he turns away from her. He sees Cas waiting outside the car with a gleaming smile, "Hey", he grabs Dean's hand and pulls him close.

"Whatever she said, forget about it, okay?". Castiel could feel his distress as soon as he saw him from a distance, there was no room in his trip for dark times.

"I can't just forgot why we are even here, Cas", he said bitterly.

Castiel kept his composure the same, "Then do it for Abraham, he was happy today, right? And that's all that matters in the end. He cant be happy if you aren't", he places a kiss on his cheek and brushes his hair back, "Come on, I'll drive us back to the motel"

The very next day they left Chicago. Dean asks where Abe wants to go next and he shrugs, "I really want to go to the beach, it is summer"

"The nicest beaches are on California and Florida, which are completely both on different routes that we are currently on", Dean responded.

Abe looked crushed, Castiel stepped in, "What you're father in trying to say is that, we will go to a beach soon but right now you have to choose a much closer location like Indianapolis", Cas points at the capital on the map they carry.

Abraham shakes his head, "Nah, I already checked it out. There is nothing good there"

"Okay, how about Ohio, they have Cleveland?"

"Yes, they have a ship I want to get on", he smiles.

The trip took them nearly seven hours, Dean drove five hours straight until he pulled over and parked it on the side of the road, he continues to turn off the engine. He turned around to face the kids, they all look at him confusingly. "Abe, remember I promised you to teach you how to drive in the Impala? Well today is that day".

Abe blinked looking around the car to the Novaks, they all shrugged. Castiel interjected, "Dean, I don't think that is a good idea. We are on a schedule here"

"Cas, it's Winchester tradition to learn how to drive in the Impala. Me and Sam learned, Abe and the wonder twins will too", he smiled as he got out of his car to open the back door. "Come on, who's first? Abe?", he looked at his boy with an expecting smile.

"Um...sure, but isn't this illegal?", he hesitated a bit as he stepped out of the car.

"Very", Cas commented.

Dean pointed at Cas, "You, be quite and go to the back", he gets Abe to the driver's seat and he sits himself on the passengers seat. "Okay, before we even start the car, you need to always put on your seatbelt and check your mirrors". Abraham follows his dad's instructions, he pretends to know what he is doing when fixing the rear view mirror. "Okay good, next its actually starting the car, its tricky at first but you get the gist later on. You don't turn the key all the way around just a slight push to it. Try it". Abraham bites his lip and looks back at Castiel for help.

Cas smiles in encouragement, "Just do as your father said so, don't worry we got time"

Abe nods and breaths as he holds the key in his hands and twists it, praying he did it right. "Good job, buddy. Better than me in my first try. Okay, who's next?"

Abe frowns, "Wait...that's it!"

"Everyone is gonna learn at the same time. Blondie, you're next"

"Dean, I don't think it's a good idea to be teaching elementary kids how to drive", Cas licked his chapped lips, he looked at him with a hard stare. Dean rolled his eyes at him and ignored him, he explained the same thing to Claire and Jack. With Jack he decided to instruct all three of them of the gear shift.

"Now this thingy right here is called a gear shift, this makes the car move"

"The PRNDL", Jack smiles, Claire and Abe snicker.

"The what?", Dean and Cas turn to Jack, with perplexed faces.

"The PRNDL", Jack repeated sass.

"Come on guys you guys are suppose to know what the PRNDL is, you're teaching us", Claire spoke.

Cas squinted, "Are you guys talking about the gear shift that stands for Park, Reverse, Neutral, Drive, and Low", his tone sounded done with his own kids.

The kiddos exploded with laughter, Dean shook his head with a small smirk on his face. He turned back to see Cas with a similar look. "Okay, okay, enough goofing around. The _PRNDL_ is in the headboard, you have to move the gear knob to which ever to need. Right now we need it at D, which is drive, so Jack move it."

Jack follows instructions and looks back at Dean for more when he accomplish it. Dean smiles, "Okay, know that we can move look down at your feet we have the brake and gas. Brake is obviously to stop the car, gas is for the car to run. Very, very, and I mean very gently press the gas, I'll handle the steering wheel"

Cas starts to panic, "Oh shit, it's actually happening", he pushes the kids back to the seat and buckles them up, with his left arm he shields them and with right arm he shields Jack.

"Cas, chill the kids have seat bets", Dean laughs.

"They are not to be trusted, Dean", he spits, "Put your seatbelt on"

"Why? You're not wearing one"

"One adult has to survive this crash"

Dean proceeds to roll his eyes and smile confidently at Jack, "Don't listen to your dad, you got this kiddo. Just do what I say, 'kay?", he nods his head, and ruffles Jack's light brown hair.

Jack looks at the road straight ahead of him, he places both pf his hands on the steering wheel even though Dean has his placed there. He has to slid down the driver's seat to reach the gas, he gulps slightly and presses it gently. The car moves making Jack to get scared. "No don't stop, you're doing good just keep it steady and don't press the petal to hard"

Jack nods and does as told. He grins the whole time, his cheeks started to become dull. He turns around to face his dad, "Dad, look, I'm doing it and I haven't crashed the car"

Cas nods his head and relaxes a bit, Dean glances at Jack with full pride. With one hand on the steering wheel, he wraps the other one around Jack to smooch his forehead. "That's my boy", he cheers and holds his hand up for a high five.

Jack slaps his hand and smiles impossibly wider, Cas in the back is watching everything. A great bliss expands in his chest, his heart beats with complete joy. There's a softness in his eyes when he sees his own son and the love of his life together. That was something that he had been worried about, once Abraham is gone the only little boy around will be Jack. Maybe Dean will resent Cas for having something that he wont, or give a cold shoulder to Jack because he wont be Abe. The thought of Dean being bitter with Jack has crossed his mind, but this little memory that just played out has finally come true.

The little scenario that one day Jack and Dean can be close as a real father and son is starting to play out. Castiel relaxes and settles back to his seat.


	20. The Letters

**July, 2018**

Saying goodbye is easy when you know that it really isn't a goodbye, you mean to come back. But it is all different when you aren't, that last goodbye is truly _the_ last goodbye. How do you say goodbye, is it a simply 'goodbye' or do you go all out and set up fireworks that spell out 'goodbye'. 

Goodbye is cliche, especially around death. ‘I love you’, is even worse. That's a horrible way to say goodbye, the greatest thing that could ever be said to anyone can also be experience at the worst occasion. Abraham isn't going to say 'I love you' to anyone, everyone should know how he feels about them. He wont even say 'goodbye'. He doesn't believe he has it in him to say it. Abraham finds everything easier when he writes down how he feels, it's easier because when he writes he wont get a pitiful look from a piece of paper. When he is down writing down his thoughts, he doesn't have to face a person who has absolutely no idea what to say back. Writing has made him feel calmer, only there were his thoughts clear.

The idea of saying how he feels in the form of saying goodbye without actually saying it, has come across his mind. That's his plan, a letter, for everyone. Very cliché, he knows, but it seems like the correct thing to do. And _no_ he will not start his letters, "If you are reading this I am dead by now". That makes him cringe so hard a shiver goes down his spine, his letters have to be original, they will be since its him writing and there's only one of him...and in a few months there will be none of him.

Cleveland was nice, the steamship he wanted to go to was huge, they also went to the aquarium for the heck of it. Dean didn't really care all that much about the fishes, Castiel held his hand only because Dean wouldn't move his ass. He just kept groaning. "Sometimes it feels as if I'm taking care of four children", he gives Dean a glare and walks away, letting go of his hand.

Dean's childlike posture disappears, "Oh come on, baby, I'll stop", he grabbed his elbow and spun him around to peck his lips, "I just hate fish"

"And I hate your attitude but you don't hear me complaining"

"Baby", he spoke softly, he tilted his head slightly copying Cas, "Hold my hand at least, I don't care if you're angry with me"

Cas sighed and rolled his eyes, "You're lucky I love you"

Dean gave him a goofy smile, he stole a kiss and wrapped his arm over his shoulder, "I love you more"

Castiel was actually looking forward of going to the beach, it has been a very long time since he has gone with the kids. They were probably six years old, Jack kept drinking the water by accident, Claire collect two buckets of sea shells. Castiel had been buried down on the sand. The children, even Amelia, we're laughing their ass' off, it truly was fun finding sand everywhere when he showered. He hopes that they could replay that moment again, this time Dean getting buried. Because there is no way he will get buried down twice. 

They were behind schedule, Dean concluded that there wouldn't be enough time for all the cities Abe wanted to go to. So Abe shortened the list, it was very difficult since he was very excited for all of them. From Cleveland, they skipped Philadelphia and went straight to NYC. 

"We should go to the 9/11 memorial", Jack blurted out, he took off his seat belt and launch himself forward to the front seats. He pointed at the map of the city. "Can we please", he pouted as he pleaded towards Dean. 

"Ask Abe, he's the leader"

Jack returned back to his seat and before he could ask Abe said yes. "I was going to suggest going there anyways"

"Ew, history nerds", Claire said.

"It's not history, it's a memorial", Jack barked. 

"It's the same thing!", Claire barked back. 

"It's not!"

"It's too!"

"It's NOT!"

"It's TOO!"

"And this is why I'm in the middle", Abe said breaking up their screeching. 

"Stupid", Claire spoke to the window so Jack couldn't hear her.

Jack gasped dramatically, "Dad! Claire called me stupid!"

"Claire-"

"Dad! You raised a snitch!", she said in the same dramatic tome as Jack, mocking him. 

"Dad! Claire called me a snitch"

"OH my God! I've called you worse things ", she yelled.

"Claire Noelle! What have I told you about bullying your brother?", Castiel turned his whole body around to face her since she was behind him. 

"It's not bullying, it doesn't count with him"

"Yes it does", Cas nodded using his parental voice, "Now, the both of you, if you don't shut up I will put you in the trunk. Is that understood?"

Jack and Claire slumped back into their seats and nodded looking at their windows. Castiel glanced at them both and seated himself down. Dean was trying his hardest not to burst out laughing. "That goes for you too"

"Yeah right, I rather have Abraham behind the wheel than you. No offense"

Castiel was about to respond but he heard soft bickering behind him. "Stop this car!"

Dean did so and sat back to enjoy the show. Castiel got out of the car and took some of their luggage out of the trunk, placing it on top of the car. He opens Claire door and tries to get her out. She holds on to the seat belt itself as she is protesting not to be dragged out.

"Hey, becareful with Baby", Dean gets out of the car and goes to the scene. "Cas, baby I think even for you this is too much"

Cas merely stops pulling at his daughters legs and winks at Dean, Dean catches up  and helps him out. He tickles her stomach doing the trick as she let's go. Cas has a grip of her legs and Dean gathers her from arms. 

"Let me go!", she struggles and kicks.

"You have to learn, Claire", Castiel laughs. 

Dean and Cas bring her to the trunk and dump her in as quick as they can so they could close it. Claire let's out a eardrum shattering scream. 

"Claire, honey, you in there?", Dean speaks in a mocking tone. 

"This is child abuse! It's illegal you know"

"Bullying is also illegal", Dean says to the trunk. 

Claire then kicks the trunk, "No its not, let me out!"

"Not until you say the magic word", Cas smirked. 

She inhaled then said, "NOW!"

Dean shrugged disappointly that only Cas could see, "Well I guess blondie hasn't learn her lesson in bullying"

"There's no lesson", Cas and Dean could hear her as they walked away back to the car. 

They closed the doors when Jack asked, "Are you really going to leave her in there?"

"Only for ten minutes, but just to make sure put a timer on your iPad so we don't forget her", Cas said, getting a nod from Jack.

"You're a mean one Mr. Novak", Dean sang. 

Cas shook his head, "You're the one who tickled her"

"It was your idea"

Cas stopped and waved it off, "She'll be fine, trunks have oxygen"

They all laughed at his remark. 

Their drive to NYC is their lengthist destination so far. When they got there, it was unbelievable, people tell you how the energy feel, movies and TV shows portray the city as best as they can. But when you actually stand in the middle of downtown, you can hear so many languages being spoken, laughing, crying, gossip. People all wearing different clothing, all going to different places. Sure you can get this from anywhere, even Chicago, but this is the NYC vibe, this feeling is one and only. 

The 9/11 memorial was right there, Castiel thought how once there was two buildings that connected world, and within a day it separated it. He remembers what he was doing when it happened, he's pretty sure everyone that who lived through it remembers what they were doing at that time. He was nineteen at the time, he was barely taking his basics at the time. He was in class, he doesn't remember what class specifically, but he does remember his professor getting call then turning on the TV in the middle of the lecture. The first tower was already down, the entire class saw the second tower get a attack, and saw both of them collapse. He called Sammandriel, as he was studying at NYU at the time. He was hysterical, petrified, saying that they were all next. Horrifying years came after that attack to the nation. 

And now all that their is, is a fucking memorial. 

"Can you belief one day we will all just be memorials?", Castiel asked when he felt Dean embraced him from behind.

Dean frowned but changed it to a small laugh, "What's with the deep thoughts today?"

Cas shrugged, "Nothing, I was just remembering the day it happened, I was in class. Where were you?"

"Let's see, I was nineteen, high school dropout, oh yeah getting my GED. Also working three low-paying jobs, supporting my baby brother. Living the life"

Castiel turned around in Dean's arms and sooth his forearms. "You've sacrificed so much for your brother. Was it all worth it? Being his non-legal guardian"

"Absolutely, the kid turn out to be a success, great wife, Jesus, he just had a freaking kid last month. I'm proud of him, and if I had to do it all over again, I would"

Castiel gave him a mesmerizing look, "I really do love you. And Dean, so you know, you are a success too"

He shook his head, "I haven't accomplished anything, Cas"

"You have, but you don't give yourself enough credit to remember", he smiled as he pecked Dean's lips.

Dean rolled his eyes at Cas' cheesiness, "Whatever, lets go back to the kids before they destroy something"

By the end of the night Dean ate six NYC hotdogs, Castiel had to semi-carry him back to the hotel. "I told you not to eat all of them at the same time"

"Oh what do you know, you're a baby doctor", he spat.

"He's still a doctor and you should've listened to him", Jack spoke, agreeing with his dad.

Dean returned back mocking him. Castiel dropped Dean on the bed, Dean lazily rolled the blanket around his body like a burrito. Castiel sighed and tried to wrestle the blanket off of Dean, "I'm cold too".

"Then call room service", he grumbled. Castiel squinted angrily, he grabbed a pillow and weakly tried to smother Dean. He heard the children giggling as they were eating their Chinese take out, "Are the noodles good, Claire?"

"Yeah, I'll save you some"

He thanked her and was overpowered by Dean, his hair was pulled as Dean rolls them out of the bed. Castiel lands butt first, when his head bangs on the night stand. Dean takes advantage and pins his hands down. "Get off, I hit my head"

"Relax, you'll live"

"But you wont", Castiel takes his strength back by kicking Dean on his thigh with his knee. Dean ultimately drops his hands and rolls off of him, Castiel groans rubbing the back of his head, "Truce", he turns to him holding out his hand for Dean to take it, Dean does and says, "Truce", he tries wiggles his body out of the blankets, "And help me out of this blanket"

"You should've thought of that before you pulled that stunt", Cas leaves him on the floor.

"Oh come on!", he sighs and lets his head drop back.

Dean after no help from anyone, he freed himself and waited for Castiel to finish up in the bath to attack again. "Leave him alone, Dean", Jack warned teasingly.

The 'attacking' kept going back and forth between the men, the kids ignored them but they did get irritated when Dean accidently elbowed their Dorito bag to the floor. Castiel saw that it was nearing two in the morning so he sent everyone to bed. The kids, like always, shared one queen size bed, and Castiel and Dean took the other one. The kids went out like a light, but Dean and Cas were both struggling to sleep and they both sensed it.

"Cas? Cas are you sleep", Dean closed in Cas' personal space, poking his eyebrow.

"No, I can't, but I can help you by knocking you out", he grabbed his finger and twisted it.

Dean hissed, "My god, you are cranky", he stayed in his space wrapping his arm around him and resting his head on his shoulder.

"Dean- I know you don't like talking about the future"

"Then don't"

Cas sighed getting a hold of Dean's hand, "But we have to eventually"

"Eventually but not now"

"Dean", Cas' voice was too harsh for his liking.

"Cas"

"Slow is the only way we are gonna be able to do this. So first things first, what next? After this trip what's the plan?"

Dean gripped Castiel's hand, "I guess whether I like it or not, I'm going to prepare for the funeral, I'm going to bury him next to him mom, give him a nice service. Buy him a nice casket, you know one of the glossy ones"

"I'll pay for the casket, whatever the price, I'll help you pay for everything"

"Cas, he's my kid-"

Castiel turned around facing him with a furious glare. "How dare you say that? I understand that by blood he is yours, but I've been here Dean, since the beginning of Abe's journey. I could've easily left you to suffer by yourself, but no, I didn't. I helped you pay for his treatment, I came to his check ups, I took care of him whenever he needed assistance. I never left that little boy's side"

"Cas"

Castiel sat up from his bed and reached for his jeans, "Dean, I know we've been together for less than a year, but we've been through a lot more than most couples. I never thought for a second leaving you, and I hope you are in the same page as me. I fully comprehend that he is not mine, not by blood, not even by the law, but for a long time I've seen him as my own. And you saying that only you care and that I don't, because that was technically what you were about to say, well shit Dean. You really hurt me this time. All I've been is good to you and _your_ son"

Castiel knew it was a wrong choice to leave the hotel, but it was his only choice. Staying, was not a choice. He wanted to take a long walk on the streets he barely remembers. He lived in NYC for five years in his early childhood years, his memories were blurred but the whole city brought him nostalgia. He bought hot cocoa from a stand around the corner of his hotel. Wrong choice of drink at two in the morning, but he already made one wrong choice, why not make another?

The journey he is going through with Dean, is something he has never done before. He never thought he would love someone as he loves Dean. He never thought he get to be his true self. He wouldn’t trade Dean, or Abraham, for the world. He doesn’t take for granted what they have given him, a new beginning. Something he thought he wasn’t capable of because he was always to weak to quit Amelia. Yes, getting attach to a little boy who isn’t his and is near death, is dangerous territory, but you just cant deny that Abraham is something else. He is so much like Dean, maybe that’s why he loves him like his own. 

He truly is going to miss him, and he’s only known him for less than a year. To looose a child, is to loose your mind. Castiel can’t compare himself to Dean completely, misscariges and stillborns are different. But in the end it’s an innocent child that has to die, it hurts. And the pain will never stop. 

That Castiel can be sure of. 

He has lost so many babies in delivery rooms. Mothers, wailing as they beg to hold their dead child. They all reminded him of his own misfortunes. He always wonders about his stillborns, all three were boys, all three died at eight months. He held them all, named them all too, even thought Amelia thought it was useless. 

Patrick Edward Novak. Ryan Matthew Novak. Eliot Charles Novak. 

He had to pick out their names last minute as they both gave up on the thought of having children after two misscariges. He shed tears as he signed their birth certificates, he also thought for some time it was stupid to give them names. They were his babies at the end, they didn’t deserve to die, at the end all that Castiel could do as a father is give them names. 

He ponders of what would’ve come if they hadn’t passed away. How they would look like, what their personalities would’ve been like. All those details that parents think off. 

He thinks to himself that Dean is lucky, he knows how Abe looks like, what he likes, what he doesn’t. He got to know his son. Castiel doesn’t even know what color of eyes his son’s were born with. 

He heads back to the hotel room around three in the morning, Dean is up, siting in the couch. He perks up at the shift in the door. He is first relived to see Castiel back, then he hugs him, apologizing hole heartedly. 

Castiel waves him off with a thin smile. “Just forget what I said earlier, I’m tired now”, he shakes off his jeans and gets under the covers. 

Dean follows him and continues to apologize. 

Abraham from the other side of the room, smiles as he hears Castiel voice again. He was actually scared he wasn’t going to return. 

He knows for a fact that he has to writer a letter to Castiel. 


	21. It's The Little Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> * Self-harm

**August, 2018**

It seemed impossible for them to make it to the beach. It was a weeks drive to the coast of California, it was worth it though. Castiel got permission from his parents to borrow the family’s beach house in Malibu. They have renovations done two years ago, so the house looked brand new to Cas. When Cas said it was a beach house Dean honestly thought it was a two story house with a beautiful view of the ocean. He should’ve known a house was too much to ask for. The house was three story big, a garage big enough to fit four pick up trucks, seven rooms each coming with their own complete restroom. The living room, kitchen, and dining room looked straight out of a catalog.

Dean swore he saw Kylie Jenner with a stroller as they drove to the driveway.

“Cas-“

“Don’t start. Abe loves it, right Abe?”, Castiel turned off the car and looked at the rear view mirror. The kids weren’t in the backseats.

Dean and Cas turned to see them heading around the house to the backyard. Dean smiled seeing Jack giving Abe a piggyback ride. Jack and Claire get joy doing so, even ifCastiel is against it. Abraham lost twelve pounds in July and he is expected to loose more this month. He was balding by mid July so he decided to shave his head. Now he looks sick, pale with his veins showing on his head. He’s visibly tired by the medicine, he’s tired of it.

Claire and Jack took Abe to the family treehouse. Castiel and his siblings use to play in that same treehouse, only thing that has change is the toys. He is actually the only one of the Novak boys not to fall out of the treehouse.

The treehouse isn’t as fancy as people would think, it was huge in size but once inside it didn’t have anything fancy. And old child’s kitchen, a table set with tea cups, it had posters of children’s cartoons.

“Wow, this is awesome”, Abe went to a corner that had cabinets of car and action figures.

“Jack would spend hours up here”, Claire said as she dusted off her little kitchen and tea set. “Would, Mr. Abraham like a cup of tea from Claire’s Bakery”

“I would love tea, madam”

After tea in cups that had dust and dirt in them, they played pirates . The swords were made of old foam that was tearing. Every time they would hit each other dust would jump off the foam. Claire’s old barbies were the hostages, Jack was trespassing onto their ship. Two versus one, and still Jack won ownership of the ship.

Dean and Cas put their luggage inside, Dean looked like a child in a candy store. "Do please tell me that there is an pool"

"Pool and jacuzzi"

"Oh yes!", Dean planted down on the leather sofa. "I love your rich family, Cas"

 "You're going to love them more once you see the view"

Dean followed pursuit, the first thing he saw was Cas smiling at the sunset, Dean stopped right there at the spot. The light was hitting him just right, Dean took out his phone and took a photo. Cas heard the click and turned to him.

"I like this view more to be honest", Dean tilted his head as he bit his lip.

Cas blushed and walked towards him, he leaned to kiss him, he grabbed Dean's head and smoothly kissed him. "If you wanna have fun tonight I'm going to need you to delete that photo"

Dean falsely laughed, "Never", he swooped Castiel into his arms and dropped them to the floor.

They started to make out like horny teenagers, rolling around on the wooden floor. "I'm serious about the view", Castiel rested his upper body at his elbows, "It's amazing, I almost forgot the sunsets here", Cas slid away from Dean and sat crisscross in front of the 12-foot tall window. Dean copied Cas, he wrapped one arm around his shoulders to kiss the top of his head. "I bet you were a spoilt brat growing up"

"On the contrary, I was the least spoilt, actually none of us where spoilt brats. We all knew we had money, but our parents made sure we were grateful children for the things given to us. We grew up normal kids, expect we were more privileged"

"Just that", Dean teased, "I can make a list that makes our childhoods different"

Cas pushed Dean's face away, "Okay, sure we grew up in different classes but we both made to the top"

Dean made a pondering face, "I'm still middle class, you on the other hand-"

"I have a trust fund", Castiel defended himself.

"Spoilt brat!", Dean laughed.

Castiel rolled his eyes and carried on making his way to the master bedroom. Castiel isn't a big fan of sleeping in the same bedroom his parents did, he's 100% sure that he was conceived in that same bed. He even bought new sheets, because their is no way he is sleeping in those sheets. All of the rooms have been remodeled as well, their was more restroom than closet. He went out to the porch connect to the master bedroom, their was a small table with two chairs. This would work for a romantic dinner. He went to the right end of the porch, he remembered his mom telling him once that this was ultimate favorite spot in the house. She had the view of the ocean, fresh air, and noise of her children playing in the tree house just around the corner. Castiel finally understood what she meant, Claire was cheerfully screaming and as her brother was chasing her with a foam sword.

"What are we doing for dinner? I was thinking maybe a cookout, nice weather and all", Dean stood next to him.

"Cookout sounds very relaxing, write down the things you want and I'll go shopping"

"Sounds like a plan. And your parents were kind enough to fill the fridge", he turned back to the room to turn on the TV.

"How kind of them, but I'm guessing half of it was ingredients that only rabbits eat"

"Yup, so its a long shopping list", Dean smiled.

Cas sighed, throwing Dean a pen and small notebook.

The store was crowded for a Thursday afternoon, he was trying to think if anything important was happening today. Nothing he could think off, until he ask a worker if it was always this crowded, she laughed and said yes. The last two months he has been avoiding doing anything grown ups do, expect paying the pills of his house, but grocery shopping, going to work, waking up early, sending the kids to sleep. It'd seem like forever last time he went grocery shopping, he didn't miss it at all. Women always stared at him, some discreetly, some not so much. He never, ever liked the attention, it made him uncomfortable and shy away. Today was no different, two women and the cashier. Just another day for him. Dean almost made him walk to the grocery and back, he doesn't completely trust him with Baby. He doesn't wonder, he knows his competition is a car. When he got home the kids were inside playing with the WiiU.

"Can I get some help?", Cas asked as he carried seven bags through the door leaving them in the door way. Claire and Jack called 'not it', and turned to Abe.

"Ha, now go help my dad", Claire laughed.

"Okay, first of all, he's not _my_ dad, and second of all, I'm dying. So one of you has to do it cause I'm not moving", he laid down on the leather couch, crossing his arms as he put his cap down to cover his face.

Jack huffed and dropped the control to help move the bags to the kitchen, and put stocked the fridge and pantry.

“Guys, my dad bought chips”, Jack announced.

“Throw then here”, Abe paused the game, ready to catch the bags. Jack threw all six bags, two dorito, one barbecue lays, and three flaming hot bags.

“This one is all mine”, Claire hungrily reached out for the bag, ripping it out of Abe’s hands.

“No Claire, you have to wait until we eat”, Castiel snatched all the chips away from the kids and put them on top of the upper cabinets. He was on his tippy toes, he’s like to see them try and get it. Dean came in and said the grill was ready for the steaks and burgers, Castiel started to set up outside. Dean emptied the recycle bags, threw the recites away until one little piece of paper caught his eye.

 

Call me at 360-6939

\- Xoxo Nicky. 

 

He put the paper in his pocket for later and opened the can of green beans, turning on the stove.

“Kids! Come here and help me”, Dean called, and the only one that showed up was Jack. But he sighed and slouched.

“Where’s Abe and Claire?”

“I suck at paper, scissors, rock”

Dean nodded, “Me too kid, me too”

Jack as Dean discovered, is not at all that bad in the kitchen. He knew his way around better than Abe. They were don’t way before Cas was, Dean took away the WiiU from Abe and Claire and carried them outside.

“We already played outside”, Abe complained.

“Then you can play some more”, he put them down and told them to get lost.

Castiel looked so stereotypical, white rich man, cooking steaks, with some shorts and five dollar sandals from Target.

“Why are you laughing at me?”, Cas asked with a smirk.

Dean shook his head, “You just look funny”

“I wasn’t going to wear boots in 100 degrees weather”, he looked down at his feet as his toes wiggled.

“Hey, don’t insult my boots, they’ve lasted longer than all twenty of your cheap sandals”, he made fun.

“Hey, I never made of your clothing”

“That’s because I dress normally”

“By normally, do you mean like a lumberjack”, Cas turned to Dean who had a very aghast expression.

“That did not only hurt me but everything I’ve ever known. How dare you?”, he asked with a dead serious tone.

Cas rolled his eyes and ignored him, he got back to the steaks that were ready along with the burgers, all that was left were the corn. Claire was the first one to grab her food, she put everything that was laid out in the table.

“You’re gonna need a bigger mouth”, Dean spike with a humorous tone.

“That’s only for the weak”

Dean scrunched his face, “How?”

Claire started, “Because-“

“Dean- don’t”, Castiel warned.

“But she basically insult me”

“Dean, grab your food and eat, or you can take it inside and eat there by yourself”, he placed his hands on his hips, expecting an immediate answer. 

Dean scoffed and angrily got his steak and placed himself next to Abe and not Cas. Castiel shook his head, a long day it was for him and he expected Dean to act mature. He murmured something about ‘living with children’. Abe also knew his dad was acting childish so he placed his plate to the right side of him, next to Cas.

“Give me the plate back”

“Go sir next to Cas, and get over yourself”

Dean stood up angrily and moved next to Cas. Dinner- was quite. Abe was minding his own business, very happy with his cheeseburger. Cas and Dean though, they had a vibe that Claire and Jack knew all too well. Eating dinner when the parents aren’t happy at each other, oh the memories.

Jack picked at his food, he looked back at his sister as she had the same sour mood. He then whispered to her ear, “This reminds me of mom and dad”

Claire looked at him as she didn’t comprehend at first but she took one glance at Cas and Dean, who know were both looking at them. She nodded and whispered back, her eyes never leaving the gentlemen, “Exactly like mom and dad, only difference is that this is the gay version”

Jack snorted and laughed just a bit too hard, as it grabbed everyone attention.

“That’s so mean, Claire”, Jack laughed.

“You’re laughing”

“Nah, but I didn’t say it”

Claire smiled and went to whisper something, “Look at them. They are so pissed”

They looked at them almost at the same time and saw their furious faces. Their food complete ignored.

The twins both tried to hold back their laughter. “Hey, I wanna laugh too”, Abe interrupted.

“Oh, you wouldn’t get it, it’s an inside joke”, Claire said going back to giggling.

“Oh come on Claire, we all love inside jokes. Share it with us”, Dean took a long sip from his beer.

“It wouldn’t be an inside joke if I told you”, Claire fired back.

“I think you should tell us since, correct me if I’m wrong, it involves us”, Cas pointed at himself and Dean.

Jack shook his head, “No, I think we’re good”, he looked back at Claire who affirmed as well.

Dinner then turned into a staring match, Abe shrank back into his seat. Claire and Jack straightened their backs as did Cas and Dean.

Jack then thought of something that was also too familiar to them both. He went to whisper to Claire, “When do you think the hitting will start?”

Claire whispered back, “Dean hit dad back at Abe birthday party, remember?”, Jack nodded so Claire continued, “But honestly it shouldn’t be that long”

“Dad can’t defend himself or what?”, Jack accidentally did not whisper that.

Cas perked up and frowned, “What? Defend myself from what?”

Claire hit Jack at the back if his head as he mouthed ‘sorry’.

“Nothing, just forget it”

“Jack”, Dean said slowly and a bit threatening, “Defend himself from what?”

Jack just stared backat Dean, he wasn’t going to respond.

“Fuck kids- go inside, everyone, I want everyone inside”, Cas stood from his chair, saw everyone do the same as they entered the house. The kids, all three of them, sat on the leather couch that was right in front of the fireplace. “Okay, no one is going anywhere until you two tell me what that was all about”

Abe meanwhile felt drained, he knew it was the tension between everyone. He dragged his feet to the couch and was glad he didn’t have to move. Dean saw this. He inches closer to Cas, “I’m going to take Abe upstairs, he doesn’t look so good”

Cas nodded and said goodnight to Abe, Dean carried him upstairs and waved everyone goodbye. Cas only continued when dean came back.

“What was all that whispering about?”, Dean asked.

Jack shrugged, “We just didn’t want to intrude in your silent fighting match”

“We weren’t fighting, that was just a tiny argument that we get over”, Cas explained.

“Well it seems that you both a ton of ‘tiny arguments’”, Claire didn’t sugar coated.

Dean swallowed and looked back at Cas, the twins weren’t wrong. But the fight weren’t anything huge to break up about.

“We’ve just been under a lot of stress lately”, Cas answered.

“Yeah, with Abraham, we know. But didn’t you both had a huge fight over him, and dad you left the hotel”, Jack fought.

Dean and Cas stilled. “You heard that?”, Dean asked.

“I think the people sleeping next to us heard you two”, Claire sassily answered.

“So then Abe too”

“Oh yeah”, Claire nodded with her arms crossed, “And let me tell you, he is still not happy with you about that. We aren’t happy about that either, but this is about Abe”

“What you said was not cool, Dean”, Jack added.

Dean sighed, “Yes that wasn’t cool, but me and Cas are good now”

“Dean is correct, and above all, this is adult business. Go to your room”, he said defeatedly he went to sit down on the floor in front of the fireplace. The twins did so and Claire had one parting thing to say.

“Dean next time you fight with him, don’t throw punches at him because we know he can’t defend himself”

Cas dropped backwards on the floor, he closed his eyes and sighed.

“I’m so fucking tired”, Cas huffed, scratching his eyes.

“Me and you both”

“We keeping screwing things up, and just when things started to sound great”

“Great how?”

“Tomorrow we were going to the beach. It’s the small things, Dean”

“Whatever you say man”, he shrugged.

Castiel felt his chest closing, his eyes getting heavier, the pit of his stomach wasn’t right. He sat up, to keep his breathing right. He left the spot to the restroom. A bath didn’t seem like the worst idea right now. The water was steaming hot, Castiel was sweating as he tore pieces of his clothing off, it felt more like a spa. The water was scalding, but it was comforting to feel something warm. The water was burning his skin but yet he held his head under water. He kept messing up with everything and everyone.

Amelia, he forced himself into a loveless marriage to prove to his parents that he was normal. He swore that he would do good by his children when they born, that they would see the finest things in life. No matter how hard Castiel work to provide them the newest technology and clothing, he couldn't keep them from seeing the constant fights. No amount of new consoles can cure the damage that Cas had done. Dean was suppose to be different, he was going to try harder, be a better father.

He rose up from the water and inhale as he gasped for air, he had been under water so long he was coughing water. His throat and lungs were under fire, it was alright though. He sat up in the tub, he keep begging for air as he evened out his breathing. He washed his hair and body, almost too quickly as he kicked his razor down the tub. The three blades sliced his calve, he hisses and breathes, the hot water wasn't doing him any favors. Blood filled the tub and Castiel, even though the slices burned, started at them in wonder. He picked up the razor and studied it, he was trying to find a way to remove the blades, he banged the razor on the tub but it wouldn't do. He gave up and just aimed the razor to his thigh, he cut the skin. Another three slices ached on his skin, he breath rasped in his throat. He put his legs under the water, eerily he found the blood fascinating. Blood is a doctor least favorite thing, it's never brings good news.

Castiel is in a trance, he didn't even recognize that he cut another six slices on his left wrist and hand. He fell asleep as such.

What startled him awake was the pounding on the door, he sat up and like lighting he unplug the tub and put his dirty clothes back on. He was shaking, his body and hair completely wet, the cuts on his body were bleeding red. The trance was gone and it was just a flush of regret and stupidity towards himself. The pounding and yelling on the other side of the door snapped at him, he flew the door open to see an unsettled Dean.

"Cas- he's not waking up- he's not", Dean stuttered through his words.

Castiel held Dean by his forearms and shook him, "Dean, breathe. Dean, look at me and tell me"

Dean inhaled and with a shaky tone, "It's Abe, he's not waking up"


	22. The Beach

**August, 2018**

Abe woke up in a different bed than the one he fell asleep in, the room was colder, he remembered turning off the sealing fan. The room was cold white, his arm was attached to a machine by a needle, a machine kept beeping on his left side. He wanted to sit up when a blurry man spoke to him and stopped his movement. People in white coats started picking at his body, at this moment he called out for his dad. He was trying his best to wrestle out of the strangers arms, they all moved aside to let a man kneel his height. His face was blurry, but Abe knew that face blurry or not, it was his dad. He kept saying something over and over again, he couldn't comprehend any of it. He shut his eyes and rested.

Dean watched his son's eyes close as the drugs hit his system.

"Mr. Winchester, I need to have a word with you", the doctor waved Dean over. He was at least mid 50s, of African descent which was given away by his thick African accent. Dean was lead into Dr. Jelloh's office, degrees were on display, picture frames facing the doctors direction for him to admire.

"Don't sugar coated doc, just tell me the truth", Dean bit his lip not facing the doctor but instead the large window.

The doctor nodded and opened Abe's folder, "Mr. Winchester, I very sure you know about your son's condition and how terminal it is, he does not have much left. And by the scans we have ran, he has less than two months, one reason because the cancer is spreading much faster than what we hoped for. The second reason is because it seems that Abraham has not been taking his prescription medicine, Mr. Winchester I understand that this is a hard time for you but if you want more time with him you need to make sure he is taking his prescription", the doctor ordered sternly.

Dean nodded then followed by shaking his head, "I thought I could trust him with his pills, I really did think he was taking them. And about the cancer spreading that means- means that he has less time, right?", he spoke wretchedly.

"Sadly you are correct, sir, we could keep him on mounts of drugs but that will also deteriorate your sons life. The only suggestion I can give you as a doctor, and a father is to take him off out every prescription and drugs as possible and let Abraham decide when he wants to go", the doctor looked at him directly. Dean knew what position the doctor was in, telling the family that there was no other way to save them. When it's your job to tell the family that their son died, that the doctors tried everything possible but it he just gone for good. You don't feel the pain, you can give them the pity you feel for them and tell them, 'I'm truly sorry', but even you know that 'sorry' doesn't give them their son back. He now knows the pitiful look. You can't bring God into the conversation because they are angry with the man. He now knows the anger. You forget about the family's pain because you have other living patients that need your help, as a nurse, patients come and go, if nurses could get to know all of their patients they would, but if only there would be that much time. He know now the pain.

It's almost like karma, but he hadn't done anything to deserve it. Abraham is innocent as they come, karma didn't even know his name.

Dean nodded, he sat forward and rested his elbows on the doctors desk, "Doc, I'm a nurse and I think we've both thought of this. Why do the best people died?"

It'd seemed like he has been asked this question before because he knew what to say. "When you're in a garden, which flowers do you pick?"

Dean laughed, he asked his mothers doctor the same question a few hours after her death, and he said the same thing. He asked his wife's doctor the same thing, and she said the same _goddam_ thing. He spoke bluntly, "The most beautiful ones"

He returned to Abe's room, Castiel had his back to him talking to a very awake Abe. He was giggling about something Castiel was whispering about. Without interrupting them Dean grabbed a chair and sat next to Cas, not before placing a kiss on his forehead and smooching his son's cheeks. Castiel was reading to Abe, making voices that go along with the characters. When Abe fell asleep, Dean and Cas moved to a small couch that was connected to a beautiful view of Malibu.

Cas took Dean's hands kissed them, "He doesn't look good, what are the doctors saying?"

"Doctor Jelloh made it clear that Abe is a goner and well- you know has less time than we were promised", Dean sourly explained.

"How much time?"

"By late September or early October, and well then he's gone. We need to get back to Kansas, I need to start with the funeral arrangements", he moved his hands out of Cas' comfort and rubs his face.

"I told you that I would help you, Dean, and I meant it. Whatever the expenses, I have savings incases of emergencies like these", he rubbed Dean's back soothingly.

Dean nodded and brought his lips to Cas', a real sentimental kiss on which Dean admired Cas' lips and hands as they wrapped around his face. He savored his chapped, candy liked lips. As Dean parted them, he kept pecking his lips, Cas smiled widely, he kept saying his name it sounded more like a little jingle to Dean.

"I never really apologized for that night in New York, I shouldn't had said that. I see now more clearly that you are like a parent to Abe, we both owe you so much. You have been there throughout the entire journey, and to be fairly honest, I have no clue how i would've manage without you. I stayed sane only because of you. I owe you. Forgive me for being the asshole you fell for", he cheekily begged.

Cas laughed weakly, "Of course I do, I shouldn't have left but I needed to breath, I know that sounds wrong but i have my moments-"

"Don't apologize, that's my job at the moment"

"Correct, but honestly it's all good", Cas grabbed Dean's head and kissed his forehead.

It was getting late, Cas had to be with the twins, who were all alone in the house. Abraham was awake but a part of him was already dead, Dean smile because at least he still has a son to smile to. After an hour of having nurses coming in and out, they finally had some silence to themselves.

"Abe, is it true that you haven't been taking your meds?", Dean looked at his son sternly, crossing his arms as he stood tall.

It seemed like Abe couldn't feel smaller but he did. “Yes, but before you get mad I have a good reason why”

”Abraham! Those pills are the only things keeping you alive, and you know that!”

”What’s the point of taking them? I’m going to die anyways! I’m not trying to be depressing or anything but honestly something I feel like a zombie. I feel like I’m walking amongst the living, I feel dead, dad. I know those pills cost a lot and I should be taking them, but I don’t want to, not anymore”, he slouched down on his bed. Those weren’t the words that a father wanted to hear but they were the truth. 

“Abe I understand that you are dying but I need more time with you. And now I have less than I did at first. Don’t you get it, when you’re gone I’ll be all alone.”, Dean sobbed, turning his back to his son, “I just wanted more time. The only thing I can’t have”, he scoffed. 

“You’re not going to be alone, you’re going to have Uncle Sam and Aunt Jess. Cas, that man loves you, just look at everything he’s done for us. He paid for my mess half of the time, and he is traveling cross country with us. Like he said, he could’ve easily left us but he didn’t. That says a lot about a person. Then you have the wonder twins, as you call them-“

”They aren’t you”

”Yeah I get that, I’m your only child and no one could replace me. Who ever said you have to stop having children? You’ll miss me and I’ll miss you, but I’ve been thinking, I get to finally see mom”, his eyes gleamed in exictment. 

Dean gave out a wet laughed, he dried his eyes and slid in next to his boy. 

“You and your mom do have a lot to catch up in. You can tell her about your awards, and how you can play the cello so nicely. Tell her everything”, he soothed Abe’s bald head. He missed his red striking hair. 

“I’m going to tell her about cowboys, and my movie collection of Clint Eastwood. And tell her about waffles with Nutella”, he hummed closing his eyes, he imagined having one right at that second.

”I can’t wait to meet her. Finally, after so long I get to see her with my own eyes”, he opened his eyes and stared into nothing, but really he was imagining his mother’s warmth. What is would feel to smell her hair, to hold her tight, to just have her presence. He just can’t belive it finally going to come true. 

Dean held him as he slept through the night. He moved himself when he saw the clock hit three in the morning. He pressed a gentle kiss on his son’s cold pale skin. 

***********

Dean thrusted deep into Castiel again, Cas bit his lips trying his hardest not to let out any noice. Dean keep moving his hips at a steady, slow pace to tease with Cas. He held a Cas’ arms above his head and sucked on his neck as the man underneath him kept arching his back, giving him perfect access to his neck. The man collarbone was so defined, the structure was elite in every way, and the color of Castiel’s skin is just simply stunning. Not to pale not to tan, right down the middle, perfect. 

Dean pulled out for a second just so he could hear Cas whine, “Dean, stop doing that”

He laughed and entered him again, he thrusted his whole cock into Castiel without warning. Cas slipped out a delicious moan, that had Dean squirming. This time his thrusts were speeding up, he lifted Cas legs and wrapped them around his waist. He let go of Cas’ arms and got hold of his neck, he made sure that there wasn’t too much pressure. Cas nodded in approval and Dean got his hips to work. With his other hand he grabbed Cas’, red cum stained cock, and teased the head. Using his thumb to circle it, Cas bit his lip but it wasn’t useful. He gasped as Dean’s cock kept opening him up in great rhythm. 

“Fuck, Dean, yes”, Cas gripped the sheets.

Dean took the opportunity to start thrusting at a more alarming rate that had Castiel screaming. He wouldn’t be surprised if the kids were to wake up. “Come for me baby, come on”

“Okay yes, fuck”, he kept arching his back knowing that was the best angle for Dean to hit. 

Dean let go of his neck, loving had angry red finger marks appeared on his lover’s neck. He attacked his neck once again, he wanted to cover his sweet boyfriend with his marks. He was sucking on his skin so hard, Castiel kept gasping. Cas grasped onto Dean’s back, his fingernails were digging into his skin. He gasped, as Dean stopped his movement. Hot liquid squirted into him, he planted as he placed kisses into Dean’s face. 

Dean grinned and sat up, still deep inside Cas, he looked down and saw that Cas’ cock was still hard. 

“Guess someone needs speacial attention”, he wickedly said as he slid out of Cas and put the covers over him. He licked the length first, knowing that chill through to Cas. Licked and sucked at his ball sack and teased his hole with his tongue. It was kinda disturbing that he was licking his own cum, but he spat it out. He entered two fingers as he was already loose, and took Castiel length down his throat. 

“Oh fuck Dean”, Cas places his hand through the sheets on Dean’s head to push it down. 

It didn’t take long before Cas was screaming in relief. He panted and smiled down at Dean as he took the covers off of him. Dean went up to him and kissed him, his fingers were still in Cas. He thrusted them slowly and easily. 

“Dean, I can’t go another round. I think you literally drained me out”, Cas giggles as he glances down at Dean’s long fingers dissapearn in him. 

“No such thing”, Dean answers, he places his tender kiss on the side of Castiel red neck. 

“It will become a real thing soon enough”

”Come on”, Dean winked and returned back in top of Castiel as he added another finger, “One more round, and I won’t ask anymore”

Cas closed his eyes and embraced the warm fingers, he nodded at Dean’s request. He was tired but never tired of Dean. 

*********

The next morning Abe was able to go back home to the beach house. Dean fought back and forth with his son about going back to Kansas. 

“Dad, we came all the way to Malibu to see a beach! I’m not leaving until I see it! I don’t care how sick I am! Please, please, just this one thing, and I promise we’ll leave right away”, he pouted like a sad puppy. 

All the doctors were against, including Cas. The sun would dehydrate him almost immediately, he needed to rest, and a list of all medical recourses that prove how a simpe day in the beach could go wrong. But Abraham had his heart and mind set on that ocean view, he is not leaving until he feels the sand and collects some sea shells. With Castiel's disapproval the five of them headed down. Abe saw how Jack and Claire ran down the small hill that deliver them to the ocean side, he wanted to run too. He missed the rush, Dean sense the longing and ushered Abe to crawl on his back. Dean told him to hold on tight, he ran down, it was like sweet melody to hear his son laugh in joy. Dean pride himself, he landed on his knees, slightly wincing when he fell on the hard sand.

Abe steadily let go of his dad and felt the warm, prickling sand, he wiggled his toes so that each one could feel the sensation. He took a breath and knelt down for his hands to feel the rusty, yet soft sand. It was salt shaped, a soft brown and white. It was everything you see on the movies, he looked up and saw an ocean wave hit towards them. The water was turquoise, crystal like, fresh, it was almost whispering his name. He sounded crazy for sure, but the way the waves moved to eloquently, and how the sun burn through his skin, there aren't cloud so the blue sky is clear to present itself. It's the day that Abe's been dreaming about.

Cas picked him up and started swinging him side to side, Cas lead them deeper into the ocean and splashed Abe into the water. "You need to stay hydrated, remember?", Cas smiled as he saw Abe rise up through the water and laugh.

"Do it again, Mr. Cas", Abe swam closer to him, as he wrapped his arms around Cas' neck.

"Alright, alright", Cas swopped Abe's legs from the water, he pushed himself up to throw Abe up in the air and down to the water. Abe laughed, landing butt first on the water. Jack and Claire saw the excitement and wanted to do the same. One by one, they all flew down to the water. The kids started to crowd Castiel, three pair of arms choked his neck and pulled him down to the water.

"Kids, you're drowning your father", Dean yelled, taking off his shirt and getting in the water to save Castiel.

"He'll be fine!", Jack responded holding his dad's head down even further.

Dean laughed horrified and tore the kids off of Castiel, he rose up and gasped. He rubbed his eyes, and spat out a small puddle of water he had accidently swallowed. "I couldn't breathe", he gasped reaching to Dean.

Dean caught him in time as he lost his balance, "Wow, you weren't down there for that long", he laughed along with the kids.

"Shut up, Dean, I was choking with the water I swallowed"

"You mean the one fluid ounce you almost swallowed", he traced Castiel's dark hair back, he smiled obviously not taking Cas serious.

Cas squinted and pulled Dean's head under the water, Dean struggled trying to reach for Cas face, hands and even kicked him in the gut. Cas kept his whole body under there, the kids helped out too. Dean stopped struggling at one point which put Cas in an uneasy position, they'll let go of Dean and his body just floated.

"Dean", Cas went up to his face and started smacking his cheeks.

A little smirk showed on his face that made Cas flipped him over, Dean laughed as he spat out the saltiest sea water that ever enter his mouth. Dean saw Cas walking back to the shore, he hopped onto his back tackling him down.

"You'd think they'd behave themselves", Claire said, all three of them glared, with at the grown ass men playing in the water.

"I didn't except them to really", Abe shrugged and went back to the water.


	23. Birthday

**August** , **2018**

Cas’ birthday landed on the 20th, a few days from the accident. They were already in Kansas by his birthday. And well he didn’t want anything big, his complaint was ignored by everyone though. Dean didn’t care what Cas wanted, with so much in his head, planning a party was the best way to clear himself. It was all last minute things, in Malibu they were planning a nice relaxing dinner out in the porch. Funny how plans change. 

Dean woke up three hours early than everyone to go to Walmart. He bought the candles, decorations, plates, food, you name it. The only thing he didn’t get was the cake, that was suppose to picked up later. He drove back to Cas’ house with eight bags in the trunk. Dean ran upstairs and woke up the wonder twins. 

“You bought them, so you get them”, Claire mumbled. Dean sighed and went to Jack’s room. 

“Okay, but I want the biggest slice of cake”, he rubbed his tired eyes as he shuffled out of his sheets, Dean clapped and carried him over his shoulder. “I knew at least one of you was helpful”

Jack tiredly dragged his feet to the trunk and started picking up the lightest grocery bags and dumped them into the doorway were Dean then put them in the kitchen. When they finished, Dean granted Jack a king size chocolate bar of his liking for breakfast. “It’s too early though”

“Then don’t tell your father”, Dean shrugged it off.

Jack frowned because he knew lying is wrong so he couldn’t eat it, he stored it in the fridge for later. He skipped his way to the living room to turn on the TV, Scooby-Doo blasted off on all four walls.

“Jack, turn it down”, Dean hissed silently.

“Sorry”, he whimpered.

Dean took his attention back to the kitchen, he started storing everything he didn’t need in the pantry and the rest was layout on the counters. He took out eggs, bacon, pancake batter, sausages, bread to make toast, all to make Cas’ dream breakfast.

Jack eventually joined him for help as he saw Dean ‘screwed’ up three eggs because apparently the yolk wasn’t dead center. Jack started on the pancake batter and defrosting the bacon and sausages. Claire and Abe heard the commotion, slowly Abe held on tightly to the railing with Claire holding his other hand. Step by step they paused for Abe to take his next step. Dean saw and jogged to them, he picked up Abe like a small toddler, he had lost amounts of pounds. Too many.

“Thank you Claire”, he kissed the top of her head and threw her a king size chocolate bar.

“Can I eat this now?”, she asked with hopeful eyes.

“Yes, but don’t tell your father”, he responded with warning eyes.

He placed Abe on the couch to grab the sack of vitamins for him to take.  It was all that was recommended for him take, every doctor they called agreed that if chemo wasn't responding anymore there was no other hope for Abe. Castiel shook his head sadly when Dean desperately asked him if they were lying, he begged him to tell him it was all a cruel sick joke. Everyone in the medical field knows for a fact that if chemo doesn't respond, not even time is on their side. All that can be done is to wait patiently. 

"Did you sleep alright?", Dean knelt as he made eye contact.

"Yeah, but my back kept killing me”, he groaned as he arched his back. 

“Okay, I’ll get you some medicine for that too but first take these”, Dean instructed as he took a quick glance at the twins making sure they wouldn’t butter anything into flames. He got the bottle pills and threw them to Abe. He sat on the couch surrounded by blankets even though the it was skin boiling hot outside and seventy degrees inside the house. His body just seemed so delicate nowadays, his skin only seemed to look whiter every day, and he knew for a fact that on his eyes it read, tired. He didn’t move much, his legs weren’t as strong as they use to be, yet he feels drained. As if all those pills and chemo drained the energy source out of him. He had his dad carry him around every day and everywhere. It’s nice being babied around, he gets full attention, it’s not all that bad. 

Dean returned back with the twins and saw that they were nearly done. Near a dozen cooked pancakes, a platter of bacon and sausages, toast made on the side with the butter sliding down from it. The yolk from the eggs weren’t in the center but he still gives them credit. “Alright kiddos, here is a little some for helping me out”, he hands the twins ten dollars each. “Now go wake up your father for me”

”Will we get more money?”, Claire pondered with a fake innocent smile. 

“Don’t push it. Now go”, he scurried them off and prepared Cas’ plate. Something is missing...coffee. Shit! He beats himself up as he rushes to the coffee machine and prepares the coffee as quick as he can. 

Jack and Claire race each other and push each other against the wall of the corridor that leads to their father’s room. They both slam themselves against the wooden door but it was Jack who opened the door. Because of how much force they were putting on the door, when they opened it they conjointly fell onto the ground. Castiel startled awake as his door bounce of the wall and two small figures attacked him on his bed. They climbed and tore of his sheets, Jack pinned his down and made a goofy face. Claire pushed him out of the way and started tickling him on his armpits to the side of his torso. Cas stops Claire’s hands and tackles his children down to the bed, they both stopped and laughed. 

“What are you two doing up so early?”, Cas smooched then on the top of their head as he asked them. 

“It’s your birthday, duh”, Claire answered. 

Cas smiled gently at his daughter, he brushed back her golden blonde back of her ear. “Yes I know that, and I’m trying to avoid it as best as possible.”

”Too late”, Jack giggled as he sped off out of Cas’ room. Claire followed him soon.  

Castiel at this moment went to his restroom and got decent, taking a shower, shaving, the basic needs of a morning. He knows there is no stopping Dean at parties, the man knows how to throw one, that Castiel will give him. But Cas is just never one to for parties, only when they involve his birthday. Too much attention is given towards him, and then theirs an anxiety that no one will remember. He’s an awkward man, and people tend to be assholes with him so every year he would spend his birthday at work. And only one person, if he’s lucky two, would remember his birthday. Family, they call and that’s nice, but they’re family they are suppose to remember. Birthdays just aren’t his favorite holiday, they are the worst. He sighs as dreads going downstairs, hoping that nothing too big will be waiting for him. 

The first thing he sees is Dean holding a plate of freshly baked pancakes and a cup of coffee. “There’s the birthday boy”, Dean teases. 

“Yeah, yeah”, Cas rolls his eyes and savors Dean’s lips into his. “Are these for me?”, he points and the plate and cup on his hands. 

“Yup, all for you, birthday boy”, he hands them over. 

“It looks wonderful, thank you”, he gleamed taking a sip on the warm coffe, he hummed and took the plate out of his hands. Castiel walks past Dean to the kitchen, the kiddos are putting everything back were it belonged. He noticed the table was done neatly, Abe looked up from his plate and smiled. “Happy birthday, Cas!”, he blew him a kiss exaggeratedly. 

Castiel laughed and lightly bent down as in thank you, “Very kind of you”, he set his plate down and kissed his head lightly. “How did we sleep last night?”

”Better than yesterday”, he claimed with a big smile only reserved for Cas’ special day. He tries to stay positive for everyone. 

“That’s good, did you already take your vitamins?”

”Yes”, Abe groaned, “You’re starting to sound like my dad. Can we like talk about how old you are today?”

”I’m not fourty yet, so I’m not that old. Jack, Claire come and eat while the food is still hot. Leave all that till we finish”, Cas called them and they came running to the table. Like wild wolves they munched their way through their pancakes. 

Jack was pouring a mountain full of butter. “Jack, slow down with the butter”, Cas took it away from him when he was ignored. 

“Dad, but it needs more butter!”, Jack protested. 

“You do not need that much butter, you have more butter than pancakes!”, the two boys bickered back and forth as Jack was wrestling for the butter back. Dean came to the rescue as he took it from Cas’ hands and sat opposite of Cas. 

“Jack be nice, it’s your father’s birthday”

 "Can we just forget that it's my birthday, I don't see the point of celebrating", Castiel cleans his mouth and settles back into his chair, he looks at Dean with his puppy eyes.

"The point of celebrating? Cas, it's your birthday and we are celebrating", Dean glances at him sternly.

"That doesn't make sense, it's my birthday and I should choose how to celebrated"

"Okay, and how do you want to celebrate your birthday then?", Dean asked.

"By not celebrating at all!"

"No", Dean said bluntly and went back to his bacon.

Castiel scoffed and took a bite at his egg, he smiled as he saw the yolk in the center. Just how he likes it. Almost impossible for Castiel to successfully to do it but the twins nailed it before he could. After breakfast Dean ordered the kiddos upstairs to take showers, it left for Dean and Cas to clean up in the kitchen. Cas managed the dishes as Dean dried them and stored them away. Dean eyed him with the corner of his eye as he stopped to fashionably go behind him, he grabbed Castiel's arms and pushed them behind his back.

"What are you doing?", Cas smiled shyly.

"You look sexy cleaning dishes", Dean spins him around and begins to smother Cas' neck with love bites.

"You also said that when I was vacuuming", he giggles as he holds Deans head at his neck, he grips his hair as Dean starts going down to his collarbone.

"In my eyes you look sexy taking a dump", he fiercely bites and licks at his very sensitive collarbone.

"You're disgusting, Dean", he shakes his head but lets him continue, he picks him up to what he thinks is the counter but turns out to be the sink, full of hot water. Cas arches his butt, he shrieks and gasps in surprise, he scrambles to find something to hold on to, Dean grips his shirt and lifts him out of the sink.

"My ass!", he speaks in gasping tones as he holds his ass specially his left buttock.

Dean snorts but tries to contain himself when Cas glares at him, "Come on it was a little funny"

"My ass burns, Dean, there is nothing comical about that", he walks past him and takes the stairs.

"Everything about that is funny. You still look cute though", he yells as he sees his built ass grandly showing itself off through the wetness of his gray jeans.

Castiel responded with his finger up.

Dean knew just how much Cas hated carnivals, so he’s going to take him to one. Everyone likes carnivals, anyone who doesn’t is because they are either grump who don’t know how to have fun or never been to one. According to Castiel himself, none of those things are the reason behind his hatred towards them. Dean ignored his hate, as he had already bought them all tickets. One by one they got in the Impala, Cas grumpily crosses his arms and stared at the glass. 

“Okay gang lets roll, and Cas stop being a grump”

”I’ll stop being a grump when this day is over”, he mumbles as he buckles his seatbelt. 

“You are such a teenager”

”If you have a problem with it then let’s go back home”, he responde with an high stresses tone. 

Dean didn’t reply at all, he was smart and stayed quite. He did though hold on to the steering wheel tightly and avoid Cas. I’m the back it was just mute, only whispers were heard. Little giggles here and there until they reached their destination. 

“Are you ducking kidding me! First of all you know I hate carnivals and my birthday and you put them together! Yes thank you Dean for an awesome birthday!”, his voice was heavily sarcastic and rude towards Dean. 

Dean held his breath to not bark back at his boyfriend. “Okay then”, he exhaled with a hiss, “Where do you want to go to?”

”What’s the point of going to back? It’s  just another half an hour ride back. We are already here anyways”, it was clear how infuriated Castiel is, his voice was held back but yet still bitter. The twins knew their father regular angry, but this angry he rarely was. Birthdays just never is their fathers thing, they tried to warn Dean about the consequences. They were ignored and now Dean is most likely sleeping in the Impala tonight. 

They walked up to the ticket booth for the lady to grant them their bracelets. Dean looks up to Castiel’s and sees him in the same mood as when they left the car. They enter the gates and instantly the air is filled with turkey legs, funnel cake, pizza, burgers, drinks. He grabs Cas hand even though he protests, he yanks him towards him and kisses him. Castiel’s lips are still compared to Dean’s. 

“Don’t be like this Cas, come on”, he fights.

”Enjoy your day Dean”, Cas pushes himself away from Dean and walks in a huddle of people. Dean looses him in the crowd when he tries to follow him but remembers the children are behind him. His frustration builds but he relives it as the kids are all looking up at him.

”Where’s dad?”, Jack pulls at his shirt. 

“Restroom”, he bluntly responds, he rubs his hands and smiles. “But we won’t wait for him, so let’s get started”

With Abraham’s very delicate condition he is limited to few rides. Mentally he is scratching off the ones he can’t go on so he won’t get his hopes up for nothing. At least he could play on the booths but they are all scams to take as much money you got with you as possible.

Jack and Claire run around trying to find a ride with a short line. For one pm on a  Monday, the carnival was packed. Everyone was taking advantage of last week of summer before school officially begins. The kiddos were mostly exited for school, Jack and Claire are starting middle school, new level for them. After one whole tour around the carnival they finally choose to go the roller coaster first. Dean took a quick pic of them on the front seats, he smiled and told them to hold on tight. The ride started, Dean waved them goodbye as it took off. He turned around to take a look around searching for the grump, he couldn’t find Castiel’s black hair anywhere. Abe tug his hand. “Dad, where is Cas? No one takes a dump for this long”

Dean smile with a shrug, “It doesn’t matter, we’ll find him later”

Abe frowned, “It does matter, it’s _his_ birthdaynot yours. His not happy here so why did you bring him?”

”Because he needs to try different things in life”, Dean made his comment.

”But that’s not up to you, that’s up to him. I’m sure Cas knows you mean well but he looked bummed out in the car. But you were to busy being petty to see it”, Abe turned his back to his father and stared at the roller coaster as it was taking its last spin. 

At that moment Cas decided to pick up Abe and carry him up to his hip. “How are we doing?”, he pinched Abe’s pale cheek.

”Pretty good, but I could use some cotton candy”, he said cheekily. 

“I oddly had a feeling you were going to say that”, Cas spoke as they slowly parted away from Dean. That hurt, he didn’t even acknowledge Dean’s precense. He knows he deserved it but still getting ignored that by _him_ , is similar to a dagger attacking his pelvis. 

“You wanna leave, Cas? Be honest”, Abe asked with his head resting on his shoulder. 

Cas licked his lips and tilted his head a bit in ponder, “I’m not comfortable being here, that’s for a fact, do I wanna leave? Well yes I do, but the twins are having fun, so I rather just keep my mouth shut”

”It’s your birthday, you should be having fun”, he stopped there to see Cas’ reaction and there was just a little hesitant shrug. “How come you don’t carnivals? Is it the food, cause it makes me sick too”

”No, it’s not the food. It not the carnival itself really. Is just that when I was younger I had a tramutazing experience”, he responded, then repeated to the young lady his order. 

“What happened?”, Abe asked, clutching to Cas tighter. 

“Well- I don’t really remember my age at the time, but younger than yourself. It was me and my four older brothers, my eldest brother was watching us four because our parents where riding the Ferris wheel. I wondered my way away from my brothers and got lost in the middle of a carnival, and I remember it was packed, so many people walking passed me. Then this man from nowhere snatched me, I of course started crying and people noticed. Thankfully they caught the man, but my brothers apperanlty didn’t realize I was missing until my mom asked where I was. They later on found me inside a little booth that had a small pond of fishes. And that day just so happened to be my birthday”, he sighed and sat them down on a bleacher. Abe stayed seated on his lap, munching on his pink cotton candy. 

“Woah- that’s some deep traumatic shit you got”, Abe with wide shocked eyes said. 

“Yes, that is why hate carnivals and where my hatred towards birthdays began”, he bit into his turkey leg.

”Then let’s leave”, Abe suggested out of nowhere.

”Abe-“

”No, I mean like me and you. Let’s leave these chumps and go somewhere else. It’s not your fault my dad is a stubborn dick.”

Castiel looked at him and back at the carnival, he did want to leave badly but leaving Dean with the kids unexpectedly doesn’t seem right. On the other hand, it’s not right for Dean to force him to be here. 

“Okay, fine. But how do we leave, your dad has the keys”

”Have you ever taken the city bus?”

”No”

Abe huffed and rolled his eyes, “You privileged people have it easy”

Castiel sent out a text to Dean informing him that he and Abraham were leaving. Dean replied but Castiel turned off his phone when the notification sounded off. The bus took them back to the playground. Nothing had changed from the past year, the swings are the same colors, the slides are in the same conditions, the tables are still brown and falling apart. It’s as if they never left. 

“Do you sometimes wonder what would’ve happened if Jack and Claire wouldn’t have left the house that morning? I do, my dad wouldn’t have ever seen them and taken them home. And he wouldn’t had recognized Claire, and then you and my dad wouldn’t have never met. It’s so weird how life works, right?”, Abe laughed as they are now sharing Castiel turkey leg. 

Cas blinked to look up at the young man, he thought for a second how terrifyingly true that was. Dean would’ve never given Castiel a second glance if he hadn’t seen Claire in distress. They would’ve never gone through what they did. All the misfortunes and the glorious adventures, none of that would’ve happened. He owes the children a big thank you. 

“I’m very grateful by the way thinks have work out between me and your father. I’m very blessed to have him as a partner, I know that me leaving him isn’t proving that but I do love him. And- it pains be to say this but I’ll take care of him. I promise you that”, he brings Abe closer as he swings his arm around his shoulder and presses a kiss on his cap. 

Abe smiles and fights his tears to stay still, he finds his voice only for it to be croaky. “I know you will, Cas, I know you will. I trust you with my dad, better than anyone else. And that says something”

”What does it say?”

”That I love you. Love you enough to trust you with my dad. I’m practically dead so I can say this- I love you like as if you were my father. You are like a father to me, you’ve done so much for me. Thank you, Cas”, he wraps his arms around his guardian and sniffles a bit. 

“I love you too, kiddo, more than you know”, his very own eyes start to react to his words as they spring into tears. 

“Can I tell you something, Cas, but promise not to tell my dad?”, he whispers into his chest.

”Of course you can”

Abe breaths in and out as he can’t seem to catch his breath. “I don’t wanna go”, he breaks down into the man’s shirt and makes himself into a ball. 

Castiel gasps full of tears choking up in them, he closes his eyes painfully shut as he cannot bear to see Abe in pain. He just leads him into his lap and holds him there until the boy falls silent, but awake. 

“Do you believe in heaven?”, he asks.

”Yes”, Cas answers fast knowing his response, “I believe there is a god, I believe there is a devil, I believe in heaven and hell. And no one can take my faith away, because my faith is the strongest thing I hold dear to me apart from you four. Heaven from what I’m told is beautiful, peaceful, graceful, just full of joy and no sorrow. Only the best people get to experience such a thing.”

”You think I’ll make it to heaven?”

”Without a doubt. Maybe you’ll even become the guardian angel of this family”, he smiles down at the boy as that gets his attention. 

“You think I can be a guardian angel?”, he sparks up at the idea. 

“Of course, you’d make a perfect guardian angel. Your big enough to take a big responsibility”, he gleams down at Abraham to fix his crooked cap. 

“Yeah, I wanna be a guardian angel”, he nods at his own approval.

Castiel picks him up and starts walking away from the playing to head home. “Enough talk about that, how about we go home and eat all the junk we can find”

Abe laughs and nods. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One word:
> 
> School


	24. Strength

**September, 2018**

 

For some people, blood means death, it's red and dark and only brings us to the end. Blood, when the word comes to the head is pictured with war, and family, and often diseases. Castiel thinks he has a disease, he is battling a war within himself that he is keeping away from his family. He doesn't want to say that he is mentally ill, but it is getting out of hand, a hobby he has made it out of it. The red liquid is not his problem, is stopping himself from wanting to see it, that is. Every night after Dean is in bed he sits in the tub to take his bath, that's what he tells Dean, and Dean doesn't questions onto why he takes so long. He just figures Cas has made a routine of it, because of that, Castiel has an advantage and disadvantage. He lays down on the tub, holding his breath until his lungs scream with oxygen, he comes back up and looks down at his legs. The blood would run down on every inch of his body, but his legs were the primary target. It's less visible, on his hands he usually lies that they from washing the knifes. For now, Castiel can get away with the cat scratches on his body since Dean has had other priorities on his mind, sex hasn't been a topic of conversation in weeks.  Dean's focus is on Abraham, and the many funeral arrangements and costs. Cas isn't going to argue with his lover about how much he should be spending with his dying child. So he stays quiet and gets away with his own sin. He always waits patiently for the blood to stop so it wont soak up in the towels or drip down on the floor. He doesn't want to use any toilet paper, Dean would obviously notice the amounts of soft paper drenched in red.

It's truly remarkable how humans are capable of changing their emotions from room to another. When Castiel steps out of his restroom, he is not the monster that aches to see red, he's Castiel once again. He joins Dean in bed and falls asleep, like sane Castiel would. How humans can just hide their inner demons with a simple smirk, is godlike. 

Deans sees and times Castiel every time he takes his bath. Unnoticeable Castiel doesn’t realize he takes one minute linher each night, Dean does. What is the world could Cas be soung in the bath for an hour? No one takes that long in the bath unless they have something to hide. Dean remembers finding that number in the recycle bag, but Cas wouldn’t- right? Cas, is gay, he expressed it to Dean multiple times. Amelia was an act to demonstrate to his family that he was normal. If Castiel is telling the truth- then that bitch Nicky can go suck another man’s dick. But if Castiel is cheating- should he be surprised? His wife cheated on him with multiple men, for multiple years, he was probably immune to the concept of cheating. Cas always took his phone with him in the restroom, always, when he would forget he would come back for it. Is it right for Dean to accuse the man he loves of cheating without any real clues? Maybe not but- you can’t ever be too sure of the people you trust the most. 

“Baby”, Dean restlessly turns around to face Cas before he heads into the restroom for his bath. 

“Yes?”, Cas replies making eye contact, as he settles his pyjamas in the restroom. 

“Can I join you? You know in the bath, I’m kinda feeling it right now”, he smiles nervously as he asks.

Cas turns to Dean too quickly showing his panicked face. He gave a small hesitant laugh, rubbing the back of his hair. He searched in his head a good excuse. “Actually today I was just going to shower. I’m really tired and a need to sleep. Sorry maybe tomorrow though”

Dean nodded but Castiel’s response wasn’t good enough. “Cas, don’t take this the wrong way, but tell me the truth. What exactly is it that you do in the damn restroom for and hour? Cause, if I’m memory serves me right, you once told me you hated taking baths”, he places his hands on his hips expecting a good answer. 

Castiel shifted on his feet, when he couldn’t look Dean in the eye and lie, he looked away and cleared his throat. “Nothing, I’m just relaxing. I like them now”, he tried to avoid Dean’s eye but he had to see him or it wouldn’t be realistic. 

He was always a shot of a liar, Dean turned his back to Cas in response. Castiel knew what that meant but still headed to the shower. “Dean? Why would I take it wrong way?”

”No reason whatsoever, Cas, enjoy your shower”, he dryly said getting under the covers on the bed. 

Dean let the lie slide but that didn’t mean Cas was getting away with it. What he was lying about, Dean needs the answer for, highly improbable that it’s cheating but- hope is dangerous. 

When Dean walked in the restroom, he had forgotten that Cas was taking his bath. He ran up the stairs after work a nine hour shift at the hospital, to take a shower and get out of the horrendous scrubs. He saw Cas sitting up on the tub, immediately Dean apologized for intruding but then red caught his eye. Red everywhere. On his skin, on the tub  itself, on the water. Dean saw three like- scratches in Castiel collarbone, with his two functioning eyes, he saw Castiel holding the razor and slashing his skin. He stood still as a patient loyal dog, but his sixth sense pushed him out of the restroom. 

Castiel saw Dean in the corner of his eye, but he thought that was the the water inside his brain fooling him. He saw the same figure swoosh out like lighting, Castiel snapped of out his trance and set into panic mode. He threw the razor in the trash, as quick as he unplugged the tub to let all the blue contaminated water run free. He wraps a towel around his lower half for some warm comfort. Dean saw and he left in a matter of one minute. He’s not coming back. His shaky breathing gets the best of him, the cold air that pangs his wet dripping body when he exits the restroom. He holds himself, wondering why he didn’t dress himself, then he sees blood still pouring out from his collarbone  and mostly his legs. He shamefully holds his head down when he sees Dean in shock, standing by the door he carried a first aid kit and some prescription pills. 

“Baby”, Dean says whisper like.

Cas hesitantly meets his eyes but doesn’t reply. 

“Let’s get you cleaned up”, he walks up to his distressed boyfriend and takes his hand to lead them to the restroom. But for some peculiar reason, Castiel, doesn’t want to go back in there. He shakes his head and rips his hold from Dean. “Cas, baby, come on let me help you”, it sounded authoritative but soothing. 

Cas growls at Dean’s face, “No”

”Cas”, he stays patient and gently pushes his boyfriend back to the direction of the bathroom. “I’m just going to help you, see”, he holds the medical kit up for Castiel. 

“No, Dean”, his shakes his head as his voice failed to pose a threat. 

“Please, Cas!”, Dean begs with tears glimmering. 

“No”, Castiel barks silently at Dean’s face, standing small.

Dean forcibly pushes Cas to the restroom, Cas wrestles back as he tries to shove Dean away. “Let me go, Dean!”

”No!”, Dean’s shoves him in the bathroom with obvious amounts of force. 

“Why? Just let me be!”

”Just let you be?! Are you out of your fucking mind? What in the FUCK do you think you are doing? Cas- Cas, look at me!”, he continues to bark at this boyfriend. When Cas fails to comply, Dean drops the first aid on the sink counter to shake his boyfriend. “Castiel! Answer me goddamit!”

He doesn't remember a time where Dean called him by his full name. Has he ever said his full name? He didn’t expect the first time for it to be this way, it should have been at their wedding. 

“What do you want the answer to be, Dean?”, his voice and self being was drained, he sat down on the toilet seat reclined on it. 

Dean inhaled a shaky breath, he looked at Castiel and tears failed to hold back. He gasped out several times before he could glance back at the man he loves, there was still blood dripping out. He cleans himself up but it’s useless, he opens the first aid kit to kneel down. He first attends to the slashes on his calves and lower legs. None of them were deep enough to kill but deep enough to scar, all of them came in groups of three. In the corner of his eyes his started searching for the razor that Castiel held, it was on top of the trash can, stained with his blood and carried slices on his skin. 

He undoes his towel and saw parallel rows of the same cat- like scratches Castiel flooded his legs with. He cleared his throat and tried to block out that this was his boyfriend. On his thighs, were some deep ones, none deep enough for stitches, but by glancing at the depth Dean sends himself chills. Castiel was trying to truly hurt himself. At this moment Castiel calls his name. Attentively Dean looks up, his boyfriend is lost somewhere in his head. 

“They hurt. When I did it, it didn’t hurt, I liked it. But now they hurt.”

Dean closes his mouth shut and grabs the back of Castiel’s head to bring them into a blissful kiss. It’s slow because Dean actually wants Cas to remember this one, he ain’t much with words. As they pull away, Dean presses a kiss on his forehead and wraps his arms around his neck to hold him. Castiel hides his shameful face in Dean’s warm scrubs, he gasps as he tried to catch his breath. 

“Cas, it’s going to be okay. I’m going to help you, I promise”, he reassures his shaky lover. 

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t stop. Really, I just couldn’t”, Cas begged to be listened. 

Dean pulled away from the hug to hold Cas’ face firmly into his hands. 

“Cas, baby listen okay? After Abraham I’m going to get you some help, yes, okay?”, he nods his him as he Castiel nods his, “Just stay with me, keep fighting with me, Castiel. You promised you wouldn’t leave, remember? Just keep fighting a little longer for me, baby please”, he pleads, comforting his boyfriend’s equally tear stricken face. 

“Don’t leave, baby, I need you. I need you so much right now. Fight, Castiel. I’ll get you real help, but just hold on for me and the twins-“

”And for Abraham”, Cas whispers. 

Dean laughs shakily, “Yes, do it for Abe. That boy loves you Cas- fight for something, anything- just done leave.” He decides to look straight into Castiel’s eyes and plead to him, “Please?”

Castiel sees the desperation in Dean’s eyes and nods, “I promise to hold on”

Deans cleans up the rest of his slashes, and patches up his collarbone, with majority of both of his tights gone due to the bandaids. He helps Cas dress himself and hold him till he falls asleep. He climbs out of bed to take his over due shower, the scrubs were stained of blood, tears and mucus. It’s okay, it’s all good, everything will be good. Cas will see another day because Dean barged in. 

Dean returned back in bed, when he hears Castiel ask him a question. 

“Can I fight for myself, Dean?”, he asks as if waiting to ask the question. 

“It’s the only person you should be fitghing for”

 

Abraham stares at the ceiling, the little dumps that are painting over with a light brown as starting to become a game. Connect the dots, they weren’t so much as dots but pebble shaped dots. Doesn’t make any sense when he tries to explain it, it only ever makes sense to the author. And that didn’t trouble him because it didn’t matter if people understood him, it just didn’t matter what people thought, he’s dying and he has less than a month. That’s not even the worst part, the heart aching part is that he is restricted to bed rest. Literally he is sleeping in his death bed. He closes his eyes and remembers the smell of the ocean, he remembers Claire trying to control her hair as it would tangled up in the wind. He can still touch and feel the way the soft sand in between his toes as it tickled him. Everything about the ocean side is vivid only in his mind. He tries to describe what he remembers most and what he feels at that moment, but even when they say that they understand, they don’t. Because only the author understands the emotion. The human memory is magic. 

He holds a picture of his mother under his pillow and when he sleeps unknowingly he holds on to it all night. He dreams of the woman he never met. _It’s always in the beach, it’s cloudy, the gray clouds cover the sun, a storm is coming, a big one. The wind is violently picking up the sand and throwing it to Abe’s face, he covers his eyes and stays still to listen to the chaotic waves inching closer to him as they want to drown him in with the fish. The wind is shrieking with pain, almost sounding human, the ocean is the clearest blue Abe had ever seen, he knows he shouldn’t walk in the whirlpool but it calls his name. With his hands still covering his eyes, he walks to the whirlpool as thick sand continues to attack his body. He comes to a stop when he hears giggling from behind him._

_”What are you doing funny pants?”_

_Abe turns around with his eyes still covered, it’s a woman asking him. He shouts over the strong wind, “I’m going to die!”_

_He hears hear moves closer to him, she gently removes his hands and smiles warmly, “And here I thought you were coming with me”_

_It was his mother, her red hair had the same fire as his own, her eyes bright as his. He realizes that his mother is smiling, so he smiles back and without his acknowledgment, the wind comes to and end. He is to distracted at studying his mother to worry about a storm. She’s as beautiful in person, pictures did her wrong._

_“Where are we going, mom?”_

_She stands up from her crouching position and extends her arms as she looks at either side of the beach. “We are going for a walk, my love”, she reached for his hand and they start down the pathway. They walk on the shoreline so their feet could feel the fresh water brush them. The sand stuck of their feet, and it felt great. His mothers hand was soft in every angle, her nails painted in a soft red, she didn’t have any makeup on, she didn’t need any. She wore a knee length white dress with dandelions on the bottom of it, she covered herself up from the coldness with a gray cardigan._

_She didn’t speak, she from time to time would lean down and kiss the top of his head and brush his red hair back. She started humming his childhood lullaby, his eyes grew in admiration as she hummed it exactly like dad did. He joined her and took her other hand, Abe giggled as he pulled her around his circles. He made her twirl around several times, every time she would laugh harder. He pulls her close as they get into waltz position, and they started going in circles neither of them knowing what to do but they just laughed at one another. The humming never stopped, it was their melody and tun, they followed the rhythm._

_They danced until the sun went down and then the stars came up, the dancing came not into an end but a beginning of a new lullaby._

_He doesn’t think about dying anymore._

When he’s awake he does think about death. He thinks about the people he will leave behind, about his cello, and his clothes that his dad had to work double shift to buy, about his favorite breakfast. He leaves behind a life that he never got to live. He didn’t even get to know what he wanted to be. Maybe a cellist, but he was always rusty even though his dad always called him mini Mozart. Dean doesn’t know much about that type of music, but he always made an effort. He could’ve been a runner and competed in the Olympics. Sounds extreme but possible, getting pancreatic sounded extreme yet that was possible too. 

Sometimes he sounds like a self-pitiful boy, because he asks himself ‘ _Why the pancreas?’._

Out of all his organs that cancer had from its choosing and it choose the most delicate. It could’ve been his liver, his lungs, or even a simple tumor. Shit why not even leukemia? Which one of those he could’ve gotten and lived, he would’ve gotten a chance to live. Even with a small chance of surviving would’ve been enough for Abe, because at least there is hope for a better tomorrow. With pancreatic cancer- it’s never a roller coaster. Its more like a cavern, it’s all downhill for the most part, the only rise occurs when the person is at peace. 

Grandma had breast cancer, she passed down the gene to dad, Uncle Sam, and Abe, and now to Sam’s newborn, Melody, who is just an adorable small peanut. Exactly like her mother, blondest hair you’ve ever seen on a three month-old baby, and her blue eyes were so attentive to her surroundings. With every movement and sound, her little head would perk up or move to the direction. Sam and Jess seemed wobbly in their legs as they hit the couch with a sleepy daze. The children circled around the child’s carrier and cooed at the petite baby, she was wide awake. Claire tickled her stomach and got a wicked laughter from Melody, she smiled so wide that she dropped her pacifier. 

Claire cooed at her and continued to tickle her, Jack wanted to join in too but Claire slapped his hands away. 

“I want to play too”, he pouted. 

“No, I never get to play with girls!”, she turned the carrier to her direction and unblucked the straps. She started clapping and calling her pet names. 

“Dad! Claire doesn’t want to share the baby”

”Claire, share the baby with your brother!”, Cas’ voice came from the kitchen as he came in the living room with drinks. He saw how Jess and Sam barely had their eyes opened, he laughed and brought Dean from the kitchen. They both laughed, but it was Dean that slammed his hands on the coffee table, startling them awake. They yawned with Jess apologizing. 

“It’s alright, we’ve all been there, sleepless night. Having to attend to the baby’s needs at four in the morning. Been there, done that”, Dean patted Sam’s back. 

“Does it ever get better”, Sam moaned as he rubbed his exhausted face.

”Ha, never”, Cas replies with a smile as he glances at his twins bikering about the baby still. “Claire I told you to share”

”It’s a human life dad, I can’t share a baby”, she says with sass.

”Just let your brother see the child, Claire “, he hisses at his daughter and looks back at new parents. “See what I mean, the older they get the worded they get”, he cheered his beer to that one. As did the rest to then men and Jess drank her Pepsi. 

“What I kill for a beer right now”, she complained.

”I’m guessing you still breastfeeding”, Dean teased. 

“Hell no, as much as I love that girl, I’m not letting her anywhere near my nipples. I pump, which to say is better, that way I don’t take my whole boob out in public”, she laughs as she jokes. “And I know you baby doctors are all about breastfeeding but honestly I just wanna give that kid formula”

”Why do you say that?”, Cas asked intrigued.

”You trying pumping milking out of your nipple and see why I’m complaining”, she glances down at her baby as her laughter is the only thing that can be heard. “Is formula as bad as they say?”

”I’m my personal and medical opinion, no, I belive as long as you feed the child, you’re not doing anything wrong. People like to shame mothers that don’t breast feed because they are ignorant. Yes, breast milk does benefit the child more but, milk is milk in the end”, Cas ends with a shrug. 

Sam jokingly cheers to that, “To milk”, he drinks. Dean and Cas follow. 

Cas pointed at the carrier and asked Jess for permission to hold the baby. She nodded with a tired smile. Castiel shooed the children away from the baby and pick up her, placing her on his arms. Her wide blue eyes were starting up at him, she couldn’t stop looking up. “She reminds me so much of you Claire. All you did was stare at me, I could never put you to sleep”, he laughed, sitting down on the empty sofa near the coffee table. 

“Really?”, Claire asked. 

“Yeah, it take me hours to put you to sleep, you wouldn’t cry, you’d just stare at me. Funny thing was that as soon as your mother held you your eyes would close”, he said as he brushed Melody’s blonde hair to the side. She lifted her arm up to Castiel’s face, Cas adjusted her as he sat her down on his lap. “Hey mama”, Cas cooed as she leaned forward to reach for his shirt. She gripped it and pulled herself closer, only to rest her head to his chest. She sighed and closed her eyes tiredly. 

“No, shit”, Sam exclaimed, “Jess, Jess! Look!”, he shook Jessica awake. They both saw what they thought they never would, their daughter asleep. 

“Cas, how’d you do that?”, Jess rushed to his side on her knees to see for herself as her daughter cling to the man, with now both of her fist. 

“Babies love him”, Dean smirked, loving the view of Cas with a baby. 

“I do work with them all day long, but I have no idea. She just fell asleep on me”, he chuckled as he checked the sleeping girl on his lap. “You two can take the guest room if you need to rest”, Cas offered. 

“No, we can’t do that to you Cas”, Jess spoke.

”I agree with Cas, take the room, Jack will show you. You two relax, we got this, is just one small baby”, Dean started to shove Sam and Jess towards the stairs. Before the could say anything, Jack had grabbed their hands and pulled them upstairs. 

Dean and Cas looked at each other then at the small baby. Dean knelt down to take a glance at the small peanut. 

“The peanut looks good on you”, Dean commented as he soothes Melody’s leg. 

“You think so?”

”Yeah”, he said softly, sounding as if he had regretted saying anything at all. His eyes had sunken back, his whole body structure had fallen down. Castiel saw the obvious diminishing attitude, he didn’t know what to say. The only thing he could do is press a kiss on his cheek and sooth his brown hair. 

Melody was still sound asleep when her parent woke up three hours later, Castiel had made dinner for them as he carried her in a evenflo carrier. It took him back to the days when Jack and Claire were around the same age and Castiel would watch them sleep as he prepared their bottles. Castiel learned to never put the twins in the same place, if one start crying then both of them start crying. Either Jack would be upstairs and Claire downstairs or vise versa. But with Melody, it was so simply, he could just have her right in his chest and do dinner. Sam and Jess are lucky to have a deep sleeper for a daughter, god knows how many times he accidently slammed the cabinets. They all had dinner as a family, all of them laughed at how relaxed the parents looked.

When the small family left, Jess didn't forget to kiss and hug Castiel tightly as a thank you. Seeing Melody leave made him have a longing that he hadn't felt in a long time, but his longing was always crushed. He ignored his inner thoughts to focus on what was best for Dean, and right now what Castiel wants Dean isn't ready for. Maybe in the near future.

 

In the upstairs room of Abraham, he was busy writing his goodbye letters. One by one, all written by this clear thoughts. His trashcan full of drafts that just weren't good enough, the letters had to be his legacy. That is what he is leaving behind, not his clothing, not his pictures or old videos. Letters mean more because they have what the person was or is, how they left, a picture can lie, but letters can't. That's why they are important. 

With his legacy he only trusts one person , Claire. 


	25. Your One And Only, Abraham

**September, 2018**

 

Abraham Robert had red hair, like his mother, he had green eyes, like his father. He had his father’s personality, but his mother’s intelligence. He had his mother’s smile, but he had his father’s freckles. He had his father’s love of family, but his mother’s fashion sense. He had his mother’s strength, but his father’s passion. 

Comparisons between a father, mother, and child are always made. A child is always fifty percent dad, and fifty percent mom, and they always pray that their child comes out with their best qualities. It’s what every parent does. 

Dean remembers the day he heard he was going to be a father, it brought him to his knees. He spun Anna around and kissed her as if their life depended on it. A child of his own, he would’ve never seen it coming. He always thought that Sammy would be his forever kid, he never thought of himself as a family man. His family not being so perfect, he just didn’t want to pass down the pathetic excuse for a father gene to his children. He soon realize that this baby was his chance, his chance to prove to his father that he wasn’t worthless, that all Winchester father’s are nothing but shit. 

Oh, did he prove him wrong. He prove all of them wrong, every single fake bitch that talked behind his back. He wasn’t Henry Winchester, and he most certainly wasn’t John Winchester. He raise Sam, and he did a dandy job with him. Sam is a hotshot lawyer who defends innocents in trails every day. 

Abraham was perfect from birth to death, from head to toe, and yes, every parent says that because they mean it. In a real parents eye, there is no such thing as imperfection with their child. Abraham would smile because he was happy, even in his last days, he continued to smile. Abraham handled the situation more eloquently than Dean ever had, one of the things Dean envied his son for. 

But then death came knocking on Abraham’s door and it wasn’t a grim reaper. He saw his mom sitting on his bed, he sat up with a smile, he hadn’t felt that happy in months. When he saw her, it felt as if all of the emptiness and waiting was long gone. He could breath without wheezing, he could smile honestly. Anna looked like and angel as she her skin was glowing for the sun was hitting her. The morning had shown itself, Abraham took one last glance at the sun as it rose from the clouds. A bright yellow-orange sky matched along with it. When he thought he couldn’t smile any wider, he did. 

“That’s how you always feel”, Anna spoke. 

Abraham frowned, “Huh?”

“You always feel like this, my love, you always feel as if you connect to the sky and the sun. You feel bright and warm, nothing can stop it. Nothing stops it. Imagine eternity with just one energy along you?”, she held his hand in hers, she looked up as her red eye lashes glimmered. “Do you like this feeling?”

”Yes, but what’s it called?”

Anna paused and shrugged, “It doesn’t have a name, it just is. One word, hundreds of words cannot defined the feelings correctly.”, she brushed his red hair back and soothed his cheek with her thumbs. 

“Mom, you smell like lavender”

She giggles, “That’s my natural scent. You smell like honey and vanilla, my favorites in the world.

After a pause took a look at the sun and asked, “What will happen is I leave now?”

”You’ll be happy, my love, you’ll never be in pain again. You will only know what joy is, pain will only be a distant memory. And you’ll be with me, I’ll get my chance after ten years to meet the love of my life”, she kneels down on the floor as she holds his head with her hand. 

Abraham sniffles as he stares deeply into his mother’s joyful eyes. She’s gorgeous. “Why me mom? Why do I get to go so early?”

”Why anyone my love? Why did I have to get hit by a car and die? Why does anyone die, Abraham?”, she paused as if waiting for him to answer, “My love, we have to suffer to know what real happiness is. Some of us have to pay the consequences for others to learn. Don’t you see, we are teachers of history.”

”But I’m just a kid”, he gasped out. 

“And I was just a mother of a baby, I was a wife and a daughter. Yet, I had to pay the consequences, it’s never going to be fair. We can’t fall into the pity party, that will resolve nothing. What we can do is face our future and look forward to it and welcome it”

Abraham nodded as his shoulders were shaking. Time was of essence, time was a privilege on which Abraham had the chance to take a part in. “Mom, I’m not ready- but I want- I want my dad to be happy. Seeing me like this isn’t doing it for him, so I think I’m ready. I want to be with you”

”I love you, my love”, she pressed a kiss lightly on his forehead and before he knew it he was gone. He was no longer in his bedroom, he was in the beach he had dreamt about. His toes in the sand, the wind is wild, the waves crashing on the shore line. It doesn’t feel like a dream anymore, he feels real, the realist he’s felt in months. It was hard to breathe as the wind attacked his body, swaying him frontwards and backwards. He hears his name, oddly through the shrieking he hears it again. He turns around and sees his mother running towards him, she races to him. When Anna reaches her son, she picks him up and spins his small body around. They slumped down on the floor, Abraham falling on top of his mother, they laugh at the commotion. 

“Mommy, I’m not dying anymore!”, Abe hears himself speak in a younger tone. 

“Of course you not, my love, you’re at peace with me”, she stood up and picked up her son to sit him on her hip. 

She sung this time instead of humming to the song. Abe rested his head on her heart, he listened as the vibrations from her voice made her feel real. The movement of them spinning around made the air dance with him. The waves crashed continuesly on Anna feet but she danced with her son. 

_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine._

_You make me happy, when skies are gray._

_You don’t know dear how much I love you._

_Please don’t take my sunshine away._

Abe sang in a low tone compared to his mother’s. He murmured the last line with his mom, he always sang along to that line with his dad. It was his favorite part, the song was repetitive, but honest. They hummed along in unison as Anna waltz around in the sand and water. She held his tiny hand against her chest, her head rested on the top of his head. 

 _The other night dear, as I lay sleeping_  
_I dreamed I held you in my arms_  
_But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken_  
_So I hung my head and I cried._  
  
_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine_  
_You make me happy when skies are gray_  
_You'll never know dear, how much I love you._

“I missed you”, he whispered tiredly as his eyes starting falling. 

“You shouldn’t have- I never left”, she brought out his head from her chest and tugged his nose gently. 

Abraham frowned, “Yes you did, you left me and dad”

”Oh silly, just because I was asleep doesn’t be mean I wasn’t awake with you. I was there- I’m your mother and not even an eternal sleep can separate our bond”

Abraham smirked and brought his head back to her chest, Anna kept listening to her singing and the vibrations on her chest. 

It felt as if he never felt her arms, it felt as if his whole life was meant for this moment. His mother’s arms, which he never had a single memory of, they embraced him like any other day. It didn’t feel like a goodbye hug, or a hello hug, it felt like a ‘I love you’ hug. Her arms were tender even though she had a strong grip on him, oddly, Anna didn’t get tired. 

It was exactly like his dream, they danced until sun down, she kept on smiling, laughing. Singing. She never got tired, or dizzy, maybe no one gets tired of being with their mothers and vise versa. 

Envy was a thing he had for children, his friend always bad mouthing their mothers because she packed them the wrong chips. Or because she made them wear an ugly shirt for picture day. Abraham pondered about how differently his life would’ve been if he had a mom, maybe not that dissimilar but it would feel like to have her pack lunch for him. 

He wouldn’t get tired of having her right next to him. He got stay here on the beach for eons if it meant seeing his mother. But for now he means well when he falls asleep on his mother’s arms, he could feel the waves stopping as she stops twirling around, the wind stops attacking her red hair and settles down. Anna sits down on the brown silky sand, her white dress getting soaked on the wet sand, she fixes her son to sit on the sand as well. His back to her chest, Anna stares out at the moon and inhales the ocean breeze. It calls her name as she is forever grateful for this moment in her short life. 

Abraham might not remember this night but she does, Dean had been out of town with Sam. She drove herself and four month-old son to the beach in New Orleans, only thing she regrets about that day is not recording it for the scrap books. His giggles mesmerized so many strangers as they all stopped and admired his love for seashells. He loved the water, that day it was the right temperature, not to hot, not to cold. Perfect like the weather. Everything about that day was perfect. 

It came the part were he was dozing off, his head tilting side to side. She picked him up and sang to him, his head on her chest. Once a while he would also hum along with the lyrics as he knew them all too well. That night, Anna didn’t go home or rent a motel, she stayed at the beach until the sun came down. Every-so often her eyes couldn’t stop staring at the love of her life. His breathing matched the waves that night. That was las thing she could remember before she forever fell asleep. 

And now she looks down at her four month-old son who is on her arms, sound asleep. 

Finally, after so long, Abraham holds his first memory of her. 

 

 

 

Dean didn’t cry. He can, but he won’t. He had to stay strong for Castiel and the twins. Everyone expected him to break down at one point, either at the church or when his casket was being put down. But he didn’t, he wasn’t heartless, he wasn’t being cruel or cold. Burying his loved ones is normalcy in his tragedy. Everyone does before him, if Sam does next month, he wouldn’t be too surprised.

Hard to explain what it feels like when your son is being put down in his grave, knowing damn well that will be the last time you’ll see him. There are no words to describe death, you long for a person you see everyday and the next you dont. Odd how that works, that one day you’ll just fall victim to death. We all will, but the people we leave behind get to experience it, not the person that leaves. That could possibly be the worst part, the deceased is at peace with no worries, no responsibilities, they don’t get to worry about what’s next. We do, we expect our dead mom to knock on our doors one last time and see what we want. We expect too much from the dead. 

Dean expected for his Abe to come back, he just wants one more minute with him. Just that one. But melancholy that wasn’t possible. Life isn’t that good. 

Within those sixty seconds, Dean knew what to say, he would say goodbye for now. And the rest of those fifty seconds he would hold him on his chest, he would hum to his favorite tune. He didn’t get the opportunity to say what he wanted to say, fate ain’t never that nice towards him. He just found him laying in bed face down, Dean thought Abe was pulling a sour joke on him. But when he yelled his name for the sixth time and shook his cold, pale body, he knew then that the joke was over. Cold morning for everyone, Dean called Cas from work, Castiel picked up the kids to meet each other at the hospital. 

Dean hates death, specially when it happens to him because it’s frequent. He’s seen worse in the emergency room than death, he’s seen girls beat half to death, he’s seen men come in with their arms half torn off. He’s seen people flat line, and well that’s pretty much it. But when it happens to him, that literally chokes him up and rattles him like a rag doll. They stare, all of them, with their sympathetic eyes. All of them, and truly it’s frustrating. He doesn’t need sympathy, he needs someone to tell him that it’s all going to be alright, even if it’s a lie. 

Sympathy doesn’t get his son back, sympathy won’t turn back the clocks to the day he met Cas. The simpler days, the best days. 

Castiel lies to him, he knows Dean the best, that’s why he lies. 

“Dean”, Castiel knocks on the door and opens it delicately. He peaks his head in to look around the guest room. 

Dean hums in response, he is sitting on the floor with a bottle of vodka as he is flipping through baby books. 

“Dean, I know your answer, but I still want to ask-“

”If you know my answer, why do you bother asking?”, he spoke back bitterly. 

“Because every time I ask I have hope the answer will change”, he sits on the bed that’s Dean is reclining on. He takes a glance at the baby book Dean studies, he presses a kiss on his head and sits next to him. One arms around him as the other takes the bottle to take a drink. 

“You think they last forever, or at least after the parents dies. When the kid does first-“, he scoffs, “Cas, it’s agony beyond words”, he chokes up, dropping the scrap book, he gathers his knees and cries into them. “I miss him so much!”, he gasped out, the sound of his torment very much clear in his tone. 

Castiel gathers Dean in his arms and huddles him into a ball. He closes his eyes and his own anguished tears form and roll down. He pleads his brain to form a speech for Dean, but it is as if he has gone in night mode. So he just lets Dean cry on his chest, he soothes his hair and neck. 

“Dean-“, he tries to pull the man out of his chest for some eye contact, “Read the letter-“, he stops Dean before he could argue. “No, listen to me, you have to read his letter for you. He wrote that letter specially for you, no one else. Your son loves you, he loves you then and he loves you now. The more you neglect that letter the more damage you’ll do to yourself. I’m not perfect I know that, I have my sins, but we need to take care of each other. It’s a must- please, do it not for me, or for Abe, but to yourself. Belive me, the letter he wrote to me was incredible, he knew the answers to questions I had been asking myself. I’m definite he’ll have answers for you”, he holds Dean's face in his hands firmly.

"I can't open it Cas, I can't, its too hard. Don't you understand, it's the last thing I have left of Abraham, I can't even think of tearing the envelop", his cries were painful to hear.

"I'm here Dean, don't think for a minute that I wont be. I know that envelop seems like the enemy, but it's your son trying to say his peace with you. It will put your mind at rest, that's what you need at this moment. I'll be here when you open it, I swear. Hey-", Castiel searched for Dean's lost stare. "We'll get through this. I'm not leaving you Dean, I'm not going anywhere"

Dean sniffles as he nods, he didn't seem fully convinced, but he knew Cas is right, the letter taunts him from underneath the bed. He would pace around the bedroom like a madman, shut his ears, his teeth could scrap each other in a very uncomfortable way. Getting out of the bedroom doesn't help at all, he needs the closure to the letter, the last thing he could call his son's. From the corner of his eye he sees Cas kneel down underneath the bed and grasp a white envelop with his name and Abe's, written in his nicest writing. The envelop wasn't thick or thin, a guess of two pages maybe three. Dean saw it in Cas' hands and stared at it.

"Do you want me to open it, or-"

"You open it", Dean spoke rapidly with no hesitation.

Cas gave him a glare, "Okay, but you have to read it thoroughly"

Dean bit his nail and nodded his head, he stared at the paper like a weapon, he cleaned his sweaty palms when it was handed to him. He swallowed a big lump on his throat and sat down on the bed, Castiel right next to him.

He reads,

_July, 2018_

_Dad,_

_I hope this letter reaches you through Claire, it's vital for both of us that you read this letter. For your sake and for the sake of our family, I want you to understand that there was nothing you could've done. Get that through your head and glue it somewhere in your thick skull. If the doctors can't cure it, then no one else can, and that is how life goes. If I could change it, I would, but I can't, I just have to roll with it. You're a nurse, you know how all of it works, so why bother blame yourself? It's completely pointless, so for my sake, stop. Because if you don't stop you will lose everyone that cares about you, and I'm talking about the best thing that has ever happen to you, Castiel. Cas can only take so much of your self-pity, he will never tell you this in person because he loves you too much. Don't take advantage of that man, don't take advantage of his love._

_I don't want this letter to be a goodbye letter, for me this isn't a goodbye, I will see you again. This letter will much better explain questions you will have hunting your long life, and I'm here to answer them. You were enough, how could you not be? You raised me by yourself, you raised Uncle Sam after grandma died. That is an accomplishment, with either one or no paycheck at all, you manage to feed all three of us every night. You sacrificed more than you had to, but you did it because you're a good man. Only good men sacrifice their childhoods just so their younger sibling gets clothes on their back. And then I came along, then mom went away, I was too young to understand the agony you were going through and still I don't understand. But you got through it, you could've been like your father, a dead beat, low-excuse son of a bitch. You showed grandpa that you are and were a better father than him. I'm proud of you, I'm proud of the man you became, I'm proud that even though you came from nothing you made something of yourself. Funny enough- I always told myself that one day I would make you proud, get my degree and get rich, so then one day I could pay you back for all the brand name clothing. And well also for keeping me alive for so long._

_So far the road has been one of the best experiences in my life. I had no idea that Jack loved Star Wars so much, tell Cas that he deserves a light saber for Christmas. And maybe when everything has settle you should show him your cassette tapes, he can't stop drumming along in the back seats. The humming is almost impossible to make him stop, that now even I have a small chorus stuck in my head. I don't think you notice him since you are driving but I think Claire recorded him once, Jack has air drumming skills. Claire is quiet mostly because half of the time we annoy her with our "idiotic boy stuff", she pretends to be asleep when listening to her songs. She's still the cool, irritating, older sister, she's always watching over us, making sure we don't do "dumb boy shenanigans". They are the siblings that I always wished for, and I don't say that because I want to be nice in the letter, I love them like family, I see them like family. I hope we are in the same page about this._

_Then there's you and Cas, y'all disgusting with your kissing, and your cuddling, and your pet names. We wish we could tell you both to get a room. You should really keep him, in my eyes, he is worthy and I approve of him._

_Last week, when you taught us how to drive, that was treasurable. Jack and Claire already move the car without you help, me, I need to remember that it's not about speed. Cas looked like he was going to shit himself when we almost hit that tree. Felt kind of bad when he was holding his chest and rubbed the sweat of his forehead. But, hey, we aren't dead yet, we gotta look at the bright side of things._

_My wish for this trip is to go the damn beach, all these places have been mesmerizing, but the beach was built by a man, I want to see mother's nature greatest creation. The ocean has to be out top priority. I wonder if you and mom ever went to the beach? Did she like it there? I'm pretty sure I'm going to fall in love with the water, the sand that I can already feel in my feet, the sea shells of many colors and sizes._

_I have to talk about your future, without me, and right now I get it if you don't want to think about it or even imagine it. But at one point dad, you're going to have to realize that I'm not going to a very long school trip and coming back in a week or so. Pace yourself slowly for the future, Castiel and Uncle Sam are going to be there, but you cannot push them away. Don't you ever dare push your family away, not when you clearly need them most. Uncle Sam, is your brother and you two have a bond greater than sun and moon, he wont leave your sight until he knows you are stable enough. I don't imagine Castiel walking out on you because he could've done that a long time ago, but don't test that man's patience, don't take advantage of him. You need him as much as he needs you._

_I'm not saying don't grief, I'm not saying get over my departure within the week. I'm saying that you should take a look around your life and notice the real family and friends that you have, the ones who are helping you through this are the ones you need the most. I want you to grief, I want you to get mad and go into denial, but I don't want you to lose yourself. I want you to be safe, and honest, and open about how you feel, as much as you hate it that is the only healthy way of coping. Dad, you are a fighter, you've over come the death of your mom, of your father's, you had to drop out of high school so you could take care of Uncle Sam. You then went back to school to become a nurse, you meet mom and you lost her. I was the only good thing that came out of all that tragedy, and it is not fair that I am next. I'm just a kid who wanted to run as far as my legs can take me, but that just isn't my fate. My fate as a ten year old is to die, and I've made peace with that._

_Now- I want you to make peace with it too._

_I don't care how long it takes you to make peace, but you make peace. I want you to one day look down at my gravestone and instead of crying, you smile. Because I want you to be happy for me...dad, when I leave, think about it, I won't be in pain anymore. Everything in my body basically hurts, I try to keep my whining to a minimum so that everyone can enjoy the trip. I hold back my tears at night when the pain in my back and stomach become too much to bare. You're probably going to be pissed at me when you hear I haven't been taking my medicine._

_And once you have come to peace with my death, I beg you to leave the country. Kansas isn't good for you, too much of your family's blood has been shed there. I'_ _ve been doing research, apparently Spain is openly friendly to gay couples. Of course it wont be easy fitting in in another country, nowhere is really safe when your gay but you have to left at least the state. I would say California, but you hate it there, I don't really care where you go. My wish for you is to leave as soon as possible, start over with Cas and the twins. Become a family, get married and adopt children that look like the both of you. Get creative or something, cause you will never move on if you stay in Kansas._

_A year from the anniversary of my death I already want you out of the state or country, whatever you have to do, you do it. Be happy for me, come back to me with stories of Spain, tell me how Castiel is better in Spanish than you, tell me how the twins still fight constantly. Tell me about your wedding day, show me pictures, show me the wedding band, and how Castiel had to wrestle Claire into a dress. Bring me a new sibling, and tell me it's name and why you choose that name, tell me everything they like or don't like. That's what I want to hear when you come to visit, I want to hear your improvement. That will make me happy, I promise you that._

_Don't forget about me._

_Your one and only,_

_Abraham Robert Winchester_

 

Dean cleared the heavy tears from his cheeks,  he set aside the letter and made his way to the restroom. He didn't close the door as he would usually would whenever he would react. He rested his body weight on his arms as they held onto the sink, his head was bowed down. On the verge of a break down, he shakes his head as he rinses his sticky face. Washing his face was useless in clearing his tears, water couldn't wash away the red puffiness in his eyes. He didn't have to look up in the mirror to see mess he has became, an arms wrapped around his lower stomach and turned him around. Cas was trying to make eye contact but Dean's focus was on the walls. Cas gripped Dean by his hips and shook his gently as he whispered his name. Dean responded, "Spain?", he smirk lightly, "He knows my Spanish is not good"

Cas smiled, "I did my research too, and he's not wrong, they are very friendly"

"Cas, what did he tell you?"

"Mostly the same thing, help you move into the right direction, help you get your head out of your ass. To not give up in you, give you space to mourn. He also mentioned Spain, personally I don't think it's a bad idea.", Cas shrugged making it seem that he didn't care, but Dean could see through his lie.

Dean wasn't going to point it out, actually he stayed quiet for a good seconds. His eyes distant but his body present. Castiel studied his facial expression, but there were none, he was a blank brick wall. He shook him gently to wake him up from the trance. His eyes trail from Cas chest to his mouth, eye contact will only deteriorate him.

"Spain doesn't sound that bad when you think about it", Castiel tried to lift up the mood.

"He wants a sibling, Cas-", he gapes and inhales deeply, "I can't even think about Abe without breaking down. How can I give him-"

"Dean, listen to me. Having a child right now or even a year from now, isn't a reasonable idea. We need to get you out of this house before we think start thinking of another child to feed", he laughed. "We _both_ need to be stable enough, okay? I need to get better, and so do you. And I can't do it for both of us, you need to do your part too."

Dean nodded after a while, "Yeah, I get it I do, but I just don't get it, Cas"

"What Dean? What is it?", Cas held him still, with comforting glace.

"Why Spain, he knows I suck at Spanish?"

Cas stared at him in irritated amazement, "Wow, just wow", he shook his head with a smirk he couldn't stop.

 


	26. Guardian Angel

**September**

 

“Dean! Dean!”, Claire runs upstairs with her heels and dress dragging behind her. “Dad said to hurry up or he’s going to leave you behind like last time”

Dean rolled his eyes in protest, “Tell your father that if he ever does that to me again, he won’t have a tongue to threaten me with anymore”

Claire huffed lightly as she rested her right side on the door frame, she glance at him from head to toe. "You don't look completely ridiculous"

Dean turned around with a wicked witty smile, "Wow, you are doing better as the years go by".

Claire shakes her head trying to hide the grin, she walks up to him as she carries his blue suit coat. She helps him put it on, and they both stare at Dean in the standing floor mirror. His hair gelled to the side, clean shaven, he carried the same scent as the restroom. Castiel picked out his outfit just like every other year, this year he wanted to match. He would wear a simple blue suit, along with a very light blue shirt, matching a blue tie and dark brown leather shoes. Castiel, choose a three piece blue suit, but with a purple tie and same pair of shoes. 

“You two matching is probably the gayest thang you’ll ever do. But who am I to judge either of you on your espacial day”, Claire wrapped her arms around Dean and rested her long blonde hair on his head. 

Dean nodded and held her hand in his, “Claire, if I have learned anything from being gay, is that nothing is gayer than kissing another man”, they both cracked up. 

“Well then, I guess you two are the gayest people on earth”, Claire whispered tenderly with no bitterness in her words.

”Gay also means happy, so yeah I guess we are the gayest”, he unwrapped Claire’s arms from his neck and took a glance at her. She’s wearing a two piece burgundy long dress, with some black heels. She grew up too fast, and before either of them knew if she was gone. She had pleaded her captain to let her have the weekend off for week until finally he said yes. Claire hates leaving her job, but family comes first and thankfully her captain understood that. She’s liking the Canary Islands, a bit far from home but still home. 

“Has your dad seen your dress yet”, Dean commented as he saw the little skin Claire was showing that would send Castiel in a rant.

”Nope, I’ve been hiding from him all day.”, she winked, “Come on,we have to leave already, can’t be late.”

”Are you and Jack going to take the kids?”, Dean asked as he swiftly took his phone, keys and wallet. 

“Yup, we’ll see you both at the reception”, Claire kisses his cheek goodbye and exited the master bedroom. Dean could hear his children running out the door, with Claire’s heels being the last thing he hears before the door closes shut. Then he hears Castiel’s very ill- tempered mood. 

“Dean! I’m not going to be late, either you hurry up or I will leave you here”

”I’m coming!”, he yells from the he stair railing, he reaches downstairs fixing his watch. “There I’m done”, he presents himself with a unsatisfied look. 

Castiel eyes him up and down, eyes facing between his mouth and crotch. “The blue color does wonders to you”, he walks up to him and grips his hips pulling him closer. Two seconds passed and they both intensely studied each other, their eyes going from the neck to the ear to the cheekbone. They’ve done this a million times and yet, Castiel always finds new freckles in Dean’s body. 

“You always know what’s best for me”, Dean speaks then grabs his lover by the neck to kiss his lips, savoring his upper lip. Castiel moans as soon their lips touch. 

“I love you”, they whisper to each other. And they both seperate to glance at each other’s colorful eyes, they laugh for a moments then hug. Because they’ve made it to twelve years together, ten of those happily married. Dean presses his eyes tightly accidentally forgetting to opress his tears. 

“Don’t start crying, you wuss”, Cas patted his back, pushing Dean out of his arms so he could clear up his husbands face from tears. 

“I’m not a wuss”, he argued, “For all we know your the wuss”

”Well I’m not the one crying”, he teased, grabbing the keys to their car. 

“One tear is not considered crying”, Dean followed.

Castiel stopped for a bit and pondered, then nodded, “No, I’m completely sure it does. But no worries I won’t tell anyone”

”Yeah you better not”

Till this day, Dean remembers the first time he stepped into his new house. His very first house as a house owner. It was empty, it had a new house smell to it, the walls were an ugly shade of yellow, the grass had not been cut for a week, there were some reconstruction that needed to be done. Almost everything done to the house was renovations, and they had plenty of money from Castiel’s old house that was sold at half a million dollars, plus his trust found. They weren’t married yet but were engaged, Claire and Jack had to bunk in a guest room as their rooms were being fixed, Dean and Cas slept in the living room. Mostly because of falling asleep as they painted the walls. The house consists of six bedrooms and five bathrooms, in Spain no house comes cheap. Castiel showed him the catalog without the prices, Dean chose a more modern house. 

The house was empty sure, and the walls weren't presentable, but Dean saw potential inside the walls. He parted away from the real estate dealer and Castiel to personally see the house. In the back of his head he had Abraham’s  dream home, he always wanted a two story house, a large patio to run laps, big size rooms, a big kitchen so everyone can move around and get breakfast on time. Living in an apartment your whole life makes you want bigger spaces in a house, to Dean's disappointment Abe never got to see their new home. He picked out the house in memory of his son, their new home was the one, almost as if Abe chose the house for them.

And now after ten years, the house that no one in the market wanted became the home to the Winchester-Novaks. Dean never thought they would accomplish what they have. Their home, their family, their business. They weren’t battling any hardship, and they certainly don’t have it easy, they just have always been perfect. 

Ten years married, Dean wholeheartedly thought they be over by the first three years. Marriages don’t usually last as long, or if they do most aren’t happy. He grew up with a very good example of a long unhappy couple, his mom and dad. They fought continuously, but they still could stab each other, for the fact that they needed each other. They depended on each other too much without any love, that could be the worst kind of marriage, second to abusive one. Castiel agrees, his second marriage and the happiest one. Sometimes he forgets he was married before Dean, he forgets about his unpeaceful, cold, unloving marriage, as much as possible. Claire and Jack bring her up time to time, but rarely want to bring her up in any conversation. Amelia was gone and nearly forgotten, her fate was tragic, true, but in the end she was meant to be unforgiven. 

Castiel drove in the Impala holding Dean’s hand, he would squeeze it to get his attention. Dean would look up and grin, to sooth Castiel's nerves. The ride was slow, the music was all in Spanish much for Dean’s dislike, Cas had grown to love the language more. Jack and Claire learned incredibly fast in speaking the language, they struggle for most of their middle school years in reading and writing but they managed and graduated.  After school Castiel would force them to speak only in Spanish, including Dean, he wouldn’t talk at all throughout the day. 

“ _Listo_?”, “Ready?”, Castiel asks, parking the Impala in the reservation spot. 

Dean nods and says, “ _Por_ _supuesto_ ”, “Of course”. 

The reception from the outside is very elegant, giant glass windows covered by man made drapes. Entering is evening more refreshing to the eyes, decorations hanging of blue and silver. Dean and Cas both agreed on royal blue to be the perfect blue for their anniversary. What truly caught their attention was the portrait of their wedding photo, the shoot was done by Jack himself at the nearest park. At arriving, Dean knew where to pose, there was a thick Quercus suber tree. Jack tried on many angles to take good pictures, everyone’s all time favorite was the one they didn’t expect. Castiel has made a joke about a dog holding its own leash, basically walking itself as its owner was wondering in the back head down to her phone. It caught Dean by surprise and he started laughing hysterically. Jack took the opportunity, and caught the everyday of their marriage. They make each other laugh, even if the deveasting days, they are there for each other. 

Castiel fell in love with that picture that he made copies to hang around the house. One in the entry hallway and another in their room. And to see it in their anniversary party as they walked in, brought him a smile of tenderness. He turns to Dean and sees the same expression, his head is tilted as he holds love and pride in his eyes. 

“The kids are wonderful, Cas”, Dean comments, his eyes still admiring the portrait. 

Cas smiles, wrapping one arm around Dean’s waist. “All of them are, Dean”, he pauses to glance at the picture then back at Dean, “Abraham is still a wonderful young man, he may be gone but he is still with us”

The young boy name was no longer a sore spot for his father, instead of showing his resent, he shows a smile. His therapist recommends always thinking of him in the good old days, when he was young and healthy. It took Dean years to recover but every day is a battlefield for him, his winning the war. 

“Yeah, I know. I just- you know- wish he could be _here,_ with us all, with his siblings. He should be here celebrating-“, Dean’s tone drastically changes to aggressive, Castiel takes a hold on him by the shoulders. 

“He is. You may not see his physically form, but he is here. With us and with all of his siblings. You just have to open your eyes”, he concluded when he saw Dean’s posture went back to normal. 

“Yeah”, he shook his head, “Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry, Cas, I shouldn’t be doing this today”, he grin apologetically. 

“No, no, come on, no sour frowns today. Think about it like this, ten years today, I married you because you were the best thing I ever found. And- why’d you marry me again?”, he tilted his head childishly. He knew the answer but for the heck of it he wanted Dean to say. 

“Because you saved me and mostly because I can’t see myself without you or the children. You know damn well why I married you, why are you asking?”

”Because I love you too”, Cas smiled and kissed his husbands lips.

”You’re a sap”, he whispers as their lips slightly part. 

“Shut up and let’s go in before the guest starts getting suspicious”, Cas nods to the entrance doors to the ballroom. 

The guest see them enter and rise on their feet, the DJ presents them as they all clap. Dean and Cas nod to them all as they go separate ways to welcome their guest. Castiel sees his friends with their families when they waves towards him. He hugs them and tells them how happy he is, that they all got to make it. Yes, he made friends. He was no longer that awkward doctor in the hospital everyone tried to ignore. Appearantly he cool enough for his colleagues to become friends with him. He is their boss after all, and Castiel thought that was the only reason why they wanted to be close with him. They all agreed that that was at their reason at first, but they soon got to meet him personally. 

With the help of his parents, Castiel was able to open his own pediatrician clinic right next to a day care center. It has survived for eight years, Jack will soon join him at the clinic. 

Dean goes to the table we’re he recognizes his friends at work. He sees his nieces, Melody and Meadow, running around with Sebastian and Penelope, but he doesn’t see Jess and Sam anywhere. He makes convoersation with his friend, Sandra, about the day Dean missed today. He feels a tap on his shoulder and sees his sister- in- law, Jess wearing a yellow dress with white heels. Carrying her youngest child, Maisy, in her arms, she was chewing on her toy. 

“Hi!”, Jess jumped on her feet and lunges at Dean, he laughs and squeezes her and the baby. 

“Oh my god, I miss you guys. Hey there cutie pie”, he steal the baby from here to throw her up in the air, receiving her little laughs. “You’re getting too big, Maisy, way too big”

”You’re telling me”, she laughs as she brushes her daughters blonde hair to the side. 

“I just saw the girls with the kids, but where’s the giant brother of mine?”, he said as he pecked his nieces chubby cheeks. 

“He went back to the hotel, because the dumbass that I am, I forgot the bottle for Maisy.”, she laughs. Her attention then goes behind Dean to Castiel, when she sees him coming towards him. “Castiel, well, well, well, don’t you look charming. Hey, you two are matching! Aww!”

”Hello to you to Jess”, he chuckles, and formerly says hello to her. “And this is little Maisy”, he goes to reach for her when Dean turns his back, “Dean let me see my niece”

”I got her first”, he defensively says.

“Dean, share the baby”, Cas tells him. 

Jess steps in, “Okay, Okay, enough, give me my daughter back before you make her dizzy”, she stretches her arms as Dean gives her up. 

“We should be looking for our babies anyways”, Cas pats Dean on the back and his eyes start to wonder around the reception. He spots Jack holding his young cousin, Zack, son of Samandriel. Castiel’s family took up half of the tables on the left side. His brothers just kept having more children, as he did. Not like his parents had a problem with that. He then notices Claire standing near the DJ talking looking at the playlist ready for the night. He also sees her dress, he shakes his head. Claire looks up and quickly notices her dad, she waves for him to come. 

“What’s up?”

”What kind of music do you want to start the party with?”, she asks moving aside for him to see the playlist. 

“Um, lets try slow dance first and after the food we can put some upbeat music”, he instructs the DJ. 

The DJ nods and clicks play on the music, Cas pulls Claire to the dance floor as she struggles. They are the only ones on the dance floor, the photographer takes advantage and takes several flashing shots. 

“You liking the party so far?”, Claire asks.

”I’m loving it, you did a great job Claire”, he smiles. 

They continue to slow dance to the beat of the music. Even though the rhythm was soothing, Castiel felt a nudge in his chest that something was wrong with his daughter. 

“Something bothering you, honey?”

Claire blinks up in shock, “Yeah actually, but I don’t it’s a good time to tell you right now”

Castiel frowns, spinning her he coments, “Tell me now or I’m going to worry throughout the whole night.” Claire stays silent. “Come on Claire, I’m your father”

”I’m leaving for eight months”, she whispers and looks away from her father. 

Castiel huffs and brings her closer to him, “Where?”

”I haven’t been told but they already told me not to make plans in the next year. Sorry, dad, but I don’t have a choice.”

”No, no, it’s okay. More so, I’m proud of you, my baby going on her deployment to fight bad guys”, he proudly says. 

Claire rolls her eyes. They both feel a small person get in between them, both heads look down to see Penelope. Her blue eyes weren’t happy as she pushed her sister away from their dad. 

“Penelope”, Castiel warned, _“No empujes a tu hermana”,_ "Don't push your sister"

 _"Pero ella me empujó en la mañana, y yo quiero bailar contigo",_ "But she pushed me in the morning, and I want to dance with you", the youngest child of the Winchester- Novaks, pouted to her father.

" _Pero no significa que tienes que empujarla",_ "But that doesn't mean you should push her", Castiel said sternly.

" _Papi!" ,_ "Daddy!", she ignored him and lifted her arms to pick her up.

"Get lost squirt, he's mine for tonight. You have another dad remember", Claire pushes her away and point at Dean who is chatting with his friends. Penelope stuck her tongue out and ran to Dean, with her little heels making noise.

"That is your fault, y'all spoiled her", Claire comments in disapproval.

"She's out last one of our babies-"

"That doesn't matter, you need to teach her discipline"

" _Papá",_ "Dad", Sebastian comes running in a cry as his cousins are chasing him. He first hides on his dad's legs but Melody and Meadow find him, he laughs tiredly and circles Claire.

"No running, Sebastian", Castiel yells. All three children come to a stop and jog for the rest of their way.

"We should probably sit down before we get hurt." Castiel agrees and they sit in the center long table where all the guest of honor sit.

 The night went soothingly as possible, Jess' dress was ruined as Maisy vomited on it, Penelope and Sebastian fought each other throughout the whole night. Jack and Claire tried hard to make them stop, even sat in between them, but they somehow found a way to still annoy one another. It wasn't until Dean threatened to take them both in the restroom and spank them if they didn't stop acting like monkeys, after that they sat completely still and ate their dinner like civilize children.

The night went on like a daze, before they all knew it, the party was over. Jack and Claire took the children back home, they waved them goodbye and kissed their young sleeping children goodnight. Their guest parted home one by one, family members being the last ones to leave. Jess and Sam surprisingly stayed until the end, all three of their girls passed out an hour ago. Cas and Dean carried Melody and Maisy, as Sam carried Meadow to their rental car.

"Thank you guys for inviting us, and great party", she hugged both men at the same time, "I'm so happy for both of you". They both showed their gratitude and thanked her for coming. Castiel hears his name from inside the building and excuses himself not before thanking Sam.

Sam finally has time with his brother to ask him, "So are you going to Kansas next week?"

Dean should've been expecting the question, "Um, yeah, I'm going to take all the kids next weekend. It won't be on the exact day but it'll be the day before"

"That's good, make sure they're nice to their older brother", Sam joked.

"of course, goodnight Sam"

"Goodnight, Dean"

 

 

Sebastian and Penelope don't like traveling, no, let's rephrase that, they don't like traveling by airplane. Phobias can apparently be passed down from parents, if you had told Castiel that then he wouldn't have chosen Dean to use his sperm. Twice. Bringing three people with aerophobia into a airplane is a challenge. They love taking their time in the bathroom, they want to buy everything in the gifts shops, they so dearly love to procrastinate. Whatever they can distract themselves and other people with they will take that chance. Dean decided to buy a hot dog ten minutes before the plan took off, the worst part is that the line wasn't even moving. Castiel had to deal with him, Sebastian and Penelope mostly ran around trying to stay away from Jack and Claire.

"Dean, I will not miss this plane just because you want a hot dog", Castiel yanked him by this elbow out of the line.

"But my hot dog", he pouted like a child.

They stopped giving the lady their tickets and she let them pass through. "Remember, for Abraham. We're going to see him, and you are going to be very happy when you get there." He grabs Dean's hand as they climb up the small staircases and in their seats. "You are going to tell the children about their older brother and how athletic and talents he was. How much he would've loved being here with us. How much he loved you. And how much you loved him.", he came to an end when Castiel found their seats and sat Dean first to the window. Dean knew what he was doing, every year he says the same thing, and every year it works. He just grips tightly onto his husbands hand and breath as if in pain when his ass meets the seat. He has learned that closing his eyes calms him, he pretends he is somewhere else. Anywhere else besides on a seat in an airplane.

Castiel tells himself good job as he nods and sees his children coming in as well. Jack carrying Penelope and Claire carrying Sebastian, both younger children clinging onto their sibling.

"Hey there, how are my two dumplings doing?", he says to the children.

Claire response, "Just fine, thank you for asking", she fake smiled knowing the question wasn't direct to her.

Castiel waved her off and took Sebastian from Claire, _"Bien hijo, sé que odias esto pero necesito que al menos abras los ojos",_ "Okay, buddy, I know you hate this but I need you to at least open your eyes". He waits until his sons blue eyes show through his scared eyelashes.

“Me quiero salir”, “I want to get out”, he pouted, covering his eyes with his arm.

”Sebastían, escuchame. Abre los ojos, te tengo que decir algo”, “Sebastian, please. Open your eyes, I have to tell you something”

Castiel waited until his son removed his arm to speak to him firmly. “Tu hermano te está esperando. No estará feliz tan feliz cuando se de cuenta que estás ahí. Quieres ver a tú hermano?”, “Your brother is waiting for you. He won’t be so happy when he realizes you aren’t there. You want to see your brother?”

Sebastian nods his head. 

“Buen chico. Ahora distrae a tu hermana”, “Good boy. Now distract your sister”, Castiel takes Penelope from Jack and sits her down next to Seb. 

“Can’t belief a talk is all it took to calm him down.”, Jack laughed as he took a seat behind his dad. 

“Penelope is nervous because she sees Sebastian is scared. It happened all the time with you and Claire”, he smiled at the sight of his two youngest children cuddling. 

Sebastian is nine years old, born and raised in Spain by a sarrogate woman, and Dean being his biological father. She had dark brown hair with blue eyes, similar to Cas. But apparently blonde hair ran in her family, and Sebastian was born with blonde hair and blue eyes. He was always going to be a Sebastian but no one could decide on a middle when it came to a point we’re he didn’t have a middle name. In the end they named him Sebastian Cruz Winchester-Novak. Cruz is after his sarrogates mother’s last name. His blonde reminded him of Claire’s and his blonde hair as a child, Dean didn’t know he was born with blonde hair. 

Picking a sarrogate wasn’t a tough choice, they knew what they wanted and did not want. They wanted blue eyes, dark brown hair, the woman in perfect health. Absolutely no red head or green eyes. 

It is the same story with Penelope, born and raised in Spain, by a sarrogate mother and Dean being her biological father. They used a different sarrogate, she had blonde hair and blue eyes as well. Penelope also got her middle name from her sarrogate, Irene. 

Both since birth have been perfect, hyperactive, children of satan- sorry God. They are children of course, they are suppose to make your life better and worse at the same time. But these children are another level of insanity, they just never stop moving or whining, or fighting. Of course Castiel and Dean wouldn’t have them any other way, they are blessed to have them, but they should really have them checked up. 

The children colored for less than five minutes, then played in their iPads for majority of the plane ride. Half of the time they were the loudest of the whole section. Fighting, laughing, throwing junk at each other or accidentally to other passengers. Dean wished he could help Cas, but he was trying to breath. 

“Cas, baby, talk to me?”

”About what?”

”Anything, just talk to me”, he grips the seat. 

“I had an urge yesterday. It came out of nowhere, and I wanted to do it”, Castiel licked his lips and looked away as he let out a sighed.

Dean’s nausea disappeared as his attention turned to his husband. He gripped his forearm tightly. “You didn’t, right? Tell me you didn’t”

Castiel shook his head immediately, he rubbed his sweaty hands on his jeans. “You have no idea how close I was yesterday, Dean. The urge was strong, and I didn’t see it coming. I haven’t had one in months. I thought I was passed this”, he rubs his eye and then the back of his head. 

Dean glance at his husband, “But you didn’t Cas, you beat your urge. You did good for yourself, your winning. People are never really passed this, baby, remember it’s an addiction. You just need to stay strong for you. But you’re doing good”, he grabbed his husbands hidden face to caress it. 

“I’m trying Dean, I truly am”, Cas defends himself.

”I know you are, I know you are. Just look how far you’ve come”

Castiel nodded and let himself be wrapped around his husband. Eleven years ago, after the death of Abraham, Dean lost himself completely. He thought he could deal with it because he was expecting it, but truly nothing prepares for the reality. Dean was mourning, Castiel had an advantage for Dean’s distraction. He could spend as many hours in the bathroom as he wanted, Dean wasn’t an idiot he knew what was going on but was always too tired to speak up. 

Things didn’t change until Jack found his father in the bathtub with three sharp line going vertically down his arms. Castiel has fallen asleep in the tub, and was awoken by Dean in hysterics. In January of the following year, Castiel sent himself to a rehab center, and Dean treated his depression. 

September of that same year hit, Castiel was expecting Dean to go on a bender once again. But instead he suggested them to get married. It was the more genius plan ever, having a tragedy and ceremony in the same year. 

Spain treats them well till this day, the neighbors are always welcoming, the schools were better. The unemployment rate scared them at first, but everything came at its own time. 

Castiel has relapsed five times. Six years without cutting, is the longest he’s gone, and yesterday he almost relapsed. The temptation to touch the blades once again came strong as a craving for your favorite snack. Penelope came to his rescue as she has hit her head on the stair railing. Castiel doesn't tell Dean that he still craves the blade.

The plan lands when the children have been drifted to sleep after a battle Dean and Castiel fought with them. Jack and Claire took them to their rental car and settled them down to help their parents put the luggage away. Their hotel was near a nice dinner and fancy restaurant, so it was convenient. After settling down, they went over to Sam and Jess house for a small barbecue, the children played tag and soccer out in the yard. Then came inside to watch YouTube and Netflix.

"So how is it going at the base? I heard that you're being deployed, have they told you where yet?", Jess asked Claire, as they both cooed at baby Maisy.

"Um, no, not yet, I'm waiting for their call any day now. It's going to be something that's for sure", she laughed nervously.

"You don't wanna go, do ya?", Jess smirked knowingly.

Claire quickly responded, "It's not that in don't want to go, I do, it's part of the job- but it's going to a different country. I won't know anybody there, and what if it's Japan or Argentina, it's going to be hard talking to my dads or Jack. I don't know", she shrugs looking down, "I guess I'm going to miss their lame asses"

Jess giggles, "i understand honey, it's going to a very different country, with a different language, but if there is anyone who I can think of that can make it, it's you. You got this, Claire, I know it. You're a smart girl, you'll fit right in, and before you know it you won't want to leave", she patted her knew.

"I hope you're right, Jess"

For the children they served them burgers with the option of fries or chips, the adults had steaks with baked potatoes and steamed vegetables. If Dean could place heaven anywhere is wherever his family is, like at this moment, Sam and Jess are teasing each other, the girls are giving them disgusted glances, but everyone else is in awe. The environment that surrounded them was nothing but warm, the cold wind of fall was rising in Kansas. They had to move all the food and dressing back inside the house, their dinner table wasn't big enough for everyone. The children didn't complain when they got moved to the living room where the video games and TV were placed. The adults and one infant sat and chatted about their children's most embarrassing stories. Sam told compelling stories about his business, last month he was hired by a lady who swears that a man has been stocking her for the past year. When Sam and his team tried to gather evidence of such man, not a week went by when they heard from back from her doctors, she was schizophrenic and had escaped from her hospital. Dean, of course works at a hospital, he had better stories to tell. A man not too long ago came in with maggots crawling inside his wounded foot. Five nurses went and left because they all became sick of the scene, Dean being the head nurse couldn't leave, even though he desperately wanted to. Another time, a young boy came in with lashes on the inside of his hand. When Dean asked what had happened, the boy explained that he was carrying a stack of paper and his friend had taken the stack harshly enough to give him paper cuts on his hand. Dean winced along with the boy whenever he cleaned the infected areas.

The children were active monkeys when they arrived to the hotel, Castiel let them run around the playground they had downstairs to tired them out. With Jack on the watch, Claire took her time in the shower, and Castiel and Dean had time to talk about the day to come.

"How you feeling?", Castiel came up to him holding Dean's wrist.

"Fine, I guess", Dean shrugged avoiding eye contact.

"Dean", Cas spoke tiredly, a simple question answered by a multiple meaningful words. "Could you just look at me at least"

"I look at you all the time, Cas", he pulls himself away from his husband. "This time wont be any different"

"Okay fine, but can we talk about tomorrow? The children are going to have questions, are you willing to answer all of them?"

"Cas!", Dean sighed with very limited patience, "We have been doing this every year since Sebastian was born, and every year you act the same and you ask me the same questions. Nothing is going to fucking change, I'm going to keep my shit together because I have children that depend on me. So just please, fuck off!", he growled.

Castiel stood there not truly shock by his words, it's the same tragic fairy tale every year as Dean says. He acts differently in September, he always has, his mood swings are bipolar. In the morning he can cheerful and full of energy, but the following day he wont even get out of bed. It is always on September, Castiel has suspicions the real reason why Dean wanted to marry in the same month as his son's passing is because of a very gleeful mood swing. Septembers are the hardest month of the year for the family, they all have to see their father and husband suffer. A few years ago Jack made an observation that really sparked life back in Castiel. Dean and him meet in September and they got married in September, their life's got shattered in September and their life's were glue back together in September of the birth of Sebastian and Penelope.

September is a month to never forget in this family.

Castiel fucked off throughout the whole night, he ignored Dean, who was no longer mad and very apologetic, he rejected his 'sorrys' and hugs. He refused to share a bed with him, and when Dean pouted like a child and ordered him to stop acting like a child, Castiel responded. "I'm not a child, you're the child. I'm trying to be patient with you but sometimes I feel like you take that for granted. You want be to be the perfect husband and take orders from you, fine then, I will do as I am told. I will fuck off." Castiel gently turned to his son and told him to take his place with Dean. Penelope jumped into her daddy's arms as they both cuddle in the bed and turned off the lights.

 _"Tiene razón, ¿sabes? Lo tomas por sentado. Si no te arreglas ahora mismo, no estará por mucho tiempo",_ "He's right, you know? You take him for granted. If you don't fix you right now, he wont be around for long", Sebastian whispers to his father who brings him into his arms.

He's so much like Abe, that it hurts him to compare his son to his dead one. He knows it's not healthy or morally correct, but personality wise they are basically the same child. Abe reincarnated into Sebastian, maybe? Abe loved the cello, Sebastian won a whole competition in France in his violin. Abe loved to run track and play all different types of sports, Sebastian learned how to kick a soccer ball before he learned how to walk. They both talk in sentences beyond their age group, the topics of which they both speak of is high school material. He knows deep inside that Sebastian is his own person, he is not Abe, but no matter how many years go by he agony of a missing child never truly dies.

Castiel woke up in a better mood from the night before, he dryly spoke to Dean in 'yes' or 'no' answers. The kids noticed the obvious guilty shoulders Dean wore and the cold posture Castiel held, during breakfast.

 _"¿Qué vamos a hacer hoy, otra vez?",_ "What are we doing today, again? ", Penelope asked munching on her four slice of bacon.

 _"Vamos a visitarte hermano hoy, ¿recuerdas?",_ "We are going to visit you brother today, remember?", Castiel smiled tenderly.

Her small face glowed up, _"Abraham, ¿verdad? Tenía el pelo rojo y los ojos verdes como papi. Papá me dijo que tengo una moda cara como él.",_ "Abraham, right? He had red hair and green eyes like daddy. Daddy told me that i have expensive fashion just like him.", she swung her little legs on the chair, _"Oh, y también tenía pecas. ¡ igual que yo!",_ Oh, and he also had freckles. Just like me!", she clapped her hands as she found pride in sharing something in common with her brother.

Dean smiled as kissed the top of his daughter's head, _"Exactamente mi princesa, se las obtienes de él.",_ "Exactly my princess, you get them from him."

After an all American breakfast they went to the cemetery, Penelope and Sebastian ran to the tombstone without the assistance of anyone else. They both knelt down and kiss the top of the tomb, Penelope began.

"Daddy says I have to talk to in English because you understand it better than Spanish. My English isn't very good but that's why I'm practicing, so I can talk to you more often.", she lifted mood soured within the moment, "Daddy is sad again, and our daddies fought last night. They are always fighting, that's not new, but I wish you were still alive", she sighs.

Sebastian continues for her, "Yeah, it would've been nice to at least see you in person. Jack and Claire are both always telling me how alike we act, I don't know if that's a good thing or not. They miss you so much, I can hear it in their voices when they speak about you. I wish you were alive because then we would all be happy, specially dad, I wish you wouldn't have gotten cancer and left him. But you know, that's how things happen in life, for all we know I could get cancer too"

The small children sit crisscrossed in front of the tomb and read what is engraved.

**Abraham Robert Winchester**

**February 10, 2008- September 30, 2018**

_**Guardian Angel Of His** **Family** _

**May He Rest In Peace With His Mother**

 

Penelope knowing that her father is near she asks, _"¿es mi ángel guardián, Papi?",_ "Is he my guardian angel, daddy?"

Dean picked her up and sat her on his lap, "Of course baby girl, whenever you feel scared or when bullies try to hurt you, you big brother will always be there for you"

 _"¿y cómo lo sabes?",_ "And how do you know?", Penelope turns her head with a frown.

"Well because Abraham always put family over everything, he loves his family and he would've risked his own life for yours. He loves you, the both of you", he wraps his empty arm around his son.

 _"Cuéntame una historia sobre él.",_ "Tell me a story about him", Sebastian tenderly pleaded, his eyes gazing at his brothers grave. And so Dean does.

Castiel and his children all hear the tale of how Abe got his big toe stuck in the water hoes. Dean tells another and another, he can almost hear Abe laughter through the Kansas wind. He knows better than to belief his illusions.

"Dad, when you think of Abraham up there with the big guy, how do you picture him?", Claire asked.

He huffed a laugh, "I- I always imagine him in a cloud looking down at us, in my head he is always smiling and laughing with us. Permanently happy with his mother", he looks up and looks at a certain cloud. The only cloud appearing in the sky, clear and big, shape of an oval.

"I always imagine him in the beach"

Claire and Castiel turned to Jack with a frown. "How come?", asked his sister.

Jack shrugged, "I don't know, I just- when I think about him I always picture all of us when we went to the beach in California. You know right before things were south, but I don't know if you guys remember how happy he was that day, his smile was legit throughout the whole day. It made me realize months after that he was faking his smiled the whole summer. He would always talk to me about that day and how he dreams of it as well, and how his moms appears in them. And well actually, he told me that his heaven in that beach, that if we were to ever look for him upstairs we'd find him there with his mom."

"He told you that?", Castiel voice was rough and quiet.

"Yeah, whenever I would hang out with him that was all the wanted to talk about, that day. And who was I to deny him to talk about the best day of his life.", he looks back at the stone, "Funny how we knew him not long and yet he cause a huge impact on us", he sniffled and cleared a drop of tear.

"Of course he cause a huge impact on us, he was our brother, Jack", Claire walked up to her twin and hugged him. Together they embraced each other as they both fought their inner emotions to stay neutral.

Mean time, Castiel looked up with his eyes closed and smiled. A warm memory of that day on the beach comes to his head, Abraham laughed as he held on tightly, a wave hit them a pushed them back to the shore. He opens his eyes and sees the singular cloud was now above them.

"Abraham, guardian angel of this family- it does have a nice ring to it.", he shakes his head a little with a small grin, "I miss you too much kiddo"  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried writing the last part.  
> Y'all I wasn't playin with this chapter, it's legit sad and you can't say that it's not. 
> 
> That's the end of the story, I'm happy that I made some of you cry because that means that I was doing my job as a writer. I  
> Thank you all for the wonderful support, and if you all loved this story make sure to share with your friends. I would appreciated. 
> 
> I love every single one of you guys, again thanks for the support and to all my readers who had to wait so long for a new chapter. I beg for forgiveness, I have so much homework duties to attend to. But I finally did it, I finished my story and I actually for once like my ending. 
> 
> Love you all and thank you for the wonderful experience,  
> Gali


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